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Let's Play Pokemon 'Diamond' - Keitai Denjuu Telefang

bobandbill

Miror B FTW!
Let's Play Pokemon Diamond!
A Screenshot LP​


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Ah, good old Pokemon -wait, what?
Title Screen Music

For those who do not know, there are a pair of old GBC games called 'Pokemon Diamond and Jade'. They're infamous for their talk of curry and random swearing and hilarious engrish!

Said games are really badly pirated and translated games called 'Keitai Denjuu Telefang', which was another monster-collecting+fighting game that was only ever officially released in Japan (it also got a Japanese-only sequel). But said piraters tried to pass their poorly translated works as Pokemon games, completely with box art and a different title screen! Within the game though (bar it being in English Engrish and having the odd problem with saving in cases) it was simply the Telefang game, with no Pokemon to be found inside.

'Pokemon Diamond' was the 'Power version' of Telefang, while Jade was the 'Speed version'. (I don't believe they're referring to that sort of speed, but...). Well, have a Telefang box art pic:

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But it's not a bad game - some tough battles, frustrating mazes, catchy music and very entertaining engrish - what's not to love? ;p

I've decided to replay this game - I actually had a game pak with this as a kid which provided me with many, many hours of confusion. Hope you enjoy it too!

Note I'll throw up tunes when they come up in the game via sound clip player windows! Press play to, well, play, and if it lags it's not my fault.

Warning - swearing is abounds in this game in some stages. But it's engrish swearing so it's all good! ;p


Part One - Down the Rabbit Hole!
Or part of the long intro sequence in which a lot of baseballs happen.

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Wow, I can't believe it's not Pokemon!

We're greeted with this highly convincing title screen, which seems to suggest this strange snake thing has three of the Chaos Emeralds. (At this stage the games appears to be as much Sonic as it is Pokemon).

But this is as exciting as the title screen gets, so let's watch the intro video - maybe we can see if there's any Pokemon there.

Intro Movie Music!

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Any Pokemon here, I wonder?

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...no, it doesn't seem so. Darn.

...what is that, anyway? Pyramid Head? The local hobo? Who knows!

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Clearly what was found startles what appears to be our HERO(TM) though.

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Suddenly, lots of trees. Maybe it's Viridian forest, or-

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Oh is it a Pokem-no, it's a...thing. With a phone.

Something tells me we're not in Kanto. Or Kansas.

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Our HERO(TM) would like to tell you that today's LP is brought to you by the letter 'S', as seen on his helmet.

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The 'thing' that appeared earlier is now angry. Maybe he doesn't like the letter S? Or maybe he too wonders where all the Pokemon are.

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One gets a feeling a showdown is about to go down...

...only the intro video cuts out then as the two things face off. Aww. I was expecting an epic chess duel or something. :< And so much for Pokemon.

We might as well get on with the beginning part of the game!

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The main menu screen. It's phonerific.

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The game allows you to set up the- no, decide time! - when you start a file, which does have a visual effect (day/night feature, so you will).

Well, at least it doesn't say 'make your time'.


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Look at that character walk about like a pro. Clearly he must be an important character of some sort!

First Sequence music!

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Well... don't believe everything you hear, kid? Already we are informed that there's another world and we can presume the strange creatures are electric monsters.

Because, you know. They were totally packing a lot of electricity? =/

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And that's why he shall stand in front of it for the time being. You show that tree who's boss!

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Suddnly, a wild baseball attacks!

The native baseball is prompt to defend its home tree against any intruders.

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Darn right, kid.

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And the engrish already breaks down for the first time - fly over...what? The tree? The ball? The text boxes!?

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Meanwhile, our HERO(TM) is also walking about.

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Yes, please do.

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And another person who comes with her own theme music. They also like jumping!

Character Theme Music!

...actually, that's a lie. EVERYONE in this game likes jumping. It's like the secondary method of speech in the game.

