The LGBT Club

Dannichu said:

Yeah, I've heard that while the Southern US states are regarded as, like, homophobia central, the big cities are more okay with it. Good for you! :D

The more I hear about people getting hateful comments from older family members, the more I'm glad I don't have any old family members (few people in my family live past 60; my oldest family member is my dad's sister, at 55), and then I feel really bad.

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The problems with my family are:

-It has a history of long life, so there are many old people in my family. In fact, two of my great-grandparents and all of my grandparents are still alive.
-A good portion of my family lives in Stereotypically Racist, Sexist, and Homophobic Rural Texas™.
-I've heard them say and do some seriously messed-up shit. My mom totally flipped out when my brother and I were acting somewhat sexual with our friends for the lulz and my dad once refused to watch a movie about two guys who were only pretending to be gay just because of the gay theme. The crowning jewel? My mom, dad, and brother were talking with my aunt about a cross dresser that they saw in D.C. and my aunt replied "Some people are just messed up in the head..." in an amused and mocking tone of voice. No one called her out on it.

Ugh... it took forever for me to accept myself, probably because of these family issues and the fact that I was disgusted by gay people just like mommy and daddy for the longest time. Then my attractions developed. I was very confused about my sexuality at the Age In Which Hormones Make Everyone Bicurious, and when I finally figured it out almost a year ago, I obsessed over it for the longest time... I still am, but to a lesser extent. Does this kind of shit really happen in 2010, or am I alone?

Well, it could be worse. If I was trans, I would probably be kicked out if I told my family.

Drowzee64 said:

The problems with my family are:

-It has a history of long life, so there are many old people in my family. In fact, two of my great-grandparents and all of my grandparents are still alive.
-A good portion of my family lives in Stereotypically Racist, Sexist, and Homophobic Rural Texas™.

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Well, I can't say I know how it is to have family in Texas (they're worse than SC :/ ). But doesn't Houston have a gay mayor now?

Drowzee64 said:

-I've heard them say and do some seriously messed-up shit. My mom totally flipped out when my brother and I were acting somewhat sexual with our friends for the lulz and my dad once refused to watch a movie about two guys who were only pretending to be gay just because of the gay theme. The crowning jewel? My mom, dad, and brother were talking with my aunt about a cross dresser that they saw in D.C. and my aunt replied "Some people are just messed up in the head..." in an amused and mocking tone of voice. No one called her out on it.

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Yeah, stuff like this does really suck. I know what you mean, though. I've had to listen to my stepdad say that he wouldn't hire anyone gay, and if his current employees turned out to be gay, he'd fire them. The only thing to do is grin and bear it unless you're certain your family won't freak out if you defend gay people.
Well, a friend of mine is very religious and refused to watch Juno because it involves a teen pregnancy. She's a good person, but that still annoyed me a bit. (Of course, I'm not saying that your parents are necessarily good people. From what you've said, they sound like jerks, to be honest.)

Drowzee64 said:

Ugh... it took forever for me to accept myself, probably because of these family issues and the fact that I was disgusted by gay people just like mommy and daddy for the longest time. Then my attractions developed. I was very confused about my sexuality at the Age In Which Hormones Make Everyone Bicurious, and when I finally figured it out almost a year ago, I obsessed over it for the longest time... I still am, but to a lesser extent. Does this kind of shit really happen in 2010, or am I alone?

Well, it could be worse. If I was trans, I would probably be kicked out if I told my family.

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I was notorious for calling people gay and faggot in elementary/middle school, but now I'm notorious for calling people out on doing it. :/ The past is the past, and you're obviously not thinking like you once did (which is very good), so there's no reason to criticize you for it.
To answer your question, yes, stuff does happen, unfortunately. I'm stuck with my homophobic family, too. I guess that it's important you find a place to go if things get rough. I have, and I always think that if my dad beats me up, or if they kick me out, or if I get into another argument about gay rights with them, that I can simply stay with decent people. It's very nice and reassuring.

It's terrible, but yes, stuff like that does happen in 2010. It was mentioned by someone in another thread that gays now have full equality or something, but we're still miles off equality on paper, and even further from equality within society. We'll get there in time, but, like this article shows, we've still got a ways to go.

