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SCHOOOOOL

Me: *shares nachos*
Jeanine: I love you~
Me: I know~
Jeanine: *unrelated note* You need to learn to say no!
Jeanine: ...and if you say no to that last statement it doesn't count.
 
Science class. 8D said:
Teacher: Right, so with some animals you can instantly tell if it's a guy or a girl. Like humans, since most girls have girl hair and most boys do not have girl hair.
*shows a picture of two beagles*
Student: How is this obvious? The beagles look the same.
Teacher: Well, if you look closely, the girl beagle is slightly lighter in color, and--
Student: They still really look the same. In all ways.
*cue my science teacher is awesome*
Teacher: *points* See, that.
Student: Yes.
Teacher: That is obviously a beagle's penis.
Student: OHHHHH. I SEE NOW.
 
I had a ton of these but now I forget D:

So I finally got the confidence to sing my audition piece in front of my friends (Shy from Once Upon a Mattress, in case you were wondering) and I did so between classes:

Me: *singing*
Jeanine: *listening*
Nique: *comes up and starts talking because she's oblivious as hell*
Jeanine: *shuts Nique up for obvious reasons*

and then after that i got hugged a lot because both of them were like "OMG YOUR VOICE IS AMAZING"
 
Oh God I love it when we play Dungeons and Dragons at school.

So my character went down a hallway and peeked around a corner in a dungeon. There was some kind of figure there with glowing red eyes and raised hands, and a stone altar in front of it. I told the rest of the group, cue us all trying to figure out what to do.
P.S. Josh is unconcious because of a poison at this time.

DJ: Hey, why don't we throw Josh at it?
Everyone: That's actually a good idea.
DM: Okay, what's your strength?
DJ: Eighteen.
DM: You pick him up and throw him into the room. He hits the stone altar and rolls down onto the floor. The figure doesn't move.
Chris: I sneak down the hallway, go behind it, and try to stab it in the back with my dagger.
DM: *rolls dice* You successfully do so. It's a statue with ruby eyes. Now we roll to see if your dagger breaks.
*dice rolling*
DM: It does. Also, now Josh wakes up.
Josh: Ohhh, my head *rubs head*

So then we find an identical room on the other side of the dungeon.

Chris: I choose to fart* on the altar like last time.
DM: There's nothing there.
*thieves fart all over the room*
Thieves: OK, there's nothing here.
Me: What are you doing? You didn't fart on the statue!
Thieves: There wasn't anything in the statue in the other room!
Me: So? There was something in the altar in the other room!
Chris: I'll fart on the statue.
DM: You find a small crack that looks out of place.
Everyone: OwO
Chris: I will open the statue.
DM: You open the statue, and see the blade of a sword inside of a secret chamber.
*DJ and I hi-five*
David: Are any of you going to grab it?
Everyone: It's probably cursed.
David: Fine, I'll grab it.
DM: It's a scimitar wrapped in deerskin.
David: I unwrap the deerskin.
DM: It's in a green sheathe. Also, as you unwrap the deerskin, a strange, twisted stick falls out.
Garrett: I pick up the stick.
David: Also, I am changing my name to Brass Balls.

We came across a room with five dead bodies. The one near the entrance had a short sword in its hand, and there was a golden cup across the room.

DM: By the way, who has the highest strength?
DJ: *raises hand*
DM: And who has the most HP?
DJ: *raises hand* I'm choosing to pick up the short sword, by the way.
DM: *laughs*
Everyone: It's cursed.
DM: Come with me. *talks to DJ for two seconds in another room*
DJ: AWW.
DM: Roll a saving throw.

And he proceeded to almost kill everyone (the sword turned him crazy for blood):

Josh: Let's see... I'm gonna run towards the party.
DM: He chases after you.
David: I draw the scimitar that I got earlier.
DM: As you draw the scimitar, you notice that it glows with a blue light, and it lights up the room.
David: It's of elven make.
DM: *rolls dice* He's coming at you now.
David: ...OH GOD.

Finally, we find another door:

DM: You notice some smoke coming out from under the door.
Everyone: Oh shi-
DM: You open the door, and there's a dragon on the other side. It's sleeping. So, what level are you all again?
Everyone: ...2.

We entered the main room of the dungeon, and there was some old guy in a coffin with an ultra-powerful sword (which we had to give to an NPC, but he'll probably die soon anyways). One of the thieves farted on the sarcophagus and found a trap before we fought some golems, and another thief apparently forgot:

Thief: I will open the sarcophagus.
DM: You try to open it, but a needle comes out and pricks you in the nose.

It caused him 4 points of damage and one hell of an acid trip, by the way.

Then the runes on the sarcophagus changed and told us that if we opened the sarcophagus, a horrible curse would activate. So we went outside the room and debated what to do. Garrett had cast Identify on all our neat crap before then, and came up with a plan.

