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  #21  
Old 06-02-2016, 07:28 PM
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Default Re: Describe your favorite video game and make it sound as bad as possible.

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You forgot to mention the amounts of incest involved in the the eugenics programme
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  #22  
Old 06-02-2016, 08:17 PM
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Default Re: Describe your favorite video game and make it sound as bad as possible.

Hedgehogs aren't rodents....
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  #23  
Old 06-06-2016, 11:40 AM
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Default Re: Describe your favorite video game and make it sound as bad as possible.

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Hedgehogs aren't rodents....
and yet, we all know what she meant...

progress from a sperm to a larger, space-faring sperm without cheating, or else you don't get achievements
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  #24  
Old 06-06-2016, 04:38 PM
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Default Re: Describe your favorite video game and make it sound as bad as possible.

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That game is awesome!


Here's an obvious one:

You play as a fat Italian plumber who is trippin' balls, killing defenseless turtles to save a Princess who is never even there!
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  #25  
Old 06-06-2016, 06:17 PM
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Default Re: Describe your favorite video game and make it sound as bad as possible.

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and yet, we all know what she meant...
They're not blue or fast either.

This is still my go-to example of how putting too much DRM in your games actually increases piracy.
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  #26  
Old 06-07-2016, 09:51 AM
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Default Re: Describe your favorite video game and make it sound as bad as possible.

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This is still my go-to example of how putting too much DRM in your games actually increases piracy.
how do you mean? the cheats are programmed into the game and mods are supported, they just don't reward you for skipping through the game.
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  #27  
Old 06-07-2016, 06:54 PM
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Default Re: Describe your favorite video game and make it sound as bad as possible.

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Originally Posted by Nira View Post
how do you mean? the cheats are programmed into the game and mods are supported, they just don't reward you for skipping through the game.
I mean EA put so much DRM onto the game disc, I believe at launch it was something like you could only use the disc on five computers before you couldn't use it any more. People were angry about it, managed to crack it in a day and it became the most pirated game overnight.
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  #28  
Old 06-10-2016, 06:44 AM
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Default Re: Describe your favorite video game and make it sound as bad as possible.

Consider the following:

You play as this giant humanoid mammal thing. Okay, not giant as in "whoa shiiiit that's a huge animal", but like giant as in human sized, bc raccoons are definitely not human sized irl. Well actually maybe it is giant, humans don't really exist in this game to provide like a height comparison. Odds are you're prolly playing as a furry, so it really doesn't matter.

So you play as this anthropomorphic raccoon, okay, and this raccoon is like, a thief. But then his soon to be hand-me-down book totally gets stolen by some even thiefier guys (consisting of a surprisingly not anthropomorphic frog, an extremely buff anthropomorphic bulldog who runs the local crime ring, an anthropomorphic alligator who gives people the ~heebie jeebiez~ with her voodoo and (SPOILER) her TOTALLY BULLSHIT BOSS BATTLE SERIOUS THE FUCKING RHYTHM ISN'T IN TIME TO THE MUSIC AND SOME VERSIONS OF THE GAME HAVE A TOTALLY DIFFERENT SONG BUT THE RHYTHM IS STILL BASED ON THE ORIGINAL WHAT THE FCUK, a kung fu panda but with FIREWORKS, and a robotic owl with the most threatening voice you'll ever hear), so the furry dude is like "mm okay guess I'll just robin hood it back and avenge my father because they just straight up killed him while they were stealing the book right in front of my eyes, nbd"

But like, he can't just do that IMMEDIATELY, they stole his family's super special thievery book when he was just a kid. So he's like sent to an orphanage, where he meets his totally radical BFFs: a braniac turtle whose eyes are somehow fused to his glasses, and a giant fuckin' hippo who's mad strong but a bit of a coward (at least until the second game OH MAN) but still has a good heart. And so at the ripe age of adulthood they make their own band of thieves so they can steal back the pages of the Thievious Furrynus from those five jerks who totally killed his dad, like, not cool.

