[15] Dragon vs Eifie (ref: TruetoCheese)

DQ warning for Dragon. You have a little over 57 hours to post your commands.

Early warning because I'll be busy later.

bluh bluh bluh right okay. Protect from Giga Drain (at the last possible second. Make sure she's definitely using Giga Drain) and Snatch any Chills; otherwise, Spite only if Lena isn't using Magic Coat/Protect/Detect.

Protect/Snatch/Spite x3

Excellent, finally an opportunity to do some of the setup I've had no time for! Aromatherapy your poison away, then Mimic the Taunt from earlier, and then waaaaaiiiit for her to use Spite a third time please before Taunting her. It is very important that you wait for the Spite. I want all three of those Taunted actions to happen next round. She doesn't really have any urgently-worded wait conditionals so hopefully you can outwait her! If you really can't, please make sure to get that Taunt in, though. You go, girl!

Aromatherapy ~ Mimic (Taunt) ~ wait and Taunt

Lena and fuckin meme were busy eying each other from their opposite sides of the field. As their trainers were so hell bent on waiting these past few rounds, they decided to take matters into their own hands and start waiting before the commands were given. Their thoughts in doing so were nearly identical, and their determination could only be equaled by each other. They were so focused that they didn’t notice the ref sneak up and steal their caps, leaving them another pair of presents. Lena’s leaf was weighted down by a large cap that looked like it’d been freshly pried off a toadstool, her head-leef swooped down her side like one massive bang of smooth green hair. The ref could’ve sworn that meme winked at him when he snatched her hat, but he could never tell if it was a trick of the light. He dropped the severed head of a Pangoro onto the Sableye, taking a moment for it to settle down before telling meme that it’s not actually a severed head. Meme sighed, somewhat disappointed.



Lena was shivering on the inside, the remnants of that thought still remained. She rustled her shoots and they unfurled in a ring, splaying out their veined leaves. Upon each flattened sprig lay a mushy pile of something. It smelled faintly of gooseberries, but no one but Lena would’ve noticed. The thick sent wafted upwards, sliding across her slender neck and up into her nostrils. She had expanded them in preparation and was now inhaling the aroma with the noise of a vacuum cleaner. The sound was intermingled with snorts, all coming from behind the two cavernous holes that had somehow replaced her nostrils. The scent wove its way inside her, coating her chest in a minty cold like a bucket of water had been thrown over it. She exhaled with a sigh, her chest relaxing as she did so.

Fuckin meme tried to wait her laughter away, but she just couldn’t. Her arms snapped to her mouth, but Lena could spy the Sableye’s giggling face from all the way over there. Nostrils still flared, she gave the ghost a sharp look, angling her head forward. Fuckin meme just burst out into laughter, now pointing at her. The Bayleef could see the sharp rows of teeth clattering against each other. The edge of her head leaf twisted a bit, curling inwards defensively, and her pupils drooped to look at the ground. And that’s when she noticed she couldn’t see the ground. Her nose was massive. She immediately sucked back her nose, cursing to herself.

The Sableye’s laughing didn’t stop, of course. Those things were huge, Diglett could pop out of them and Lena could still breathe comfortably. Lena closed her eyes and whispered to herself, she was better than this, she was a dragon, calm down. GODDAMNIT STOP LAUGHING, she snapped. Lena the bananagon had enough of this, two can play at this dastardly game. Her pupils dilated and she focused intently on the Sableye’s movements, they were different from her slung insults earlier, but the infuriating effect might as well have been the same.

Meme’s ears perked up when she felt the intensity of her opponent’s gaze. She got herself off the ground and yanked at her wounded arm again, lifting the other one up and down. Lena nearly puked. Her cheeks bulged, but she was holding on. Meme’s grin grew wider, and she thrust her arm forward again, and then back. Lena snapped her eyes shut, gulped the acidic bile growing in the back of her throat, then spat out another kind of caustic substance. The hell do you think you’re doing, huh? Are you so depraved and lonely that you would flog yourself, flog your own damn wound, in a public place? Do you understand that other people understand what that means? Do you even look around you? There are children about and you’re…you’re jerking. Or at least trying to, how disgusting can someone be, my god, just…just get out. Get out, you sack of absolute filth. You waste of resources. You- you glue-huffing maniacal half-baked poorly-constructed excuse for a ghost!



