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Old 09-26-2017, 02:55 AM
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Default Re: Rude Awakening (Pokemon X Fire Emblem)

A chapterv where jokes are made at the expense of Utah. And Ohio.

Chapter 2: Welcoming Committee

The four emerged in a grassy meadow, the portal quickly closing behind them as they gazed around curiously.

"Doesn't look like anything too out of the ordinary..." said Dialga.

"You'll see soon enough," said Palkia, "There should be a big city up ahea-"

"What is that?!" said Hoopa.

He was pointing to a brown shaggy creature, with round ears and sharp claws and teeth, sniffing at them cautiously.

Palkia blinked. "Seems this is a bit further from home than expected - that's an animal, not a Pokemon."

"A-animal?" said Hoopa.

"They are beings touched by forces quite different from us Legendaries," said Dialga; "Like Pokemon, but feral and with only basal intelligence."

"So that thing is a fucked-up Ursaring?" said Hoopa.

"It's just a bear." said Palkia.

"...Just a bear? Not an Ursaring or a Pangoro or a Beartic or a Bewear, just a bear?"

"I... think it's a brown bear?" said Palkia, shrugging sheepishly.

Hoopa crossed his arms. "They need to hire a new guy to name these things."

"Can I keep it, though?" said Giratina.

Everyone looked over to see Giratina was holding the bear and pinning its limbs from behind, the creature roaring and attempting to futilely claw and bite at him.

"Giratina, no, you can't just adopt the local fauna in place like this!" said Dialga, scowling.

"But it's soft and huggable," said Giratina, pouting.

Palkia sighed. "Just keep it untill we get to Ylisse and we'll see what we do there."

She headed off, everyone else following after, the bear still struggling and roaring in protest in Giratina's grip.


The four eventually wandered far enough to reach the outskirts of a lavish city before them.

"There it is! Oh, it looks just like the game, I'm so excited!"

"Fancy place!" said Hoopa. "What's it called?"

'Yilissitoll, capital of Yilisse!"

"...The cities too?"

Palkia shrugged. "Eh, I've heard worse. There's this city near a salt lake in a universe we stopped by one time, you know what they called it?"


"Salt Lake City."

"...I'm suddenly grateful for our universe."

Palkia smiled. "As a mon who helped make it, I appreciate that. That said, let's see this one up close, shall we?"

The bear roared in protest again.

"Hush, Wuzzles," said Giratina, patting the bear softly while maintaining his tight grip. "I'll get you snacks when we get to the city place."

"Giratina, you were supposed to let that thing free when we got to the city!" said Dialga.

"Er, actually," said Palkia, "Letting it loose this close to the city might be a problem."

Hoopa put his hands on his hips. "...I'm not putting that in the Stash."

Dialga glared at Giratina before shaking his head, sighing.

"Please, just... Keep it pinned for now."

"Thanks bro!" said Giratina, indeed hugging the protesting bear tighter.

Everyone then headed into the city proper, marvelling at the elaborate and sturdy buildings, bustling locals of various walks of life, and the busy shops, stalls, and bazaars, ignoring the more than a few odd glances they got back themselves as they whispered among each other.

"It looks so much like some of the cities in our world just a few hundred years ago..." said Dialga.

"Quite the nostalgia trip, huh?" said Hoopa.

"Still different from back home, though," said Giratina. "No Pokemon, humans dressed funny even for the time period, selling funky things at the shops..."

"Speaking of which, we should stick to the plan trying to talk to anyone for now," said Palkia.

"The "is that foreign" plan?" said Giratina.


"Hopefully we won't have to use it too soon..." said Dialga.

"Yeah, better for now we-" said Palkia.

She stopped froze, and grinned. "Scratch that, it's them!"

Everyone else turned to see Palkia staring enraptured at four people nearby - a white-haired young man in a black-and purple coat, a taller, blue-haired young man dressed in blue armor with a white cape hanging behind him, an even taller, somewhat older man with brown hair and much heavier armor, and a teenage girl with long blonde hair in pigtails complimenting a strange, dress-like outfit, all looking over the items in a shop.

