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  #21  
Old 07-29-2010, 07:34 AM
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Default Re: Brendan Namron: Ace Attorney (Case 1) (Case 2 about to begin!) (PLAYABLE!)

That. Was. Epic

That is all
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  #22  
Old 07-29-2010, 04:59 PM
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Default Re: Brendan Namron: Ace Attorney (Case 1 complete!) (Case 2 about to begin!) (Playable!)

I don't see any other name puns...
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  #23  
Old 07-29-2010, 05:02 PM
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Default Re: Brendan Namron: Ace Attorney (Case 1 complete!) (Case 2 about to begin!) (Playable!)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kammington View Post
I don't see any other name puns...
Not that I put that many in. Here's one more, though, that probably wasn't even remotely obvious:

Night Russ = nitrous

Just wait 'till you meet Luke Atmey in Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney: Trials and Tribulations. ;P


I'm ready to begin posting Case 2, but I'd like to see a little more feedback on the story overall first, if y'all don't mind.

Last edited by Strife89; 07-29-2010 at 09:18 PM.
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  #24  
Old 07-30-2010, 12:05 AM
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Default Re: Brendan Namron: Ace Attorney (Case 1 complete!) (Case 2 about to begin!) (Playable!)

Overall I like it a lot. The addition of Pokemon makes it...more appealing, I suppose, and easier for me to get into. That's probably because I haven't played the games, though; I assume that others would be perfectly fine even without the familiarity of Pokemon.

This case was a little short and more straightforward, but it's the first case, so it's expected that it will be easier. I very much look forward to the next case, because this is really fun to work on and try to figure out.

And I have a hunch that humans not completely trusting their Pokemon or recognizing their intelligence, as was mentioned multiple times, will probably become more significant later on...
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Most of us know the story of Grovyle and his partner, separated in the past but still managing to save the planet. But there is another story. A story of the hero landing as a memory-less Pokemon - alongside Grovyle. With Grovyle too distraught to explain what has happened, and every friend dividing her between two ways of life, Holly will come to understand that relationships are complicated - and can change in an instant.
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  #25  
Old 07-30-2010, 12:45 AM
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Default Re: Brendan Namron: Ace Attorney (Case 1 complete!) (Case 2 about to begin!) (Playable!)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Blazie View Post
Overall I like it a lot. The addition of Pokemon makes it...more appealing, I suppose, and easier for me to get into. That's probably because I haven't played the games, though; I assume that others would be perfectly fine even without the familiarity of Pokemon.
Glad to hear you like it! :D

The Ace Attorney games are, indeed, fun for those who like this sort of gameplay, and the characters are easy to get to know; before long, they will likely have inflated your list of favorite game characters by a sizable number. Pretty much every character is well-liked for some reason or another (except for a certain douche in Justice For All case 4 and an even-worse b**** in three of Trials and Tribulations' cases).

Quote:
Originally Posted by Blazie View Post
This case was a little short and more straightforward, but it's the first case, so it's expected that it will be easier. I very much look forward to the next case, because this is really fun to work on and try to figure out.
This is practically a tradition of the series; the first case is always a single trial, with no investigation; but even they become longer and more difficult (relative to each other, anyway) as the series goes on (Apollo Justice resets the difficulty but not the length). Ace Attorney Investigations: Miles Edgeworth breaks the no-investigation tradition by including two (short) investigation sequences in case 1; but that's excusable, due to the premise of the game.

Little trivia: most of the games include just four cases, which tell a (mostly) connected story when combined; in addition, each game makes references to the previous game's storyline. As a result, my goal is to try to fit a connected story that can stand on its own in four or five cases. Time will tell whether I succeed. If liked enough (and if I have enough ideas), I might begin a second "game" afterwards.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Blazie View Post
And I have a hunch that humans not completely trusting their Pokemon or recognizing their intelligence, as was mentioned multiple times, will probably become more significant later on...
You bet it will. :)

--------------------------------------------

Okay, in the next post, I'm going to begin case 2. It starts off with an investigation sequence, and is very low on interactivity. As a result, I'm going to post the entirety of the first part, wait for feedback, and continue.

This time, I'm going to try and include links to the music instead of just suggesting what track to play. Be sure to listen; it REALLY helps set the mood for the situation (and will allow non-Ace Attorney players to hear what they're missing!).

If you're reading this and it's the most recent post, stay at your computer and keep checking; I'm formatting Case 2 Part 1 for posting right now!
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  #26  
Old 07-30-2010, 12:54 AM
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Default Re: Brendan Namron: Ace Attorney (Case 1 complete!) (Case 2 about to begin!) (Playable!)

Hm. This works better than I thought it would when I first heard the idea.

I have a few criticisms. First, "telekinesis" is moving things with your mind (hence the shared root with for example "kinetic energy"). When you want communicating with your mind, you're looking for "telepathy".

Second, though I do enjoy the fact that you've captured the style of the Ace Attorney games extraordinarily well, that is a bit of a weakness too because ultimately, this isn't a game; it's a fanfic, and readers don't need to be familiarized with the concept of presenting evidence and pressing and checking the court record through example. The Ace Attorney games are awesome, but the fact is that they sacrifice the believability of the characters' actions for the sake of the gameplay, especially so in the first cases, and this particular aspect is really not something you want to replicate in writing, even if the story is "playable".

Thus, all I could think while reading the first case was how in the world Russ managed to not only forget that the bottle he killed David with was especially big and heavy - come on, that's the sort of thing that should leave a bit of an impression - but also that it was a bottle to begin with, even after he had specifically placed David and Machoke's fingerprints on the bottle to confuse the police. That's not just really airheaded; it's simply impossibly stupid. In fact, it's even worse than in the actual games - there it's mostly that they include irrelevant incriminating details in their testimonies, like Frank Sahwit's random decision to go all "BY THE WAY IT WAS EXACTLY ONE O'CLOCK" and "THE MURDER WEAPON WAS A CLOCK, WASN'T IT?" when he wouldn't have needed to, and then cover up their screw-ups with very unconvincing lies flying in the face of the evidence. Russ, on the other hand, is just randomly making up a story that's in complete, obvious contradiction with the evidence he knows he left behind, for no apparent reason whatsoever, and this both really stretches the credibility of the story and makes the conflict of the case feel really weak and ridiculous. I really hope the second case is better in this regard.

Third, what in the world was Russ on about when he brought out his Mightyena? How on earth can he sue a lawyer for losing a Pokémon battle against him? Even if you propose that in the Pokémon world it is actually illegal to refuse a challenge for a battle, which is pretty absurd in itself, there is no way any remotely coherent legal system could allow anyone to set any stakes whatsoever on a battle, including dropping charges against them in a murder case, and be able to sue both if they don't get their way if they win and if the challenge is refused. This makes no sense. If I'm missing something here, please explain.

Finally, a formatting suggestion: could you copy-paste the current Court Record at the end of every post that gives a choice? I imagine it would be a lot more convenient than having to go back to find all the times the Court Record has been changed, even with the text coloring stuff.

But other than that, this is quite entertaining and it looks like participation will be fun. As long as the next case doesn't introduce more bizarroverse plot points or mind-breaking stupidity from the witnesses, I'm sure this could be promising.
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  #27  
Old 07-30-2010, 01:17 AM
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Default Re: Brendan Namron: Ace Attorney (Case 2 about to begin!) (Playable!)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Butterfree View Post
"[T]elekinesis" is moving things with your mind (hence the shared root with for example "kinetic energy"). When you want communicating with your mind, you're looking for "telepathy".
Augh, my mistake. I'll attempt to fix it later.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Butterfree View Post
[U]ltimately, this isn't a game; it's a fanfic, and readers don't need to be familiarized with the concept of presenting evidence and pressing and checking the court record through example. [The games] sacrifice the believability of the characters' actions for the sake of the gameplay, especially so in the first cases, and this particular aspect is really not something you want to replicate in writing, even if the story is "playable".
Yeah, I'm aware. However, before I even began writing this thing, I had the idea in mind that I'd like to use the story to make a PyWright or PWLib game, but only if it was actually good. Your points still stand, though.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Butterfree View Post
Thus, all I could think while reading the first case was how in the world Russ managed to not only forget that the bottle he killed David with was especially big and heavy - come on, that's the sort of thing that should leave a bit of an impression - but also that it was a bottle to begin with, even after he had specifically placed David and Machoke's fingerprints on the bottle to confuse the police. That's not just really airheaded; it's simply impossibly stupid. [... T]his both really stretches the credibility of the story and makes the conflict of the case feel really weak and ridiculous. I really hope the second case is better in this regard.
Hoo, boy, did this ever occur to me as I was posting it. That said, if you think about it, weren't a lot of the grunts in generations 1 and 2 pretty airheaded as well? Obviously not to this extreme; I think I get what you're saying.