Calculations:
Lena’s Health:
91%

Lena’s Energy:
30 – 3 (Aromatherapy) – 1 (Mimic) – 4 (Taunt) = 22%

fuckin meme’s Health is lonely and looking for singles in your area, ASL pls:
71%

fuckin meme’s Energy win(ter) is coming?:
42 -3 (Spite) – 3 (Spite) – 3 (Spite) = 33%

Notes:
-Lena was ordered to wait on the last action, and meme hadn't. So she ended up double-spiting Mimic. Using Mimic will now cost 8% more energy. However will Lena go on?
-STALLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.

-Eifie uses three chills- I mean gives her commands.

IT IS NOT SO EASY AS JUST ORDERING THREE CHILLS >:(

Okay, Lena, uh, I want three Chills. Get over to that cafe and use the tables and chairs and innocent people for cover. Maybe get a nice couple to adopt you so they can slap that Sableye if she tries to come after you :3 If you end up confused, hopefully chilling will help clear your mind. Try to stay calm and not fall for any of her weird scare tactics :C

Chill ~ Chill ~ Chill

Alright meme, we're going to add to the long, prestigious League tradition of using Dubiously Legal Tactics in battles and deal with the consequences afterwar- pffff hahaha there are no laws in Asber, let's get right to injuring innocent bystanders and maiming opponents.

Run after Lena and scream something about using Explosion so all the people freak out and run away, hopefully stampeding and making a big scene? Then, use Shock Wave on all the cafe-goers (and Lena) to make your point clear and cause even more mayhem, so Lena really can't relax! We're gonna force her to pay attention to you!

Next, she should still be sitting there all peaceful, so you can just approach and get right in her face. Extend one of your claws and try to touch Lena's eyeball. If her eyes are closed, touch her eyelid with the pointiest part of your claw and press a bit (she'll probably freak out and pull back so you won't actually put out her eye). Then, use Scratch and actually put out her eye.

If you miss, she has to think about how close she was to losing an eye just now, that should keep her pretty on edge, right??? (If you actually put her eye out, don't feel bad; it'll lessen Lena's accuracy and we can rebuild her with Asber magic afterwards. There are no permanent consequences!)

Finally, use Mud-Slap right in that open facial wound, try to get some in her eye(s) too! Scream about eye infections and embedded objects and try to be really gruesome, make Lena cry. Make the referee cry. Make me cry. Make me regret this.

Shock Wave ~ Scratch ~ Mud-Slap

Lena and her trainer locked eyes, Eifie nodded, Lena nodded, Eifie nodded again and pointed at the café, Lena roared like a dragon, Eifie’s nod bore the implication of snacking, Lena plodded off towards the café. Fuckin meme was enjoying this strange scene, and was somewhat saddened to see it end, partially because that dragon is an idiot and partially because it meant she had to do some nasty things. She broke into a run away from the designated battlefield, aiming dead ahead at the café. Lena had wriggled into a folding chair and her flanks protruded from under the hollow armrests. She grinned widely at a nearby waiter, as if expecting a drink. She continued grinning; now turning to face the nearby couple. There was always a couple at a café, it was a given.

“IT’S A BAWMB” meme ran in screaming, flailing her arms about. Her footsteps pattered against the pavement, she had forced herself to run all the way, and stopped for a moment to pant. She threw out raspy sighs; her voice was hoarse from screaming about explosives all the way here. She slapped the table and the waiter dropped a drink into her palm. She smiled at the young man and threw the paper cup on the floor, letting the apple juice spread across the pavement. She thrust her arms up and assumed the pose of constipation, gritting her teeath together. Her jaw slowly forced itself open, as if some immense weight was pushing it up, and a huaaaaaaaaaah came out. Beneath the Sableye the ground sparked with electricity, curling into a vague ring. Fuckin meme pushed her arms outward, spreading the chaotic sparks across the café. The patrons began to scream and run, and one person found his laptop was now a paperweight. This irritated him thoroughly and he walked up and smacked the Sableye across the face, shouting very loudly that no one understood the damn twizzler.