Guh, it's so annoying when someone says something homophobic and you want so badly to call them out on it and then don't. It bugs me for the rest of the day if I just let something really offensive slide, but if someone's joking around and comes out with something really sexist or homophobic or racist or whatever, it's so, so hard to tell them that they're being an idiot, especially when you know it'll only make them laugh at you. I've been on a bus and told fourteen-year-old kids off for calling each other gay as an insult and/or writing "GAY" in the condensation on the windows (okay, less "telling off" and more "nobody thinks you're big and clever and you actually look like an idiot"), but it's so much harder when the person who's saying it is a friend, and harder still when they're in a position of authority.
In my Sex Gender Socialisation class last term, I asked my seminar leader if we'd be doing any reading of stuff by transgender people, since they have an above-average awareness of the pressure the gender binary puts on people, and she went on a speil about how "weird" she thought transgender people were. :/

It's not all bad, though - I get emails from my uni's LGBT society and even though I don't go to the meetings and such, I like to keep up with what's happening, and they got a motion passed to have toilets in the soon-to-be-rebuit nightclub on-campus for transgender people.

Also, this is taken from the most recent email, and it sounds absolutely fantastic:

I recently met with the Senior Health Advisor for East and Coastal Kent who has informed that a trial of new HIV testing is currently being run in Canterbury.

This test is completely groundbreaking - taking just a pinch of blood from your finger rather than a full blood test, and gets the results within 20 minutes, rather than the current standard of 7 days. It also can detect the presence of the HIV virus in the human system quicker than the standard test, which has a 3 month window from infection.

The trial of the test is being run so that they can compare the accuracy of the new test to that of the old test (therefore those undergoing the trial have to do both) - but the new test is completely safe. The trial is there to hopefully prove that the new test is ready to become standard practise within sexual health testing.

The trial is only open to those who are considered a 'high risk' in contracting the HIV virus - which therefore puts men who have sex with men in that bracket. I would please urge all the men who recieve this email to go and get the test done - not only will you be providing a big help for the NHS in order to get the test standardised, but you will be making a sensible decision by getting tested anyway!

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Awesome, no?

Yo, transpeople of tcodf. specifically ftms

http://www.balian-buschbaum.de/galerie/wie-mich-die-welt-sieht.html this guy is ftm

found this earlier whilst looking at lists of hot men and stuff.

He's not bad-looking. :v

I can't read German; is he a model or what?

Dannichu said:

It's terrible, but yes, stuff like that does happen in 2010. It was mentioned by someone in another thread that gays now have full equality or something, but we're still miles off equality on paper, and even further from equality within society. We'll get there in time, but, like this article shows, we've still got a ways to go.

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Gays have no equality here in Australia, though that's the way it should stay tbqh. We have an organisation called PFLAG (Parents For Lesbians And Gays) who are fighting for equal marriage rights. This is a stupid idea.

Two gay guys living together as individuals get far more benefits from the government than a married couple do. In that sense, we're actually at a benefit over straights. Now, I understand that some people want to be married, but a lot of us don't. If you love someone enough, there's no need to fork out thousands of dollars to say a few words and get a piece of paper.

I facepaw 9001 times at my friends when they say they're going to attend a gay marriage rights march, especially the ones who still go through Centrelink (look it up). I know two people in a "de facto" relationship that absolutely HATE the idea of equal marriage rights, and I definitely don't want to lose my benefits because some idiots who are parents of LGBTs, not LGBTs themselves, want equality. Sorry parents, but to give us equality, you'd have to take away, not give.


So yeah, that's my opinion.

Wyvern said:

Gays have no equality here in Australia, though that's the way it should stay tbqh. We have an organisation called PFLAG (Parents For Lesbians And Gays) who are fighting for equal marriage rights. This is a stupid idea.

Two gay guys living together as individuals get far more benefits from the government than a married couple do. In that sense, we're actually at a benefit over straights. Now, I understand that some people want to be married, but a lot of us don't. If you love someone enough, there's no need to fork out thousands of dollars to say a few words and get a piece of paper.

I facepaw 9001 times at my friends when they say they're going to attend a gay marriage rights march, especially the ones who still go through Centrelink (look it up). I know two people in a "de facto" relationship that absolutely HATE the idea of equal marriage rights, and I definitely don't want to lose my benefits because some idiots who are parents of LGBTs, not LGBTs themselves, want equality. Sorry parents, but to give us equality, you'd have to take away, not give.


So yeah, that's my opinion.

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What? What about people who don't care about having to pay more taxes if it means they can legally be called husband/wife to eachother?

I don't understand what getting equal marriage rights would suddenly force all those gay people living together as 'individuals' to get married and pay all of their taxes. Why on earth would you lose benefits just because all the other LGBT people who want social equality get it?

