Phyro Phantom
Peanut Butter Warrior
... I'm sure you've all seen fiction like this before, but I felt the personal need to explore depression in written form for my own benefit. I've been struggling with my emotions, and sometimes it helps to transpose them on fictional characters to relieve the stress....
This is the result. Comments and criticism are appreciated.
Acacia - Scarred
There was a flash of light, and then she was outside. Outside in the world. Aaron had called on her once again. It was time. She could feel herself shudder with anticipation and she struggled to contain the feeling. Her focus widened to include her immediate surroundings, and the sudden shock of the towering stadium walls and deafening roar of the crowd became overwhelming. Yet, through all the noise, she could still make out a single voice. It was so familiar that it felt like a part of her, like another, stronger, voice in her soul, driving her forward. His voice – Aaron's. It came to her like a fire giving light to those lost in the dark, and she suddenly wasn't nervous anymore. She was Acacia, and she would not fail her master.
On either side of the field, a lone Pokémon stood - the final, all-or-nothing showdown of a double-battle. Behind her stood Aaron, and behind the feathered, fiery Blaziken that stood across from her was the opposition - the enemy. He would do everything in his power to ensure that she would fail. But she wouldn't. She would not back down – she would stay strong for Aaron. As she decided this, her master's calm and soothing voice came to her through the murky static.
“You don't have to do this, Acacia.”
The words surprised her at first, conflicting with her inner feelings. They had come so far together... How could she give up now? Then she began to realize why Aaron had said it. He was worried about her... Aaron... cared for her. Throwing aside her doubts, she surrendered herself to him and allowed his voice to become one with hers. She became what he told her – his words were her thoughts, her very being. She would obey without question... and she would succeed. For him, she could do anything. As the link tightened, Aaron sensed her feelings and knew that she wasn't about to back down. It was time. Anticipation captured her heart again as she waited for his command. Waited for something to fill the empty void that she'd formed inside herself. Then it came, simple and true.
“Giga Impact.”
She flew. The words filled her with purpose, and she threw herself wildly into her opponent. He threw one foot back as the attack collided, but he recovered and grabbed her by the leg before she could land. The next thing she knew was the grass jammed between her teeth and a sharp burning in her chest. She felt a scream escape from her lungs, and in fear she lay still and waited for the next order. And it came: get out of the way. It was simple... she should've been able to do it. But the fatigue from her attack and the shock from the blow she'd received combined to ruin her world. She winced as her knees gave out, and Blaziken's foot connected violently with the back of her head. Everything went spinning wildly, and she found herself face-down in the dirt again, her chest stinging madly from the fall. She tried to stand, but she was so dizzy that her vision doubled and all the colors smeared together. She vaguely realized that it had started to rain as the water pelted down on her head. She struggled to hear Aaron's voice, but her focus had been crushed, and the added voice of the storm drowned out the sound. She was lost. She panicked, and tried to run, but she tripped in her frenzy, and the Blaziken's heavy right leg came crashing down on her. She fell to the ground, and felt the tears start to come out. She thought about getting up, but a whisper came to her through the rain.
“Stay down – you have lost. There is no need to suffer further.”
But even in her numbed state, she wouldn't blindly follow that advice. Would Aaron really say that? But then she realized that it wasn't Aaron's voice. It was the Blaziken's – the enemy's. No. She struggled to her feet, ignoring all the pain, and the tears joining the rain in its journey to the damp earth. She somehow managed to stand, and brushed the mud and sweat out of her right eye.
“NEVER!” She spat at him defiantly, lowering herself into the closest thing to a fighting stance that her weary legs could support.
“You tried to trick me,” she said dangerously, “But I only listen to the truth! To his voice! I won't listen to your lies!”
“Poor child,” he said mockingly, “You really have lost it.”
A burning feeling rose up in her chest, then violently surged through her body, forcing the tears out in her weakness, and causing her hands to tremble uncontrollably. Her teeth gritted together and she felt her eyes narrow as the sweat-tainted rain dripped off of her forehead. The feeling was like some insane monster inside of her, throwing everything into chaos. She exploded into a primal scream, and a terrible urge to kill the despicable wretch standing tauntingly in front of her creeped into her mind, and trickled through every part of it until it seemed to be her only thought. She wanted to kill him. She wanted to rip him apart, and watch the satisfying red ooze pour from his chest. Her legs exploded forward, but before she could go anywhere, he grabbed her by the neck with one hand, and lifted her into the air. She felt horribly sick as her feet left the ground. She flailed madly, but to no avail. Fear tore through her as she realized that she couldn't breath, and it soon evolved into a wild, desperate panic as she grabbed at the hand that held her neck and kicked her legs violently at the air.
