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love is an emergency / (speeding through space)

Music Dragon

Doosic Maggon
Pronoun
she
love is an emergency, he's bleeding all over the place,
oh my god, call 911! there's
BLOOD everywhere,
what happened? chaos, panic,
and behind their shocked screams and tearful eyes,
the truth has settled:
he is dead.
gone forever.

(I am speeding through space.
The universe is vast and black and full of stars,
and I am moving so fast, they become stripes of white light.
I pass galaxies and planets and suns and moons,
and though I see them plain as day,
I cannot reach out and touch them,
for they are millions of light years away,
and there is no "plain as day" in this cold vacuum;
there is only night.)

love is a bumpy ambulance ride
while sirens blare outside,
he stirs, and he,
he thought he was dead,
and a man in a green vest
forces him to drink a bottle of activated charcoal.
it is like black sandpaper, grating.
he is in the eye of the storm, or so he feels
just before he passes out.
he is dead.
gone forever.

(I head out towards the infinite dark,
leaving the cosmos and the lit skies behind;
I look back and I can no longer see the world.
Everything is empty and silent,
and I am alone and frozen.
But even though there is nothing left around me,
I can feel that I am still accelerating,
still speeding through space.)

love is a sterile room with white walls
and a painfully hard mattress.
nurses come and go,
and there are plastic tubes in his body.
someone is sitting next to his bed,
holding his hand.
she tenses as his eyelids slowly open,
and she looks at him and he looks at her
and in her eyes there is a flicker of hope
and in his eyes are all the galaxies and planets and suns and moons
and she sees them plain as day,
and that flicker of hope fades:
he is dead.
gone forever.

(Even when the sun was right in front of me,
and vision was engulfed by fire,
there was no "plain as day".
There was only night.)
 
I actually really like this poem for a number of reasons: I really like the progression and action in this text, because it's usually really hard to portay in poetry (at least for me) and you've pulled this off really well, even with the two contrasting sets of stanzas. I also really like how the last two conclude the poem really well, especially this part:
and she looks at him and he looks at her
and in her eyes there is a flicker of hope
and in his eyes are all the galaxies and planets and suns and moons
and she sees them plain as day,
and that flicker of hope fades:
he is dead.
gone forever.
because it ties up the loose ends that would be there otherwise; it affirms the connection between the 'speeding through space' passages and the dying man and I think doing it this way is quite elegant. I really like how she sees him die by seeing 'all the galaxies and planets etc' in his eyes and how that kind of refers to the cliche of "when someone dies, the lights in their eyes go out", except that it's sort of portayed here as the man going somewhere rather than leaving his life. It's quite interesting how death is interpreted in the poem as something beautiful and amazing, while love is an emergency (a bumpy ambulance ride, a sterile room...).

One thing that's a little jarring to me though is
and a man in a green vest
forces him to drink a bottle of activated charcoal.
it is like black sandpaper, grating.
and I think it's because for one, I was confused as to why he's being given charcoal when you've said that he's bleeding earlier on, and also that charcoal is usually used to treat poison. So that kind of confused me a little. But it still works, I'm probably just overthinking it.

so, yes. I think this is probably my favourite piece of yours.
 
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