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  #1  
Old 12-03-2011, 05:41 PM
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Luxcario Luxcario is offline
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Default Poetry and Songs

here are some short songs and poems
that
Lux has been writing
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
For too long I've been closing my eyes
But now is the time to fly
Burst a hole right through the sky~

Taking off for the first time
Really feeling in my prime
I've been stuck down there too long
Went from weak to very strong

Right up there I want to soar
Went to rich from way too poor
Break right through the atmosphere
Who thought it would be that clear?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I'll put more up later. Songwriting is hard.
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  #2  
Old 12-03-2011, 07:29 PM
Ever Ever is offline
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Default Re: Poetry and Songs

Songwriting is fun! And your rhyming is very good! However, you don't always have to rhyme. Sometimes, not rhyming makes the song more interesting. I has some tips for you: First, try to write from your experiences! Second, listen to music beforehand, but not during, your writing. And the line "Went to rich from way to poor" doesn't make sense, really. Think about tense a bit more, and keep up the good work! Again, your rhyming is great!
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  #3  
Old 12-04-2011, 10:13 AM
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Luxcario Luxcario is offline
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Default Re: Poetry and Songs

Here is a nonsensical poem based off this picture.

I saw a fake snake hanging of a tree
It came alive and then bit me
I cut its head off with a knife
So it told me to get a life.

(that one really makes no sense)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A haiku about Pikachu.


Little yellow thing
Firing electricity
Watch out, Pidgeotto!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Another Pokemon one.


I was out fishing one day
But my mind was far away
Then suddenly, I felt a bite
Which was very impolite
It was just some damned bivalve
It cut my tail in half
Alas, I am a Slowbro
I was a Slowpoke long ago~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I like that one, personally.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

WAIT!

If you give me a picture, I will make a poem out of it!

Like a request shop!

REQUEST AWAY!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

@ Ever: Songwriting is hard. :)
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  #4  
Old 12-06-2011, 12:20 AM
Ever Ever is offline
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Default Re: Poetry and Songs

I need you to write a poem about Derpy and muffins. Teh world depends on it!

Picture
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  #5  
Old 12-06-2011, 12:36 AM
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Default Re: Poetry and Songs

Write one 'bout mah Trunksie! Do him justice, kay?
http://images.wikia.com/dragonball/i...nksw_sword.jpg
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  #6  
Old 12-06-2011, 01:38 AM
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Ulqi-chan Ulqi-chan is offline
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Default Re: Poetry and Songs

These are pretty good so far. But I must agree with Ever, everything doesn't have to rhyme. Though it does add spice, the song itself doesn't solely depend on rhyming. Try finding words that can fit instead! Not everything you want to use will rhyme, so if a word like "Beautiful" is what you need in your poem, don't be afraid to write it down, despite the fact it doesn't rhyme with "Heart-throbbed."

Also, while I'm here...
How about something based on my two favorite YGO characters? Oh yes, you guessed it.
Can you make it revolve around their relationship, please?
Thanks in advance. c:
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Old 12-06-2011, 02:10 AM
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Default Re: Poetry and Songs

The haiku is not a haiku. A haiku has three lines, first and third line having five yllables, second line having 7 syllables.

Little Yellow Thing- yes, five sylables, but you might want to replace thing. Probably with Mouse instead of thing?

Firing Electricity- Um, this is either 7 or 8 syllables. Depends on how you pronounce firing. Firing is often used like this; FIE-err-ING, which is 3 syllables. 3 plus the five from Electricity is 8 syllables. Fix that, so it'll be an actually Haiku.

Watch Out Pidgeotto- Pidgeotto is 4 syllables, while watch out together is two. So you have 6 syllables. You could change Pidgeotto into Pidgeot.


Remember, a haiku isn't a haiku unless the first and third lines are five syllables and the second line is 7 syllables. It's just the basic rules of haikus.



Soooo, if you change it, it would be;

Little yellow mouse
Shooting electricity.
Watch out, Pidgeot!


See how it would be better and would become an actual haiku? I actually do like this, but all you have to do is fix a few flaws to make it better. =)
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