But, besides, Russ was in full-blown panic mode due to his paranoia about being sent to jail, and his brain didn't exactly kick it into high gear like most. Alternatively, you could think of him as trying to pull a Yanni Yogi, providing such impossibly wrong details that he would get kicked off the stand and sent to get therapy, rather than to jail.

Again, your points stand, though. I could have and should have written a more realistic culprit.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Butterfree View Post
Third, what in the world was Russ on about when he brought out his Mightyena? How on earth can he sue a lawyer for losing a Pokémon battle against him?
He's not. He's being half-a-sport about it, but he's basically thinking that if he wins, then he's "won" the "right" to sue on account of "false charges". As a former Team Rocket grunt, he's not exactly right in the head.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Butterfree View Post
Even if you propose that in the Pokémon world it is actually illegal to refuse a challenge for a battle
It's not, that's just Russ yakking.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Butterfree View Post
There is no way any remotely coherent legal system could allow anyone to set any stakes whatsoever on a battle, including dropping charges against them in a murder case, and be able to sue both if they don't get their way if they win and if the challenge is refused. This makes no sense. If I'm missing something here, please explain.
Russ had the judge under fire and had basically lost it. The legal system does not support any of this sort of battling at all.

It's a really weak plight, to be sure. I just didn't think about it much at the time. Once again, your points stand.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Butterfree View Post
Finally, a formatting suggestion: could you copy-paste the current Court Record at the end of every post that gives a choice?
Sure, I can do that.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Butterfree View Post
But other than that, this is quite entertaining and it looks like participation will be fun. As long as the next case doesn't introduce more bizarroverse plot points or mind-breaking stupidity from the witnesses, I'm sure this could be promising.
Hey, thanks for the input. :)

I've been presenting the second case that I have so far to a friend who's several years ahead of me, trying to make sure that the case feels sensible and doesn't lose its intended impact. Hopefully our efforts have succeeded.

Up in my next post: Part 1 of Turnabout Tragedy.

Last edited by Strife89; 07-30-2010 at 01:18 AM. Reason: Hid signature.
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  #28  
Old 07-30-2010, 01:59 AM
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Default Re: Brendan Namron: Ace Attorney (Case 2) (Playable!)

Brendan Namron: Ace Attorney – Case 2 (Turnabout Tragedy)
Written by Michael Carr (Strife89)
See first post of this thread for full credits.



[ 4:39 PM – July 25th, 2017 ]
[ Route 35 ]

(Music: Pokémon HeartGold/SoulSilver - Route 30)

Brendan: (narrating) The last time I had walked even nearly that much was during my last days as a real trainer, four years ago. I was 19 then …
Brendan: But anyway, Phoenix, Skye and I had gone through Ecruteak City and spent the 23rd at Olivine City. Skye really enjoyed the beach.
Brendan: The next day, Skye offered to teleport us back to Goldenrod -
Skye: (“voiceover”, if you want to call it that) Aren't you tired of walking?
Brendan: - but we all found that we enjoyed the scenery too much to do it.
Brendan: It reminded me of the best parts of my training days, when the gang and I could just roam free, take in all the sights … *sigh*
Brendan: I thought about Roxanne's words, at one point. How she thought that I would make a great Trainer if I would just start again.
Brendan: Skye would always look at me strangely whenever I thought about it. Who knows what's on her mind … ?
Brendan: But anyway, we were almost back at Goldenrod City. I couldn't wait to get a shower and take a nice, long nap in my bed.
(Music stops.)
Brendan: But the funny thing is, that never happened. What did happen, though, was something I never could have seen coming. Something that changed our lives … forever.

[ 4:45 PM - July 25th, 2017 ]
[ Goldenrod City – North Gate ]

(Music: Pokémon HeartGold/SoulSilver – Goldenrod City)
Brendan: *ahhhhhhh* Good to be home, isn't it?
Phoenix: I'll say. I need me a burger, stat!
Skye: *giggle* We should get out more, though. I say we go south next time!
Brendan: I'll consider it, Skye. Right now the only thing I feel like doing is flopping on my bed and getting some rest.
???: Is that all? (Music stops.) I figured you'd be willing to at least say hello first.
Brendan: Wha …. ?
???: It's good to see you too, son. (Music resumes.)
Brendan: M-Mom?! Hey! Wh-when did you get here?
Lily: I took a ship over when I heard about your first case! You didn't think I was just gonna sit there in the living room and watch your success pass by, did you?
Brendan: Errrr ….

COURT RECORD:
Evidence
Attorney's Badge: Proof of my current profession. I wear it with a little more pride nowadays.
Pokégear: A really fancy “wristwatch”. Recently upgraded to make it capable of translating Pokémon speech.
Bag: My bag from when I was a Trainer. Has three unused Pokéballs and a Potion in it.
Trinket: Lily picked this up while we were heading back through Ecruteak City. It has a curious design.

Profiles
Brendan Namron: (AGE: 23) Me, of course. Originally a Trainer in Hoenn, I came back to Johto to study law four years ago.
Lily Namron: (AGE: 45) My mother. She and I originally lived in Johto, but we moved to Hoenn in 2007 after my father became a Gym Leader there.
Phoenix: (AGE: 5) My Torchic. Son of a Pokémon I released before I moved back to Johto.
Skye: (AGE: 9) My Kirlia. Joined the forensics team the day I became a lawyer. Daughter of another Pokémon from my training days.

Party
Phoenix (Torchic): Lv. 14, 48 HP. 32 ATK, 27 DEF, 28 SPEED, 36 SP. ATK, 30 SP. DEF --- Ember, Aerial Ace, Growl, Focus Energy
Skye (Kirlia): Lv. 20, 61 HP. 31 ATK, 36 DEF, 40 SPEED, 48 SP. ATK, 44 SP. DEF --- Confusion, Teleport, Reflect, Thunderpunch


Options: Talk
Talk: Lily (Why You Came), How's Life?, What have you been up to?

Lily
endan: Mom, I don't mean to complain or anything, but … you've never come to celebrate any of my, er, victories before.
Lily: I know that too well, Brendan. It's because you were always on the move during your training days. You were so full of energy as a kid … never did stop traveling. Your father did a lot of the same, before he became a Gym Leader. Sure, I never showed up, but I never stopped thinking about either of you.
Brendan: I see. So then, what brings you here now?
Lily: Well, you're in a career now that doesn't call for much walking around. I always know where you are, so I actually stand a chance of catching up!
Brendan: … Good point. Still, I really appreciate the visit.
Lily: You're welcome. If you want, maybe I can make this a regular thing.
Brendan: That'd be great, actually. (No foolin'. I haven't seen any of my biological family in four years …)
Skye: (…)

How's Life?
Brendan: So, Mom, how's life been treatin' you?
Lily: Can't complain. Norman keeps food in the pantry, and I put the food on the table. Plus, I haven't done any detective work in years. Hoenn's been pretty quiet.
Brendan: I see … Wait, “detective work”?

Talk: *Lily (Why You Came), *How's Life?, Detective Work, What have you been up to?

What have you been up to?
Brendan: So, have you done anything interesting lately?
Lily: Nothing out of the ordinary. Why?
Brendan: (Um .... is that it?) .... Just thought I'd ask.

Detective Work
Brendan: Mom, what's this detective work you mentioned?
Lily: Didn't you know? I used to do some unofficial detective work for the Lilycove Police Department. They never actually hired me, but they paid me a decent sum for my findings.
Brendan: Ah, I didn't know that at all.
Lily: Is that so? I could have sworn I told you at some point before you moved back to here. Then again, I did do most of it while you were on the Gym Challenge …
Brendan: I see.