Garrett: So, one of us holds open the door, and I open it from outside the room. We close it as I do so so that the curse doesn't affect us!
Me: Okay, I'll hold open the door.
DM: Wait, so everyone go to the door over there and show me exactly where you are. I want to have this picture in my mind.
Everyone: *poses*
Garrett: Okay, so I raise my branch and yell "BLAST!"
DM: Seven Magic Missles come flying out and hit the coffin.
Me: I'm closing the door right now.
DM: You close the door, and you here a tremendous noise, and see smoke coming from under the door. *rolls 15D6* That's how much damage you would've taken if you were in the room.
Me: I open the door back up.

There was a huge fireball trap that activated. Apparently, when we came in, the room was perfectly clean from it, and the bodies of the golems we had fought earlier were gone.

So, we exited the dungeon, and were walking along the road.

DM: DJ, you see something in the distance. It's running towards you.
DJ: Let's all stop until we can see it better.
DM: You wait a minute, and you see that it is a man. Also, he's naked.
Everyone: It's Josh**.
DM: His eyes are blood red.
Everyone: He's an Iratu now.
DM: The Pretoria (the NPC who got the good sword) attacks him. *rolls a bunch of dice* That plus some other stuff... OK, so, the Pretoria cuts him in half.

This is what happens when Friday is a half-day but the GEEK club wants to play D&D until 5 P.M.

*FART = Find And Remove Traps (we are so immature)
**We had two people named Josh: one was in our group, and the other had gone with another group run by a different DM. The second had forgotten to write down any armor or weapons on his character sheet. So the DM declared him to be naked.
 
We broke a feather duster in the library and spent the entire of lunchtime trying to fix it by putting the cover back on. Such phrases were thrown about as:

"Oh god! I can't get it back in!"
"Put it in! Put it in!"
"This is getting boring. If you don't put the damn thing back in soon, I'm going to sleep."
"I got it on! ... Awww, it fell off again."
"It's not hard, you just have to try a little more force."

We are so immature. And the worst part is I go to an all-male school.
 
I got up at the end of AP Computer Science to help my teacher with a form she was filling out online to get an account on a website. My hand brushed the metal frame of her desk about 5 feet away and I got a big static shock.

Me: *looks at hand* "ooh that was cool..." *looks back to find everyone around her desk starting at me in silence* "What?"
Teacher: *kind of confused voice* "...You turned my computer off..."
I looked at the screen, and it came back on a few seconds later. Nothing had changed.
I'm still not sure how it happened, but that was the most awesome part of my day.
 
*taking an Environmental Science exam*
*someone goes up and puts their test on the front desk*
Half the class: ...OH, we can put them there?
*ENTIRE BACK ROW places their finished exams on front desk. a total of one front row person has finished as well*
Me: ...whut
 
My English Teacher on Catholics (slightly paraphrased cause I'm not good at remembering stuff like this):

"So on Sunday Catholics go to church and confess their sins. Then they spend the rest of the day partying. My wife's mom is Catholic and she used to go to mass really early, like 5:30 in the morning. The service would go one for, like, 3 or 4 hours and then she'd start drinking. By 3:00 in the afternoon she'd be like 3/4 drunk. THIS WAS WHEN SHE WAS SEVENTY-FIVE!"

No offense if there happens to be any catholics around :)

Oh yeah and apparently the day my Physics teacher was born it was like -70 degrees outside. NEGATIVE. SEVENTY. Not sure whether that's in Fahrenheit or Celsius, but that's frickin' cold either way. And that is why she just laughs at us whenever we complain of the cold. Then again, she laughs at us all the time anyways.

And today we had college counseling and the counselor gave us some college applications to read so we could see what was good and bad for applications and we were supposed to decide which people we thought would be accepted and which wouldn't. Apparently we're so biased against Texans that everyone said the guy named Tex would be rejected even though the opposite was true :P

Again, no offense to any Texans around here. We just kinda have an odd relationship with our dear neighbors :)
 
In Spanish 1...
Albert: Devyn, go back to your desk.
Devyn: Okay, here, I'll shake your hand. And then I'll rip out your eyes :)
Albert: What?
Devyn: Nothing.
 
Jeanine: *saying something about environmental and suddenly says something in Japanese*
Me: ...what the hell
Jeanine: I just felt like saying cicada in Japanese...I read too much manga okay
 
I suppose this is sort of school related, can't think of anywhere else to put it.