"...Them?" said Dialga.

"The Shepherds! Well, the four major ones. They're the main characters of the game!"

"So they're the dudes we wanna hang with?'

"Exactly!" said Palkia.

"Sweet!" said Hoopa.

He frowned. "Now how exactly do we get chummy with 'em?"

Palkia froze and paled. "I don't know; I didn't think we'd get this far."

Dialga groaned. "Can't we just go up and ask them?"

"I don't think that's how it works... here we're the nobodies and they're the big shots!"

"Then how do you suggest we-"

The quartet then heard a scream.

"Bandits! To the south!"

The group of disguised Legendaries then saw a farmer barge through the streets in panic toward the Shepherds as they quickly turned to address him.

"Bandits? In this time?" said the tall, sturdily-armored man.

"Armed burglars, sir!" Whole bunch of them headed straight for our village!"

The blue-haired man scowled. "We'll deal with them right away."

"If they're just a bunch of theives they should be no problem for us," said his white-haied companion.

"Yeah!" said the girl, pumping her fists. "Especially if they're dumb enough to attack this close to home!"

The four of them and the farmer rushed off, leaving the multiversal visitors staring after.

"Well," said Dialga, "They certainly seem to have the problem under control themselves..."

Palkia hesitated, then grinned. "Actually, I have a plan."

"Ooh, what, sis?" said Giratina.

"We help the Shepherds with their little bandit problem."

"So we're gonna impress 'em to get 'em on our side? I like this plan."

"I'm not so keen," said Dialga, "didn't we agree to keep things nonlethal?"

"That's part of the plan," said Palkia, grinning. "You see..."

The four huddled together amidst the crowd. A bit later, several onlookers stopped and stared when they seemed to vanish.


The village was battened down in their houses, a few farmers armed with crude makeshift weapons outside. Even then, they knew they didn't stand a chance against the rapidly-approaching raiders.

It was then a young, pink-haired woman in some bizarre-looking white-and-pink battle dress wielding a staff with a pearl-like orb at the end stepped out into the streets almost too calmly.

"Easy boys," she said, "me and my friends have this covered. Can I just borrow a horse?"

"M-m'am, you're crazy' there's-"

"Sir, I can save your village just fine either way, but it's better with the horse."

"...There's a draft horse in the stables, but she's used for till-"

He didn't get to finish, as the woman had vanished in a warp in space and emerged atop the draft horse in question just out of range of the bandits. The horse reared in panic before Palkia calmed it with a soothing aura from her Lustrous Orb staff and addressed the bewildered men before her with a smirk.

"Now you all hold still so we can make this easy."

The bandits blinked collectively before one stepped forward to face her with a scowl.

"And what makes you think you're some one-woman army?"

Palkia gave a dismissive wave of her hand and chuckled. "Ooh, you're all so cute trying to be little bandit-wandits out to kidnap the crops and burn the women, but you're still being naughty and need to be punished..."

She pulled out and opened out a dark blue book several of the bandits backed away nervously from.

"...But first you all need a bath."

Blue Unown-like runes spiraled upward from the book as a massive wave emerged in front of Palkia and swept the bandits back. As they gasped and spluttered trying to get to their feet afterwards a chill ran down their spines as a bear roared followed by a man shouting:

"Sneak attack, Wuzzles!"

The bandits screamed as a blonde, red-eyed man emerged from nearby shrubs atop a roaring bear, slicing at each of them with his sword...

...Only for the sword strikes to miss each and every one of them by a hair's length, instead opening dimensional portals that punted them screaming through the Distortion World only to fall through a much larger portal that landed them on the ground almost out of sight of the village.

As they got to their feet, they noticed a man with shaggy blue hair and long fleshy ears fiddling with a diamond-like orb.

"Okay, so I need to change to the right form to use my pow-"

Suddenly he was enveloped in a blue, crystalline cocoon, emerging as an enormous, monstrous blue rabbit with markings and armor plating reminiscent of his dragon form.

"...I'm a bunny?!"

He recovered from his shock just in time to see the bandits fling axes and spears at him. He sighed as his eyes glowed, the weapons stopping in midair and rusting and rotting into dust within seconds.