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Oh no she didn't.

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Such an outrageous comment prompts our HERO(TM) to show off his jumping skills. Observe the jump of anger!

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Our HERO(TM) calms down to point this out to 'Miyor'. And compared to apparently magical trees, it shouldn't be that special anyways.

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(Sungki being the fellow who nearly suffered death via baseball).

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So in other words... please go walk through that tree?

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~If you're happy and you know it jump up high!~

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And here the translators display their lack of knowledge of female pronouns like 'she'. Anyways, saying such things was rather rude...or maybe it was just that she didn't pick up the ball. That must be it, seeing that baseball seems to be rather important thus far.

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_He_ may be a _cute guy_ as well. Maybe our HERO(TM) is blind or something...

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Yes, let's. Oh, boy, I haven't been this excited about seeing a ball in years! (I presume he is also either talking to himself, or his helmet).

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'I hope you didn't eat the ball again, or I'll jump so much I'll mistake your gender!'

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Aha! We know know the protagonist's name, and hence do not have to refer to him as the HERO(TM) anymore.

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'Sedge may refer to:
  • Any of the plants in the family Cyperaceae...[/I[/URL]]
    [*]Any of the caddisflies[/URL] (Trichoptera), small moth-like insects with aquatic larvae...'
Yeah, I don't think that makes much sense here. But he seems pretty sure about it being sedge!
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...yes, I suppose that's the case when you're standing next to each other?

He is possibly referring to Bek and Miyor, but it's a typical case of the translation being vague whenever possible. Especially when sedge is concerned.

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Baseball is so important, it's 'the baseball', not 'baseball'.

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All of Bek? I mean, all of him? If you say so... ._.

And of course not what are you talking about the baseball is the only life for Bek.

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So apparently you need 'D shoot'. (D shoot...de shoot, de gun?). Without this...thing, you will NEVER HAVE ANY FRIENDS. Well, I guess it's always useful to have a friend with a gun...

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Suddenly, a phone rings. Not that you can tell, but it stops all the background music!

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Yes, I've just established that. Keep up with me, sheesh.

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Well, is it from that [under the tree]? They go and investigate.

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They happen to find a phone, and apparently it is that 'D Shoot'. Exciting times. Meanwhile the phone continues to ring.

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Yes, I don't follow where this is going either, Bek.

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Yeah, something more exciting than the baseball is bound to happen sometime, so get on with it.

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About time he answered that phone.

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Perspective shot! It is very exciting. It has a...tree in the background and all! But whoever could the caller be?

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Suddenly, an earthquake!

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Wheeeeeeee!!

Don't you just hate it when that happens?


And so concludes about half of the intro sequence! More excitement to follow, along with slowly degrading engrish and maybe, gasp, some 'electric monsters'! Hopefully this version of the thread will reach the end of the game as well! Please comment and all.
 
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bahaha my boyfriend downloaded this onto his phone a little while back

anyway this is awesome, I'll definitely be following :D
 
I started playing this recently, and they do indeed have amazing jumping skills.
 
I'm more interested in the captions then the game. But man oh man their jumping skills. I'm surprised that isn't an Olympic event.
 
Telefang is hilarious. I tried playing it once and just got miserably lost. :'D

By the by, has anyone ever seen this before?
 
This game actually sounds like it would be pretty good if accurately translated!

I'm looking forward to more of this, by the way.
 
Woah didn't expect 10 replies to this already. ._. But thanks all! Replies, and then part 2!