This morning my cat woke me up early by rattling my door. In my half asleep state, I thought my mom had woken me up to go to school and left the room. So I got dressed to go to school. I believe was thinking the rattling of my door was something to do with redstone (again, I was half asleep). So I go outside my room, and everything is dark. I went back in my room (as I had found out that it was my cat rattling my door) to get a blanket to put under my door to stop him from doing that. My mom had shown up by then to put a box in front of my door to stop him, which is a better idea, so I went back to bed, noticing it was 3 am, without changing back into my sleeping clothes. I still was thinking "I'll just go back to bed until she actually decides to get up herself."

Throughout the whole thing it never occurred to me that my mom hadn't woken me up, or for that matter, that it wasn't even near time to wake up yet.
 
Geometry Teacher said:
Your sex grade teacher would have taught you this, but...
*everyone is laughing*
What did I say?
*student answers*
*laughs* It's worse when the teacher didn't even know what they're saying!
 
Me* sitting down net to a couple friends*
Ricky: *comes over and starts hugging everyone, because he's Ricky and that's what he does*
Me: Hey, where's my hug?
Ricky: *comes over to me, bends down to hug me and awkwardly falls on top of me*
Me: ...Ricky, I have a boyfriend.
Ricky: Oh, yeah, I forgot.

A FEW MONTHS EARLIER:

Ricky: *runs over to tackle-glomp me and almost tackles me to the ground*

I swear to God it's almost a running gag.
 
During Maths
Elle: That's racist~
My Chemistry teacher just jumps through door into the room.
Chem Teacher: ON THE TOPIC OF RACISM!
Elle: The hell're you doing he-? O.O
Chem Teacher: SO YOU KNOW THAT STORY I TELL IN ORDER TO ILLUSTRATE THE REACTIVITY SERIES?
Elle: No really, why are-
Chem Teacher: WELL I DO THAT BOXERY VOICE, YOU KNOW, LIKE, 'Uh, hey baby!' AND SOMEONE WAS ALL 'Dude that's a black voice. Stop doing a black voice." AND I WAS ALL 'I'M JUST TRYING TO DO A COOL AMERICAN VOICE DUDE.'
Elle: Sir, sir, sto-
Chem Teacher: SO NOW I NEED A NEW VOICE IN ORDER TO PROPERLY TEACH THE KIDS ABOUT COPPER!
Elle: I-
Chem Teacher: IT NEEDS TO BE A BOXER'S VOICE, ALSO!
Elle: ...How about Stalo-
Math Teacher: Steve, what the hell are you doing here? o.O

Oh yeah, the math building is literally as far away from the science building that you can get while still in school grounds.

Kid's sent into the class.
RE teacher finds out why that it's because he's been generally homophobic.
Spends the rest of the lesson talking about, in his own words, his 'faggiest weekend ever'.

Han: Is this the real life?
Meg: Is this just fantasy?
Jaime starts doing interpretive dance, while the other two sing.
It draws a crowd of about 50 year 12s, who just sort of sneak around the corner to watch.

Maths doing a past paper.
Josh finishes the first question first.
Josh: Heh. 69.

Josh being sexist.
Rhys: you know, if this were a Disney movie, I'd, like, leap up onto the table here.
Rhys jumps onto the table.
Rhys: I'd start singing and dancing, right about now...
Rhys starts lapdancing Josh.
Rhys: Someone would probably throw me something to use...
A random year 12 throws him her scarf which Rhys quickly incorporates into his act.
Rhys: And my song would be, like, Hakuna Matata so everyone would agree with me.
Rhys climbs off and sits down.
Rhys: Your's would be boring, like once upon a dream or something.
Josh: ...What the fuck just happened?

...

Rhys: Wait, did I just do that?

My school is just generally awesome. The Chemistry tachers are the lads, they have their own staff room with a ps3, a dart board, and they use glass beakers to hold their coffee, sugar, milk, hydrochloric acid, vodka and stuff. I'm not even joking. Work experience with them was awesome.
 
I was running from my friend once, and he caught up to me and tapped my shoulder with his hand - just a small little tap - and somehow I ended up flying across the hall and crashing into some lockers. We still don't know what happened o__o;

Then another time, my other friend said something inappropriate and hilarious at the lunch table.. I started choking on strawberry milk because it got caught in my throat when I started laughing. I ended up coughing it up all over the table, and no one even noticed except my two friends.
Well, Mr. Simmons noticed, but that was after it already happened..
 
Jeanine: If we didn't care about you, we'd have just given up! ...I gave up on Ryan (aka my boyfriend) a long time ago.
Jeanine: And plus we'd avoid you. Like Mike! I avoid him like the plague.

Music Teacher: *doing vocal warmups*
Jess: Hey, can we do massages today? Cause Jeanine is really good at it.
Music Teacher: *a few minutes later* And by request, turn around and massage the person next to you!
Me: Hey, Jess is right, Jeanine, you are really good at this!
Jeanine: ...yeah, I'm weird...
 
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