<All Topics Discussed>

Lily: Whew, I'm tired of standing here.
Brendan: Same here. Anyone up for a trip to the Goldenrod Grill?
Phoenix: ! I am!
Skye: I'm all for it!
Lily: Woah! Your Pokémon can talk?!
Brendan: Yes and no, Mom. My Pokégear's translating for Phoenix; Lily's speaking in our heads.
Lily: That's ... quite amazing! Anyway, the Goldenrod Grill? Can't say I've heard of it.
Brendan: They'd had it under construction for a while, up 'till last month. They've got some FABULOUS food.
Lily: I see. Well, I was actually hoping to treat you tonight, but I guess we can stop there. …
Skye: (“Treat us”? Brendan, how good of a cook is she?)
Brendan: (Like you wouldn't believe, if I remember right. One bite of any dish she makes will have you skip death and go straight to Heaven.)
Skye: (… This I have to see. We can go to the Grill another day.)
Brendan: (You sure?)
Skye: (Positive.)
Brendan: … On second thought, Mom, I'd like to see what you have in mind.
Lily: *warm smile* Thanks, honey. Let's get on over to your place, then.
Phoenix: WHAT?! Are you mad, Brendan? We've gotta show her the Goldenrod Grill!
Phoenix: They make the best burgers in the world! They're like nothing you've ever tasted, Mrs. Namron!
Phoenix: We've got to go thereeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee....... !
(Music fades out. Transition to …)

[ 5:27 PM – July 25th, 2017 ]
[ Goldenrod City – Brendan's House – Living Room]

Brendan: Well, this is the place. It's not much, but it –
Lily: It's much nicer than that hotel room I was staying in, that's for sure!
Brendan: (… Must have been one awful hotel.)
Brendan: (Makes me glad I bought this place BEFORE I moved here.)
Brendan: Mom, if you want, I can go get your stuff from that hotel and put it in the guest bedroom …
Lily: Will you? That's great, honey! Thank you!
Brendan: Alright, just tell me the room number and I'll g –
Skye: We just came from a huge walk, Brendan! Here, I'll go get the stuff. What's the room number?
Lily: Thirteen.
Skye: I'm on it! *flash*
Lily: Thank you~! …. Brendan, honey, where are the ingredients?
Brendan: (pointing) In there, Mom.
Lily: Ah, I see. *sounds of rummaging through the pantry*
Brendan: …. Mom, about the whole detective thing ….
Lily: You're curious about it, aren't you?
Brendan: … Yes, I am.
Lily: Well, then, what are you waiting for? Ask away!
(Music: Pokémon HeartGold/SoulSilver – New Bark Town)

Options: Talk
Talk: Why investigate?, When did you investigate?, With whom did you investigate?, What did you investigate?

Why investigate?
Brendan: Why'd you get into investigation, anyway?
Lily: Well, I didn't have any formal training, officially, so they couldn't pay me well,
Lily: but it was something I've always enjoyed doing. The thrill of discovery, you know?
Lily: Plus, it gave me peace of mind.
Brendan: (Peace of mind …. Of course, she was always worried about me while I was out-and-about in Hoenn. Can't blame her, either, what with Team Magma and Team Aqua in my earlier years ….)
Brendan: (Something tells me that she had other things on her conscience as well, though.)

When did you investigate?
Brendan: Mom, exactly when did you do most of your investigation stuff?
Lily: I started very shortly after we settled into Littleroot. Once the unpacking was done, I admittedly had little else to do. Unless you count keeping the house tidy.
Brendan: I see. So, when did you stop? Was there a real cutoff point?
Lily: More or less. It was about … June 2008, I think.
Brendan: (So it was for only about a year? Hmmm ….)

With whom did you investigate?
Brendan: Tell me again who you investigated with, please.
Lily: Certainly. The Lilycove Police Headquarters is the closest connection Hoenn has to the International Police. So I did a lot of my work for them.
Brendan: Wow, so the International Police were connected to your research?
Lily: Yes. They were investigating several criminal organizations around that time, including Team Rocket, Teams Magma and Aqua, and …
Brendan: .... “And”?
Lily: …. and Team Galactic.

Talk: *Why investigate?, *When did you investigate?, Team Galactic, What did you investigate?

What did you investigate?
Brendan: Mom, what exactly were you investigating?
Lily: Several things. The International Police were looking for leads on several criminal organizations, like Team Rocket, Teams Magma and Aqua, and Team Galactic.
Brendan: So, a bunch of nuts in uniforms trying to screw with the world were all running their own operations at once?
Lily: … You could say that. They weren't all at the same time, but they were pretty close together, and they had each been garnering interest from the police for different lengths of time. Team Galactic … was watched the longest.
Brendan: (That can't have been good. What were they doing, I wonder?)

Team Galactic
Brendan: Mom, you know I knew of Teams Aqua and Magma, and I knew a fair bit about Team Rocket, but what's this Team Galactic? What were they doing?
Lily: … Team Galactic's leader, Cyrus, was bent on destroying the world and recreating it in his own image.
Brendan: W-What?!
Lily: Yup. The International Police ended up sending a detective after a tip-off from me to the Lilycove Police. Their base was in this place called Veilstone City, in the Sinnoh region.
Brendan: … Wow.
Lily: A young trainer a lot like yourself bumped into Team Galactic several times, according to Detective Looker. When Cyrus tried to summon two special Pokémon to end the world, that kid, plus a friend of his and Looker, chased them to the top of Mount Coronet and got in their way.
Brendan: Sounds like that kid went though a lot.
Lily: Yeah. And it wasn't over. Cyrus disappeared - heaven knows where - and the rest of Galactic tried to start an eruption from the northern volcano. Looker arrested the last of 'em in the end, though. All three admins, too …. I can even name 'em for you. Jupiter, Saturn, and Charon.
Brendan: I see.

<All Topics Discussed>

(Music stops.)
Brendan: (Hmmm, I've collected a lot of information. Maybe I should jot some of it down ….)

[The following items were newly added to the Court Record.

Lilycove Police Headquarters: Hoenn's highest-ranking police group. Has connections with the International Police. My mom, Lily, did off-the-clock research for them.

International Police: Did ongoing investigations on big criminal organizations from at least 2007 to 2008.

Team Galactic: Criminal organization that ran at its peak in 2008. The International Police had an eagle eye on them. In addition to Cyrus as the boss, it had three admins: Jupiter, Saturn, and Charon; all have been arrested.


[Cyrus's profile added to the Court Record.

Cyrus: A sinister man that wanted to erase the world and remake it his way. After a kid from Sinnoh stopped him, he disappeared. (image silhouetted)

[Lily Namron's profile updated in the Court Record.]

Lily Namron: (AGE: 45) My mother. She and I originally lived in Johto, but we moved to Hoenn in 2007 after my father became a Gym Leader there. Did unofficial research for the Lilycove Police for about a year.

Brendan: (Jeez, that's a lot to remember …)
*flash*
Brendan: (Hunh? That light came from the guest bedroom. That means it must be …)
Skye: I'm baaaaack! Everything's set up! No offense, Mrs. Namron, but you really shouldn't keep so many papers strewn everywhere …. It promotes untidiness.
Lily: *chuckle* No offense taken, Skye. … But I definitely don't remember leaving any papers out
Brendan: (Yeah, that is weird. Mom never left a mess in the house, not even a minor one.)
Lily: … Aha! This is everything! Guess I better get started!
Skye: Ah … er … Mrs. Namron?
Lily: Hmmm?
Skye: Do you … mind if I help you cook … ?
(Music: Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney: Trials and Tribulations - Lordly Tailor Department Store)
Lily: Not at all! I can always use a helping hand!

Brendan: (Narrating) Phoenix and I were practically drooling on the table for the next hour and a half as we watched Skye and my mom cook.
Brendan: At one point, it looked like even a bystander was looking inside, trying to find the source of the wonderful smell. I gave them a friendly wave.
Brendan: By 7:30, there was a feast on the table, and every bit of it looked fit for a king. We all sat down around the table and began to eat, making small talk and complimenting the chefs.
Brendan: Skye was pretty jealous, though. She had never cooked anything this good, not by herself. She was worth a four-star restaurant in her own right, but this food was SIX stars.
Brendan: Phoenix even said it was “better than the Grill's burgers!” We got a good laugh out of that.

Brendan: Pretty soon, we were all stuffed.
Brendan: Skye made cleanup a snap, and we soon settled down in the living room for a while, discussing how things had been for us in Johto. (Music fades out.)
Brendan: Skye went to her room around 9 to do forensics work on some weapons the Goldenrod Police asked her to look at. Something about a bloody knife and a chemical.
Brendan: At ten, the rest of us turned in to our rooms. I settled in and studied an interesting case file.
Brendan: I think it was about 11:30 when I finally shut down for the night.
Brendan: And as I drifted off to sleep, I could have sworn I heard a faint “Mrow” from somewhere nearby …






???: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
(Music: Apollo Justice: Ace Attorney - Thrill Theme ~ Suspense)
Brendan: W-What was that?! Who's there?!
(FLASH to the living room)
Brendan: W-Who screamed? Answer me!
Phoenix: Wasn't me! What's going on?!
Skye: Brendan ….. I-It w-was Lily …. She …. she ….
Brendan: No …. MOM!!
(FLASH to the guest bedroom. Inside …)
(Lily lies in her bed, a large knife piercing her chest. Dark-red blood seeps from the wound.)
Brendan: N-No! Mom! MOM!!
Lily: Brendan … i-it was h-her …. The l-last one …..
Brendan: The last what?! Mom! Mom, please, hold on!! Please!
Skye: (I-I'll get an ambulance! Hold on, Brendan!) *flash*
Lily: Everything …. is …. up …. to ….. you …..........................
Brendan: Mom …. Mom! Mom, please, don't die on me …... Don't ….................
Brendan: Don't ....... go ......................


