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Conversation Between Tarvos and Autumn
Showing Visitor Messages 1 to 2 of 2
  1. Tarvos
    12-06-2012 08:52 PM
    Tarvos
    Well, it's ok to work and overcome problems. But if you break up because shit ain't working, shit ain't working. But most people want a relationship because they just wanna snuggle somebody at night. That's awesome! But I think the physical aspect, the love aspect for a person and so on are all separate things. And you can have very good short relationships and terrible long-term ones. A relationship is a relationship. Whatever happens.

    And in my case I didn't even have a choice in the matter - the circumstances I was left in were pretty dire. :)

    The thing is, if you want to be with that person, in my opinion, you don't figure that out after one date or even one month. If you are to be with someone in the long-term (which can be defined as 3,6,12 months - for me anything serious should last over 3 months though, so you get the time to get to know some of the little things). But once you've gotten past that point, you know whether they like to have a red toothbrush, something like that; it is what it is. And you should like and enjoy being with that person.

    Although the Germans say "Was sich liebt, das neckt sich" (lovers quarrel well).
  2. Autumn
    12-06-2012 04:36 PM
    Autumn
    so I happened to be snooping on a VM conversation between you and ... (sue me :C) and I found this:

    "It's a very American thing to say (and I kind of throw up a little while writing this) but the fact your relationship was shorter doesn't mean it was any less valid. 9 months or a year is still a perfectly respectable normal time for a relationship as a ~teenager~ or ~tweenager~. That's part of the thing I learned - just because a breakup ends didn't mean you failed at your goal. The goal should never be to frantically stay together (which I really wanted towards the end, but in vain)."

    I never even really thought about that but it's all so true. I keep thinking my relationship is invalidated by the fact that one of my friends is in an ongoing relationship that's lasted about 20 months and my relationship only lasted fourteen, and she kept lambasting me for "not trying hard enough" to stay together and "not trying to work out the problem like I would have", and it's like, but I did try and it didn't succeed and I didn't want to keep struggling to make it work. And besides, you are so right that the goal of a relationship shouldn't be to keep it going at all costs! I hadn't even really thought of that until I saw that paragraph, but then it was just like, "holy shit, that is SO TRUE AND CORRECT". When my ex asked me out and I said yes, I didn't have a crush on him, but I figured what the hell, why not, I'll say yes 'cause I've never been in a relationship before and I can see this working. I did fall in love with him proper and want to stay with him even after I moved to college, but it's just like, I want to stay with him because he makes me happy... but it also causes problems? and would it not be better to not have those problems? it's like, now I've been in a relationship and I don't wish for it back since I was happy and really all it was was a stepping stone on the river of life, something that I can learn and grow from and I don't need to stay in the relationship for it to be good for my life in some way! I feel like my writing's really disjointed but I had an epiphany after reading that paragraph and I'm just still struggling to understand it but I just feel so much better about myself now omg.

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