[15] Dragon vs Eifie (ref: TruetoCheese)

1 vs 1
DQ: 5 days
Damage Cap: 35%
Banned/Restricted Moves: OHKOs, Pain Split, moves that KO the user; direct recovery is restricted to 1 use in the match, and Chills are restricted to 5 uses
Arena: Santalune City

Like an emerald in the rough, this town in the center-south of Kalos glows verdant with lush grass and forest green roofs mottled with rustic pavement and ancient stone walls. The battle begins in the circular fountain plaza at the very center of the city, from which most else can be seen, including the majestic Trainer's School right across, the great Bug-Type Gym in the distance, and the tables of several small cafés and restaurants in the fountain area, although most seem dwarfed by comparison to the notable establishment atop a hill nearby.

For this round of the tournament, each trainer's Pokémon will be wearing a specified hat from the Santalune Boutique. Each hat grants its wearer the ability to use certain moves (usually three), and often adds an Ability to the wearer's current Abilities as well. After five rounds, the currently worn hats will be replaced by another set of two hats, again chosen at random. The hats' descriptions and effects are as follows:

• Bamboo Sprig Hat: A round cap that closely resembles Pangoro, bringing about an aloof sense of menace for the hat seeker that's not to be messed with. Grants the moves Sky Uppercut, Crunch, and Parting Shot, along with the Scrappy ability.
• Boater: A nifty straw hat that keeps the head cool in sunshine and protected in the storm, perfect for weathering a long voyage. Grants the moves Rain Dance, Hurricane, and Tailwind, along with the Swift Swim ability.
• Camo Cap: A beanie that blends right into the wilderness with its military-grade motif, complete with grenades and reinforcements, enabling its wearer to move in and out of cover -- or maybe their opponent just doesn't want to be seen with someone who actually wears camo. Grants the moves Egg Bomb, Night Slash, and Attack Order, along with the Sniper ability.
• Exotic Cap: A repurposed casquette with bold patterns, for those who aim to make an unusual fashion statement and also don't mind looking like they have a toadstool for a head. Grants the moves Hex, Venom Drench, and Infestation, along with the ability Effect Spore.
• Fedora: A distinctive kind of hat that has been through many associations in pop culture, and we're pretending for our own sake that the most recent one is Indiana Jones. Grants the moves Rock Slide, Bulldoze, and Power Whip, along with the ability Sand Rush.
• Felt Hat: A porkpie hat famously worn by a trainer that Professor Sycamore placed all of his faith in. Grants the moves Spiky Shield, Mystical Fire, and Water Shuriken.
• Knit Cap: A woolly, tight-fitting beanie with which one can not only keep warm, but thrive in the cold. Grants the moves Blaze Kick, Frost Breath, and Hail, along with the ability Ice Body.
• Logo Cap: A snapback with a readily recognizable sigil that's associated with the Kalos Pokémon League. Grants the moves Gyro Ball, Dragon Tail, Flame Charge, and Clamp.
• Sports Cap: A polyester cap for athletic types who want to sprint and make sparks fly when the sun is out. Grants the moves Quick Attack, Acrobatics, and Electro Ball, along with the ability Unburden.

Dragon's active squad
Assigned hat: Camo Cap

Red Freezie the female Weavile <Pressure> @ Weakness Policy
Ashglade the male Togekiss <Serene Grace>
Ivy Rose the female Leafeon <Leaf Guard> @ Sachet
Eos the female Luxray <Intimidate> @ Life Orb
Vee the female Scrafty <Shed Skin> @ Quick Claw
Java the female Furret <Run Away>
Nanasa the female Medicham <Pure Power> @ Dusk Stone
fuckin meme the female Sableye <Keen Eye>
Curry Rice the female Fletchinder <Gale Wings> @ Eviolite
Macaroon the female Noivern <Infiltrator> @ Snowball


Eifie's active squad
Assigned hat: Boater

Nando the female Combusken <Blaze> @ Lucky Egg
Adelle the female Espeon <Synchronize>
Mimsy the female Furret <Keen Eye>
Wheelbarrow Dumping the male Swinub <Oblivious> @ Sachet
Pepper the female Wingull <Keen Eye>
blob of wax the male Litwick <Flash Fire> @ Dusk Stone
Lena the female Bayleef <Overgrow> @ Lucky Egg
blob of web the female Goomy <Gooey> @ Eviolite
blob of actual blobbiness the female Misdreavus <Levitate> @ Dusk Stone
Barfie the male Zigzagoon <Gluttony> @ Lansat Berry

Up next:
1.Dragon sends out
2.Eifie sends out and issues commands
3.Dragon issues commands

Re: [15] Dragon vs Eifie (ref: TrueToCheese)

Hey look, we're all together again! Except we're not in hell anymore, nice, nice.

I'll send out fuckin meme, who is very disappointed that she doesn't have a fedora, probably.

Re: [15] Dragon vs Eifie (ref: TrueToCheese)

H-hey... how did you two escape?! I was sure I locked hell up tight... I mean good, good to see you're here for my impending magnificent victory!