Lena blinked. She was more concerned with being stuck in the chair, but the tingling electricity didn’t help her concentration much. She heard the crack of plastic behind her, and her draconic bum was freed from its prison. She flopped onto her forelegs and adopted her grin once more. It had unsettled people before, right? It should work fine.

Meme poked her eye. Lena stumbled backwards, half-falling to the floor. Meme leapt up to her and poked her eye again, using her other hand to lift up the prone Bayleef’s flappy eyelid. Meme dragged her claw down, cutting through the eye fluid. Lena felt a sharp pain run down her iris as it squished under the Sableye’s finger. She was just trying to relax, what just happened. The pain hadn’t hit her yet, she was busy dealing with the astonishment. Meme reached the bottom of the iris and pushed her claw in before tearing it down, squishing the eyeball inwards and tearing apart the soft, banana-esque flesh beneath. She tugged the claw free, shaking some dried spores off Lena’s cap. She paid them no heed as they settled on her arm, her jeweled eyes were busy staring into the Bayleef’s bleeding face. Fuckin meme stood there laughing with the sharp tip of her finger damp with mischevious vengeance.

While it appeared she was enjoying her opponent’s grievous suffering, she was in fact stalling. Behind her pupilless eyes she was searching desperately for a bit of mud or a bit of grime or a bit of anything to throw at the gash down Lena’s face. There, by a hesitant patron waiting to get inside so he can enjoy his croissant was a patch of grass. Meme dashed to the table, smacked the croissant to the ground, and leapt off the unsteady piece of outdoor furniture. Her hands stabbed into the earth and pulled out tufts of grass, steeped in mud. She thrust her arm deep into the hole in the dirt and pulled out a sticky, wet pile of mud. She ran back to Lena, who was trying to blink away the red clouds forming across her vision, and slapped her across the face. The chunks of brown slid past her cheeks and some of the grime pattered into the open wound below her eye. She shivered when she felt little pellets and stones crawling inside her, and shook her head about, trying to dislodge the dirt. She shook even harder, some blood coming off and staining the ground- several determined drops flew onto a certain customer’s newly ordered croissant. Lena tried to shake her head out of itself if it would stop the itching inside her.



Calculations:
Lena’s Health:
91 – 5 (Shock Wave) - 1 (Mud-Slap) = 85%

Lena’s Energy:
22 + 7 (Chill) + 7 (Chill) = 36%

fuckin meme’s Health is at the best number:
71 – 2 (Poison) = 69%

fuckin meme’s Energy needs some Powerthirst:
33 – 3 (Shock Wave) – 2 (Scratch) – 2 (Mud-Slap) = 26%

Notes:
-Lena resists Shock Wave, so it didn’t really do much; the short burst of panic from the Explosion kerfuffle took off a bit more. Scratching at Lena’s eye did no damage at the cost of lowering her accuracy and completely negating a chill. Mud-Slap is also resisted, but the grime did enough to shake a bit off the chill, the crit helped.
-There’s no hard and fast rule on Chill interruptions, so if you do have any argument or counterargument on the issue, then just VM me on it so as not to clutter the thread.

-Dragon orders some pastried delectables.

haha fuckin nice, I would high-five you if you didn't have gross eye fluid and mud all over your claws, meme.

OKIE that's enough trash tactics for now, let's be boring. Protect from Giga Drain (at the last possible second. Make sure she's definitely using Giga Drain) or from Taunt. Snatch any Chills; otherwise, Taunt only if Lena isn't using Magic Coat/Protect/Detect and if you haven't successfully used it yet.

Protect/Snatch/Taunt x3

Haha... hahahahahaha... ahahahahahahahaha!