Brendan: (narrating) She died just two minutes later. The ambulance never had a chance.
Brendan: We all just …. stood there for the longest time, crying. None of us could sleep any more.
Brendan: I didn't know anything …. Who killed her, why, how they got in, what I was supposed to do, anything …..
Brendan: I didn't know anything …. What was I supposed to do?

Brendan: (out loud) What am I supposed to do?!

TO BE CONTINUED …

---------------------------------------------------

Please, no posts with one line about how horrible it is that she was murdered ..... Tell me how you FELT when you read that bit, and please be honest with yourself. What do you think is gonna happen? Who, if anyone, do you think killed her?

Was the writing (i.e., dialogue style, narration) effective? Did you FEEL what Brendan felt at any point in time?


Feedback in some decent amount or part 2 comes slowly. :P

Last edited by Strife89; 07-30-2010 at 02:08 AM. Reason: Fixed a color tag.
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  #29  
Old 07-30-2010, 02:23 AM
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Default Re: Brendan Namron: Ace Attorney (Case 2 in progress) (Playable!)

'Twas Mars. Lily was worried about Team Galactic. You only mentioned that three of the four admins were in prison, and Lily said "the last one." So...yeah. Killed her as revenge or something? I was worried that something was gonna happen to her after I figured that her room had been searched. (Someone was in there who made the mess with the papers - someone who wasn`t Lily or Skye and was probably Mars.) But when she was killed I kinda sat there in shock, like, "Whaaaat just happened?"
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  #30  
Old 07-30-2010, 02:35 AM
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Default Re: Brendan Namron: Ace Attorney (Case 2 in progress) (Playable!)

EDIT: There was some spoiler-tagged text here, but I opted to remove temptation altogether for (almost) everyone and took it out.
Suffice to say that you all will soon see if Blazie is right or not. :)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Blazie View Post
But when she was killed I kinda sat there in shock, like, "Whaaaat just happened?"
That's more-or-less what I was aiming for; to have the reader feel as shocked as Brendan (and maybe even get them a little choked up).

Part two's just gonna rub a little salt in Brendan's wounds. :/

(For the curious: part three, the first trial, is fully written. Part four is in progress, slowwwly.)

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  #31  
Old 07-30-2010, 05:17 PM
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Default Re: Brendan Namron: Ace Attorney (Case 2 in progress) (Playable!)

Here's Part 2!
________________________________________


[ 6:28 AM – July 26th, 2017 ]
[ Somewhere in Goldenrod City ]

(Music: Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney: Justice For All - Investigation ~ Core 2002)
Brendan: What do you mean, she's under arrest?! She hasn't done a thing, I tell you!!
???: Sorry, pal, but that's the way it's gonna be! All of the evidence points to her, and no one else!
Brendan: This is outrageous! She hasn't been allowed to defend herself or anything!
???: You know full-well that she will get a chance to do just that in court, pal!
Brendan: But the trial is set to start in less than four hours! Nobody can prepare a good defense in that amount of time!
Brendan: And speaking of which, who's gonna defend her? Some fourth-rate lawyer with an axe to grind? Hmmm?!
???: Watch it, pal, or I'll throw you off the case! For now, I'm allowing you to defend her, if that is what she wishes.
???: Anything you do is gonna have to be fast, though. Like you said, you've only got a little more than three hours to prepare your case.
Brendan: But that –
???: Listen to me, pal. Not everyone on the forensics team was happy about her joining. If you give them a reason to bite, they will, and the prosecutor for this case WILL listen to them. Don't ever give them that reason.
Brendan: … Detective Slooth, I …
Slooth: You know what you need to do. Go talk to Kirlia, then go to your house and take notes of everything. That's all you're gonna have time for. Be in the courthouse by 9 and I'll do what I can to help, pal.
Brendan: ….
Slooth: Look, I'm sorry about your mother. I just wish there was something we could do …
Brendan: …. That's the thing, isn't it?
Slooth: ?
Brendan: Once some damage is taken, a Potion brings your health back.
Brendan: But once a life is taken, nothing can bring it back …
Slooth: …. You'd better not spend any more time here, pal. Get going!
Brendan: R-Right!

[Detective Slooth's profile added to the Court Record.]

Detective Slooth: High-ranking detective at the Goldenrod Police Department. Always there for someone in a jam.

Options: Move
Move: Detention Center

Move: Detention Center
(Music stops.)
[ 6:48 AM – July 26th, 2017 ]
[ Goldenrod City Detention Center ]

Skye: …
Brendan: Skye …. I …. I would never –
Skye: I know.
Skye: Right now, the only way any of us are going to get through this is if we play our roles …. and do our jobs.
Brendan: …
Skye: … So go ahead, Master. Do your job.
(Music: Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney: Trials and Tribulations - Detention Center ~ Elegy of the Detained)

Options: Talk, Move
Talk: What Happened
Move: Slooth's Office, Brendan's House - Outside

Talk: What Happened
Brendan: Skye, I know this is tough for both of us to talk about, but …. what do you know about what happened?
Skye: ….
Brendan: I-It's okay …. Don't worry abou –
Skye: I know very little.
Skye: I believe I woke up at about 12:15 AM to a p-piercing scream, which came from the guest bedroom.
Skye: We all woke up, gathered in the living room, and then w-went into the g-guest bedroom.
Skye: There … w-we f-found L-Lily …... K-Knife stuck in h-her chest .… *sob*
Brendan: *sniff* (… No, I can't cry …. Not in front of her ….)
Skye: …. *sniff*
Skye: …. The knife.
Brendan: ?
Skye: Ask me about t-the knife.
Brendan: (… I know she means well, but I've got a really bad feeling.)
Skye: ….

Talk: *What Happened, The Knife

Talk: The Knife
Brendan: Skye … do you know of anything important regarding the murder weapon?
Skye: …. Yes.
Brendan: ….… Please tell me.
Skye: …. T-That knife was handed to me by the forensics team last week, to examine in detail. It has several fingerprints and a large bloodstain, as well as traces of an unknown chemical.
Brendan: So, then, this knife was in your room last night up until the murder?
Skye: … Yes.
Brendan: …. You gotta be kidding …. that's the ONLY evidence they're using to link you to this case?
Skye: …. No.
Brendan: I see …. --- Wait, what? What else is there?
Skye: …. I touched it.
Brendan: (…. Crap.)

Talk: *What Happened, *The Knife, Touched It

Talk: Touched It
Brendan: When did you touch the knife?
Skye: … Last night.
Brendan: !
Skye: I … I was absentmindedly flipping it over with my bare hand.
Brendan: (But couldn't you hav – Nevermind.) I see.

[Skye's Testimony added to the Court Record.]
Skye's Testimony: She absentmindedly handled the knife with a bare hand on the night of the murder.

[Skye's Profile has been updated in the Court Record.]
Skye: (AGE: 9) My Kirlia. Joined the forensics team the day I became a lawyer. Daughter of another Pokémon from my training days. Currently my client, accused of the murder of Lily Namron.

<All Subjects Discussed>

Brendan: (I don't think I can get her to talk about anything else right now.)
Brendan: (I'd better go ho– to the crime scene and see if there's anything else I can find.)

[Skye removed from the party.]

Move: Brendan's House - Outside
(Music stops.)
[ 7:16 AM – July 26th, 2017 ]
[ Brendan's House – Outside ]

Brendan: (The cops are running around everywhere, looking for more clues.)
Brendan: (My home will never be the same again.)
Brendan: (I dunno if I'll even feel safe in it anymore ….)
Brendan: …
Brendan: (What's that? Something's up with the front door …)
(Music: Apollo Justice: Ace Attorney - Solitary Confinement ~ Darkness Theme)

Options: Examine, Move
Examine: Front Door Locks, Doorstep, Flower Bed
Move: Detention Center, Brendan's House - Living Room

Examine: Front Door Locks
Brendan: T-The deadbolt's bolt is missing! There's a lock mechanism, but nothing to actually make the lock!
Brendan: … Crap, and there are scratches on the doorknob face. Someone tried to pick this lock, I'm sure of it!

[Altered Locks added to the Court Record.]
Altered Locks: Someone apparently picked my normal lock and took out the bolt. How they managed the latter is beyond me.

Examine: Flower Bed
Brendan: I don't remember seeing these marks in the soil before.
Brendan: There's a large dent here, near the corner of the concrete. No idea what that is.
Brendan: Next to it, though, are four small paw-prints.
Brendan: These might be important ….

[A photo of the Bed Prints was added to the Court Record.]
Bed Prints: Four small paw prints and a larger dent were found in the dirt next to the doorstep. Photo is timestamped 7:20 AM.

Examine: Doorstep
Brendan: I … don't really see anything here, actually.
Brendan: Just the same old rubber marks and chips into the concrete.
Brendan: Wait …. what's this?

[Cat hair added to the Court Record.]
Cat Hair: Any feline could have left this on my doorstep, but somehow this hair strikes me as oddly important.