Hm! I'm looking rather forward to this.
Hopefully it shall entertain then! I'll take that and the Hm! as a compliment. XD
bahaha my boyfriend downloaded this onto his phone a little while back

anyway this is awesome, I'll definitely be following :D
Good to hear. =) Hope you shall enjoy it too!
Oh man Pokémon Jade/Diamond is the best game ever made and/or horribly bootlegged
Hmm, idk about best, but it is fairly entertaining, no doubt about that. =p
I started playing this recently, and they do indeed have amazing jumping skills.
I'm more interested in the captions then the game. But man oh man their jumping skills. I'm surprised that isn't an Olympic event.
So much jumping. @_@ Clearly an attempt by the programmers to show who is talking and express some...actions too? But it doesn't come out that well, haha. Besides for anger.
I like the GIFs you put in there. This is funny.
/stalk
There'll be a number of gifs to come; most parts have at least the one. I have a couple image edits too down the line (for a while the posts are already written up, although a number of those need redoing thanks to image uploading issues).
Telefang is hilarious. I tried playing it once and just got miserably lost. :'D

By the by, has anyone ever seen this before?
Getting lost is common in this game, and hopefully in the latter half I will be able to demonstrate the evil of the mazes in this game. =(

And I had not seen that until now. Fairly entertaining mashup there, haha.
Seen it?
I know the guy who made it. I've known him for years.

Anyway yes this LP is amazing.
You should do more of it.
I intend to! =)
As soon as I saw this post I had a feeling I knew what the youtube link was to... I remember when he first posted that xD
Given the views that video has I guess I should have heard of it already. Ah well, better late than never!
This game actually sounds like it would be pretty good if accurately translated!

I'm looking forward to more of this, by the way.
It is a fun game to play even if you ignore the killer mazes and the entertainment from the engrish. Thanks for the post!


-------------------------------------------

Part Two - A Whole New World
Or the rest of the long intro sequence in which a magic phone happens.

So where were we?

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Ah yes, plummenting to our dooms. Let's get that bit over with already.

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Sungki seems initially concerned by Bek falling directly on his head but then decides the tree stump is far more interesting.

New world

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The tree stump probably isn't the one to ask, just saying.

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The tree stump's silence angers Sungki into more jumping!

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Indeed it is - what a rude tree stump.

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Well, I guess a mere headache isn't so bad considering how long you were falling there for...

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Oh no!

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Yes, what are you taking about. There's nothing strange going on here! Stop that crazy talk.

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Ah, the pause for dramatic effect.

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Le gasp!

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When in doubt, turn around and then jump!

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No, it's Munchkin land. With all that jumping you flew over the rainbow, obviously.

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How old is this phone we're talking about here? I mean, I remember the old-style phones which had an antenna, but three, let alone four?

(He's possibly referring to the signal strength which shows four, but who can tell? Still just as outdated!)

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Phones are very magical, it seems.

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Always with the shooting, aren't you, Sungki.

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A 'hard won portable'? A wonna is Bek? Clearly Sungki is too caught up in rambling to himself in a desparate attempt to try and make sense, while Bek is likely thinking to himself 'baseballbaseballbaseballbaseballbaseballbaseballbaseballbaseballbaseballbaseballbaseballbaseball'. A distraction is needed!

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...yes, I suppose a random, talking turtle-like creature suffices.

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Creepy turtle is creepy. =(

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'Selected to stand and listen to Sungki wave phones about? Sadly, yes. Say, do you like baseball?'

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"I like baseball. Do you like baseball?"

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He's clearly not a 'man', Sungki. And find out what?

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Gotta like something!

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Wait, I though we were going to find out something? And look, another creature too.

House Theme that clearly isn't the same tune as used in the first sequence!

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This prompts a yes/no response. Saying no has him give you a Brief History of the Electric Monster's World, and then he repeats the question. Fun times!

The general gist of said history is that the worlds were separated by 'dark curtains', but mankind figured a way to go through them (by walking?). They brought with them phones to make friends with the e-monsters - the 'D-shoot'. Exchanging phone numbers became custom between friends, although now stronger e-monsters had more numbers than other ones. Hence, combat between them and winning was how they got more numbers, and battling was referred to as 'making phonecalls'.

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If not, then don't worry, that was probably the best-translated part of the entire game! Let's find out why this...thing told us to come here.