We've done it, Lena! The match is ours! I'd rather not take an unnecessary risk here, so give me a Sweet Scent before you Giga Drain her face off. Close your injured eye and blink as much mud out of the other as you can before and between actions. Force her to waste energy Taunting and Protecting, and she'll be a sitting duck next round!

I knew you could do it, my majestic banana mushroom dragon!

Sweet Scent ~ Giga Drain ~ Giga Drain

Lena dusted herself off with her head-leaf, it was the only way she could not notice the pain. The majestic banana dragon with a mushroom hat flipped her leaf over and pulled herself out of the chair like the irritated customer she was. She wasn’t annoyed at the management or the service, just the customers. One customer in particular. The plastic chair rose with her and she now had a strange structure on her tail. That only perturbed her further, and focused her glare on meme’s cackling face. That disrespectful peasant had torn up a lovely batch of flowers just to spit mud in her eye. Meme pointed out, with her pointy claw, that she didn’t spit but lob mud. Lena shrieked and doubled back at the sight of the sharpened incisor-like jagged arm of death-striking. She swung her head –leaf around, calling the dead plants that had settled on their aboveground graves. Bright pink petals lifted from around the damp hole meme had used to steal from mommy earth. As they traveled they wrung together, binding tightly into a chunk of pink folds. They began to disintegrate as they flew through the air, right over a croissant. A plate flew at the wall in disgust and a customer stormed out. Lena shrugged at his retreating shoulders. Whoops.

Meme’s pointing finger was still in place, and she had been watching the ball of petals disintegrate lamely. She opened and closed her mouth to mimic a laugh. Lena caught the light off meme’s sharp teeth out of the corner of her eye. She growled, and a tangle of vinework spilled out the back of her neck. She closed her eye as if to aim, but more to displace the mud and grime stuck to it. The vines formed into a neat cannon once more, and Lena brushed it clean with an extra vine. She fired. There was a click like a woodpecker tapping a tree, and the burst of green enveloped fuckin meme. The beam completed its path over the Sableye and past the destroyed crop of flowers. A bubble of translucent white shimmered in the center of its path, disrupting it when it tried to draw itself back in. The beam fizzled and smoke toiled out of the empty cannon.

Lena snarled and clicked again, making sure to press her eyelid down harder for no reason other than because it felt right. The beam fired at a nearby table, cutting a neat hole in the embroidery lain upon it. Lena puckered her lips into a pout and averted the sharp gaze of the nearby waiter. Meme’s shield fell, and her laughter filled the air once more. On the bright side, she noticed the gaze of the waiter, and to cement this momentous occasion her sheepish step squished a bit of dried mud on the ground. She noticed the crumbling feeling at the base of her foot, and pressed down with glee.



Calculations:
Lena’s Health:
85%

Lena’s Energy:
36 – 1 (Sweet Scent) – 7 (Giga Drain) – 7 (Giga Drain) – 1 (Furious Blinking) = 20%

fuckin meme’s Health is at the number of the short beast:
69 – 3 (Poison) = 66%

fuckin meme’s Energy much tired very sloth:
26 – 4 (Taunt) – 5 (Protect) – 2 (Protect) = 15%

Notes:
-Lena used her one good eye to attack, which hadn’t been brutally scarred by the finger of death and just had some mud in it.
-The blinking made the mud go away by the end of the round.

-Eifie’s turn to order. May I recommend some specials?

what the fuck was that, Lena, I try to actually be supportive to one of my Pokémon instead of yelling at them about how much they suck and THIS is what happens

It's okay, we'll just have to take the long way around. Keep your injured eye closed. Watch what she does. Feel free to have a circular war of wait. If she chills (and is actually chilling, not just waiting or readying to Snatch or something), you Chill too. Also Chill if she makes a sub. If she Protects or Detects or has clones, waste her energy with Magical Leaf. Otherwise, if you can hit her, Giga Drain her energy yet again. If she has somehow disappeared into the void or something (i.e. you can't hit her under a condition not covered here), Chill as long as she's definitely already moved (i.e. can't Snatch it).