“You can either forfeit,” the Blaziken began dangerously, “or die. I'm sure your master will make the right decision for you.”
She kept struggling for a few more terrifying seconds as her violent emotions took hold of her mind and drove her into a fury. She screamed out defiantly with the last of her breath and kicked her legs as hard as she could, though they barely even reached their target. Then it stopped. A great, oppressive exhaustion smothered her with its warm and sticky embrace, and she felt her body go limp in his hand. Her legs relaxed, and swung slowly through the air, and her head bowed gently as her eyes began to close.
Death. It was coming to take her. She could feel it. She was afraid, but she knew at least that she would die for Aaron. For his honor... yes... it all made sense now... there was purpose... She had always lived for him. Now it was time to die for him. She had failed him, so it was the least she could do. But suddenly, just as she had finally accepted death and its cold, smothering touch, he dropped her in the mud, and her lungs took in a huge, involuntary breath. She started breathing hard, hunching over against the muddy ground that she lay on. Fear held her in its icy arms, and the tears seemed to drown out everything. More than anything, though, it scared her that she had wanted to die. At that one moment, when everything went dark, and numb.. she had accepted it... embraced it. She realized... she wished that she had died. That it all had ended. What was the point of living? She had failed... it was all for nothing. Her life had never mattered to her, and the obsession with serving Aaron had only been a rouse to try to cover up the hole inside of her heart. How could this happen to her? Why did things have to change? Her one chance to prove herself... and she barely got away alive. She hadn't accomplished anything... she was worthless. She saw Aaron walking away in her mind, leaving her all alone, lying in the stadium. Worthless garbage, discarded as its usefulness was served. That's what she was after all. Worthless. The word echoed through her mind, and the heart-rending feelings of incompetence and insecurity smothered her in tears. She cried loudly, trying to forget completely about everyone watching, not sure if she even cared anymore. She simply... simply wasn't... good enough.
But then she sensed someone standing over her, and she tried to pacify herself out of embarrassment. She felt someone lift her gently off the ground and hold her tightly. She couldn't find the strength to open her eyes, but she realized inside that it didn't matter who it was. She felt around for his neck, embraced it tightly, and broke out into a fresh storm of wetness in her eyes and shaky noises escaping from her lips. At that moment, she just wanted to die. She had failed Aaron... he had probably left already. Left her behind. And what did it matter? She was worthless anyway. Aaron had lost, and it was all her fault. The tears refused to stop, as unmoved as the rain. If she had to live, then she needed to let everything out... She decided not to open her eyes, so that she couldn't see the crowd staring at her mockingly, or worry about who it was that was holding her. It didn't matter as long as she could feel safe inside. She'd always longed for that feeling. The one she had lost. The one she would never feel again... To feel... loved...
She wasn't sure how long she stayed there, pouring what little of her soul she had left on that man's shoulder. But the tears stopped in time, as did the rain. All the noise and tension died away, until only the soft grass under her legs and the man that she was still hanging onto remained. An eerie silenced seemed to follow as the wind blew through the empty stadium, pushing gently against her body and slowly swaying the grass against her legs. She started to become aware of her breathing, and its mystifying slowness. She couldn't cry anymore... she was too tired. She let out a small sigh of relief, and nudged her head against his. Her forehead rubbed against short, spiky hair, and realization tore through her. She finally brought herself to open her eyes, and she heard herself gasp softly when she saw who it was. She should've known, but somehow her self-doubt had made her completely forget about his loyalty. It was Aaron... he was still holding her. All this time. She looked up distantly at the sky, and saw the deep black canvas patterned with bright white stars hanging over them. It had been hours since the battle... Why was he still out here with her? She wanted to refute the thought that he had stayed out here this whole time just for her, but it was much too comforting. Confidence in him replaced the doubt in herself, and the thought that he still cared for her despite all her shortcomings made her feel warm inside. The feeling gently permeated through her, the one she had been seeking for so long. She'd missed it ever since it had died with her mother. She was... she was happy. She started crying again as her emotions washed over her and made her shake inside. She felt herself hug Aaron even tighter, trying to recreate the sudden feeling of warmth that she felt when he had first held her. For the first time since she fell, he spoke to her.
