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View Poll Results: Okay, I was thinking about discontinuing the sprite comic. But what do YOU think?
Keep making the sprite comic. 5 38.46%
Stop making the sprite comic, but remake it in written form with changes to the plot, etc. 4 30.77%
Stop making the comic, but remake it in written form with as little difference as possible. 0 0%
Remake it with changes to the plot, but keep it a sprite comic. 4 30.77%
Voters: 13. You may not vote on this poll

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  #1  
Old 06-25-2008, 05:08 PM
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Default Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: Jirachi's Wish

(Sorry if this is in the wrong place. I wasn't sure where to put it, so...)



This is my sprite comic. I wouldn't call it humour, but there are some funny bits...
I've finished up to issue 10, but right now I'm uploading them scene by scene...

Prologue:







[Author Comment: It wasn't easy making that Dark Hyper Beam...]

Critique is welcome, as long as it's constructive.
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Last edited by S. E.; 06-25-2008 at 05:28 PM.
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  #2  
Old 06-25-2008, 05:13 PM
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Default Re: Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: Jirachi's Wish

Issue 1:







[Author Comment: No mention of 'Oh, I used to be a human once~!' here.]
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Old 06-25-2008, 05:17 PM
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Default Re: Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: Jirachi's Wish

Issue 2:







[Author Comment: It's like the Tardis!]
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Old 06-25-2008, 05:21 PM
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Default Re: Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: Jirachi's Wish

Issue 3:







[Author Comment: Dreams are always necessary in PMD plots...]
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Old 06-25-2008, 05:26 PM
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Default Re: Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: Jirachi's Wish

Issue 4:







[Author Comment: Could it be...? Gardevoir from PMD?]
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Old 06-25-2008, 05:32 PM
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Default Re: Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: Jirachi's Wish

Issue 5:











[Author Comment: In case anyone is wondering, Crystal is a Chillmander, a Pokemon I made up.]
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Old 06-25-2008, 05:36 PM
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Default Re: Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: Jirachi's Wish

Issue 6:







[Author Comment: Um... blueberry pie?]
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Old 06-25-2008, 05:40 PM
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Default Re: Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: Jirachi's Wish

Issue 7:







[Author Comment: Is Terra emo? Only the next issue will tell! (Just kidding)]
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Old 06-25-2008, 05:44 PM
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Default Re: Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: Jirachi's Wish

Issue 8:









[Author Comment: Well, he is a bat!]
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Old 06-25-2008, 05:47 PM
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Default Re: Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: Jirachi's Wish

Issue 9:







[Author Comment: YAY FOR SOUTING OTHER PEOPLE'S NAMES!!!]
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Old 06-25-2008, 05:51 PM
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Default Re: Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: Jirachi's Wish

Issue 10:







[Author Comment: And these were all the issues posted on the old forum. I'll get on Issue 11 now!]
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Old 06-25-2008, 08:27 PM
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Default Re: Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: Jirachi's Wish

What does the medium of a sprite comic give to this? Why did you choose to make it a sprite comic if you haven't done anything with it as of yet that only really works in a visual medium?
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Old 06-25-2008, 08:57 PM
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Default Re: Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: Jirachi's Wish

@surskitty: Well, I was considering making it a written piece, but I'm much better at sprite comics, so...
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Old 06-25-2008, 09:10 PM
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Default Re: Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: Jirachi's Wish

Shing Eevee, allow me to suggest this; make it a written piece, but also, for each chapter, do a small "issue" to sort of, sum it up.
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Old 06-25-2008, 09:30 PM
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Default Re: Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: Jirachi's Wish

@Blaziking: I don't know... The fact that they do pretty much sum it up is why I wouldn't bother to make a written part. If the were only pictures, no dialog, then that would be absolutely necessary.
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Old 06-25-2008, 10:01 PM
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Default Re: Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: Jirachi's Wish

I really like this story (and the way it's turning out), and I like the way you put it together (in the sprite medium, that is). It might be more... "climatic", if you know what I mean, if you were to put it into writing. There are also a few things that bug me about it...