Next, if she chilled last action or if she has a sub we'll start targeting her health instead. Try Hexing her, even if she's protecting. Our ref doesn't charge double energy for a powered-up Hex, so your energy should be fine. If you used Giga Drain last action or if she flinched you, or if she used Protect/Detect, Giga Drain her energy if you can hit her. If you're trying to use Hex and you don't have a target (or she somehow has clones), or if you're trying to use Giga Drain and can't hit, Chill only if you're sure she's not waiting to Snatch it.

Finally! If she hasn't chilled at all this round and is somehow still here, and if you can hit her and you're not too tired to do it, Giga Drain her energy. If you used Hex last action (or wanted to but got flinched or she'd disappeared somewhere or had clones) and she hasn't spited it, Hex if you have an actual target (even if she's protecting) and there are no clones (feel free to attack subs). If she did Spite it, go with Giga Drain on her energy. If you don't have a target for Hex or there are clones, or if you want to use Giga Drain but are too tired or can't hit with it, or if you don't have anything to do, Chill only if you haven't already done so twice this round and you're sure she's not waiting to Snatch it. ugggh I'm too tired now. this will have to be it

Chill / Giga Drain (energy) / Magical Leaf ~ Hex / Giga Drain (energy) / Chill ~ Hex / Giga Drain (energy) / Chill

(also just a note that Spite actually costs 5% energy for future reference)

Hmm, let's push our fucking luck to the absolute thinnest it'll go. For better or for worse, this round is gonna decide the match, meme!

Spite Lena's Giga Drain while walking towards her blind side. Try to stay out of her vision and vary your walking speed if you can, so we have the best chance of evading that incoming Giga Drain.

Best case scenario, her Giga Drain will miss by an obviously wide margin, but if you don't think you can dodge it, try to combo a Shadow Sneak to get the hell out of the way! Alternatively, if you think it'll be more effective, disappear with Feint Attack, drop to the ground and roll to the side right at the moment when she attacks. Or dodge out of the way with Feint, if that'd be easier! Expend a bit of extra energy to make this work! Do whatever you need to dodge that Giga Drain!

If she missed last action, whether or not the combo succeeded, Spite one last time while walking towards her blind side! Hopefully, when Lena goes to Giga Drain you, she energy KOs herself before you get KO'd. Or if she does KO you, she'll KO herself too and we'll win because she knocked herself out and there's a rule about that somewhere. Haha!

But if she hit you on the first action, or you couldn't pull off the combo and got hit by Giga Drain, Chill twice instead and we'll be in pretty fucking deep water next round............

Spite + (Shadow Sneak / Feint Attack / Feint) ~ Spite / Chill ~ Chill

Lena widened her stance as far as she could make it go, looking like a very thick upside-down Y. She lowered what remained of her gaze to fuckin meme, watching the still Sableye. A foot tiptoed to the side, lasting only a moment before breaking into a step. Then a canter. Then a jog. Then a gallop. While Lena’s head tried to turn, fuckin meme danced about in a line, looking like someone was rewinding and pausing her at the weirdest of times. Lena shut her bleeding eye as much as she could, trying to focus all the will she could muster into her one good eye. Fuckin meme’s face split open in a smile, a jaw like a thin purple banana oscillating. Lena was trying hard to focus, and the words seemed just a mumble. She was on the left now, no the right, where was she going, when would she stop. Sweat beaded on Lena’s forehead, tumbling down into a reservoir of vines she had prepared to fire her last barrage. She bit her tongue, all facades had been dropped. All emotions washed away. But then she heard some of the Sableye’s mumbling.

“not even a drago-”

Incandescent rage overtook her eyes, and she fired. Fuckin meme saw the faint glimmer of the beam in the emerald green pocket at the back of the cannon. She let the darkness clouding her mind pour over her, and she vanished from sight. As it glazed her ears she heard faint whispers in ancient tongues calling to her, muffled by the rumbling of some deep ocean far away. As it poured across her jeweled eyes the world faded to monochrome. Of course, she was still there, and about to crouch down to move.