“Acacia... thank you.”
“W-what?” she muttered, still teary eyed, forgetting briefly that humans couldn't understand her speech.
“You've always been there for me... on the team...” his voice seemed more soothing than ever as she struggled to believe what he was saying.
“N-no I wasn't,” she murmured back, mainly to herself.
“You always do everything I ask, you don't even question... Sometimes it even seems unnatural.”
“I failed you.”
“You're always so helpful... I know you're not always so social, but the other Pokémon really do look up to you, even if you don't realize...”
“What?”
“You're like a second leader to them... You always stay strong, you never give up on me.... or anyone.”
“I-I...”
“Don't cry, Acacia... I don't care if you lost. You may not be strong enough to fight a Blaziken all by yourself, but... you're good enough for me... Just the way you are.”
“B-but I... I'm.... not... good... enough...”
“You don't have to hate yourself... We love you, Acacia... we all do... I promise.”
“I... I....” she choked, not even sure what to say.
There was a pause as the tears continued to streak silently down her face.
“Don't give up yet... we still have so much to do... together...”
“Oh, Aaron!” And she cried. She just cried... He cradled her gently, and the tears came to a stop once again as she drifted off into a peaceful sleep, despite the insomnia she'd been having for the longest time. Aaron carried her slowly out of the empty stadium, grabbing his bag from the sidelines where he'd left it. It had been worth it to pay extra money to stay there so late. Acacia was worth more to him than any amount of money. He wandered back to the trainer houses near the stadium, and walked into his temporary apartment. He let his Mawile down gently on the couch, and draped a blanket over her. He decided to let her stay out of her pokéball and sleep free that night. He knew she needed it... As he turned out the lights to try to get to sleep himself, he heard her mumble sleepily to herself, “Everything is okay now...”
.......
-------------------
Yeah, it's short.... hopefully I managed to express myself though. Sorry for the weak ending, but I didn't see how else to finish it.
I may write something to continue this (or lead up to it) later - for now it's a one-shot. Again, comments and criticism are appreciated. Thanks for your time.~
This is the result. Comments and criticism are appreciated.
Acacia - Scarred
There was a flash of light, and then she was outside. Outside in the world. Aaron had called on her once again. It was time. She could feel herself shudder with anticipation and she struggled to contain the feeling. Her focus widened to include her immediate surroundings, and the sudden shock of the towering stadium walls and deafening roar of the crowd became overwhelming. Yet, through all the noise, she could still make out a single voice. It was so familiar that it felt like a part of her, like another, stronger, voice in her soul, driving her forward. His voice – Aaron's. It came to her like a fire giving light to those lost in the dark, and she suddenly wasn't nervous anymore. She was Acacia, and she would not fail her master.
On either side of the field, a lone Pokémon stood - the final, all-or-nothing showdown of a double-battle. Behind her stood Aaron, and behind the feathered, fiery Blaziken that stood across from her was the opposition - the enemy. He would do everything in his power to ensure that she would fail. But she wouldn't. She would not back down – she would stay strong for Aaron. As she decided this, her master's calm and soothing voice came to her through the murky static.
“You don't have to do this, Acacia.”
The words surprised her at first, conflicting with her inner feelings. They had come so far together... How could she give up now? Then she began to realize why Aaron had said it. He was worried about her... Aaron... cared for her. Throwing aside her doubts, she surrendered herself to him and allowed his voice to become one with hers. She became what he told her – his words were her thoughts, her very being. She would obey without question... and she would succeed. For him, she could do anything. As the link tightened, Aaron sensed her feelings and knew that she wasn't about to back down. It was time. Anticipation captured her heart again as she waited for his command. Waited for something to fill the empty void that she'd formed inside herself. Then it came, simple and true.
“Giga Impact.”