"...Let's just get this over with."

He rushed up to each bandit and dealt them precision headbutts and kicks, sending them flying and screaming yet again into a dazed pile.

"Now we've thoroughly gotten your attention," said a voice, "let's keep it!"

A youth appeared and threw golden hoops atop the pile of bandits, each squeezing in to bind them in place. Once he was done Hoopa gave the dazed, trapped pile of bandits a wave.

"Thank you for attending this show of "How Not to Plunder a Village!" We hope for your sake it was educational."

Dialga reverted to his more humanlike form as Palkia approached on the draft horse's back and Giratina approached on Wuzzles. A few of the trapped bandits started at Wuzzles sniffing them, at which Giratina shushed him.

"Wuzzles, they are not snacks. I will get you your snacks back in town."

"Speaking of which," said Dialga, "Where are those humans Palkia said were so important anyway?"

"They should be here any minute now..." said Palkia.

Indeed, the other quartet and the farmer soon ran up to the scene only to look at it baffled.

"What in the name of the gods...?" said the blue-haired one.

"...It seems we've been beaten to our objective," said the shorter, white-haired man.

"That was already apparent, but how?" said the third, tallest man.

"Aw, phooey!" said the girl. "I hate missing out!"

~Alright, who does the introductions?~ said Hoopa telepathically.

~I'll start.~ said Palkia.

She turned to the other group.

"Oh, hey! Sorry if we messed anything up taking care of these guys!"

"It's fine!" said the farmer. "You saved our village before the Shepereds even could!"

"We're part of said Sheperds by the way," said the blue-haired man."I'm Chrom, my companions here are Robin..."

He gestures to the white-haired young man in the coat.

~He's one of my favorites!~ said Palkia to everyone in her group.

"Fredrick..."continued Chrom, guesturing to his older, taller companion, "and Lissa," guesturing to the blonde teenager.

"You certainly seem skilled from how easily you seem to have dealt with those bandits!" said Robin, looking at the multiversal group in admiration.

He then furrowed his brow. "What land are you even from, though? You certainly seem like an unusual bunch."

"We're from the esoteric faraway land of Cincinatii," said Dialga dryly.

"It's got some great views and locales and good food!" said Palkia

"The sports teams kind of suck, tho-" said Giratina.

Palkia nudged him with a foot before continuing.

"Anyway," said Palkia, "I'm Valentia, this is Quentin, this is Howard, and this is Bartemaeus," she said, gesturing to each of them in turn.

"Pleasure to meet you all," said Chrom, nodding.

He smiled. "And for being so helpful here... If you need a place to stay from so far off why not with us?"

Frederick raised an eyebrow. "...Mlord, this time you cannot be serious."

"Frederick, you've known Chrom far longer than I have," said Robin. "He's always serious about these things."

~Chrom's the nice one,~ said Palkia telepathically. ~He's our ace in the hole for getting in with these guys without too much trouble!~

"But... We have no records of this Cincinatti place anywhere in Yilisse! They look more like travelling circus performers than anything!"

"Hey!" said Hoopa, gesturing to his outfit. "Don't tell me this isn't stylish."

Robin looked over the pile of bandits. "If they were circus performers or enemies they wouldn't have subdued what appear to be remnants of Gangrel's army so quickly or easily..."

~Gangrel's the guy that started the war right before this peacetime. He's a douche.~, said Palkia.

"Yeah!" said Lissa. "And if they're so tough, if you can't beat 'em, join 'em!"

She scrunched her face up. "Or... The other way around. Kinda. Mabye. You get my point!"

"If we could chill with you guys that'd be pretty cool," said Giratina.

"What Howard said!" said Hoopa.

"I suppose despite my own caution I'll agree," said Dialga.

Fredrick looked between them all and sighed. "Alright... But everyone, keep an eye on these.... Cincinnatians."

Robin gave a small bow to Palkia. "It's a pleasure to have you all with us."

Palkia bowed back. "You as well."

Internally, she gave an excited fangirl squeal. We're partying with the Shepherds! This is gonna be great!

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