The thin beam of energy hit her straight in the chest. The cloaking sputtered, yellow cracks fleeing across it. Meme sparked back into Lena’s vision, blinking. Her muscles were tensed to move, but she just couldn’t. The thick oily feeling of the darkness wrapping around her was gone, whipping away into evaporation. Fuckin meme stood dumbfounded as Lena prepared another blast.

It was the majestic banana mushroom eyepatch dragon’s turn to smile. And she did. Her shoulder recoiled when she fired the final blast. Fuckin meme tried to move, but the shock was too much. The dark shroud’s effects still lingered, and the javelin of buttery light moved in slow motion for her. She was halfway through a gulp when it struck her in the head, knocking it back. Meme could feel her head moving, like she was floating in something thick and viscous. It was the same feeling of falling forever. She didn’t want to open her eyes, because if she did she would know her head would hurt and her eyes would sting. The numbness of true darkness grew around her before she hit the ground, and she couldn’t feel the whump of the earth against her back, or the sound of Lena’s roar.





Calculations:
Lena’s Health:
85%

Lena’s Energy:
20 – 11 (Giga Drain) + 3 (Giga Drain) – 11 (Giga Drain) = 1%

fuckin meme’s Health goddamnit:
66 – 2 (Poison) = 64%

fuckin meme’s energy is meeeeeeeeeltiiiiiing:
15 – 6 (Spite + Feint Attack) - 7 (Giga Drain) – 7 (Giga Drain) = rekt.


Notes:
-To conform with what we've been using in the battle so far, Spite cost 3% energy. Note that in future reffings I'll have it at 5%.
-Spite + Shadow Sneak is not feasible enough, as it is essentially attempting to use two moves in one action. Though, Spite + Feint Attack worked. However:

-I do believe this calls the battle to a close. Lena gets to add 3 EXP and 2 Happiness to her draconic hoard, as well as the $20 and a Rare Candy Eifie will so graciously give her. Not that she'll need it to achieve true dragonform.
-Dragon acquires $10 to put in her dank account, while fuckin meme gets a cool 1 EXP and Happiness for scratchy scratchy. On second thought, that $10 should go for therapy.
-I get $18 for watching a dragonslayer and a dragon duke it out. (But is Lena the dragon, or is Dragon the dragon?! We’ll never know!)

I fuckin' love you Lena

edit: ok now that I have picked my jaw up off the floor:

Good game, Dragon! That was ridiculously close. I swear this battle has kept me up for hours at night strategizing. And thank you chees for the really fast and hilariously appropriate reffings! I guess I'm glad you two managed to escape choice hell.

I GUESS IT'S ONLY FITTING that I lose by 1%, after having won by 1% in my previous tournament match lol. Thanks for allowing Many Shenanigans and for writing awesome reffings, TTC, and thanks for.. kicking my ass... Eifie.........

And I'll def use the $10 for therapy: I'm gonna go to the Ref Cafe and buy the oldest Berry Juice they have on uh, tap. You two should join me!

Eifie said:

I fuckin' love you Lena

edit: ok now that I have picked my jaw up off the floor:

Good game, Dragon! That was ridiculously close. I swear this battle has kept me up for hours at night strategizing. And thank you chees for the really fast and hilariously appropriate reffings! I guess I'm glad you two managed to escape choice hell.

Click to expand...

My middle name is chees-for-the-really-fast-and-hilariously-appropriate-reffings. Though they shorten it to Trueto"chees"Cheese.

Dragon said:

I GUESS IT'S ONLY FITTING that I lose by 1%, after having won by 1% in my previous tournament match lol. Thanks for allowing Many Shenanigans and for writing awesome reffings, TTC, and thanks for.. kicking my ass... Eifie.........

And I'll def use the $10 for therapy: I'm gonna go to the Ref Cafe and buy the oldest Berry Juice they have on uh, tap. You two should join me!

Click to expand...

I'm going to end up on the ASB stand, and maybe the ASB gallows (with the ASB noose) for letting a Pokemon use Eyepatch.

That and maybe trying to murder a child on a certain battle on a train.