She flew. The words filled her with purpose, and she threw herself wildly into her opponent. He threw one foot back as the attack collided, but he recovered and grabbed her by the leg before she could land. The next thing she knew was the grass jammed between her teeth and a sharp burning in her chest. She felt a scream escape from her lungs, and in fear she lay still and waited for the next order. And it came: get out of the way. It was simple... she should've been able to do it. But the fatigue from her attack and the shock from the blow she'd received combined to ruin her world. She winced as her knees gave out, and Blaziken's foot connected violently with the back of her head. Everything went spinning wildly, and she found herself face-down in the dirt again, her chest stinging madly from the fall. She tried to stand, but she was so dizzy that her vision doubled and all the colors smeared together. She vaguely realized that it had started to rain as the water pelted down on her head. She struggled to hear Aaron's voice, but her focus had been crushed, and the added voice of the storm drowned out the sound. She was lost. She panicked, and tried to run, but she tripped in her frenzy, and the Blaziken's heavy right leg came crashing down on her. She fell to the ground, and felt the tears start to come out. She thought about getting up, but a whisper came to her through the rain.
“Stay down – you have lost. There is no need to suffer further.”
But even in her numbed state, she wouldn't blindly follow that advice. Would Aaron really say that? But then she realized that it wasn't Aaron's voice. It was the Blaziken's – the enemy's. No. She struggled to her feet, ignoring all the pain, and the tears joining the rain in its journey to the damp earth. She somehow managed to stand, and brushed the mud and sweat out of her right eye.
“NEVER!” She spat at him defiantly, lowering herself into the closest thing to a fighting stance that her weary legs could support.
“You tried to trick me,” she said dangerously, “But I only listen to the truth! To his voice! I won't listen to your lies!”
“Poor child,” he said mockingly, “You really have lost it.”
A burning feeling rose up in her chest, then violently surged through her body, forcing the tears out in her weakness, and causing her hands to tremble uncontrollably. Her teeth gritted together and she felt her eyes narrow as the sweat-tainted rain dripped off of her forehead. The feeling was like some insane monster inside of her, throwing everything into chaos. She exploded into a primal scream, and a terrible urge to kill the despicable wretch standing tauntingly in front of her creeped into her mind, and trickled through every part of it until it seemed to be her only thought. She wanted to kill him. She wanted to rip him apart, and watch the satisfying red ooze pour from his chest. Her legs exploded forward, but before she could go anywhere, he grabbed her by the neck with one hand, and lifted her into the air. She felt horribly sick as her feet left the ground. She flailed madly, but to no avail. Fear tore through her as she realized that she couldn't breath, and it soon evolved into a wild, desperate panic as she grabbed at the hand that held her neck and kicked her legs violently at the air.
“You can either forfeit,” the Blaziken began dangerously, “or die. I'm sure your master will make the right decision for you.”
She kept struggling for a few more terrifying seconds as her violent emotions took hold of her mind and drove her into a fury. She screamed out defiantly with the last of her breath and kicked her legs as hard as she could, though they barely even reached their target. Then it stopped. A great, oppressive exhaustion smothered her with its warm and sticky embrace, and she felt her body go limp in his hand. Her legs relaxed, and swung slowly through the air, and her head bowed gently as her eyes began to close.
Death. It was coming to take her. She could feel it. She was afraid, but she knew at least that she would die for Aaron. For his honor... yes... it all made sense now... there was purpose... She had always lived for him. Now it was time to die for him. She had failed him, so it was the least she could do. But suddenly, just as she had finally accepted death and its cold, smothering touch, he dropped her in the mud, and her lungs took in a huge, involuntary breath. She started breathing hard, hunching over against the muddy ground that she lay on. Fear held her in its icy arms, and the tears seemed to drown out everything. More than anything, though, it scared her that she had wanted to die. At that one moment, when everything went dark, and numb.. she had accepted it... embraced it. She realized... she wished that she had died. That it all had ended. What was the point of living? She had failed... it was all for nothing. Her life had never mattered to her, and the obsession with serving Aaron had only been a rouse to try to cover up the hole inside of her heart. How could this happen to her? Why did things have to change? Her one chance to prove herself... and she barely got away alive. She hadn't accomplished anything... she was worthless. She saw Aaron walking away in her mind, leaving her all alone, lying in the stadium. Worthless garbage, discarded as its usefulness was served. That's what she was after all. Worthless. The word echoed through her mind, and the heart-rending feelings of incompetence and insecurity smothered her in tears. She cried loudly, trying to forget completely about everyone watching, not sure if she even cared anymore. She simply... simply wasn't... good enough.
