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  #1  
Old 05-28-2016, 12:04 AM
Autumn Autumn is offline
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Default Describe your favorite video game and make it sound as bad as possible.

Title says all. Here's mine, crossposted from the place I originally found this game:

Favorite game: You're in a magical world where jumping into paintings allows you to go into other worlds. However, unlike Kirby: Canvas Curse, the game makes very little attempt to explain this, no boss and nothing in the game ever utilizes this so it's not even a real motif - it's just a 3D map where they were high as fuck and said "let's let you jump into paintings". The game was clearly not playtested because it's one of the glitchiest games of all time and it's possible to straight up beat it in, like, 5 minutes. Maybe less. I don't keep up with speedrun shit because there's too many goddamn glitches. My favorite is the one where you can fall through the wall of an overworld building, when not trying very hard, and end up in a nigh-inescapable looping madness place.

Favorite series: You play as a lawyer. That's fucking dumb.
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Old 05-28-2016, 02:26 PM
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Murkrow Murkrow is offline
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Default Re: Describe your favorite video game and make it sound as bad as possible.

A game so ugly even for the time that it was made that the developers tried to hide the textures by making the game as dark as possible by making the levels all during the night, and also the main character wears sunglasses (it's first person).

The sound design isn't that great either. Even the main character's voice acting is notoriously monotone. I'm pretty sure they got kids to play the child NPCs since they do that thing that I think even effect professional adult voice actors sometimes where you can tell they were given their lines with no context at all and they end up putting emphasis on the wrong words.

This is also a glitchy game, there's even a playthrough on youtube where they try to use as many glitches as possible without breaking the game. It's not a speedrun, just an attempt to glitch out the game to its limits. It's possible to play through the game without killing any NPCs except for one boss, but it's still possible to trick them into opening the door they're blocking and run past them.

The game has an RPG system where you level up skills, but it's possible to exploit glitches to get more XP than you're supposed to and some of the skills are imfamously useless to begin with.

The story is about someone who becomes a conspiracy theorist and ends up working with the people who probably did 9/11. After the final """boss""" there are three possible endings none of which are a good end. The sequel gave up and just said that meh they're all canon.
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Old 05-28-2016, 02:59 PM
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Kung Fu Ferret Kung Fu Ferret is offline
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Default Re: Describe your favorite video game and make it sound as bad as possible.

You build a zoo, and the guests never stop bitching, the animals and staff complain slightly less.
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Old 05-29-2016, 12:44 PM
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Vipera Magnifica Vipera Magnifica is offline
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Default Re: Describe your favorite video game and make it sound as bad as possible.

Oh so there's this really cool game where you're like this badass cowboy character and he... well, he doesn't have a gun, he mostly swings around a stick... oh but then you're not him, you're a small child who cries a lot, and also your mother is murdered by a cyborg dinosaur. oh then you're this thief guy with a limp and you have to steal an egg from a castle and you meet this princess who's not actually a princess, but she's pretty cool i guess. you buy a snake from a ghost but he eventually becomes depressed and leaves you. oh yeah then there's these guys who dress as pigs and they're part of some evil empire or something... and yeah you like fight them but there's also these gypsies... genies? uh... magic people and oh yeah there's like a dragon under the earth or something but you don't actually see it ever. and um... stuff happens and then you fight some kid who's a bully but also a time traveler and really old so i guess he's not a kid? oh yeah he's the bad guy by the way. but he's not the final boss, the final boss is like this really quiet, mysterious guy. but like, if you fight him he just kills himself... uh... yeah. oh also (SPOILER) he was your brother. that sucks :/ oh yeah then there's like the apocalypse but everyone is okay. i think? yeah it's a pretty good game.
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Old 05-30-2016, 12:06 AM
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Default Re: Describe your favorite video game and make it sound as bad as possible.

So, you buy this game, right? And there's this pink thing riding some star or whatever. And you're like "Oh Yeah, there's a pink thing! On a star! This games gotta be good." And then you play it, and you realize: there are 12 games in it. 12. Freaking. Games. Like, who the hell has time for that? And the stories, GOD. First youre in this forest, fighting some bomb throwing keebler elf, then the next game youre in a cave fighting, like, a Windows 99 virus or something, then youre in space fighting some purple thing with fangs, a jester hat, and wings that should be in some art museum that looks like it jumped straight out of a creepypasta. Oh, and it can drop seeds that sprout spiked beanstalks and barfs up spiked balls that emit freezing waves. What the hell!? This looks like some sort of crazy nightmare I'd have!! This game never ends. Once you do one game, BAM, a new game appears. And you play as the pink thing the ENTIRE TIME. And what's his weapon? A sword? A jump? He EATS HIS ENEMIES ALIVE, STEALS THEIR SOULS, AND USES THEIR POWERS IN BATTLE. Or, he can USE THEIR SOULS AND CLONE THEM. TO FIGHT ON HIS SIDE.What!?!??!?!? That's morbid!!! And this game was rated E!! And then you play as a knight just to beat the entire first 5 games over again who you fought earlier but is good now? Then you play as the ENEMIES to beat a disembodied face with hands made of jewels? And you fight clones of the pink thing in some minigames (like we didn't have enough games) then you race some fat evil penguin to see who can eat the most food that just happened to be left on the track youre racing and then you fight every single messed up boss over again?!?!?!?!

