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RedneckPhoenix 04-29-2019 01:55 AM

You awake from a DEEP SLUMBER, with a KILLER HANGOVER. Your SOFA of GREAT QUALITY has served your slumbering purposes well, but it is time to leave it behind. You need to start your day with some PRODUCTIVITY.

It would appear that your basement room is FULL OF ARTSTYLE-VARYING CAPYBARAS, all appearing to be SHITTILY DRAWN. This is astounding to you because you do not recall having any pets, or living in any natural habitats for these rodents. A mystery is afoot.

God, but you are way too HUNGOVER to even think about your own damn name, let alone mysteries. You really need to find a way to reduce your current REGRET FLUID levels. Coffee usually sobers you up.

I liek Squirtles 04-29-2019 01:58 AM

Re: Bumbletrek
Leave the room

RedneckPhoenix 04-29-2019 02:16 AM

Re: Bumbletrek

The only way out of this room is your LADDER.

A MULTICOLOURED CAPY-BEETLE is eyeing you suspiciously. There is also a puddle of not-yet-identified liquid.

You're really not sure if you're coordinated enough right now to climb it. Your VITALITY ORBULE already has been reduced signifigantly due to your REGRET FLUID levels. Are you sure you want to attempt the ascenscion?

qva 04-29-2019 02:19 AM

Re: Bumbletrek
attempt the goddamn ascension.

RedneckPhoenix 04-29-2019 02:56 AM

Re: Bumbletrek

Predictably, you fall on your ass.

Your YELLOW VITALITY ORBULE is completely depleted and your RED VITALITY ORBULE takes a signifigant hit. Brain trauma is no joke.

This puddle you landed in does smell oddly familiar, though.

qva 04-29-2019 02:58 AM

Re: Bumbletrek
lick it right off the ground like a starving animal.

RedneckPhoenix 04-29-2019 03:25 AM

Re: Bumbletrek

Never! You're desperate, but in all your life you would never even think of lapping mysterious liquids directly off the ground!

You have always scooped it up with an empty receptacle and draught it from such!

The MULTICOLORED CAPYBARA was scared off by your righteous attitude and also the huge splash you made.

I liek Squirtles 04-29-2019 05:19 AM

Re: Bumbletrek
Attempt to identify the mysterious liquid.

RedneckPhoenix 04-29-2019 02:37 PM

Re: Bumbletrek

You would also never SNIFF a puddle.

You instead remove your SOAKED SHOE and equip your NOSTRIL NODE, as you do not actually possess a nose.
(Hey, what happened to the cracks on the walls?)

The puddle is COFFEE! Sure, it's cold and full of dirt, but this stuff is sure to sober you up.

You unequip your NOSTRIL NODE, because you also smell vomit, mainly because you probably produced it all last night, and that's gross.

This may be a good time to put one of those bottles to use. In your INVENTORY.

You're kind of surprised you haven't opened it yet.

I liek Squirtles 04-29-2019 04:00 PM

Re: Bumbletrek
Drink bottle with coffee in it

RedneckPhoenix 04-29-2019 10:05 PM

Re: Bumbletrek
You open your inventory. As you suspected, some of your INVENTORY SLOTS are blocked off due to your REGRET FLUID levels. Two whole INVENTORY TABS are also blocked off. Who would have guessed that being hungover sucked so much ass?

The bottle is empty, but you fill it up with the coffee and put it in your INVENTORY.


As you drink the coffee, your REGRET CYLINDER drains a significant amount. You figure you're probably sober enough to climb the ladder now.

You regain some VITALITY from your reduced REGRET. You smash the ABSINTHE BOTTLE and EQUIP it, just in case you need to off yourself (or a capybara) at some point.

sanderidge 04-30-2019 01:50 AM

Re: Bumbletrek
figure out where the capybaras went!!!

RedneckPhoenix 04-30-2019 02:05 AM

Re: Bumbletrek

Aw HELL no. These goddamned capybaras are all up in your COMFY SOFA. You have half a mind to give them a piece of a half of your mind.

The STICKLEGGED CAPYBARA and MULTICOLORED CAPYBEETLE sniff you cautiously yet curiously.

sanderidge 04-30-2019 02:30 AM

Re: Bumbletrek
appreciate the poster on the wall instead of dealing with the couchy capybaras

Trinket 04-30-2019 02:41 AM

Re: Bumbletrek
Appreciate the capybaras too! Let them sit!!!

RedneckPhoenix 04-30-2019 03:01 AM

Re: Bumbletrek

You appreciate your GENERIC ART POSTER. You've always loved this thing. Hence why you hung it up so you'd see it first thing in the morning.

Huh. You know, maybe it's the hangover talking, but you feel like your perception of the world has been kinda skewed and even sorta sloppy lately, for the 10 minutes you can remember. You resolve to enjoy your life more and not have to change yourself every 5 seconds.

You received an ART UPGRADE! No longer will your head vastly shrink or grow in size as you are drawn in shitty positions. You'll be you, no matter the situation.

Speaking of you, the STICK-LEGGED CAPYBARA is proud of you for your perceptive advancements, and has taken quite a shining to you. The MULTICOLORED CAPYBEETLE is unimpressed.

Seems like the STICK-LEGGED CAPYBARA is following you around now. You appreciate him (her?) , and he (she?) appreciates you.

You should probably name it after your stupid ass is able to remember your own name, let alone the name of a rodent you fell in love with.

I liek Squirtles 04-30-2019 04:19 AM

Re: Bumbletrek
Remember your name!

RedneckPhoenix 04-30-2019 12:17 PM

Re: Bumbletrek

You give it the ol' college try, but it seems you still can't. You're still not SOBER enough.

What's worse, all the FLOOR COFFEE has soaked into the ground. You'll have to get a fresh cup of joe to get yourself back up in tip-top shape.

sanderidge 04-30-2019 03:15 PM

Re: Bumbletrek
hunt down Fresh Coffee!!

RedneckPhoenix 04-30-2019 07:37 PM

Re: Bumbletrek

You grab the other BOTTLE, just for the hell of it. You yank the TUBE off the ceiling because there's no way your noggin was fititng through that.

You ascend the ladder, in search of some FRESH JOE. The STICK-LEGGED CAPYBARA undergoes some self-reflection and manifests itself in a manner more reflective of a party member.

It seems something knocked over your COFFEEPOT. That's why all the coffee puddled in your basement. The STICK-LEGGED CAPYBARA follows you upstairs.

You quickly whip up a hot pot of FRESH COFFEE. (After grabbing a mug, you're still not a savage) you pour yourself a mug and chug heartily. Your REGRET CYLINDER drains entirely!

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