Also, social equality =/= economic equality. Personally speaking? I'd prefer social equality. Shock horror if I'd have to pay the same taxes as straight married couples, it's not like being on the same level is what LGBT is all about!

Harlequin said:

Yo, transpeople of tcodf. specifically ftms

http://www.balian-buschbaum.de/galerie/wie-mich-die-welt-sieht.html this guy is ftm

found this earlier whilst looking at lists of hot men and stuff.

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wow
I have no other words lmao


...how many FTMs do we have at tcod anyway?

like ... four? idk

ALSO Ricky Martin is officially gay

cue 'this isn't news'

Uh, ditto pretty much everything Cirrus said. Why on earth should gays get benefits that straights don't? I don't get it o.o

Harlequin said:

ALSO Ricky Martin is officially gay

cue 'this isn't news'

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My friend told me this today. Then we gave a semi-public performance of Livin' La Vida Loca in the middle of Victoria Place in London to celebrate.

...it was one of those things where you had to be there.

No, I can totes appreciate it and I'd have joined in if possible. But I mean, it's not exactly news, is it? I've assumed he's gay for years, now. He was always slightly too fabulous to be straight.

Cirrus said:

What? What about people who don't care about having to pay more taxes if it means they can legally be called husband/wife to eachother?

I don't understand what getting equal marriage rights would suddenly force all those gay people living together as 'individuals' to get married and pay all of their taxes. Why on earth would you lose benefits just because all the other LGBT people who want social equality get it?

Also, social equality =/= totally not economic equality. Personally speaking? I'd prefer social equality. Shock horror if I'd have to pay the same taxes as straight married couples, it's not like being on the same level is what LGBT is all about!

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First of all it wouldn't force them to be married, it'd force them to declare themselves as a de facto couple.

You see, it's not just married couple that would get affected. Even non-married gay couple would have to declare that they're in a relationship, thus losing the benefits of being two singles living together.

To me, LGBT is not about social equality, it's about social acceptance, where people don't find reasons to fire you just because you're gay, or your parents don't throw you out because you discover you're not supposed to be a dude. Laws against discrimination to exist, but people find ways around them. LGBT to me is the idea of completely eliminating homophobia for good, not bawwwing about the fact that we can't marry.

Like I said before, why do you need to marry if you love someone. Thousands of dollars wasted for a piece of paper and to say something that both of you should already know

[/rant]

Wyvern said:

First of all it wouldn't force them to be married, it'd force them to declare themselves as a de facto couple.

You see, it's not just married couple that would get affected. Even non-married gay couple would have to declare that they're in a relationship, thus losing the benefits of being two singles living together.

To me, LGBT is not about social equality, it's about social acceptance, where people don't find reasons to fire you just because you're gay, or your parents don't throw you out because you discover you're not supposed to be a dude. Laws against discrimination to exist, but people find ways around them. LGBT to me is the idea of completely eliminating homophobia for good, not bawwwing about the fact that we can't marry.

Like I said before, why do you need to marry if you love someone. Thousands of dollars wasted for a piece of paper and to say something that both of you should already know

[/rant]

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No law is going to force gay couples to declare themselves a couple. That's impossible, because two men can live together without being gay, right?

And no, actually, we're looking for equality. I don't want more rights than everyone else and nor do I want less. I want to be able to do the same things that straight people do and not have to fear discrimination because of it. I don't want to be denied a job because of my sexuality. I don't want to be told I'm an unfit parent because I'm gay.

You're missing the point, as well. Just because you don't want to get married doesn't mean that other people share your view.

Harlequin said:

No law is going to force gay couples to declare themselves a couple. That's impossible, because two men can live together without being gay, right?

And no, actually, we're looking for equality. I don't want more rights than everyone else and nor do I want less. I want to be able to do the same things that straight people do and not have to fear discrimination because of it. I don't want to be denied a job because of my sexuality. I don't want to be told I'm an unfit parent because I'm gay.

You're missing the point, as well. Just because you don't want to get married doesn't mean that other people share your view.

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[PAINFUL 'HOLD IT' PW IMAGE]

Well like I said in my original post, and I quote

Wyvern said:

So yeah, that's my opinion.

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Don't get your underwear in a knot over what I'm saying, although judging by the amount of times you said "I", I'll assume that it's your opinion as well.

Also, who's this "we're". What do you mean be "we".