I need to lie down...

Last edited by Stryke; 05-30-2016 at 02:18 PM.
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  #6  
Old 05-30-2016, 12:51 PM
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Default Re: Describe your favorite video game and make it sound as bad as possible.

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Originally Posted by Stryke View Post
And there's this pink thing riding some star or whatever.
Important question:

Does the pink thing on the cover look happy or angry?
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  #7  
Old 05-30-2016, 02:17 PM
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Default Re: Describe your favorite video game and make it sound as bad as possible.

Happy (God only knows why)
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  #8  
Old 05-30-2016, 03:45 PM
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Kung Fu Ferret Kung Fu Ferret is offline
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Default Re: Describe your favorite video game and make it sound as bad as possible.

In the 1930s, you're this guy looking for his dad, who was a controversial scientist, and have to traverse this archipelago, and splice the DNA of different animals to create a army of fucked-up mutants, each type of unit being a mix of two different animals, and have to kill things, because that's what everyone else is doing.

Anybody else play this game?
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  #9  
Old 05-30-2016, 03:53 PM
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I liek Squirtles I liek Squirtles is offline
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Default Re: Describe your favorite video game and make it sound as bad as possible.

This game is absolutely bonkers. It's as if Mario 64 did PCP and then tried to parkour in a hospital.

You wake up in a room with no explanation at all. You're in some kind of... lab? And you're forced to run these trials. This game fucks physics five ways to Sunday.

Oh, and in the lab there are zero people- just a cop out so rhe animators didn't have to animate human bodies. The story's a cop-out, too; the only other thing in the place (SPOILER for ) killed everyone else because it's insane.. Really? Could they have picked a more paper-thin plot for this lunatic game? Most egregious offense of all, this game has the weakest meme ever.

Plot: 2/10
Physics: i/10
Dankness: 0/10
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  #10  
Old 05-30-2016, 11:30 PM
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Default Re: Describe your favorite video game and make it sound as bad as possible.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kung Fu Ferret View Post
In the 1930s, you're this guy looking for his dad, who was a controversial scientist, and have to traverse this archipelago, and splice the DNA of different animals to create a army of fucked-up mutants, each type of unit being a mix of two different animals, and have to kill things, because that's what everyone else is doing.

Anybody else play this game?
Wait what is this game that actually sounds cool haha!
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  #11  
Old 05-30-2016, 11:45 PM
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Kung Fu Ferret Kung Fu Ferret is offline
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Default Re: Describe your favorite video game and make it sound as bad as possible.

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Originally Posted by Sandstone-Shadow View Post
Wait what is this game that actually sounds cool haha!
Impossible Creatures. It's awesome if you're an RTS player. I have it on Steam.

EDIT: Be sure to download the Tellurian mod so we can play together online!
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  #12  
Old 05-31-2016, 02:56 PM
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Default Re: Describe your favorite video game and make it sound as bad as possible.

I'm not sure if I have a favorite, but here's some stuff I kind of like that I've played or at least or seen as an LP:

You want a cat, but first you need to learn to jump. After you finally get the cat, you take it to a dangerous place and toss it around a lot. Then you get a dog and a goldfish. The interactions between your pets are predictable. You abandon your cat and take your dog for a walk while going to grab some ice cream. After (SPOILER) killing your cat, you realize you can't eat ice cream.

People get forced to act in a TV show. Get them out and make them stop being afraid of their own shadows so they can help you fight crime. Also the town gets foggy sometimes, you need to stop that from happening. Then (SPOILER) go to the underworld and fight a dead lady only for her ex-husband to show up and kill her.

Mess with people's minds to stop a bad guy from stealing brains. The real enemy is (SPOILER) daddy issues.

A Mario knockoff with no plot beyond "save the Princess". They didn't bother to program a life mechanic. Also sometimes the not-Goombas don't move and at other times the score meter glitches out or disappears. And you can't really save the lady. You just meet her and then the game crashes.
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Last edited by sv_01; 05-31-2016 at 03:02 PM.
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  #13  
Old 05-31-2016, 10:04 PM
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Default Re: Describe your favorite video game and make it sound as bad as possible.

you play as a scrawny nerdboy who was having a chill day with his best friends, "romantic subplot" and "large strongman", when suddenly your peaceful settlement is attacked by evil robots from the sky! they kill romantic subplot and probably some other people but who cares about them? also you figure out you can wield a fancy sword thing that can kill the evil robots, so you and large strongman decide to go on a revenge quest to kill all of them, which involves climbing to the top of the giant dead guy you all live on.