Let's go, Lena, darling! You're already at your optimal stage of cuteness, but when we win this you'll be able to evolve into a MAGNIFICENT ROARING DRAGON! Show me that roar! Come on!



Look, I've even cut a hole in your hat for your leaf to fit! ... What do you mean, these hats were rentals?

Well, yours still works, so give me a Rain Dance to start. Drop your Lucky Egg as soon as you can, as well, for this and any of the following commands. Keep your eyes shut tight while you're summoning that rain until you need to open them again to aim your next attack, so hopefully you won't fall victim to any Confuse Rays!

If you get Faked Out on the first action before getting to call up the rain, do the same Rain Dance thing the next action, eyes closed and all. Otherwise, I want a freaking Hurricane. Wait for fuckin meme to start moving first, though. If she calls up an Attack Order, use that Hurricane to blow those bees straight to hell (i.e., right in her face) for her horrible choice. If she's changed the weather or made herself unhittable besides with a Substitute, you don't need to wait for her to move this turn, just put up a Reflect for me, unless she's readying a Snatch. Then just Hurricane anyway.

Finally, the same Hurricane thing would be nice. If fuckin meme dares to try an Attack Order, she'll get what's coming to her! If the weather's changed or you're Tormented, try a Leech Seed instead. And if you can't hit her with whatever attack or use whatever attack for whatever reason (feel free to Hurricane a sub though), just idk Natural Gift.

It is okay if we mess up this round, Lena! Just relax and have some fun with your newfound rainy powers. :3

Rain Dance (eyes closed) ~ Rain Dance (eyes closed) / Hurricane / Reflect ~ Hurricane / Leech Seed / Natural Gift

Re: [15] Dragon vs Eifie (ref: TrueToCheese)

Aaaaah, it's nice to have a movepool that isn't just 6 attacking moves. When Lena closes her eyes for Rain Dance, get nice and close and give her a good Dynamic Punch! She won't even see you coming, so you should have plenty of time to aim and hit.

Then, this is gonna sting a bit, but I promise it'll be worse for Lena over there. She's naturally faster than you and she's got Swift Swim now so I doubt she can outwait you, meaning you should wait and Metal Burst that Hurricane back! (Unless she hurts herself in confusion, in which case toss a nice Toxic over instead.)

Finish up with a cool Spite, or Metal Burst this next Hurricane if you used Toxic earlier. If she hurts herself in confusion again though, let's try that Night Slash out.

Dynamic Punch ~ (wait) Metal Burst / Toxic ~ Spite / Metal Burst / Night Slash

Re: [15] Dragon vs Eifie (ref: TrueToCheese)

YOU HAVE NO CHOICE. YOU HAVE NO FREE WILL. FOREVER ARE YOU BOUND TO ME, FOREVER ARE YOU BOUND TO THE RNG. YOU THOUGHT YOU COULD ESCAPE. NOTHING ESCAPES.

YOU HAVE NO CHOICE, MAKE YOUR TIME.

The warning cleaved the sky above Santalune. Eifie and Dragon turned their heads up at the parting clouds. They both noticed the glowing rays of light shining through a crack in the sky. They looked at each other, faces darkened, faces sighed, faces sagged. They sent out their Pokemon with weakened wrists, the Pokeballs slapping the damp pavement. The area near the fountain had developed a not really slippery but shiny enough layer of polish from the wayward spray. No one really knew how it had happened, except that it had. Some of the older locals chuckled at youngsters who asked, saying the pavement was used to being sprayed on so it just gave up and started shining for itself. Lena the Bayleef didn’t mind one bit, turning her neck this way and that to find a large enough stone to observe her spiffy new hat. There was a hole in it, of course, because some people don’t respect property- or the league’s budget, for that matter.

A spectral hand tapped against the bowl of messy green and dirty beige its owner was attached to. Fuckin meme was not amused with this heavy pot of a hat sinking into her ears, they were bending under its weight. She turned to ask her trainer what it was for, a half-hearted reply later she thought she was a ninja. No one could see her, because this cap had special powers. Though, maybe it was true that no one saw her. Because no one wanted to see someone in camo.



Lena had given up trying to find her reflection in the polished cobbles. If she couldn’t find a nice, shiny mirror then she would make one. She wiggled her leaf around her hat, it was a bit harder since there was a hat there restricting the swaying stem, but she made do. She managed to drop an egg out of the boater, which surprised her somewhat since that’s not usually the choice nesting ground for a Bayleef. The foliage spun in wides circles, and the clouds far above churned in time with it. Wind whipped at the stands, where several spectators now found themselves bereft of hat. Lena was a dinosaur, and even though she was a strong, independent dinosaur, she needed dancing abilities. No matter, she reassured herself, she was a strong, independent dinosaur, right? She would make her own dance, with words. She shut her eyes and began her rainsong. Her humming resonated in the clouds above, and they rumbled out sheets of water with each shift in pitch. Lena was a bad hummer, but rain was a good audience.

