The Cave of Dragonflies forums

Go Back   The Cave of Dragonflies forums > Creativity > Writing

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools
  #1  
Old 07-22-2008, 06:42 AM
Koji's Avatar
Koji Koji is offline
The Soviet Mudkip
 
Join Date: July 19, 2008
Location: Here, there, everywhere
Age: 26
Posts: 28
Koji is an unknown quantity at this point
Send a message via AIM to Koji Send a message via MSN to Koji
Default Star cross'd [rated 15+]

This idea just hit me like a sack of bricks. It's pretty much a Romeo and Juliet-esque (Well...Romeo and Romeo is probably more appropriate :p) story that I've been thinking about doing, but never got around to putting it down on paper (or forum). So here goes.

Might contain very mild sexuality and violence, but I'll try and keep it as light as I can, but I'm giving it a 15+ rating for safety sake.
--------------------------------\-------------------------

Star Cross'd

Ever since I've first laid eyes upon him I've wanted him. It's a way I cannot explain or even begin to explain, it's just there and it grows with each passing day. Perhaps I should start from the beginning so you explain why I'm writing this now and for my actions until now as well.

It all began at a party a friend of a friend of a friend who happened to be in the same English class as the host invites said friend of friend of friend, and it branches down to me as well. Now at the time I wasn't in a partying mood (my last boyfriend had just broken up with me and I was not in the mood to get drunk and rowdy in some strangers house). But my friend kept pressuring me until I finally caved and let her take me to this party.

The second we get into the house, she ditches me for a girlfriend of hers and leaves me to nurse a cup of warm beer on a nice leather couch. So I'm swishing my beer around in my cup, watching my reflection distort in the amber beverage. I sighed, 'It's no surprise no one wants to date me, look at me' And I spent a long time just staring into my aqua colored eyes, trying to see what people find attractive in me. At the time I was incredibly sick of myself. My pale skin. My lengthy black and red-streaked hair that despite it's length, still clumped in messy spikes that hung over my face and down my neck. Not to mention I was probably one X chromosome away from growing breasts. I had tried lots of things. Tanning, dying my hair, working out, but I seemed to be stuck like this. I sighed and sipped at my beer.

It was about this time that he came into the room. I remember him because the first thing he did was come up to the host and give her a big handshake with a cock-eyed grin. "Thanks so much for inviting me!" He yelled over the music. "Not a problem!" The host yelled back, handing him a beer as he was already turning around to take in the sights. He had blonde hair that went to his shoulders and the brightest sky blue eyes under God's green Earth. He had a light tan and was wearing a navy blue sweatshirt, ripped jeans and orange and blue skate shoes. I blushed as he faced opposite to me, giving me a grand look at his beautifully formed behind. Then he left the room, apparently to go to the dance that was happening in the basement.

I sighed. "Screw it..." I put my drink on a table and followed my mysterious stranger into the hall and down into the basement, where the powerful bass speakers were making the stairwell thump with the music. There were pairs of people making out in the small hall that was at the bottom of the stairs and a large wood door stood ajar, showing the rumpus room inside that was filled with people dancing to the music, some catchy dance track. I saw him disappear into the crowd and tried to catch sight of him again, but he was gone. "All right, calm down Ethan! Look at how stupid you're acting over this guy! You've never even spoken to him." But then I saw him duck down into another chamber. I followed him and found myself in a small antechamber with 3 doors. One had a crude sign that said "shitter" on it, the other had a ball cap on the handle, and the third was slightly ajar. I pushed open the ajar one a bit more and snuck into the room. There was the mysterious stranger sitting on a large freezer, his eyes shut and humming Karma Police. He must of heard me because he opened one eye and looked at me.

I won't forget the first thing he said to me. It was, "Can I help you mate?" He had an amazing light English accent that gave him a seductive manner of speech. "oh...Oh...I was just..." I blushed a tiny bit, "...looking for the restroom!" My own words stumbling as they tried to get past my own Irish accent. "I couldn't find it..." He hopped down off of the freezer. "Oh?" He asked, walking towards me as I stepped back a step against a water heater. "Well there's kind of a sign there mate." He winked at me and I felt my face heat up. "R...really? I...I never noticed." His brow furrowed in confusion. "You OK? You look sort of flushed." I backed up a bit more. "I...I do...well I had a bit to drink..." I pulled another weak lie out of my hat. "And I was just dancing..." His eyes, which were beginning to cloud over in confusion, cleared up to their perfect blue again. "Really? 'cause I love to dance. If you want to we can go out there and tear up the dance floor." I blushed a bit more.
-----------------------\------------------------
That's all for now folks. I'm tired and it's late so I'll try and write some more tomorrow, if I'm still feeling inspired. Expect erratic updates :p

Also, it's not in chapters, just posts that end when I feel like I can stop writing for a bit.
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 07-22-2008, 07:24 AM
Dragon_night Dragon_night is offline
Butterfree
 