Brendan: A stray cat hair …. very darkly colored. This might come in handy.

<All examinable areas checked>
Brendan: Well, better get moving. I don't have much time ….

Move: Brendan's House - Living Room
(Music pauses.)
Brendan: …. Well, here I am again. The police have been swarming the inside for hours.
Brendan: Like bees in their hive …. I can't afford to stick around for long.
(Music: Apollo Justice: Ace Attorney - Solitary Confinement ~ Darkness Theme)

Options: Examine, Move
Examine: Carpet
Move: Brendan's House – Outside, Brendan's House – Guest Room, Brendan's House – Skye's Room

Examine: Carpet
Brendan: There's some dirt littered across the carpet. They way they're spaced, I'd guess that the tracker was running.
Brendan: There's a lot more littered around the room .... I bet it's the cops' doing.
Brendan: Hmmm? What's this?

[Cat Hair updated in the Court Record]
Cat Hair: A single hair was found on the doorstep, and several more hairs were found on the living room carpet.

Move: Brendan's House - Skye's Room
(Music fades out rapidly.)

Brendan: …. So, this is the room where the murder weapon was obtained?
Brendan: I feel like some would claim that that's more than enough to convict Skye ….
Brendan: … But I know it wasn't her! It couldn't have been ….
Brendan: Somewhere in one of these two rooms is something that can help me save her ….

Brendan: …. isn't there?

(Music: Iji - All That Can Wait)
Options: Examine, Move
Examine: Table, Bed, Floor, Window
Move: Brendan's House - Living Room

Examine: Bed
Brendan: This is Skye's favorite bed. It's really soft and cushiony.
Brendan: She told me once that this is where she likes to lie down when she's upset. It always calms her nerves.
Brendan: If I could drag this thing around for her, I would ….

Examine: Table
Brendan: I guess the knife was on this table before it was picked up by the murderer.
Brendan: They definitely knew what they wanted. Nothing else on the table has even been touched. Skye's neat arrangement gives it away.
Brendan: If we get through this, I'm getting her a fancy evidence cabinet.

Examine: Floor
Brendan: There's nothing out of the ordinary here. Skye barely leaves a mark on any floor, and it doesn't look like the murderer left anything behind.
Brendan: … There doesn't appear to be any cat hair in here, either.

Brendan: Skye usually keeps the windows looking like crystal, but …. this one looks … smudged.
Brendan: … ! Wait a minute …
(Music: Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney – Suspense)
Brendan: I just remembered …. I saw someone or something looking through one of the windows last night! Could … could they have been the murderer, spying on us?
Brendan: D-Detective!
Detective: Sir?
Brendan: I want these windows checked for prints on the outside as soon as possible!
Detective: Yes, sir!
Brendan: All of them, got it?
Brendan: (There he goes ….)
Brendan: (There's no way they'll have a result in time for the trial. Not without Skye's help.)
Brendan: (I do have time to check out one last place …. The crime scene.)

Move: Brendan's House - Living Room

Move: Brendan's House - Guest Room
(Music: Iji - All That Can Wait)

Brendan: There lies my mom. Rest in peace ….
Brendan: It's so hard to look at her. The bloodstains are horrible, and that knife is still stuck in her and …. ulgh.
Brendan: I … I won't give up, Mom. Not for you, not for Phoenix, not for Skye. …
Brendan: There's something in here that can help me in the trial … I know there is ….

Options: Examine, Move
Examine: Body, Knife, Bed, Floor
Move: Brendan's House - Living Room

Examine: Floor
Brendan: The floor has been walked on so much that the carpet's starting to look funny.
Brendan: Nothing to see down there but some dirt, though. Don't cops even bother to wipe their shoes ...?

Examine: Bed
Brendan: Dried blood is all over the bedsheets … some of it managed to trickle down the side that Mom was lying on …
Brendan: There don't appear to be any signs of a struggle. It's like Mom was already sleeping face up ...
Brendan: … I guess they photographed the bedsheets before they pulled them back like that, so they could take a better look.
Brendan: Like anyone wants a better look at this scene….

Examine: Body
Brendan: Mom's definitely seen … better days.
Brendan: …...... I don't see any unusual marks on her or her clothes. The killer only needed one stab at it, I guess. That must mean that Mom was asleep ….
Brendan: … What a coward, whoever he was. Killing someone when they have no hope of knowing you're coming ….

[Stabbing Note jotted down in the Court Record.]
Stabbing Note: There were no marks on the front of Mom's body or clothes to indicate that she was stabbed more than once.

Examine: Knife
Brendan: It's a fairly large knife, perfect for cutting large foods or …. doing this.
Brendan: No idea how long it is, but it looks like it's in deep ….. (*urk!*)
Brendan: The handle's made of what looks like a very smooth plastic. I can't tell for sure. You can see a strip of metal running through it, like it's just a long strip of metal with two plastic grips bonded on the sides at the end.
Brendan: There's blood splattered all over it. Probably from when the deed was done …
Brendan: Skye said there was a bloodstain all over the blade, too. I don't see it, so I guess it's further down.

[Knife added to the Court Record.]
Knife: The murder weapon. Skye was examining it as evidence for another murder. Said to have a bloodstain from a prior murder.

<All areas examined.>
Brendan: …. I really shouldn't stay in this room any more. I fear I'll break down and just sit beside the bed for a while ….

Move: Brendan's House - Living Room
(Music stops.)
[ 8:34 AM – July 26th, 2017 ]
[ Brendan's House - Living Room]

???: What are you still doing here, pal?!
Brendan: Waaah! Detective Slooth?!
(Music: Apollo Justice: Ace Attorney - Investigation ~ Core 2007)
Slooth: You haven't got time to mourn, Namron! Get down to the courthouse now!
Brendan: W-What are you talking about?!
Slooth: The TRIAL, Brendan! You've got to be at the courthouse by nine to receive your client! The trial's at ten whether you're there or not – and if you're not, they might call HER guilty then and there!
Brendan: W-WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!


[ 8:35 AM – July 26th, 2017 ]
[ Brendan's House – Outside ]

Slooth: What are you doing?
Brendan: Going! I don't have time to waste!
Slooth: You'll never make it in time! The courthouse is on the north side of the city!
Brendan: Don't talk like that! I have to try! Skye's on the li-- Ooof!
Slooth: We're not letting you try by yourself, pal! Pidgeot! Brendan here needs a lift! Hop on!
Brendan: Waah!
Slooth: You know what you need to do! Go do it, pal!
Brendan: … Right! Let's go, Pidgeot!
Brendan: W-Woaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!

TO BE CONTINUED ...

------------------------------------------------------------------------

So, what do y'all think? :)

In any case, the trial (Part 3) is about to start soon. I'll put up the full Court Record in the Courtroom Lounge, and again whenever you're faced with a chance to present something. There will be a little more pressing necessary this time, but it's nothing too difficult.

By the way, have any of you been listening to the music? Does it help the experience? Hurt it? You tell me. :)

Comments, please! :)
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  #32  
Old 07-31-2010, 07:06 AM
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Default Re: Brendan Namron: Ace Attorney (Case 2 in progress) (Playable!)

Hmm.

I must admit I kind of saw his mom's death coming - suddenly introducing a character like that and having happy fun times with her is just a little too ominous to make it shocking when she turns out dead. After all, you're emulating the storytelling style of the Ace Attorney games very accurately, and this is a very Ace Attorney thing to do, stylistically; it reminded me of Mia before 1-2 and Misty in 3-5.

Sadly I haven't had the opportunity to listen to the music while reading, as I don't like to have music playing unless I'm either wearing headphones or alone in a closed room so that it won't disturb anyone else. I would try it if I got the opportunity. I'm not sure what the effect would be like; it could enhance the mood, but it could also be distracting to keep having to stop reading to turn the music on or off according to the instructions, which could just take the reader out of the flow of the story.

It strikes me as extremely odd that Skye would just get to take important evidence home - surely analyzing the knife would be done at the forensics lab where it can be ensured that everyone will treat the evidence with appropriate care. Having individual analysts just haul it off and leave it unguarded in their rooms, where it could not only be stolen or otherwise deliberately tampered with but also simply accidentally contaminated by their housemates, seems wildly irresponsible as well as quite pointless, since presumably all the best forensics equipment would be located at the lab anyway.

I like the examination dialogue; like in the actual games, it contains background details that don't matter to the plot but lend a lot of atmosphere and character.