Fuckin meme smashed a fist straight into Lena’s face. Her humming stopped with a loud PFTHRK, and she felt her teeth clatter inside her mouth. When she flung her head back she saw three chuckling Sableye in front of her. Now two- wait, fourteen. Now one, oooh it was splitting again. She swung her leaf down and thwapped her face with it, trying to shake off the daze.

Evidently, there was, and will always be one fuckin meme. That’s what fuckin meme herself decreed. This didn’t help matters with Lina or Liner or whatever that peasant’s name was, in fact, she was the absolute height of peasantry. Or was it depths? Fuckin meme never remembered, but fuckin meme was too important to remember; maybe that damn thing should remember itself for her. Right, where was she- ah peasants. Peasants deserve to have their face smudged and smeared, especially that bright yellow dinosaur face, too pristine, too oval. Fuckin meme shrieked with horror and a blob of nasal goo flopped out. Fuckin meme didn’t know where her nose was, or if she ever needed to breath, but she knew the goo was an obedient subject. Fuckin meme threw the goo at Lena, and it splattered all over the shoots ringing her neck. Fuckin meme laughed at how dirty the plebeian looked, fuckin’ scrubs. She slapped her knee and continued laughing.

From Lena’s side of things, the Sableye had final coalesced into one laughing, pointing, wailing form. She growled, that thing was laughing at her wasn’t she? Stupid damn memes and their stupid jokes. She wiggled her toes, some of the gunk had streamed down her front and was seeping into the pavement through the gaps in her claws. She shook it hurriedly. Stupid memes and their dank, stinky sludge. She swirled her leaf about like a lasso, using every muscle in her body to bring her neck around. The thundering clouds began to descend in spirals towards her leaf, racing through the sky. She felt the rain stop above her, replaced with the noise of the sky falling. The droplets had bounced off and outwards, driven away by the force of the wind. As the clouds drew level with the buildings of the city, Lena thrust her leaf forward, edge pointing at the Sableye. The storm’s spiraling descent unraveled like a several fluffy tentacles and shot straight at fuckin meme. The air streamed past the Sableye, engulfing her in the storm, sending wall after wall of wind. Some smashed into the pavement next to her, leaving cracks and holes in the finely laden cobble.

Through all this, fuckin meme stood her ground. She’d make momma and daddy meme fuckin proud, ayy. Her skin ripped apart with every slice of the howling gale, some tears cutting deep before another volley ripped that bit of skin off. The wind whipped her head this way and that, disorienting her. Even after it stopped battering her face, she felt the dizziness remain. She was trying her best not to scream, calming herself, becoming the eye of the storm. Calm. Tranquil. That’s the only way she’ll ever get out. Her eyes glew a pale silver, and it bled through her purple body, covering her in a coat of metal. The wind began to die down, almost finished with its assault. Lena stood proudly, head held high. Fuckin meme cocked her head and grinned at her. Before Lena could raise an eyebrow, the Sableye leapt into the air and spread-eagled. The silver skin burst off her, sending shards of shrapnel thundering into Lena. They were small but the speed at which they travelled sliced through Lena like tiny blades. She cried as one pierced her leg, dropping her to one knee. This was just as violent as the storm, she growled.


Other:
-Santalune Stormcast brings you: Thunder-Trackers! This stormy weather will continue for six more actions. Back to the rolls!



Calculations:
Lena’s Health:
100 – 10 (Dynamic Punch) - 1 (Confusion Self-Hit) – 16 (Metal Burst) – 1 (Toxipoison) = 72%

Lena’s Energy:
100 – 5 (Rain Dance) – 8 (Hurricance) = 87%

fuckin meme’s Health man that health is so fine 10/10 would bang:
100 – 11 (Hurricane) = 89%

fuckin meme’s fuckin dankest Energy u’ve ever seen u cheeky fk:
100 – 7 (Dynamic Punch) – 4 (Toxic) – 8 (Metal Burst) = 81%

Notes:
-Normally, I’m not one for people circumventing accuracy issues by moving closer, but Lena had her eyes closed and wouldn’t have moved away in kind. For the record, it rolled a 38 an would’ve hit normally :p
-I've heard word via a little sparrow breaking through my window and leaving a visitor message that Metal Burst's energy cost is half it's damage. Corrected. *goes to mope about his ruined memejoke*
-Lena's confusion cleared up after the final action.
-fuckin meme’s energy costs are 7, 4, 7 8. Like a Boeing jet, model number 747-8 to be clear. Boieng? Boing. Venison. Deer. Choice. Choice Specs. Choice Specs has how many C’s? Three. Three C’s. Half-Life Illuminathree confirmed.

-Welcome to round two of choice hell, where the choices are made by the RNG.
-All your choice are belong to us.

-Dragon’s turn to tipsily command.

Re: [15] Dragon vs Eifie (ref: TrueToCheese)

Hmm, while it's still raining, why don't you Mimic that Hurricane and spit a couple of those back? If Lena changes the weather, then use Calm Mind to help clear your confusion and spam Shadow Ball instead. Switch to Calm Mind if she's protect/detecting, but hit subs. You should be moving second anyways, but make sure to outwait her to prevent any Shenanigans.