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Like Pokemon, names of creatures are in CAPSLOCK. FOR COOLNESS.

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Blah Blah woe is village. I guess that's why pipelines are good things!

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They're not worried - they looks very worried! Now that's worrying.

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What sort of trouble, I wonder? Does he run about yelling obscenities, or steals everybody's left shoe?

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I don't think Bek has moved an inch thus far inside the house. Not even a mere jump.

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A friend! A friend of you, Bek!

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Whatever you say, Not-Sandslash.

Phone number Get!

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Phone numbers is essentially like the telefang version of catching creatures. Now they do your bidding and all that jazz! Pity that doesn't work in real life. =(

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It's the map that YOU have to fill in!

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This can be regarded as a [fourth wall] which has been broken.

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Sungki finally speaks and makes little sense.

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'Quiet, Not-Sandslash, I'm still trying to find the baseball.'

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...

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Yeah, perhaps leaving is for the best, Bek.

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And now we're outside! What fun.

Thus ends the intro sequence! Now one can control your character! But first, let's examine this map.

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This map.
It is the best map!
Look at the places on that thing-
The map's blank. We have to fill it in ourselves.
WHO WOULD DO THIS

Ok maybe the phone will be more interesting.

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Phone is for calling! Call is for reading calls! Excitement!

Phone Menu Music!

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Amusingly in the 'Options' part, there is a 'magic' option. Maybe the phone really does work on magic? However, I do not know what this option actually does. ._.

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The 'Mons' option is essentially your E-monster Dex of the game.

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Never has a dex entry been so interesting.

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This was the turtle-like creature.
Who asked Bek 'is that a cute kid' and proclaimed that he would show us 'funny things'.

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Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaay Telefang.

An explanation of stats and then some actual playing sequences - complete with battles - awaits in the next part!

Also this is a neat Telefang site for images like the above. (It came back to life! =D)
 
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Let me be the first to comment on the second part.
On the second gif, you caught time changing from 13:43 to 13:44. =D Not enough jumping. LL sad
 
Hey, I remember this series. I never did much with the first games (the GBC ones that got pirated into "Diamond/Jade") but I remember playing the GBA sequel and getting pretty far in it before I randomly got distracted by something else and didn't play it for a while (so I'd have to restart to have any idea what was going on... even disregarding the whole language barrier thing.)

Does anyone know if a real translation of either of the Telefang games exists?
 
Let me be the first to comment on the second part.
I will! =)
On the second gif, you caught time changing from 13:43 to 13:44. =D Not enough jumping. LL sad
Heh, I noticed that too when making it. Also there will be plenty of more jumping to be seen. I did not gif all instances though because otherwise half of the LP would be of people jumping and that would get tiring for myself after a while, haha.
hurry up and get to the curry guy
Can do (after replying to stuff below).
Hey, I remember this series. I never did much with the first games (the GBC ones that got pirated into "Diamond/Jade") but I remember playing the GBA sequel and getting pretty far in it before I randomly got distracted by something else and didn't play it for a while (so I'd have to restart to have any idea what was going on... even disregarding the whole language barrier thing.)

Does anyone know if a real translation of either of the Telefang games exists?
I haven't tried the sequel myself; only seen short bits of it. And nope; there's been attempts of fan translations but I don't think they got far.
It's probably one of my favourite videos floating around. :'D
It's entertaining, I'll give you that.

Anyways, part three!


Part Three - Looking for NETARO
Or a lot of walking north in which for the patient reader, curry increase!


BUT FIRST let's examine the stat screens to see what stuff means!

...or you can just skip ahead a few pictures. It's not that exciting.

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Not-Sandslash (whose name has been shortened for the stat screen...despite that the remaining two letters might fit in anyway!) is 'Knd wood' - of the wood type, in other words. His personality trait is also to 'get angr' (or 'angry'), which is also represented by the lightning bolt. It means that he'll sometimes 'attack freely' - attack without you telling him to do so! (And how about that - Telefang had personality traits before Pokemon had natures, let alone its own 'personality traits', and these actually affect how they act in battle).