There's also a latina fox cop who's the ~love interest~ and whose voice just consistently changes, and she's got like a very black and white view on right and wrong, but even though she's constantly tryna arrest the furrykin it's obvious that she has feeeelings for him, and he does too. It's basically their professions that are effectively cockblocking each other.

So that's the gist of the first game, BUT WAIT THERE'S MORE.

These game developers or whatever made a SECOND game, and it's basically the same thing, but More™. There's a NEW gang of baddies who want to ressurect Bird Jesus or something, so they have some illegal spice operations that... serve some purpose? idk man it's got way more plot to it and it's got a lot of plot holes and the gameplay isn't really that fun when you replay it BUT MAAAN THE PURPLE CHAMELEON MAN CAN JIVE ANYTIME

So now you can play as the turtle and hippo and there's a new character who's like a deputy to the fox cop lady (whose accent is all but gone in this game), and this deputy is like a... uh, purple cat? Shit man I dunno just think of Blaze the Cat with a British/Australian accent and you'll be good to go. (SPOILER) surprise she's evil

After that is the THIRD game of the trilogy, where everything is largely the same except there's a new NEW gang of baddies, but they're not really a gang at all and this game is just focused on finding people to add to the raccoon gang so they can break into the furry's family vault or something that's being guarded by a vengeful Mojo Jojo. But these villains are still pretty memorable, and each boss fight is either hilarious or fun to play (so like, there's an anthropomorphic lion who's a bitter failed opera star (SPOILER) and when you get into the first half of his boss battle you get to hear some AMAZINGLY tuneless singing, a mask... yeah, it's just a fuckin mask brah, a bearded biplane baron or something (SPOILER) who turns out to actually be a braniac mouse girl (bc yknow, a girl couldn't be the plane champ or something?? Iunno) that you eventual recruit into the team (and shd's also the turtle's love interest OOH LA LA~, a dark magic using chicken who has the MOST original name ever and all you need to know is that he's a general, and a pirate bird or something I dunno the pirate levels were p. tedious).

And there are new furry gang team members, oh wow! There's a purple koala guru man, a braniac mouse girl, the kung fu panda from the first game, and the JIVE CHAMELEON WITH THE GREATEST THEME MUSIC EVER AND IS WOEFULLY UNDERUSED IN THE GAME from the second game. Not to mention that you also get to play as fox cop (who once again has an accent, except this time it's super thick) for a couple of minigames but like shit she should be fired, i mean for how triggerhappy this fox is she's got the aim of a stormtrooper.

And THAT'S the third game in a nutshell, and man is the ending just a sucker punch of feels.

So now you'll be thinking, "Oh hey, the series is over!"

No it's not.

There's more.

The fourth game, released about ten years after the last game, deals with time travel and the raccoon man's ancestors, literally all of whom being thieves. 'Cause, y'know, it's a family tradition. It's also apparently family tradition to completely butcher the laws of time travel, but hey, that's none of my business.

Anyway there's also other plot threads like the fox cop having a miniskirt now that would seem way more of a hinderance considering her line of work, and the mouse girl suddenly disappears in what has to be one of the most outlandish and totally fucking nonsensical plot twist there is. (SPOILER) surprise she's evil

And our delightful furry protag goes through all of this shit with not a sword, not a gun like shedew the edgehog, but a cane. It looks cool.

So that's my favorite game series ever, 0/0 would not recommend
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  #29  
Old 06-19-2016, 01:29 PM
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Default Re: Describe your favorite video game and make it sound as bad as possible.

Favorite game: 7.8 out of 10 too much Japan (a reference to the single most ridiculous review that gamestop.com has ever gifted me with) you know, man, I dunno, everyone's dead and the protagonist is an amnesiac asshole. he tried to kill somebody on like day two. why are the girls braver than the guys according to the game mechanics. I'm not gonna even start on the plot because I don't even know, man.