Mimic (Hurricane) / Calm Mind ~ Mimic (Hurricane) / Calm Mind / Shadow Ball ~ Mimic (Hurricane) / Calm Mind / Shadow Ball

Re: [15] Dragon vs Eifie (ref: TrueToCheese)

You did brilliantly, Lena. :3

Now, Lena, I have a dastardly plan in mind! Thanks to this ruling, we can use Heal Pulse to waste fuckin meme's direct heal while she sits around trying to figure out how you made that Hurricane. It may seem like a waste of time now, but it'll pay off later, I promise! Haha!

Next, I grow tired of this rain, so give me a Sunny Day. Finally, just make a medium Substitute. I know, I know, so you won't be doing any damage this round. Negative damage, in fact. It's okay! Next round you can wreak some furious dragon destruction!

Heal Pulse ~ Sunny Day ~ Substitute (15%)

edit: also I like how nobody noticed that I commanded a Normal-type move against a Ghost-type as a conditional last round WHOOPS

Re: [15] Dragon vs Eifie (ref: TrueToCheese)

Lena heard a noise. It was like a throbbing in her head; something woven in so deftly, so subtly in between her commands that she couldn’t help but fall to its subliminal wiles. “DRAGON, DRAGONS ARE AWESOME AND SHIT”. Eifie’s teachings had given her new fire, given her new purpo- “SOON YOU’LL BE A DRAGON. A MAJESTIC FUCKING GREEN DRAGON.”

Soon? How about now.




Lena was a benevolent dragon. After all, someone so beauteous, so witty, so beauteous had to take the reins as champion of the heavens and the earth. She was benevolent, she told herself; smiling at fuckin meme. That poisonous grime was wonderous for her complexion! Absolutely marvellous! Her smile twitched. She should return the favour. She dropped her jaw, delicately as it was carved from the finest materials known to man and god, and out pulsed a pink beam. Lena made a noise as if she was gargling, an ancient prayer used by those on the higher plane to bless those on a less high plane. It went a bit like HAAAAAAARGHLAHLAHLAHLARGH.

Fuckin meme was surely overcome with the soothing melody, look! She was grasping her ears and trembling on the floor in subjugated prayer! What dedication to thy lord, Lena thought, concluding her prayer-beam. Fuckin meme rolled back and forth on the ground, her assorted jewels clacking on the cobbles as they passed. The fuck was that. The fuck are you. The fuck is going on, mang. All she wanted to do was try and remember the storm. Just to get that filthy prayer out of his head. What kind of ‘mon drops piety bombs on someone else, that’s not cool. The Sableye stopped rolling, an idea tumbling into her mind. She sprung up and pointed at the sky, emitting a shrill “wololo”. The clouds flashed red amidst their crackling. Fuckin meme smirked, they were hers now, queenie.

Lena’s eye twitched. Betrayers! Filth! She yelped at the sky, shouting obscenities and whatnot. Most of them were oaths that debased a god in some way, but she didn’t care for logic, she was angry. Each syllabic bullet thudded into the clouds, and they flinched backwards, almost afraid. Holes popped up in their writhing mass, slowing down their swirling. Sunlight dared to poke its head out from behind them, as if to ask what the hell is going on. Her shouting crescendoed and sent a final boom crashing towards her puffy oppressors, evaporating them completely and welcome the warmth of day.

Fuckin meme stepped forward. That was not cool, dude. You can’t do that, those were my dudes, dude. Fuckin meme stepped forward. Fuckin meme stepped back. Fuckin meme stepped forward. Fuckin meme fell back. She tipped her head up, suddenly closer to the ground than she had to be, and looked at her legs. They seemed fine? She gripped two separate cobbles with her claws and pushed herself up. Fuckin meme wiggled forward. Her legs slipped on themselves, she was unsure how, and her head thudded back onto the ground.

Lena didn’t deign to notice meme’s continued hobbling on the ground. She would much rather look at herself. Lena wondered how the art could become the artist, and whether that would have any ramifications on the psychological state of the original artist, the one who molded such perfection from mere clay. Clay…clay is damp, right? She strode over to the fountain, taking care to step over cracks in the cobble that could tap against her luscious foot. A dip of her long neck later her head was swimming in the thinning waters, picking out clumps of clay. She had decided dirtying oneself for the purpose of artistic realization was a worthy cause. And so she worked like a crane, pulling chunks of damp earth from beneath the fountain and plopping them into a rising, vaguely conical (certainly comical) pile. She gave her masterpiece a tap on the head with her leaf, and the shell of imperfections crumbled away to reveal an immaculate representation of Lena.

Fuckin meme was fuckin confused. There were two of them now. She cursed at her legs for bringing this pain on her, first gesturing wildly at lefty then hurling expletives at righty. Her hands shifted from pointing accusingly at one leg to another until she got into the groove and her pace picked up. She jumped her gaze from foot to twitching foot, surprised she hadn’t lost her way yet. Quicker and quicker her gestures completed, she didn’t have time to shout more than a “F” at each offending appendage. She found herself slowing down completely, having whittled away most of the expletive with her rising speed; she didn’t have the time to say it at all! Maybe it was better this way, less swearing, more fuckin calm.