LV is level, and you start at 5 with the starter e-monster (and max out at 99). HP is HP, FD is... a happiness trait it appears (friendship?) as it goes up upon winning battles and the such, and EX is EXP. Maximum you need to level up is 999, btw.

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SP is speed, hit is attack, and fend is defense - obvious enough. Bolt however stands for 'special attack' - and what that means is the ultra-super-special-awesome attack only some (usually evolved) e-monsters get. 'Teleg' is the defense against such attacks, or so I assume...

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And finally - moves (or 'strategy'). Dive is an attack (akin to Tackle), and Diverge boosts his attack - like Howl. The last one Not-Sandslash learns later! Excitement!

And so ends the exciting tour of the statistics. Time to explore the world!

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Catchy Overworld Theme!

We have a time display and whatnot at the bottom, while the signal strength showing changes area to area...and is actually pretty important. We have 500 BL... boring lives? Brown lyrebirds? Bloody limbs? Oh, and we have full healt-

OH LOOK TREASURE

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Just when you think you've struck it rich, it turns out Bek is too weak to move a box. Or unable to climb over it. Even Not-Sandslash cannot do anything to it. Truly the toughest of obstacles.

I bet this is all the tree stump's fault.

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'It is truly a exciting place. Can we go home now to watch the [baseball]?'

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Aw, bugger. I guess we have to go help out then. That crafty turtle-lizard...thing.

It seems Bek already got his running shoes on though...

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You can run so fast you cut the grass! And from the grass you can get currency and hearts! HMM, this sounds awfully familiar...

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Suddenly, a KESI. Oh god that's not familiar in the slightest.

Battle Intro Music!

Ah, our first battle. Fight is...well, fight, Position means 'check out the opponent's stats and whatnot', and Escape is Escape.

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Bek has Not-Sandslash as a friend, but nobody else... so sad. Anyways, during a battle you can call other e-monsters to help you, but if you don't have any other phone numbers, then you 'didn't call the mate!'

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...Miao? Does this KESI believe it is a cat?

Regular Battle Theme!

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That was not very nice, KESI. =(

Ah, good old engrish. What it means isn't hard to figure out, but oh dear, what an awkward way to word it.

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Despite being only one level higher, Not-Sandslash is clearly superior, dealing some 17 points of more lost!

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Moves can also miss/fail!

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The 'attacked freely' bit is Not-Sandslash's personality trait kicking in.

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We have overthrown the KESI and caught it!

Victory!

...well, not really - catching in this game actually means getting the creature's phone number (I assume you got a good glimpse of their phone...right?). But despite beating up this KESI to a bleeding pulp and giving it the inability to sit down for a week, it refused to tell us its number! How rude.

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On the flip side, exp points get...and balls?

Yes - it turns out BL stood for BALLS. The currency of the electric-monster's world is ball!

And Bek now has 531 balls!

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Yeeeeaaaaaaah.

As a side note - any HP lost in a battle can be regained by waiting, or waiting and mashing the B button. Take that, Pokemon Centres!

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'Not really - they're far uglier and lacking in baseball. =( No offence, Not-Sandslash.'

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Well, that's true, I guess - just look at Not-Sandslash!

And hey, another house - let's check it out.

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'Holy baseball - a talking house!'

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Oh god, this Takabi is really Frankenstein's monster!

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I would not be surprised if he meant to teach Bek how to get phones to say hello. 'Why hello there, Mr Nokia!'

But no, Frankenstein's monster just rambles in a repetitive manner on what is super-effective against what with an attack of boring, wordy words.

Meanwhile, another KESI tries to fight us!

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...eww. =(

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After spitting its breakfast at us, the KESI decides that it would like to become friends!

Phone Number Get!