(SPOILER for speculation on the solution of the case) I have to agree with Blazie that it's rather obviously Mars who did it; I immediately noticed she wasn't mentioned when you talked about Jupiter, Saturn and Charon being arrested, and with the "last one" thing, that pretty much settles it. The cat hairs are further evidence in favor of that hypothesis, since she has a Purugly. This is a little unfortunate since the reader is familiar with Team Galactic but Brendan isn't, so we're way ahead of him even as he will probably have a genuinely hard time figuring it out. In the games it's always rather annoying being too far ahead of Phoenix/Apollo, and the same thing may happen here. Be careful with this sort of situation.
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  #33  
Old 07-31-2010, 07:54 AM
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Strife89 Strife89 is offline
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Default Re: Brendan Namron: Ace Attorney (Case 2 in progress) (Playable!)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Butterfree View Post
I must admit I kind of saw his mom's death coming [...] After all, you're emulating the storytelling style of the Ace Attorney games very accurately [...]; it reminded me of Mia before 1-2 and Misty in 3-5.
Mia's death has been mentioned to me before, but I never thought about comparing this to Misty Fey. Hopefully I'm handling Brendan's post-murder feelings appropriately; he's gotta stay on the job, but he almost can't help but mourn if he gets the chance.

And yeah, I figured that most would guess she'd be murdered, if only due to the case's title (Turnabout Tragedy).

The moment of her death isn't meant to be so much shocking as frightening (as well as heartbreaking for some). An unknown (to Brendan, at least) intruder broke into his locked house and killed his mother almost undetected. Who WOULDN'T be unnerved by that?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Butterfree View Post
Sadly I haven't had the opportunity to listen to the music while reading. [...] I'm not sure what the effect would be like; it could enhance the mood, but it could also be distracting to keep having to stop reading to turn the music on or off according to the instructions, which could just take the reader out of the flow of the story.
Clicking a link on the forums will open the YouTube page in a new tab, at least in Firefox 3. A single click of the wheel on the tab will close it and stop the music. That said, I still think I see your point; stopping to even click a link can indeed be overly distracting for any reading.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Butterfree View Post
It strikes me as extremely odd that Skye would just get to take important evidence home - surely analyzing the knife would be done at the forensics lab where it can be ensured that everyone will treat the evidence with appropriate care.
I know, it barely stands as little more than a lame plot device, but I tried to explain it through a passing remark made by Slooth: Skye, being psychic, can deduce a few things that even their forensics equipment cannot. She's essentially a prodigy among analysts, albeit unfairly; hence her peers' dislike for her.

Why aren't there more psychic Pokémon as analysts? They're not interested in it; Skye simply is. (Horrible explanation, I know.)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Butterfree View Post
Having individual analysts just haul it off and leave it unguarded in their rooms, where it could not only be stolen or otherwise deliberately tampered with but also simply accidentally contaminated by their housemates, seems wildly irresponsible[.]
It's never explained in the script, but Detective Slooth took a liking to Skye's personality and her work ethic, and ultimately was the one to spark the whole thing. Skye was given the best of both worlds: doing what she loved at home, with her closest friend. She still goes to the lab for work (as is subtly noted in case 1), but trickier evidence is sometimes given to her if the crew does not think it's as time-sensitive.

Brendan tosses out a remark that he wants to buy her a "fancy evidence cabinet" when this is over. Whether Skye remains on the forensics team has yet to be written.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Butterfree View Post
I like the examination dialogue; like in the actual games, it contains background details that don't matter to the plot but lend a lot of atmosphere and character.
Thanks, I'll slip in some more of that when I think it'll fit. :)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Butterfree View Post
[The final, spoiler-tagged paragraph.]
Oddly enough, none of my three IRC players have appear to have figured it out yet, so there may be other Pokémon fans who won't know until the biggest clues for Brendan have been dropped. The motive is just a hair more obscure, but can be easily deduced if you recall the correct dialogue from the games. (You are correct about the intention of that one piece - er, those pieces - of evidence.)

Besides that, it's only the second case, and I didn't want it to be excruciatingly difficult (although the trial has given my IRC playtesters a headache or two; I have since tweaked it). There are some parts of it that may not be immediately obvious, to boot, whether you know who the murder is or not.

Speaking of the trial, I think I'll go ahead and post it (up to the first Court-Record-question). Late as it is here, I'd like to leave something up for the handful of people who appear to be following this thing.

The prosecutor for this trial has sparked doubts from the 3 IRC readers, and I have attempted to tweak his character many, many times to be more fitting, but I fear I just can't do it. Bash this trial as you see fit; if it sucks enough, I'll scrap it and try again.

Welcome to court. :)

Last edited by Strife89; 07-31-2010 at 08:49 AM. Reason: Spelling error.
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  #34  
Old 07-31-2010, 08:28 AM
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Default Re: Brendan Namron: Ace Attorney (Case 2 in progress) (Playable!)

Case 2, Part 3
Day 2, Trial 1
______________________________________________________________

[ 8:58 AM – July 26th, 2017 ]
[ Goldenrod City Courthouse – Lobby ]
(Music: Apollo Justice: Ace Attorney - Courtroom Lounge ~ New Prelude)

Skye: Brendan! Oh, thank goodness …
Skye: I got worried that you wouldn't make it ….
Brendan: (Well, I did, but just barely .... I really owe Slooth, big time ….)
Brendan: (That's gonna have to wait, though. Skye's in danger …)
Skye: Brendan … Please, don't worry so much about me. I'll be fine …
Brendan: … Skye, I don't need to be psychic to see right through that. We're all gonna need each other to pull this off.
Skye: …
Brendan: Skye …. I know it hurts …. Maybe it hurts you more than it hurts me, even.
Skye: …
Brendan: But Mom … She wouldn't want us to hang our heads like this. We gotta keep trying, no matter what happens ….
Brendan: (Wally comes to mind …. He was as sick as could be in Petalburg, before he got his Ralts and they moved to Verdanturf ….)
Brendan: (And he somehow made a comeback and beat the Hoenn Pokémon League.)
Brendan: (He kept going …. even to the bitter end, he and his Pokémon – his closest friends – never stopped believing they could triumph.)
Brendan: (We have to be like Wally now … or we're all as good as done.)
Skye: ….
Brendan: Phoenix, I'm letting you out, okay?
*click* *FLASH* (Phoenix appears from his Pokéball.)
Phoenix: *sniffle*
Brendan: …. Please, guys. Try your best to hold it together. The trial's gonna start in a few minutes ….

You will need to present profiles in this trial.
COURT RECORD
Evidence
Attorney's Badge: Proof of my current profession. I wear it with a little more pride nowadays.
Pokégear: A really fancy “wristwatch”. Recently upgraded to make it capable of translating Pokémon speech.
Bag: My bag from when I was a Trainer. Has three unused Pokéballs and a Potion in it.
Trinket: Lily picked this up while we were heading back through Ecruteak City. It has a curious design.
Lilycove Police Headquarters: Hoenn's highest-ranking police group. Has connections with the International Police. My mom, Lily, did off-the-clock research for them.
International Police: Did ongoing investigations on big criminal organizations from at least 2007 to 2008.
Team Galactic: Criminal organization that ran at its peak in 2008. The International Police had an eagle eye on them. In addition to Cyrus as the boss, it had three admins: Jupiter, Saturn, and Charon; all have been arrested.
Skye's Testimony: She absentmindedly handled the knife with a bare hand on the night of the murder.
Altered Locks: Someone apparently picked my normal lock and took out the bolt. How they managed the latter is beyond me.
Bed Prints: Four small paw prints and a larger dent were found in the dirt next to the doorstep.
Cat Hair: A single hair was found on the doorstep, and several more hairs were found on the living room carpet.
Stabbing Note: There were no marks on the front of Mom's body or clothes to indicate that she was stabbed more than once.

Profiles
Brendan Namron: (AGE: 23) Me, of course. Originally a Trainer in Hoenn, I came back to Johto to study law four years ago.
Lily Namron: (AGE: 45) My mother. She and I originally lived in Johto, but we moved to Hoenn in 2007 after my father became a Gym Leader there. Did unofficial research for the Lilycove Police for about a year. Murder victim, due to a stab.
Phoenix: (AGE: 5) My Torchic. Son of a Pokémon I released before I moved back to Johto.
Skye: (AGE: 9) My Kirlia. Joined the forensics team the day I became a lawyer. Daughter of another Pokémon from my training days. Currently my client, accused of the murder of Lily Namron.
Cyrus: A sinister man that wanted to erase the world and remake it his way. After a kid from Sinnoh stopped him, he disappeared. (image silhouetted)
Detective Slooth: High-ranking detective at the Goldenrod Police Department. Always there for someone in a jam.


Baliff: Mr. Namron, if you please. Court is about to begin.
Brendan: Right away, sir. C'mon, guys. Let's go ….
(Music fades out.)

