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Old 07-26-2012, 06:12 PM
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Psychic Kobra Psychic Kobra is offline
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Default Twisted In Pain (Sequel to 'Claws Of Fury')

The strong Pokemon lay,
At the feet,
Of the magnificent Pokemon,
Whom he had hoped to beat.
The Pokemon's face,
Twisted in pain,
As he struggled to his feet,
To fight again.
The Raichu lifted his head,
And thunder was heard,
His enemy lay dying,
Paralysed in the dirt.
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Old 07-26-2012, 06:46 PM
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Default Re: Twisted In Pain (Sequel to 'Claws Of Fury')

You know, you could have just edited this into the other thread.
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Old 07-26-2012, 06:58 PM
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Psychic Kobra Psychic Kobra is offline
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Default Re: Twisted In Pain (Sequel to 'Claws Of Fury')

I know, but how could I explain this better? Hmmm...I know! For basics, the poem is about the result of a battle between Lt. Surge(as a young trainer) and Blaine. The Raichu was just evolved, and the Arcanine was Blaine's oldest Pokemon. The poem is a bit weird, I know, but trust me, it works fine!
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Old 07-30-2012, 08:51 PM
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Default Re: Twisted In Pain (Sequel to 'Claws Of Fury')

I think this one and your other poem are really good! They show a clear understanding of sentence flow; that is, everything fits together well so that it reads really nicely and smoothly. Writers much older than you still struggle with that a lot, so you're really doing pretty well here.

I also like the varied vocabulary in the two poems! It's pretty easy to fall into repetition, especially when you're trying to rhyme. Claws of Fury does the "claws and paws" thing twice in a short time, but sometimes that's a good way to show that something is important!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Psychic Kobra View Post
I know, but how could I explain this better? Hmmm...I know! For basics, the poem is about the result of a battle between Lt. Surge(as a young trainer) and Blaine. The Raichu was just evolved, and the Arcanine was Blaine's oldest Pokemon. The poem is a bit weird, I know, but trust me, it works fine!
A thread is a collection of posts together, like on this page! Your poem is post one in the thread, and mine is post four. If you post related things in the same thread, then it's easy for people to talk about them all together, instead of posting in each thread. Also, then if someone enjoys your poetry, it's easy for them to find the rest, since it's all together!

It's your decision whether or not they should be separate, though; think about it and decide which way you like best! (Separate threads could create a more focused audience since they're there specifically for the one poem! They might read it more carefully and make better comments! It kind of gives a poem its own space, so you might want that sometimes!)

Keep writing! You're doing a good job!
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