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Do you want the phone number of this...gray blob thingy?

...eh, sure why not.

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Very good indeed!

Let's look at the 'dex entry' for it!

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So it doesn't always come in this colour? Then why does it look like this!?! Yes, KESI, do go and hide yourself from sight. =(

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Now whenever we have a battle, we can call up our new friend to fight for us! Yes - it's OK indeed.

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This allows for wonderfully fun one-sided battles in your favour against opponents! And look, an OSIE shows up. Say hello, OSIE.

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This means...that the attack was super effective. For the telefang bootleg, engrish increase!

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Level up Grade raise!

Grade Raised!


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These are such amazing stat gains!

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Clearly this grade raising business impressed the OSIE.

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What a wimpy entry.

That's enough of this showing of battles business for now - let's get moving and talking to people.

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This thing tells us what types there are in the game. Not an interesting fellow either...

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Yes, and it's once too many- oh hey a shop. I wonder what kind of stuff they sell here?

Shop Theme!


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...ok, maybe they like mining or something?

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It's not just a card - it's a P-card! But...what does the P stand for? Is this a Pokemon card?

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Well this I can agree with-

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What.

...or maybe this is the D Shoot everyone talks about? =/

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Yeah, maybe we'll just buy the game for now.

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Seems everyone is waiting for this NETARO bloke to deliver the water already. Maybe they should tell KESI to stop spitting breakfast in it - then it'll be cleaner! And look - a person who does not look like Frankenstein's monster!

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Ok you're just plain boring and telling me things I already realised. =(

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Bang Bang.

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Oh? Why is that?

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Gotta hate those horrible guies! (But actually, he's not lying...)

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Oh joy.

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That's the entire content of that phone call. Well, have you had sense, Telefang?

Let's just walk north already and get to that place.

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It's a bird!

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A very mean bird. =( Note that flying stuff is super-effective against Not-Sandslash here.

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Luckily it was foolish and attacked OSIE who is strong against it! (Somehow).

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I was...unaware that birds had teeth...

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Hmm, shopping for 'D Shoot', maybe? =/ But let us investigate.

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Yes, I think Bek is a human... not necessarily a bright one, but he still counts!

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How rude indeed!

More talking reveals he wants to just make friends with the electric monster...but wasn't the thing complaining about him one? And why does he have 'no interest in human being'? Man, this game is confusing.

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I don't even know anymore. Why didn't anyone buy him an alarm clock!?

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By 'take care', you mean...?

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So that's why nobody else wants to go wake him up? How rude. You're all a bunch of wimps. =(

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Nooooo not more engrish!

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Sometimes your 'friends' will call you and tell you what item a particular species may want.

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'That is the kind even though are not able to use but prefer'. Okaaaaay. If I get a computer I'm keeping it for myself.

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Yes, I'm glad you agree with me.

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What has happened here that isn't strange?

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I hate it when that happens!

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I am not even sure what [Midew T] was supposed to have been in English...

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Man, what a nasty guy.

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...mood swings?

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Yes, I'm sure it would.

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Bek also demonstrates an inability to lift barrels (despite him holding a drill and whatnot back in the shop just fine).

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A speech! I wonder if he'll tell us something useful...

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Nerikara's theme!

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Hi, Dr Nick!

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Oh god no. A politician!

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You know a politician is desperate for votes when he decides that he'll use a curry store as a way to gather up votes. But then again, half of everyone seems to be crazy, so.

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Then he walks off after jumping multiple times.

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I wonder who is the more confused - Bek, for meeting a politician who promised to build a curry shop so he can become the Prime Minister, or the e-monster who doesn't even know what is the thing that the politician promised?

Ok, moving on away from the crazy curry cult... oh wait, OSIE was one of them. D=

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EGADS!

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Suddenly, a hole.

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Ah, we must be getting closer finally! Whenever you see silly statues with faces you know you're nearly there!

The next update should be no less confusing!
 
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