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Old 07-03-2008, 03:11 PM
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Mad MOAI Mad MOAI is offline
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Default The New Life

I feel like this is this story's theme song right now. Watch it before reading! (movie rated G by me)

Also, please read The Messenger before reading this. It'll make it easier to understand, not to mention prevent spoilers.

And yes, in this story I call the character a "he" and in the first one I call him an "it." This is because (SPOILER) he has discovered his identity, like in the end of the first story.

The New Life

Ikol Kodonami ran through the streets of the city. No longer an outsider, his spirits were lifted by this fact, not taking himself as something to be gone after, but someone to get used to.
But that didn't mean that people still weren't after him. Yes, there were still others who were trying to go after him, and he would simply escape them instead of kill them like before. Most humans treated Ikol as if he were one of them. He could go to places normally crowded, and seemingly go by unnoticed. Of course, Ikol didn't use human money, but repaid things in doing good for those who were friendly to him. He still caught and ate prey, and picked fruits. He never went to any stores or hotels; he wasn't comfortable in places like that, where he had to pay with human money.
Ikol was on the outskirts of the city now, looking for food in the forest at the other end. He picked a few berries that he was sure were non-poisonous and (what else) ate them. He also managed to do a cat-like hunting-and-eating of a woodmouse. After a few more berries, Ikol was no longer hungry. He dashed back to the city, to his old, abandoned house that he had found. The Clawblade-human had lived in the house before, and was planning to rebuild it. He would never forget because of the ruby necklace he wore. He was careful not to adapt to human society too much, otherwise there might be problems.
Ikol had tossed the televisions and radio, which were useless to him. He had designed the interior to have rounded "corners," like a cave.

((Please wait while I get some ideas...))
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Last edited by Mad MOAI; 07-04-2008 at 02:33 PM.
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Old 07-03-2008, 08:20 PM
Dragon_night Dragon_night is offline
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Default Re: The New Life

The two things that are the most noticeable, and annoying, is that there are no double spaces to help the readers have a bette time reading, and that its so short. From the shortness actually, it's hard to measure anything worth critiquing on.

Although, I can tell there's some improvement from your last fic, The Messengers (although, with the limited amount of story there is here, it's hard to tell).

Keep on improving.
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Old 07-04-2008, 05:26 AM
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Mad MOAI Mad MOAI is offline
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Default Re: The New Life

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dragon_night View Post
The two things that are the most noticeable, and annoying, is that there are no double spaces to help the readers have a bette time reading, and that its so short. From the shortness actually, it's hard to measure anything worth critiquing on.

Although, I can tell there's some improvement from your last fic, The Messengers (although, with the limited amount of story there is here, it's hard to tell).

Keep on improving.
Okay, I'll do the double spacing. Thanks. And I'll continue the story. Tomorrow morning maybe? I'm just about to go to bed now, so... yeah. Thanks for the critique.
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Why would anyone want to turn back time? There’s no meaning in regret. No point in thinking about things I could have done. Because there’s no guarantee that any decision is the right one.
-Ryunosuke, Wild Adapter 6


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Heatmor hatched: 104
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