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Old 06-25-2008, 06:13 AM
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Sylph Sylph is offline
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Default Origins

Author's Note: This Chapter story is going to have short stories of all my Characters. At some point, I'll make longer chapter stories of all my characters that are centered around them. This is just alot of one shots that are part of the "Origins" stories. That is all

Chapter One: Ming

“What a day…”
A woman with long ebony hair leans against a fence post, looking upon the acres of land owned by her and her sister’s farm. Milktanks grazing with the Tauros, Pidgey pecking at the ground for feed, Mareep baaing happily in the fields. She smiles a bit at the sight and sighs.

“Absolutely wonderful”

She takes a cloth from her pocket and wipes her face of sweat and dirt from working on the farm. She places the cloth back in her pocket of the overalls she wore when working as looks over her shoulder at the stable where their stable hand tripped over his feet when her Sister walked past him. She shakes her head, laughing softly at the boy as she pushes off the fence post. She strolls over to him, holding her hand out to him.

“Up you go, Edmund”

She grabs his hand and helps him up, ruffling his blonde hair playfully. He smiles, a slight blush on his face as well as dirt.

“Thanks Ming…Heh, must have tripped over a Diglett”

Ming smirks, patting his shoulder as she leans down to look him in the eye.

“Or you tripped over your puppy love for my Sister, Ace”

Edmund jolts, a blush over-running his face. Ming laughs and sends him off to do his work. She stretches and starts to wander over towards the vegetable crops when she hears a chomping sound.

Chomp! Nibble! Crunch!

Ming grabs the hoe that leaned against the fence and leaps into the veggie patch.

“Not this time you damn Diglett”

She weaves through the patch, homing in on the sound of munching. She raises the hoe in the air and swings down.


She stops the hoe an inch from the Pokémon’s head, hoping that it would scare the blue creature with red…scale…things…

“…Wait a tick”

She nudges the Pokémon with her boot, trying to get its attention.


The Pokémon turns and smiles at her, a carrot hanging from its mouth.

“Toto! Todile!”
Ming blinks slowly once, then twice. She sits on the ground in front of it.

“Ok…you aren’t a Diglett…hmm…”
The blue creature grins at her, showing fangs that could rip into meat and flesh. Ming watches as he uses said fangs to bite into a tomato with glee.


She gets to her feet, picking the Pokémon up into her arms. She then marched out of the patch and into the main house.

“Kate…what the hell is this?”

Her sister walks out from the kitchen, wiping flour off her hands onto her apron.

“What the heck is wha-…Where did you get that Totodile from?”

“Totodile huh? That’s what you are?”

The blue creature nods, wiggling his feet happily. Ming chuckles, rubbing his belly.

“He’s cute, isn’t he Kate?”

Her sister sighs, sitting down at the table.

“Ming, where did you find him?”

“He was in the veggie patch, eating our veggies…”

Kate slaps her forehead, muttering under her breath about sneaky poke’theives. Ming ignores her and hugs the Totodile.

“I’m going to keep you…hm…Shui”

Totodile looks at her, thinking about that name. After playing with it in his mind, he decides it’s a cool name. He grins at her, wiggling his feet again.

“If you’re going to keep him, he’ll have to work…and not eat our produce”

Ming nods, hugging Shui tighter.

“He will and don’t worry, I’ll take care of him”

Ming runs off with her new friend to teach him about farm work.


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Old 06-25-2008, 08:13 AM
Dragon_night Dragon_night is offline
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Default Re: Origins

Hmm. I find that with you're writing in present tense, it seems rather choppy. Could just be me, but it was kind of distracting.

There were also a few places where there wasn't a double space between dialogue and a paragraph. I'm not sure if it was intentional, but it doesn't got well when the reader is used to reading at double spaces.

The story was cute and all, with a moment here and there where I smiled, but other than that, I can't really say anything more.

Keep it up!
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