The vast majority of the LGBT spectrum ?_? the whole point of Pride is for everyone under the umbrella to be treated (as closely as possible) like any heterosexual/cisgendered person would. Why should we get special tax evasions if the foundation of what we say is 'we're like you guys'?

(Opinions can be wrong. "BUT IT'S MY OPINION IT INHERENTLY AS VALID AND SPECIAL AS YOURS" is not a defense or an argument.)

Giving gays marriage doesn't necessitate you losing your better-than-marriage cohab-benefits. (curious: are they better than the benefits for an unmarried straight couple?) You also won't be forced to marry another man just because you have the right to so, especially not on the grounds of the government giving you less money.

Just because you don't want to take advantage of a right of some kind, does not mean you need to fight to deny it of everyone else. Why do your personal intents deserve to define how other people can act?

There are plenty of reasons for established couples/+ to not marry. It can be arbitrarily limiting and can add a lot of baggage for people even tangentially involved. If you dislike it so, again, don't get one? Other people want to, straights already can. Equalize this how?

How does gay marriage hurt you? (and yes, social acceptance is fine and dandy. The fact that we aren't there yet is not an excuse to perpetuate legal inequality. What the hell man)

Grr. When we were watching the Grand National yesterday, someone mentioned that the person reporting, a woman, had recently got married to another woman, and my grandad, who was staying with us, said something like, "Oh, she's one of them, is she?" My mum very firmly said, "Good for her!", but that didn't seem to discourage him. I wasn't fully concentrating on the next part of the conversation, but I think that he and my step-grandma, who was also staying with us, went on to talk about some people they knew, two women, who were soon to be married, wondering whether they'd be invited to the wedding, and my grandad said he hoped not.

...Seriously, they said it in a way that sounded pretty damn rude. I love how they're fanatical about politeness and manners and... oh wait. They don't know I like females, so it's not as if their remarks were aimed at me, but eugh.

While that seems sort of obnoxious of your grandad, Flazeah, at least your mum said something against his comment! That's pretty cool. And hey, maybe if they did get invited to the wedding it might change his attitude a little.

... But while we're on the subject of family obnoxiousness! My dad is a pain. I know he and my mother have at least considered that I might be gay (way to go guys the window is open and I am on the other side of it also voices travel more than one floor up) but for some reason he seems to be trying to put his opinion on the subject across by making random statements about it...? Uh, like at the moment there's a lesbian storyline starting in a soap my mum watches. My mum mentions this; he goes off to do something and while passing through the living room says loudly 'I AM NOT WATCHING [SOAP] TONIGHT' to nobody in particular.

...? Then the next day he mentioned the soap, and made a joke about the girl's father:

'Just when he thought things couldn't get any worse!' Chuckle chuckle hurr hurr.

I don't know whether I'm misinterpreting this stuff but it does keep coming up and it's not really inducing a great amount of faith. Though I do realise it could be much worse. :v

@Flazeah: Give your Mom a high-five for saying what she said. Don't invite grandad to the wedding.

My uncle is homophobic but has a lesbian fetish, so he's 'accepting' of bisexual women (so that he can get them in bed of course). About three minutes after coming out to my family (most of which were just 'eh' about it), he mentions how much better the US would be if...

"All the gays moved to New York or something and left us straights alone."

Me: "What about the bisexuals?"

Him: "They have to pick one or the other at some point anyway, right? But all the bisexual women can come to my bedroom, hurr."

Me: "UM!"

Him: *keeps going on his merry way*

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Hm... that must get pretty annoying when your dad does that, Kinova. >.< However, my dad used to joke around about gay people sometimes, but more gently than that - guess it's possible yours doesn't dislike gays or anything, but is just taking opportunities to create what he thinks are amusing moments. My parents are fine about my liking females, and said so as soon as I came out.

Aw, sorry to hear you had to be in that situation, Dinru. :< Can't have been much fun. Guess some people fail to realise that you don't just "lose" your attraction to the gender that isn't the gender of the person you're with if you're bisexual once you decide to be with someone of a certain gender.

...Oops, that sentence is a bit confusing. Er, hopefully you can decipher it! You probably know what I mean, anyway.

Also, I think that if I get married to a female, I'll invite my grandad anyway, if he's still alive. I'd feel good to have invited him anyway for some reason. I'd be pretty tempted not to, heh. Sort of hoping that he'll accept me... you never know. I think he'd be disappointed, at least at first - he's always asking whether I've got a boyfriend. Or something along those lines.