Other:
-Cal you are not going to believe this. I’ll believe it. There’s a dragon changing the weather! I do not believe that Seven more actions! Blasphemy


Calculations:
Lena’s Health:
72 – 15 (Medium Substistatue in the name of thine god-dragon) - 2 (Toxipoison) = 55%

Lena’s Energy:
87 – 6 (Heal Pulse) – 5 (Sunny Day) - 8 (Medium Substistone offering of eternal devotion to thine god-dragon) = 68%

fuckin meme’s Health is not what it used to be praise based dragon:
89 + 11 (Heal Pulse) – 1 (Confusion Self-Hit) = 99%

fuckin meme’s Energy this is not how any of this works:
81 – 1 (Mimic) – 2 (Calm Mind) = 78%

Notes:
- That was a Heal of a risky move
- I guess none of us had the *makes sure the coast is clear* foresight to notice Natural Gift last round.
-YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH shit I forgot the sunglasses

-Eifie gets to be a DRAGON TAMER.

Re: [15] Dragon vs Eifie (ref: TrueToCheese)

All right, Lena, we got this. This round I want you make absolutely sure that fuckin meme moves before you. (The exception is if she's preparing a Focus Punch or a Counter, because you should be able to tell and then feel free to blast away.) There's only a 10-point speed difference now that you are no longer a beautiful swiftly swimming dragon, but a ROARING FIERCE MAJESTIC DRAGON. So please, please, please just wait it out. I would rather you lose a chance to move in a war of circular wait than move too early, okay? Good. Very good. Now...

If fuckin meme dares use anything reflectable, I want you to Magic Coat it right back at her. You can do that in time even in a war of waiting because it's priority! Praise be to the magical dragon gods of reflecting. If fuckin meme dares call back those oppressive clouds, your betrayers, I want you to use Sunny Day right back. Otherwise, BLAST AWAY WITH SOLARBEAM LIKE THE MAGNIFICENT SOLARBEAMING ROARING DRAGON YOU ARE. KILL IT. IF SHE HAS CLONES, SWEEP IT. IF SHE'S DIGGING IN A HOLE, AIM IT. (down the hole.) ROOOAAAARRRR.

Some ground rules. Do not use Solarbeam on the third action if you successfully hit with it the first two. Do not use Solarbeam if she is unhittable (besides Substitute, and the situations I mentioned before). Do not Magic Coat if there is nothing to Magic Coat. Do not use Sunny Day if it is not raining. Remember!

You can do it, my darling banana dragon!

Solarbeam / Magic Coat / Sunny Day ~ Solarbeam / Magic Coat / Sunny Day ~ Solarbeam / Magic Coat / Sunny Day

Re: [15] Dragon vs Eifie (ref: TrueToCheese)

TruetoCheese said:

-Eifie gets to be a DRAGON TAMER.

Click to expand...

i am mildly offended by this
(You forgot to put meme's sp. atk/def boosts in her summary, by the way!)

Okay, thanks to Lena's gracious gift we have a bit of HP to tank with, so just chip away at that Substitute with Ominous Wind and take those Solarbeams like a cool meme. With STAB and your sp. attack boost, that should just be enough to send the sub into hell, and maybe we'll get lucky with the stat boosts too?

Then on the third action, since you were successfully hit twice she shouldn't use Solarbeam again. Actually, Lena should do nothing at all on the third action, since all of those conditions Eifie listed are fulfilled! You know what that means??? Let's knock the rest of Lena's teeth out with a cool Focus Punch!

(If it doesn't distract from your concentration, try to make a weird face or weird noises while you charge Focus Punch so Lena can't relax and chill, though that shouldn't be a problem anyways, right.)

Ominous Wind ~ Ominous Wind ~ Focus Punch

Re: [15] Dragon vs Eifie (ref: TrueToCheese)



Meme folded her hands across her chest, wrist digging into her jewel. Dragon tamer? Pffft, more like a Dragon trainer. Actually, her trainer was more of a Dragon trainer, right? That was her name, in human at least, and she was a trainer. The other one was just…not a Dragon trainer? Wait, her trainer was a Dragon Trainer, Lena’s trainer was a Dragon trainer. Yeah that’s right. All of this was really just hot air, quite hot in fact. Fuckin meme had used it to prepare her latest move. Ghosts have a natural tendency towards daringly deceptive trickery, and using it on themselves is no feat. Her hands arced out in front of her and she brought them in close, and then fanned them out again. It looked like fuckin meme was sitting at a table and sliding platefuls of food into her mouth, chinaware be damned. Every swipe drew a the breath of some long dead god out of the air, and whispers cascaded on the wind. Lena felt the cold cover her in a thin coating of whispering. Infinite voices, saying something just beyond her hearing; their syllables tumbled into one another to form an unintelligible garble. The wind flew over her eyes, and she saw nothing for a moment. Cold and alone in this desolate wind, she felt she was inside a whistle as it was being blown.