But then she sensed someone standing over her, and she tried to pacify herself out of embarrassment. She felt someone lift her gently off the ground and hold her tightly. She couldn't find the strength to open her eyes, but she realized inside that it didn't matter who it was. She felt around for his neck, embraced it tightly, and broke out into a fresh storm of wetness in her eyes and shaky noises escaping from her lips. At that moment, she just wanted to die. She had failed Aaron... he had probably left already. Left her behind. And what did it matter? She was worthless anyway. Aaron had lost, and it was all her fault. The tears refused to stop, as unmoved as the rain. If she had to live, then she needed to let everything out... She decided not to open her eyes, so that she couldn't see the crowd staring at her mockingly, or worry about who it was that was holding her. It didn't matter as long as she could feel safe inside. She'd always longed for that feeling. The one she had lost. The one she would never feel again... To feel... loved...
She wasn't sure how long she stayed there, pouring what little of her soul she had left on that man's shoulder. But the tears stopped in time, as did the rain. All the noise and tension died away, until only the soft grass under her legs and the man that she was still hanging onto remained. An eerie silenced seemed to follow as the wind blew through the empty stadium, pushing gently against her body and slowly swaying the grass against her legs. She started to become aware of her breathing, and its mystifying slowness. She couldn't cry anymore... she was too tired. She let out a small sigh of relief, and nudged her head against his. Her forehead rubbed against short, spiky hair, and realization tore through her. She finally brought herself to open her eyes, and she heard herself gasp softly when she saw who it was. She should've known, but somehow her self-doubt had made her completely forget about his loyalty. It was Aaron... he was still holding her. All this time. She looked up distantly at the sky, and saw the deep black canvas patterned with bright white stars hanging over them. It had been hours since the battle... Why was he still out here with her? She wanted to refute the thought that he had stayed out here this whole time just for her, but it was much too comforting. Confidence in him replaced the doubt in herself, and the thought that he still cared for her despite all her shortcomings made her feel warm inside. The feeling gently permeated through her, the one she had been seeking for so long. She'd missed it ever since it had died with her mother. She was... she was happy. She started crying again as her emotions washed over her and made her shake inside. She felt herself hug Aaron even tighter, trying to recreate the sudden feeling of warmth that she felt when he had first held her. For the first time since she fell, he spoke to her.
“Acacia... thank you.”
“W-what?” she muttered, still teary eyed, forgetting briefly that humans couldn't understand her speech.
“You've always been there for me... on the team...” his voice seemed more soothing than ever as she struggled to believe what he was saying.
“N-no I wasn't,” she murmured back, mainly to herself.
“You always do everything I ask, you don't even question... Sometimes it even seems unnatural.”
“I failed you.”
“You're always so helpful... I know you're not always so social, but the other Pokémon really do look up to you, even if you don't realize...”
“What?”
“You're like a second leader to them... You always stay strong, you never give up on me.... or anyone.”
“I-I...”
“Don't cry, Acacia... I don't care if you lost. You may not be strong enough to fight a Blaziken all by yourself, but... you're good enough for me... Just the way you are.”
“B-but I... I'm.... not... good... enough...”
“You don't have to hate yourself... We love you, Acacia... we all do... I promise.”
“I... I....” she choked, not even sure what to say.
There was a pause as the tears continued to streak silently down her face.
“Don't give up yet... we still have so much to do... together...”
“Oh, Aaron!” And she cried. She just cried... He cradled her gently, and the tears came to a stop once again as she drifted off into a peaceful sleep, despite the insomnia she'd been having for the longest time. Aaron carried her slowly out of the empty stadium, grabbing his bag from the sidelines where he'd left it. It had been worth it to pay extra money to stay there so late. Acacia was worth more to him than any amount of money. He wandered back to the trainer houses near the stadium, and walked into his temporary apartment. He let his Mawile down gently on the couch, and draped a blanket over her. He decided to let her stay out of her pokéball and sleep free that night. He knew she needed it... As he turned out the lights to try to get to sleep himself, he heard her mumble sleepily to herself, “Everything is okay now...”
.......
-------------------
Yeah, it's short.... hopefully I managed to express myself though. Sorry for the weak ending, but I didn't see how else to finish it.
I may write something to continue this (or lead up to it) later - for now it's a one-shot. Again, comments and criticism are appreciated. Thanks for your time.~