[ 10:00 AM – July 26th, 2017 ]
[ Goldenrod City District Court – Courtroom Number 3 ]

*gallery chatter*
*gavel pounds*
(Music: Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney: Justice For All - Justice For All ~ Court Begins)
Judge: Court is now in session for the trial of Kirlia Skye Namron.
Judge: Is the defense and prosecution ready to begin?
Brendan: T-The defense is ready, Your Honor.
???: ….
Judge: A-And the prosecution?
???: The prosecution …
(Music: Pokémon FireRed/LeafGreen - Rival Appears)
???: … is always ready, Your Honor.
Judge: … I see. Mr. Oak, is it? I hear you have quite the reputation in the Kanto region.
Oak: Please, call me Blue; it's what everyone knows me by. And yes, I have a reputation that I am quite proud of ….
Blue: … for it is something that the likes of Red could never hope to imitate!
Brendan: R-RED?! The world-renowned Pokémon Trainer?! (This guy means business!)
Blue: The very same. He and I were …. “rivals”, you might say, in our youth.
Blue: But I have found a profession I enjoy that not even HE can best me at.
Blue: Of course, I still train Pokémon when time allows for it. I am, after all, the Viridian City Gym Leader.

[Blue's profile added to the Court Record.]
Gary Oak: (Age: 27) Known to all as “Blue”. Leader of the Viridian Gym in Kanto. Well-known in that region for his battling and prosecuting skills.

Blue: Now, if everyone's finished gawking, I'd like to get started.
Judge: O-of course, Mr. Oak. Please make your opening statement.
Blue: Right away, Your Honor.
Blue: Slightly less than ten hours ago, the mother of our defense attorney, Lily Namron, was murdered in her son's own home.
Blue: The prosecution believes that it has sufficient evidence to show not only what happened, but that the murderer is none other than the Pokémon sitting in the defendant's chair!
(Music stops.)
Blue: Through this evidence, and the testimony of my witnesses, I intend to prove its guilt and give it the sentence it so rightly deserves.
Blue: That is my statement, Your Honor.
Brendan: ….
Phoenix: *sniff*
Skye: *quiver*
Judge: I see. … And does the defense have an opening statement?
Brendan: …. Yes, Your Honor.
Judge: Please deliver it, then.
Brendan: … The defense, as well as the defendant, is deeply upset over this crime, and would like to ask the courtroom to step lightly.
Brendan: Nonetheless, the defense feels it has found enough evidence to counter any claims that the prosecution may make.
Phoenix: I hope so ….
Judge: *nods* We shall see. Mr. Oak, you may begin.
Oak: With pleasure.

(Music: Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney – Logic and Trick)
Oak: At approximately 7:00 PM on July 21st, Lily Namron checked into the Goldenrod Shoreline Hotel.
Oak: Four days later, on July 25th, Mrs. Namron was seen in the streets of Goldenrod City, talking to her son and his two Pokémon, at approximately 4:50 PM.
Oak: At some point in time after this, the four of them departed for Mr. Namron's residence.
Oak: At approximately 5:30 PM, the defendant was seen in the victim's hotel room, going through some paperwork that she had brought with her.
Oak: It is the prosecution's belief that these papers had something to do with the murder, though it is unclear what these papers contained.
Brendan: (! That-- that's ridiculous! He's trying to bias the courtroom!)
Oak: Before the hotel staff could act, the Pokémon had departed, taking all of Mrs. Namron's belongings with it. It is unclear where the papers themselves are now, though the prosecution believes that the defendant disposed of them.
Brendan: (You evil, evil man ….. Skye would never do such a thing …. Mom simply put them away somewhere …. )
Brendan: (…. I hope.)
Oak: Returning to the crime scene, it is a widely known fact that the defendant keeps assorted weapons in a bedroom, where it examines them to assist the Goldenrod police's forensics team with cases.
Oak: In fact, it appears that many citizens of Goldenrod know this Kirlia as “Detective Skye”.
Oak: However, when the eventual victim began to settle into her son's home, our defendant's thoughts turned to murderous intent!
OBJECTION!
Brendan: I've heard enough, Blue! Show me your proof!
Blue: *tsk, tsk, tsk motion* Have some patience, Mr. Namron. I was just about to get to it.
Blue: Let's start with the murder weapon: this knife.
(Music: Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney: Justice For All - Trick and Magic)
Brendan: (Figures he'd start with that ….)
Blue: This knife has the defendant's (tiny) fingerprints scattered across the handle. This indicates that it is the knife it was examining for the forensics team!
Blue: Furthermore, as a “detective”, the defendant should know that evidence must always be handled with care and never touched by bare hands unless it has been thoroughly examined. The only reason it would have touched this knife is if it had intent to use it for something!
OBJECTION!
Brendan: Anyone can make a mistake! Skye just touched it absentmindedly!
Brendan: Furthermore, it's simply not plausible for Skye to have been the murder! She doesn't have the physical strength to stab someone like that!
Blue: Good choice of words, Mr. Namron. Yes, your Kirlia doesn't have the physical strength to do the deed,
Blue: but it DOES have the mental strength! It used its psychic abilities to hover the knife over the victim and plunge it into her heart!
Brendan: (I should have known he'd say that. I need another approach.)

Motive
Method
Other Evidence


{Post your selection to have Brendan use it as his next approach; the first to post gets the first acknowledgment, but one of the choices could loop back to this list.}

--------------------------

I know what some of you are thinking. Yes, I went there. Thoughts on Blue so far?
(Notice how he keeps calling Skye "it".)

Last edited by Strife89; 07-31-2010 at 05:03 PM.
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  #35  
Old 07-31-2010, 03:37 PM
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Default Re: Brendan Namron: Ace Attorney (Case 2 in progress) (Playable!)

Let's go with motive; Skye had no reason to kill someone she just met.
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  #36  
Old 07-31-2010, 05:02 PM
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Default Re: Brendan Namron: Ace Attorney (Case 2 in progress) (Playable!)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kammington View Post
Let's go with motive; Skye had no reason to kill someone she just met.
Brendan: It's a pretty decent theory, Mr. Oak, that much I'll admit. But there's a problem.
Blue: Oh? And what would that be?
Brendan: You haven't proved my client's motive. Skye had no reason to kill someone that she had just met!
Blue: ….
Brendan: Care to explain this gap?
Blue: … I cannot at this time.
Brendan: (I thought so. Now to pull out some evidence and shoot him down like the--)
Blue: However, it will only take the testimony of my witnesses to reveal the motive for murder.
Brendan: … (Drat. Now what?)
Brendan: Fair enough, Mr. Oak. But I can still see other problems.
Blue: Such as?
Brendan: The method.
Blue: ... And what is it that you see wrong with the method?
Brendan: If you take a look at the evidence, you'll see that your explanation is full of holes!
Brendan: (The evidence I'm thinking of … it's a very curious piece, and it caught my attention quickly this morning ....)
Brendan: (Admittedly, I think that no one except one like Skye could have done it, but Skye would have zero reason to cause it …)
Brendan: (This could be the key to start unlocking the mystery.)
Blue: What is it, then, Mr. Namron? What is your evidence that reveals the “holes” in my explanation?
{Health risk: 10%}

-------------------------------------------------------------

{Post the name of a piece of evidence from the Court Record to have Brendan select it.}

COURT RECORD
Evidence
Attorney's Badge: Proof of my current profession. I wear it with a little more pride nowadays.
Pokégear: A really fancy “wristwatch”. Recently upgraded to make it capable of translating Pokémon speech.
Bag: My bag from when I was a Trainer. Has three unused Pokéballs and a Potion in it.
Trinket: Lily picked this up while we were heading back through Ecruteak City. It has a curious design.
Lilycove Police Headquarters: Hoenn's highest-ranking police group. Has connections with the International Police. My mom, Lily, did off-the-clock research for them.
International Police: Did ongoing investigations on big criminal organizations from at least 2007 to 2008.
Team Galactic: Criminal organization that ran at its peak in 2008. The International Police had an eagle eye on them. In addition to Cyrus as the boss, it had three admins: Jupiter, Saturn, and Charon; all have been arrested.
Skye's Testimony: She absentmindedly handled the knife with a bare hand on the night of the murder.
Altered Locks: Someone apparently picked my normal lock and took out the bolt. How they managed the latter is beyond me.
Bed Prints: Four small paw prints and a larger dent were found in the dirt next to the doorstep.
Cat Hair: A single hair was found on the doorstep, and several more hairs were found on the living room carpet.
Stabbing Note: There were no marks on the front of Mom's body or clothes to indicate that she was stabbed more than once.

Last edited by Strife89; 07-31-2010 at 05:09 PM.
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  #37  
Old 07-31-2010, 07:25 PM
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Default Re: Brendan Namron: Ace Attorney (Case 2 in progress) (Playable!)

Present Altered Locks. Skye lives there. Why would she need to unlock the door so thoroughly?
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  #38  
Old 07-31-2010, 07:40 PM
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Default Re: Brendan Namron: Ace Attorney (Case 2 in progress) (Playable!)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Blazie View Post
Present Altered Locks. Skye lives there. Why would she need to unlock the door so thoroughly?
TAKE THAT! (Music stops.)