The icy air as pulled from her, ruffling down and off behind her, trailing into the air far away. She shivered, this was no way to treat a dragon. So caught up was she in her own turmoil, checking her complexion for scathing imperfections, accusing her leaves of growing ignorant and moist while she was away, that she did not notice the wind wrap around her statue. She wasn’t the target, meme frowned, that vain idiot; she was the path! Can’t beat a kingdom if you don’t knock down its symbols, she shrugged. The people will rally around nothing, the lord distraught, ripe for the picking. The wind had done its job.

Lena the majestic dragon huffed and planted her feet on the ground, encouraging the sunlight to soak all of her in its light. After all, the sun was hers to command, she had sprung it from its damned, thunderous prison. She had freed it from the grasp of the betrayers, and she would rule the skies from the land as the ultimate dragon. Trainers be damned. Her neck straightened and she called out to the sun. A spear of light rammed straight downwards, stopping directly in front of the Bayleef and looking as if it slammed against some invisible wall, pooling into a rumbling sphere of light. She flung her head down.

DRAGON DESTRUCTION WAAAAAAAVE

Lena thought it was apt because it was her pillar of insurmountably powerful light, of dragonlight, and it was aimed at the Pokemon of a Dragon. So it would destroy her, and lead to the ruin of the human-fake-Dragon that dared to set foot in her realm. Her realm may have been that bit by the pond, but it was hers and she liked it. Fuckin meme was blown apart by the beam of indestructible purpose. Lena smiled, then tucked in her smile a bit, a true dragon never smiles fully, that would be vain and uncouth. Completely ignorant of the fact that it only looked like fuckin meme was being blown apart, she was standing firm in the storm of bright yellow. The beam was so large in diameter, as a regal beam should be, that it engulfed the ghost completely.

No matter, it gave her all the time she needed. Lena was busy picking at her leaves and her shoots, her loyal subjects, to see if they had anything to say. Plants don’t talk, and she knew this, but a true dragon would give everyone a fair shake, even if they couldn’t speak. The hat was next. Fuckin meme’s clenched fist shook violently, less of a limb, more of a dam. She found herself rushing forward, driven by some divine purpose to punch that stupid goddamn dinosaur in its stupid mouth it wasn’t even a dragon come on. She followed behind her fist, trailing after it like a rag, until her form jerked back to a standing position. She looked up, and noticed her fist had stopped. She wiggled it around, wondering what this strange yellow substance it had encountered was. Lena’s compacted face mumbled, though inside she was horrified as to what her face would look like now. Fuckin meme felt the tickle of her voice and pulled away, giggling. Oh. Oh that was her face. Fuckin meme nodded in approval at her arm, which had gained enough motivation to throw up a rude gesture, and headed back. She kissed one of her incorporeal muscles along the way. Now that’s a Dragon tamer.


Other:
-Cal what are you doing I am having a sandwich Why are you having a sandwich I am hungry You can have a break in four more actions, man! The sun is firing stuff! The sun is not filling


Calculations:
Lena’s Health:
55 – 15 (Focus Punch) - 3 (Toxipoison) = 37%

Lena’s Energy:
68 – 4 (Solar Beam) – 4 (Solar Beam) = 60%

Lena’s late effigy of immeasurable divine stature, may her trials be remembered as great:
15 – 8 (Ominous Wind) – 8 (Ominous Wind) = lamentations!

fuckin meme’s Health is lit for damage fuckin awpers:
99 -14 (Solar Beam) – 14 (Solar Beam) = 71%

fuckin meme’s Energy is gonna flip a fuckin table if it isn’t used nicely:
78 – 2 (Ominous Wind) – 2 (Ominous Wind) – 9 (Focus Punch) = 65%

Notes:
-Solar Beam cost 2% less because it was Sunny! Be thankful I didn't make Lena go Super Saisun
-bomb has been planted

-Dragon rawr

Re: [15] Dragon vs Eifie (ref: TrueToCheese)

yesss great work, ya fuckin memelord. serves Lena right for being a fake! a fraud! I am the only dragon here okay.

Let's lead with a Taunt unless Lena's got a Magic Coat on, in which case, rev up that Focus Punch again! If she protect/detects or Taunt otherwise won't work, use Hone Claws instead.

Then, let's see if we can't win this waiting game, potential wasted actions be damned! Feel free to waste the next two actions just sitting and waiting, if necessary. If she attacks you, use Metal Burst, but if she uses a non-damaging move then use Taunt this action instead. (Best case scenario, Lena will be Taunted so she'll either have to attack you or do nothing at all.) If she protects/detects or Taunt won't work on her, use Nasty Plot instead.

Finally, let's try a repeat of the previous action. Wait until she attacks and then Metal Burst, unless she still somehow uses a non-damaging attack in which case, what the fuck. Release the bees with Attack Order. If she's protecting/detecting, use Nasty Plot again.

Taunt / Focus Punch / Hone Claws ~ Metal Burst / Taunt / Nasty Plot ~ Metal Burst / Attack Order / Nasty Plot

Re: [15] Dragon vs Eifie (ref: TrueToCheese)

Yes! Excellent! Heal yourself up with Synthesis before she Taunts.