Join Date: June 23, 2008
Posts: 1,062
Pronoun: Call me 'It'
Dragon_night is an unknown quantity at this point
Default Re: Star cross'd [rated 15+]

Ah. Well, the only problem I have here is that you didn't give a new paragraph everytime someone new speaks (clucking them together makes it hard to read >.>), and maybe spreading out your paragraphs in general, instead of having six make up a chapter (uh, well I guess it's not a chapter XD)

Keep it up!
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 07-23-2008, 01:30 AM
Koji's Avatar
Koji Koji is offline
The Soviet Mudkip
 
Join Date: July 19, 2008
Location: Here, there, everywhere
Age: 26
Posts: 28
Koji is an unknown quantity at this point
Send a message via AIM to Koji Send a message via MSN to Koji
Default Re: Star cross'd [rated 15+]

Time for the next installment in Star Cross'd. Once again 15+ rating for some sexuality/violence/language. Enjoy
-------------------------\-------------------

"Well what do you say? Wanna dance?" The stranger asked me again. He'd gotten closer to me and I noticed he was a full head taller than I was, and a faint smell of cinnamon came off of him. "S...sure..." I said feebly, blushing more.

The stranger smiled. "Great! I was expecting this party to be a drag. My name's Jace." He held his hand out to me. "I..I'm Ethan." I took his hand and he shook it vigorously. "It's great to meet you mate." "S...same here..." I said.

"Now then," Jace said, pulling me out of the laundry room and into the rumpus room. "It's time to dance." I let him pull me into the crowd, trying not to trip and trying to believe the fact that I was about to dance with the hottest guy I'd ever met and I couldn't even dance!

The song changed and just my luck it was a super fast dance track which Jace immediately started moving to while I stood in the middle of the thrashing crowd, looking like an idiot. "Come on mate!" Jace shouted over the music. "Just let yourself go!" I flushed. "I don't know how to dance!" I shouted back. "Bullshit mate, just close your eyes and feel the music!" 'OK, just let yourself go loose, find the rhythm, GOD this is going nowhere!'

"It's no use! I can't do it!" I shouted, my voice cracking from yelling so loud. Jace gave me a dirty look and grabbed my wrist. "Just move with me!" He shouted back, pulling me close to him so we could move easier. He started gently moving back and forth, helping me find my rhythm. 'Oh God I'm so close to him!' I could hear him breathing gently, his breath blowing over my head. His scent, which now had the light tinge of sweat to it, was spicy and exotic and made me inhale deeply. Through his sweatshirt I could feel his sides, hard and muscular, brush against my palms. Most of all I was enjoying him holding me. He had a strong, firm grip that was also gentle and made me feel warm and safe.

"Jace," I said quietly. "Ya mate?" He responded back, never stopping his slow and deliberate movements of helping me dance, though it felt more like he was feeling me up. His hands dashed up and down my sides, making sure I wasn't moving too far to my left or right. "You're a really good dancer." The track changed to a slower song and we slowed our dancing down. Jace grinned. "Why thank you mate, you're not so bad yourself." I smiled a bit. His own grin disappeared. "You know you have a pretty smile right?" He asked me. "I...I do?" I said back, dumbfounded. "Yes, you do. It really makes your eyes light up." He smiled warmly at me, making me blush and avoid his eyes.

Jace glanced at a clock and his face filled with a shocked look. "Shit!" He began to pull me out of the crowd. "W...what's going on?" I asked, alarm ringing in my voice. "Aww damnit I have to go. But it was great meeting you Ethan." I blinked in surprise. "S...same here." I said. He pulled a sharpie out of his pocket and grabbed my hand, writing a number on my palm. "This is my cell number. Gimme a ring if you wanna meet again." I looked up at him. "O...OK." I said weakly.

"Later mate!" Jace called out to me as he left the house. I waved at him. "Bye!" I called back.
-----------------------\-------------------
There, this post and the one before it make up chapter 1. As always, constructive criticism, comments, and opinions are welcome. But not flaming. Leave that at the door.
__________________
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 07-23-2008, 04:29 AM
Dragon_night Dragon_night is offline
Butterfree
 
Join Date: June 23, 2008
Posts: 1,062
Pronoun: Call me 'It'
Dragon_night is an unknown quantity at this point
Default Re: Star cross'd [rated 15+]

Quote:
Well, the only problem I have here is that you didn't give a new paragraph everytime someone new speaks
^Again, that's the only thing I saw that was wrong with this bit.


Although, I like you're description on how Ethan was feeling. It was a bit overdone, but still pretty good.

Keep it up!
Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
fiction, romance, star crossed

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 02:13 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8
Copyright ©2000 - 2019, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Pokémon, Pikachu and all other Pokémon characters © Nintendo, Game Freak and Creatures Inc. The Cave of Dragonflies, content, styles, etc. © Butterfree/Dragonfree/antialiasis.
Forum now hosted by Eevee's HQ.