Spanking

aruseusu7 said:

It should'nt be a kind of last-resort method to get a child to behave. No parent should ever spank a child when they are mad at him/her for their behavior; that would be innapropriate.

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This.

Absolutely. I got spanked as a kid and I got whipped into shape. You say you're afraid when your parents get mad- that's the damn point. Yelling is just voices, and voices can't hurt you, unless they make you go deaf and I doubt your parents would do that. It should never injure you and should be used only for discipline.

I agree with Departure Song. (I think)

aruseusu7 said:

If you're someone that has been spanked by your parents, then you'll be able to understand the whole thing a lot better. It might sound a bit harsh, even a bit abusive if you just hear about this kind of discipline, but it's really not that bad.

It should'nt be a kind of last-resort method to get a child to behave. No parent should ever spank a child when they are mad at him/her for their behavior; that would be innapropriate.

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I disagree, I was spanked a shitload by my asshole father, my sister on the other hand (who's 5 years younger than me) was hardly ever spanked. I turned out to be a quiet, caring, conservative person. My sister is a loud, rebellious kid who is extremely selfish, wants everything, is rude to adults, and has no idea how to spend money wisely.

If someone offers to do something for me out of kindness, I feel bad that they have to go out of their way, so I say no to pretty much everything (within reason). My sister, however, would go "Meh" and take whatever it is without so much as a thanks.

Somewhere between excessive and no spanking is the right method in my opinion. There's a thin line between spanking and child abuse.

J.T. said:

My parents used spanking on me, and I turned into a big blubbering lump of wuss.

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Don't worry it goes away as you age, it only scars you through your earlier teenage years.

I'm a little torn on this one. On one hand, I was swatted on my backside with a wooden spoon when I was younger - but only if I was disobedient and knew that I was disobedient. Usually, I'd get a stern talking-to after a 'first offense.'

I think, though, that it's not the actual punishment that matters when it comes to instilling discipline. What matters is consistency with the administration of the punishment. If punishments become inconsistent, such as a harsh beating where the normal punishment would be a time-out, the kid will become confused as to the actual severity of his/her actions.

It might sound a little heartless, but it's my two cents.

Ambipom said:

ou say you're afraid when your parents get mad- that's the damn point.

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The problem is that I don't fear anyone besides them, defeating the purpose.

I wasn't really ever smacked as a kid - except one time that I remember. My parents would never do it, but let's just say my dad's stricter than my mum: I was resorting to that childish curiosity of hitting my sister or something to see if she would cry. And my dad whacked me and I just stared and cried loads out of pure shock. I never ever did anything like that again.

I think a child has to respect their parents for it to work. Not fear, but respect. It works best as a shock factor - I suppose it worked for me because I was a pretty nice and quiet kid who never needed to be hit, so when my dad did I was so surprised I realised it was so bad that I should never do it ever again.

I'm not really sure what would work for other children, but I think you shouldn't hit a child before they're old enough to understand when you tell them they shouldn't do something. If you're hitting a toddler who is just doing something annoying or whatever for the sake of it, for god's sake, don't hurt the child. That won't help anything. You're not explaining why it's wrong. Sit them down once they're old enough and tell them exactly why they can't do it, and if they just keep doing it maliciously or something you'll have to resort to other punishment. I don't think hitting is a good punishment though, it only works with children like me who did it out of 'what will happen if I do this'.

OrangeAipom said:

The problem is that I don't fear anyone besides them, defeating the purpose.

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Well the smacking should have taught you that the things you did to deserve it were wrong, and that there are consequences for doing such things. Just because you don't fear anyone doesn't mean it's ok for you to do bad shit. - Because you're older and you should know better.

If you don't know better, well then you really shouldn't be commenting on discipline in the first place~

Edit:

Cirrus said:

I'm not really sure what would work for other children, but I think you shouldn't hit a child before they're old enough to understand when you tell them they shouldn't do something.

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I remember when I was like 5 in the back yard (and my dad would be at the back door). If I got busted, I had to go inside through that door, with him pretty much towering in it, and it was pretty much like a cringing dog when it knows it's ion trouble. I knew as soon as I went through that door i'd get a whack.

That's the wrong way to discipline. ,xP

I have memories of being spanked three times, and of my brother being humiliated as well. I have absolutely no memory of the cause, just the humiliation. The analogy to a dog is fairly spot-on.

I think a few people here are linking too much correlation with causation. Unless you did have a horrible, abusive childhood, where the spanking was always on your mind whenever you did anything, it's not really going to be /that/ formative to your personality on a whole.

Responding to the topic, I also agree with opal's point... but then, I think mental, non-corporeal forms of punishment can surely be worse - as I mentioned earlier, that's the big part of the spanking that stands out to me, is how it makes the victim feel. It's a fine line between punishment and discipline, and I'm just glad I don't want to have kids ever, so I don't have to go through that myself.

No. Just no.
Even if it's used rarely. When the child who gets spanked as a child grows up and has children, they might use spanking or even worse punishment. Teaching a child that it's ok to hit someone because they did some minor bad thing is wrong.

If they did some minor bad thing then they wouldn't be getting smacked, and you don't think like that as a kid, you think more along the lines of "ho-shit, if i'm norty I gets hitted by parents". ,xD

Children who aren't spanked that grow up and have kids are just as likely to "use spanking or even worse". If you get spanked as a kid you may grow up knowing what it's like, and not wanting to put your children through that.

i love when people say that because so-and-so grew up in a certain away, (getting spanked, etc.), they're likely to do the same with their kids. a lot of times people, (as already stated by felidire), won't want to put their kids through that.

i certainly wouldn't. even if i was spanked, and it worked as a punishment, i still would never want to do that to my child.

also i have been spanked before with a wooden paddle.