Then, yeah, let's attack her. Let's attack her with ALL WE'VE GOT, YOU MAGNIFICENT DRAGON. MAKE HER USE THAT METAL BURST WITH GIGA DRAIN!

... drain her energy, though. Too bad Metal Burst can't hit your energy back. But you are still attacking her, so she will have to use it! My plan is magnificent! Ahaha!

Synthesis ~ Giga Drain (energy) ~ Giga Drain (energy)

Lena’s face unsquished itself with a noise like a balloon deflating. There was a pop and her snout poked back out, gasping for air. She took a moment to assess the damage done to her kingdom while she was away, inspecting the greenery, checking the foot-hills, even wagging her sunshade about. Everything was ruined, she pouted. Her head-leaf continued to spin in the air, rotating with vehemence. Fuckin meme was worried for a moment, as if the fake-Dragon was actually a real dragon with very poor wing placement. Her worries were unfounded however, and her tensed chest sagged with relief when sunlight began to pour into the Bayleef. It oozed over her like honey, unfurling knotted muscles and closing wounds.

Meme was furious. How dare she disrespect the wounds meme gave her, that was totally not cool. Of course, meme was of a very high-skill and could easily inflict those wounds again in a moments notice. She would. Totally. But that wasn’t the point, mang. It was not cool to do stuff like that. Lena cocked her head to her side, a puzzled expression beneath her raised eyebrow (She didn’t actually have an eyebrow, but she thought Dragons did and she had to fit in). She yipped something meme ignored. Blah blah heal pulse, blah how could you blah blah I helped. Meme flung her claws out and clenched the air into balls of heat spreading through her wrist. That wasn’t the point, you can do nice things for your opponent, mang, but step off on disrespecting someone’s hard work. Lena was giving meme approval for her efforts against the fake dragon.

That did it. Lena’s expression stilled, her eyes widened. Fake?

Fake?

Fuckin meme gulped. Lena roared, and a battalion of vines emerged from her shoots. Sounded was the battlecry, and the vines moved with determined purpose, weaving around each other with every transmitted order of their master dragon. The one true dragon. Lena gritted her teeth as the vines completed their construction. Her head was now at the center of the most organic cannon she could build. The vines had worked admirably, and she reminded herself to thank them once the world was laid to waste. Meme’s world, that is. Another roar, risen in magnitude, sent shivers down meme’s spine, meeting the rising, tense blood halfway and telling them some bad stuff was coming. The spectators in the stands behind meme hurriedly cleared the path of the impending beam.

Meme was struck by light. It was a quasar nestled inside Lena’s mouth, a brilliant beam of greens and whites that blasted across the battlefield. It was like Lena was firing a train from her mouth, it just kept going and going, the vines near the brim of her cannon-ring pulsing with white veins. The pulses ran down the entirety of the cannon, until they disappeared into Lena’s unflinching body.

As the beam died down, cracks in the pavement began to show. The bystanders thought they were cracks at least, because they thought there was still a pavement to be cracked. The beam had more or less left a shallow trench in its wake, and it was slowly coming into view as the blast receded. It was being pulled back into Lena, having collected the final glob of energy to distribute amongst her failing limbs. But it stopped. The beam flayed outwards, fanning like a flower suddenly coming into bloom. The smaller, reflected pillars of light curve through the air and right back at Lena. The crowd gasped as a metal form revealed itself in the heat of the ray. Fuckin meme stepped forward, the light bouncing off her pure metallic armor. As she got closer the beams of light strained against themselves, bending closer and closer to Lena. It was like arches of light were trailing from the silver Sableye, flying towards Lena. Fuckin meme retained her pace, braving the storm. Pieces of the armor tore off and followed the beams, driven by their force directly into Lena’s cannon. The sound of sinews snapping followed in their wake, and the vines began to tear apart and crumble. The blades of metal continued, boring further and further through the thicket. But the jungle of thorns was enough to halt their progress, and they never touched the dragon herself.

Fuckin meme’s armor fell to the ground with a clatter, and she followed suit. Both Pokemon panted, but only one clutched at the glassy stone the beam had left.


Other:
-Cal? My toupee Is that your comment? Really? My toupee Oi, get back here. Ju-just wait an action! Toupee.


Calculations:
Lena’s Health:
37 + 63 (Synthesis) – 4 (Toxipoison) = 96%

Lena’s Energy:
60 – 32 (Synthesis) + 3 * 2 (Giga Drain Recovery) - 3 * 2 (Giga Drain) = 28%

fuckin meme’s Health why is there a beard on my face where did this- I found it!:
71%

fuckin meme’s Energy No, wait! come back!:
65 – 4 (Taunt) – 7 (Giga Drain) – 7 (Giga Drain) – 2 (Metal Burst) – 2 (Metal Burst) = 43%

Notes:
-The damage numbers weren't as substantial as I thought they would be >.>
-According to a ruling made here, Energy damage is not counted towards Metal Burst damage.