Brendan: Mr. Oak –
Blue: Call me Blue, Mr. Namron. It's much more direct.
Brendan: (Excuse me?) Fine, then …. Blue, take a look at this photo of my front door, taken this morning.
Blue: What's so strange about it?
Brendan: Isn't it obvious?
(Music: Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney: Justice For All - Phoenix Wright ~ Objection! 2002)
Brendan: The bolt on the deadbolt is missing!
Blue: W-What?!
Brendan: You seem to know so much about the crime's background, Mr. Oak. I thought you'd have already known about it.
Brendan: But anyway, my point is:
Brendan: Why would my client have destroyed the deadbolt when she lives in my house?
Blue: ...... Mr. Namron … I should think it's obvious.
Brendan: ?
Blue: Your client simply faked an elaborate scene in order to cast doubt on its suspicion!
Brendan: (Gaah! He didn't even flinch!)
Blue: Need any more convincing, Mr. Namron? Or are you still unwilling to accept the truth?
Brendan: … I stand by my belief that what you have said is not the whole truth!
Blue: I see. Then let me employ a few means to show you that it is. Bailiff! Bring in my first witness!
(Music fades.)


Blue: Witness, your name and occupation, please.
???: Certainly.
(Music: Pokémon HeartGold/SoulSilver - Dance Theater)
???: I am one of the former Kimono Girls of Ecruteak City. My name is Kuni.
Kuni: We stepped aside from the dance theater a few years ago. I work for the hotel and provide new decorations. I also dance for their shows with my Vaporeon.
Blue: Thank you, witness. You understand the reason that you're here, correct?
Kuni: That is correct.
Blue: Describe for us, then, what you witnessed regarding the defendant.
Kuni: Yes, sir.

[Kuni's Profile added to the Court Record.]
Kuni: Former Kimono Girl. Works at the Goldenrod Shoreline Hotel. Claims to have witnessed Skye invading Mom's hotel room.

CROSS EXAMINATION
What I Witnessed

(Music: Phoenix Wright – Ace Attorney - Cross Examination ~ Moderate 2001)
Kuni:
Part 1: I was taking a walk through the hotel, trying to come up with new ideas for décor.
Part 2: All of a sudden, I heard a loud bump.
Part 3: I opened the door that the sound appeared to come from,
Part 4: And there I saw the Kirlia, climbing in through the window.
Part 5: I stood there and watched her for a long time before alerting the others in the hotel.
Part 6: I am sorry to the lawyer with the defendant, but she was definitely looking through the papers.

(Music pauses.)
Judge: So, then, you witnessed the defendant as it rummaged through the papers?
Kuni: That is correct, Your Honor. She appeared to be flustered as she did so.
Judge: I see. This clearly indicates that the defendant did not like what it saw.
Brendan: (She didn't, I'll give him that. But it wasn't the contents of the papers. It was the organization of them.)
Brendan: (But I'll worry about proving that later. Right now I need to find a way to show them what Skye would never do.)
Judge: Mr. Namron, you may begin your cross examination.
(Music resumes.)

[Readers may ask to Press a part, read the Recap (the text that comes after the last part before looping back to the first), or they can Present evidence/profiles. Generally speaking, only the first response will be acknowledged, unless it is an incorrect Objection/presentation of evidence, or if there are multiple presses in a row.]

COURT RECORD
Evidence
Attorney's Badge: Proof of my current profession. I wear it with a little more pride nowadays.
Pokégear: A really fancy “wristwatch”. Recently upgraded to make it capable of translating Pokémon speech.
Bag: My bag from when I was a Trainer. Has three unused Pokéballs and a Potion in it.
Trinket: Lily picked this up while we were heading back through Ecruteak City. It has a curious design.
Lilycove Police Headquarters: Hoenn's highest-ranking police group. Has connections with the International Police. My mom, Lily, did off-the-clock research for them.
International Police: Did ongoing investigations on big criminal organizations from at least 2007 to 2008.
Team Galactic: Criminal organization that ran at its peak in 2008. The International Police had an eagle eye on them. In addition to Cyrus as the boss, it had three admins: Jupiter, Saturn, and Charon; all have been arrested.
Skye's Testimony: She absentmindedly handled the knife with a bare hand on the night of the murder.
Altered Locks: Someone apparently picked my normal lock and took out the bolt. How they managed the latter is beyond me.
Bed Prints: Four small paw prints and a larger dent were found in the dirt next to the doorstep.
Cat Hair: A single hair was found on the doorstep, and several more hairs were found on the living room carpet.
Stabbing Note: There were no marks on the front of Mom's body or clothes to indicate that she was stabbed more than once.
Knife: The murder weapon. Skye was examining it as evidence for another murder. Said to have a bloodstain from a prior murder.

Profiles
Brendan Namron: (AGE: 23) Me, of course. Originally a Trainer in Hoenn, I came back to Johto to study law four years ago.
Lily Namron: (AGE: 45) My mother. She and I originally lived in Johto, but we moved to Hoenn in 2007 after my father became a Gym Leader there. Did unofficial research for the Lilycove Police for about a year. Murder victim, due to a stab.
Phoenix: (AGE: 5) My Torchic. Son of a Pokémon I released before I moved back to Johto.
Skye: (AGE: 9) My Kirlia. Joined the forensics team the day I became a lawyer. Daughter of another Pokémon from my training days. Currently my client, accused of the murder of Lily Namron.
Cyrus: A sinister man that wanted to erase the world and remake it his way. After a kid from Sinnoh stopped him, he disappeared. (image silhouetted)
Detective Slooth: High-ranking detective at the Goldenrod Police Department. Always there for someone in a jam.
Gary Oak: (AGE: 27) “Blue” is his nickname. Leader of the Viridian Gym in Kanto. Well-known in that region for his prosecuting skills.
Kuni: Former Kimono Girl. Works at the Goldenrod Shoreline Hotel. Claims to have witnessed Skye invading Mom's hotel room.


----------

Note that the knife is back in there. I somehow forgot to put it in the Court Record in the Courtroom Lounge, but it's not really important right now anyway.

Any thoughts on Kuni?

Last edited by Strife89; 07-31-2010 at 07:49 PM.
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  #39  
Old 07-31-2010, 08:09 PM
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Default Re: Brendan Namron: Ace Attorney (Case 2 in progress) (Playable!)

Press part 4. Skye teleports.

I was baffled as to who you'd call as a witness, so Kinu was nice to see.
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  #40  
Old 07-31-2010, 08:56 PM
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Strife89 Strife89 is offline
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Default Re: Brendan Namron: Ace Attorney (Case 2 in progress) (Playable!)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Blazie View Post
Press part 4. Skye teleports.
HOLD IT!
Brendan: Are you absolutely certain that it was my client that you saw?
Kuni: …..
Brendan: Witness, please. This could be very important.
Kuni: …. I … have my doubts. I thought that it could be none but the defendant, but ….
Kuni: The intruder might have been taller than Kirlia.
Brendan: !
Blue: W-Why is this, witness? Why couldn't you tell who the person at the window was?
Kuni: …. Because the lights in the room were off.
OBJECTION!
Blue: Such a pathetic excuse, witness. It was 5:30! There was still enough daylight to see!
Kuni: ….
Blue: Your Honor! Please strike all that the witness just said from the record!
Blue: She is clearly trying to confuse the court and introduce the idea of a false intruder!
Judge: The court acknowledges Mr. Oak's request. …. If, that is, the defense has no objections.
Brendan: I do, Your Honor; I believe the witness is not lying at all. Please modify the witness's testimony.
Brendan: (I still doubt it would make a difference, changing this testimony. The problem is how they got in.)
Judge: …. Request granted, Mr. Namron. I hope you make use of this.

TESTIMONY MODIFIED (Part 4)
Kuni:
Part 1: I was taking a walk through the hotel, trying to come up with new ideas for décor.
Part 2: All of a sudden, I heard a loud bump.
Part 3: I opened the door that the sound appeared to come from,
Part 4: And there I saw someone, climbing in through the window, though I could not tell who it was.
Part 5: I stood there and watched her for a long time before alerting the others in the hotel.
Part 6: I am sorry to the lawyer with the defendant, but she was definitely looking through the papers.

-----

Recap Text:
Brendan: This testimony looks pretty solid on the surface,
Brendan: but I think Kuni's forgotten a piece of common knowledge.
Phoenix: “Common knowledge”? Are you talking about the fact that Skye –
Brendan: Yup. It's not written in the Court Record, but I can still jog her memory with something from it.

-----------------------------------
[Readers may ask to Press a part, read the Recap (the text that comes after the last part before looping back to the first), or they can Present evidence/profiles. Generally speaking, only the first response will be acknowledged, unless it is an incorrect Objection/presentation of evidence, or if there are multiple presses in a row.]
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