Favorite obscure game: so like, these two orphan nerds are trying to become master alchemists or whatever, and the boy finds a talking sword, which summons him to an entirely different fucking world, and somehow he gets involved with a resistance force and somebody tries to kill him???? (SPOILER) there's petrification at some point. the main (male) villain has a boob window. what is this.

Favorite series: half of these villains are the same guy and I think there's cloning involved. I don't know.
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  #30  
Old 06-23-2016, 05:05 PM
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Default Re: Describe your favorite video game and make it sound as bad as possible.

It's like playing The Sims in Notepad.
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  #31  
Old 06-26-2016, 01:26 PM
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Kung Fu Ferret Kung Fu Ferret is offline
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Default Re: Describe your favorite video game and make it sound as bad as possible.

You play a hacker/detective who has Digimon.
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  #32  
Old 07-06-2016, 07:48 AM
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Default Re: Describe your favorite video game and make it sound as bad as possible.

Okay, so, get this.

It's like Danganronpa, except there's nine of you, and it's super bleak and depressing and the only funny moment like at all is when you, a blind prince, a pink chibi girl, and a bara man all form your own cheer squad spelling PIPE.

also there's a lot of mathematic shit with like base numbers and digital roots and junk, why would you make the player learn
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  #33  
Old 07-09-2016, 10:34 PM
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Default Re: Describe your favorite video game and make it sound as bad as possible.

It's a prequel the the original game in the series, and there are three characters you have to play as. One is an emo guy, the second is an oblivious brat, and the third has nice tits! And Spock is the villain.....
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  #34  
Old 07-10-2016, 04:37 PM
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Default Re: Describe your favorite video game and make it sound as bad as possible.

You wander around the tundra aimlessly occasionally killing stuff. If you kill the wrong things the whole game implodes on you...
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  #35  
Old 09-05-2016, 09:16 PM
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Default Re: Describe your favorite video game and make it sound as bad as possible.

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Originally Posted by Flora View Post
I'm not gonna even start on the plot because I don't even know, man.
prays I got the game right lol Idk all I can figure is that there's a coffee guy, and then you think he's the bad guy, but then he actually turns out to be the good guy kind of. Also the math guy seems like he should be a bigger bad guy than he actually is. How can you be obsessed with math and not be the final boss??

a fave that hasn't been mentioned: so basically, like, you're reincarnated kinda, but you can't remember jack shit unlike all the other reincarnated guys, so you just go around asking the tall redheaded guy what ice cream is, and you have to collect hearts from shadow monsters. There's also a girl who looks like she should be the Love Interest (tm) and she forgets how to use her weapon so you give her yours and use a stick which is really stupid?? And then later it turns out (SPOILER) she's actually you?? So she dies and you absorb her and now you can remember your life and shit. You feel like goddamn nobody likes you, so you try to run away, and unhumanly tall ginger gets all sad. The end.
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  #36  
Old 09-06-2016, 12:03 AM
Ether's Bane Ether's Bane is offline
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Default Re: Describe your favorite video game and make it sound as bad as possible.

This game isn't even really a video game in and of itself, as it's based on a mod of an earlier game.

You and four fellow combatants attempt to destroy a giant glass-like sphere in a forest before an opposing army of five does so. The forest houses literally an infinite amount of hostile creatures, but they are all hopelessly weak, and can all easy be killed off, except for one of them. Even if you die, whether to an opponent in combat, or by any other means, it means nothing, because you have an infinite number of lives. There are no stages, no boss battles, nothing.

Did I mention that you never truly "win", because the battles reset after one sphere is destroyed?

(this part is inspired by VM)

You can even watch other duels that take place in parallel universes as they attempt not just to destroy the sphere, but for prestige, glory, and near-infinite riches. Then, you feel bad about it, because you then realize that it will never happen to you.

This is because these other armies are born to win and seemingly unconquerable, forging alliances among themselves that make other armies appear to be newbies. It's as if their strategies were set up by some sort of evil genius, and not as if they just wing it.

(I ALWAYS WANTED TO DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT LAST LINE :P)
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