Felidire said:

If they did some minor bad thing then they wouldn't be getting smacked, and you don't think like that as a kid, you think more along the lines of "ho-shit, if i'm norty I gets hitted by parents". ,xD

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You can't be too sure about that.

Also, is this how annoying you sound in real life?

some parents over-react and would spank their children if they did the littlest thing. some parents are more strict than others.

also i hope you don't sound that annoying in real life.

Just.. just.. shun..... you two have no sense of awesomeness. ;>>

and yeah, I can be partly sure of that because that's what I was like when I was aged 5-9.

Dewgong said:

i love when people say that because so-and-so grew up in a certain away, (getting spanked, etc.), they're likely to do the same with their kids. a lot of times people, (as already stated by felidire), won't want to put their kids through that.

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It's sad, but there is mountains of research to illustrate that when a kid is abused, be it through physical harm, sexual assult or neglect, they're more likely to go on and do the same to their kids.

Children are the innocent victims of child abuse, but sadly many abused children become abusers themselves. One would think that the exact opposite would be the norm, but we are what lived and if a child grows up with abuse, they are more likely to become abusers themselves.

Why do those who suffer from child abuse become abusers themselves?
Unfortunately they learned how to deal with their anger and frustration through violence. Many children, who are victims of child abuse, learn to be aggressive and violent to others. They often have low self esteem and become involved in relationships where there is domestic violence. Studies have revealed that many inmates in prison have been victims of child abuse. As children they learned how to deal with their problems through violence. As adults that violence was perpetrated on other innocent victims.

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From here

It is also my belief that child neglect is primarily caused by a parent's inability to emotionally bond with his or her child, again a direct reaction to having oneself been neglected as a child.

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from here (a really good book if you're interested in the subject)

also i have been spanked before with a wooden paddle.

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kinky.

hrm. spanking reeks of hypocrisy, especially when applied as a punishment for violent behaviour - "If you don't stop hitting people, I'll hit you". it's exactly the same principle as why we don't hang murderers or rape paedophiles (well, we don't directly rape them - but what happens in prison~).

furthermore, i can attest that there is a method far better than corporal punishment - guilt tripping. turning the weapon of children against them is surprisingly effecive. whenever i'd do something really bad, like causing trouble at school or bullying my brother, my parents wouldn't hit me - they'd make me feel bad about having done what i did. it worked wonders - if i felt that my parents were disappointed in me, that made me feel rather guilty and i'd refrain from doing whatever it was that was annoying them. furthermore, since my parents always showed me the connection between my action and their disappointment, it taught me the consequences of my actions.

removal of priveliges is also a very effective tool, although you really should make sure that the child understands why he is being punished. as someone in the thread mentioned earlier, no punishment will work unless the link is made between cause and effect.

kinky.

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I think my dad was spanked with a plastic hotwheels race-car-track. We should start up a thread: "What kinky objects were you and your loved ones spanked with as children?"

Children are the innocent victims of child abuse, but sadly many abused children become abusers themselves. One would think that the exact opposite would be the norm, but we are what lived and if a child grows up with abuse, they are more likely to become abusers themselves. ... Many children, who are victims of child abuse, learn to be aggressive and violent to others. They often have low self esteem and become involved in relationships where there is domestic violence.

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Sounds completely like my dad, I always worried that I might end up like him. Luckily all that abuse and neglect pushed me far away from him and for the most part I got raised by my mother, which I think she did a freaking awesome job.

I mean, I don't want to end up like that asshole, and I sure as hell want to give my children what he could never give me, um.. a decent-caring-father? ,xD

It is also my belief that child neglect is primarily caused by a parent's inability to emotionally bond with his or her child, again a direct reaction to having oneself been neglected as a child.

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That's quite possibly true.. Though if someone grows up constantly longing to have an emotional bond, it might not have such a negative impact on them.

furthermore, i can attest that there is a method far better than corporal punishment - guilt tripping. turning the weapon of children against them is surprisingly effecive. whenever i'd do something really bad, like causing trouble at school or bullying my brother, my parents wouldn't hit me - they'd make me feel bad about having done what i did. it worked wonders - if i felt that my parents were disappointed in me, that made me feel rather guilty and i'd refrain from doing whatever it was that was annoying them. furthermore, since my parents always showed me the connection between my action and their disappointment, it taught me the consequences of my actions.

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Yeah this is what I do.

J.T. said:

No.

My parents used spanking on me, and I turned into a big blubbering lump of wuss. Now I'm damn near afraid to do anything for fear my parents won't think it's good enough and I'll get in trouble, even though they've changed. In contrast, my brother wasn't (they stopped spanking me before he came along) and he's perfectly fine - outgoing, happy, etc.

Some people will turn out fine, yes, but some won't, and I'm an example of that. =/

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youre doing it WRONG

I reached this result with simple shouting....

spanking is wrong becouse sadistic parents with weird fetishes would just do it to enjoy themselves....

furthermore, i can attest that there is a method far better than corporal punishment - guilt tripping. turning the weapon of children against them is surprisingly effecive. whenever i'd do something really bad, like causing trouble at school or bullying my brother, my parents wouldn't hit me - they'd make me feel bad about having done what i did. it worked wonders - if i felt that my parents were disappointed in me, that made me feel rather guilty and i'd refrain from doing whatever it was that was annoying them. furthermore, since my parents always showed me the connection between my action and their disappointment, it taught me the consequences of my actions.

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this is what happened later and I fell better for it

New Mudfish Doctorate said:

spanking is wrong becouse sadistic parents with weird fetishes would just do it to enjoy themselves....

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That... doesn't make smacking (sorry, just... can't face using the word 'spanking' in this context >_>) wrong, it makes the parents wrong.