Prologue: Well, for one thing, I think the dialogue between Jirachi and Mewtwo should be a lot longer, and slightly more detailed. That sets the reader's mind thinking about what's really going on between the two and wondering how the story will turn out. That's just personal preference, but I still think that would help the story some.

In the third panel of that issue, Jirachi says "Ha! I have escaped!", which sounds a little anti-climatic if you think about it -- you may want to consider revising it to some farewell statement to Mewtwo or something of that sort.

Issue #1: In the last panel, Terra's last statement is "Okay! Let's get going!" with a happy face. Aside from the fact that that seems rushed in the first place, I doubt Terra -- anyone, for that matter -- would just agree to go with the first person they saw. What if it had been Mewtwo, and he had had the exact same dialogue as Chikorita?

Issue #2: Again with what I mentioned above.

Issue #3: Just a minor bug, but the fact that the Healing Forest was named as such wasn't mentioned anywhere else, and unless Terra somehow knew about it beforehand or Chikorita told her there wouldn't be any way for her to know, I don't think.

And the last panel bugs me for some reason, but I don't really know how. x.x

Issue #4: "Psychicly"? Is that even a word? xD

Gardevoir's statement "That it was done with malicious intentions is all I know" sounds a bit weird with the rest of the dialogue -- perhaps something like "All I know is that this was done with malicious intentions" would be better?

And one more thing: what is Celebi doing in Pokemon Square to begin with? o.O

Issue #5: Maybe I'm just looking at it wrong, but Terra doesn't exactly strike me as the type to admit so quickly to having those dreams she's been having. I don't know, that's just what it feels like to me, anyway.

And didn't she only have one dream...?

Issue #6: Mewtwo doesn't seem like the type to give up so quickly, or again, maybe it's just me. He also doesn't seem like the type to say "Shut up".

Issue #7: lol emo Terra

Not much to say about this one.

Issue #8: This seems a bit improbable. I mean, you get two characters finding the perfect place, another one comes along and manages to not spot them (not only do Golbat have eyes, but as far as I know bats aren't actually blind either), calls himself a scout right in front of the other two who instantly guess at his identity and realize the place won't be investigated because the other character thought there was nothing there. This all happening at the exact same time. It's very unlikely.

Issue #9: Sort of anti-climatic again.

Issue #10: This wasn't too bad. :P

Hope I helped. ^^
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Old 06-25-2008, 10:12 PM
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Default Re: Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: Jirachi's Wish

Quote:
Originally Posted by Leafpool View Post
not only do Golbat have eyes, but as far as I know bats aren't actually blind either
Bats have good eyesight: it's just that they're better at echolocation than they are at seeing things.
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Old 06-25-2008, 10:24 PM
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Default Re: Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: Jirachi's Wish

Quote:
Originally Posted by Leafpool View Post
And one more thing: what is Celebi doing in Pokemon Square to begin with? o.O
Well, she had to be at Terra's house to get in her dream, right? She was 'stunned' on the way out.

And yeah, I think some of the characters are flawed. Thanks.

EDIT: Also, may I say? Leafpool, you've given me the best critique yet. On the old forums, everyone just went around saying, "lol good job" and "awesome it's perfect", only usually with better grammar. No one really pointed out any mistakes, and I knew there were obviously. After all, this is my first. Again, thanks.
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Old 06-25-2008, 10:42 PM
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Default Re: Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: Jirachi's Wish

Well, yes, the thing about Celebi is true, but since she was like "I can't see you, but you can see me" I just came to the (wrong) assumption that she was somewhere else. *shrug*

Gah, I know that feeling. x.x The other forum I belong to there are only two people that even attempt criticism: me and my best friend. (And I'm not bragging; I can't be bragging when everybody's just like "awesome story!" to five-line things that contain numerous visible spelling/grammar errors and have almost no plot whatsoever.) My best friend doesn't even post on like any stories at all (she fears hate from the other peeps and therefore only comments on my fanfics xD), so... I can't really criticize my own fanfic too well, and I'm just stuck watching peeps go "This is terrific!" and other stuff like that. Gaah.
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Old 06-25-2008, 10:46 PM
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Default Re: Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: Jirachi's Wish

I know how you feel. I can't even get decent critique on sprites, so I don't bother...
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