along the way you meet a rather interesting cast of characters such as: fanservice lady, a healer in a game where you regain hp automatically outside of battle anyway; romantic subplot's older brother who looks nothing like her and is almost old enough to be her dad but apparently they're biological siblings; mage princess who has wings but can't even fly, what's the point; and a tiny annoying orb who thinks he's hot shit

when you finally get to the top of the giant dead guy, you find out that (SPOILER) surprise! romantic subplot is still alive! but now she's a cyborg who's being possessed by a goddess who's kind of dead but kind of not. then everyone falls into the ocean and meets a settlement of cyborg people, but not the same kind of cyborg that romantic subplot is, who you team up with to defeat the rogue cyborg dude who's controlling the evil robots from the core of the other giant dead guy.

but it doesn't end there, because scrawny nerdboy's adoptive father figure shoots him, revealing that you've been nothing but a host for a dormant malevolent god all along! but then you get revived because of some reasons i can't be fucked to remember rn and your new objective is to literally kill god. once you do that, you find out that your fancy sword thing was also a computer program, and you reset the world so there's no more malevolent gods and also romantic subplot isn't a cyborg anymore! everyone lives in harmony! yay!


and that's barely even getting into the gameplay! what kind of jrpg is this where you don't even have to grind 'cause you get exp just from walking around... smh.......

0/10, too many sidequests and the characters never fucking shut up in battle
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  #14  
Old 05-31-2016, 10:36 PM
Autumn Autumn is offline
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Default Re: Describe your favorite video game and make it sound as bad as possible.

@zapi my favorite description of that game in this format was

"A kid with a large red sword that gives him visions in a strange filter hikes up two giant robots for revenge (SPOILER) for someone who isn't even dead"
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Old 05-31-2016, 11:11 PM
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Default Re: Describe your favorite video game and make it sound as bad as possible.

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Originally Posted by Autumn View Post
@zapi my favorite description of that game in this format was

"A kid with a large red sword that gives him visions in a strange filter hikes up two giant robots for revenge (SPOILER) for someone who isn't even dead"
that's PERFECT
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  #16  
Old 06-02-2016, 02:44 PM
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Vipera Magnifica Vipera Magnifica is offline
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Default Re: Describe your favorite video game and make it sound as bad as possible.

You're a kid who starts a team for a sport that's immensely popular in your world. As you travel to different cities and recruit new talent for your team, you face off against other teams and it soon becomes apparent that you have a natural aptitude for this sport. Your skills improve so rapidly that within a few days your team has beaten all the professional teams around your country and you even face off against the defending national champions and come out victorious. You, the team captain, are recognized as a prodigy. There is no one left to test your skills against, since you are the best of the best. But it doesn't stop there. Scientists create a device that allows one to communicate with other parallel universes. Using your influence, you seize this device for yourself. Being part of the best team in your world has caused your ego to swell. You decide to use this device to face off against the champions from other universes, positive that you'll defeat them as well. This turns out to be a mistake. Your team is crushed by the champions from the first universe you visit. How can this be? You visit several other universes to try and reclaim your pride, but you get the same result every time. Defeat. Totally distraught by this humiliation, you scour the multiverse for a way to improve your team. Eventually, you find a great university. Hidden in this university is a library containing the collective knowledge of millions of parallel universes, and all of this knowledge is about the sport you play. You study this material fervently. Your friends and family begin to worry about you. As you obsessively soak up the knowledge of the library, you encounter several dark, horrible secrets that may hold the key to making your team even stronger. When you return to your world, the first thing you do is dismiss all of your teammates from the team. Despite their effort in getting you this far, you deem them unworthy of being champions of the omniverse. Instead, you institute a eugenics program to selectively breed the best athletes that are physically possible. Hundreds of clones are produced, and those deemed inferior are shunned. Many are sent into a holding facility to await the rest of their days. Some are sent off to other parallel universes. No one is aware of your dark secret except an elderly couple who you pay to run your cloning facility. To the public eye, you are still revered as an idol, a model citizen. But in reality, you have become a cruel monster devoid of compassion and driven by insatiable greed. Not content being the champion of your universe, you strive to be the champion of all universes! You continue to face off against the champions of these other worlds, learning from your mistakes and improving your strategy until you are the very best... (SPOILER) that no one ever was...
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  #17  
Old 06-02-2016, 02:44 PM
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Kung Fu Ferret Kung Fu Ferret is offline
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Default Re: Describe your favorite video game and make it sound as bad as possible.

An online game where you literally play god, and fun, except when the noobs keep feeding, which happens a lot.
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Old 06-02-2016, 03:30 PM
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Default Re: Describe your favorite video game and make it sound as bad as possible.

A bad case of identity theft for two rodents.
A little kid is doomed to a Groundhog Day experience until he saves a world he doesn't even live in.
A princess wants to be kidnapped to avoid living with her clown lady step mother.
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Old 06-02-2016, 05:40 PM
Autumn Autumn is offline
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Default Re: Describe your favorite video game and make it sound as bad as possible.

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[snip]
YOU PIECE OF SHIT
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  #20  
Old 06-02-2016, 07:25 PM
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Default Re: Describe your favorite video game and make it sound as bad as possible.

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--
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