-Eifie must forge onward and reclaim Lena's draconian honour!

Excellent, Lena! Now we're right in the lead where we belong, and we're nearly done with this useless hat! please get a good one next round

First off, if you see fuckin meme preparing another Focus Punch, punch her right in the energy with another Giga Drain. Otherwise, I want you to use Echoed Voice and wail as loudly as you can. Frickin... give fuckin meme a nice TROLOLO. See, we can do memes, too! Get over to one of those cafés and get yourself right in with all those chairs and tables and innocent bystanders, stay away from the meme and drown out everything she says with your draconic roar elegant singing. Scream out all the rest of that rage! Don't worry about the fate of the café patrons, the league will handle it. The distance and the general chaos of all this should be a pretty good distraction. No Taunts or Torments for you this action!

Then, once that wears off, I need you to wait around again. Sorry. Pleeeeeease wait as long as you can, I don't even care if you get stuck in a loop of circular waiting, do it. If she uses anything you can Magic Coat, I need you to Magic Coat it. If she's preparing a Focus Punch or using something really powerful or whatever that'd really inhibit your ability to Chill, or if you just can't Chill for any other reason, Giga Drain her energy. Otherwise, or if you can't use whatever move you need to, please do your best to Chill (maybe the tables and chairs and innocent bystanders will help keep you safe) and we will wreak some ultimate destruction with your next hat!

Echoed Voice / Giga Drain (energy) ~ Chill / Giga Drain (energy) / Magic Coat ~ Chill / Giga Drain (energy) / Magic Coat

:Y stall war it is, then

Lena's going to take a sec to see if you're preparing a Focus Punch, in which time you need to do your best to look like you're trying to do a Focus Punch! Pull your fist back and make a face like you're concentrating or something. That should bait her into using Giga Drain, which you should then Spite. Actually, if you can pull off a Spite right when Lena pauses to see what you're doing, that would be most ideal! (Although, this could totally backfire and if she just starts yelling before you can go, use... Calm Mind instead, why not.)

Then, be nice and quiet so when you Snatch Lena's Chills, you get a good chunk of energy back B)

Spite / Calm Mind ~ Snatch ~ Snatch

Meme hopped from foot to foot, barely tapping the sunken earth. It was nice that she was in the depressed trench, the ground only seemed glassy, but it was actually surprising grainy. Some of the bits of dirt stuck to her feet as they smacked the earth rhythmically. She was ready, she was floating, floating like a fuckin’ Lepidoptera, possibly a Papilionoidea if you wanted to be specific. Her pedantry would not be approved, however, and even the mere implication of a bug angered Lena. How dare she mention such a putrid insect in the presence of the great dragon.

A bundle of vines sprung from her shoulder, wrapping themselves into a miniature cannon. Being the great, hindsighted dragon she was, Lena had realized her folly with her previous attempt. It was much too large, she needed something more focued, more personal. A click was heard, not metallic or anything plastic, but like a finger tapping wood. Lena nodded, it was appropriate, and praised her organs for thinking of the noise. A beam of green light spun out of the whirring cannon- the whirring, naturally, following the sound of leaves rustling- and into fuckin meme’s shoulder. Her left arm shot back, and shock flew onto her face. She jerked her head around, noticing a strange tucking at the base of her neck. Her shoulder was gone. There was a smouldering hole where it should’ve been. Smokey sinews strained from either side of the gaping wound, trying to tie back together. She turned to Lena and pointed at the wound. Not cool, bro. Not cool, I need that arm. For Academic Purposes.

Lena’s face was wrung with disgust, she almost wanted to go back to being squished. Her insides sure felt that way, while still trying to force a knot of bile out of her. Her eyelids fluttered and she gulped down the acidic burning. Oh god please no. She couldn’t get the thought out of her head. But…but she had to, she had to calm herself. Oh god…why would anyone say that that’s disgusting.

Meme watched her sweat from the other side of the battlefield, gripping her lack of a shoulder. A smile formed on her face, she’d fallen for the trap, and now she’d never use that move again! She’d been Pavloved! Mwahaha. Of course, meme herself almost spit-up when she said that, but it had to be done. She lifted her right hand from the wound and swiped imperceptibly in the air. Lena didn’t notice the Sableye’s shadow grow in front of her. It reached out an arm and clawed at Lena’s shadow, right where her head was. The dinosaur-gon’s flat, dark friend shook its head and whimpered, then tried to bark at the retreating ghost.

Oh god it’s getting worse, Lena thought. She still couldn’t get it out of her head, she tried, tried hard to calm herself, but it wasn’t woooorking. She had almost broken through, but it pulled her back from some corner of her mind. No, that wasn’t right, something had pulled the rest of her mind away like a curtain, and all that was left was…that thought.

Other:
Cal?



Calculations:
Lena’s Health:
96 – 5 (Toxipoison) = 91%

Lena’s Energy:
28 – 3 (Giga Drain) + 5 (Giga Drain Self-Heal) = 30%

fuckin meme’s Health is forever alone
71%

fuckin meme’s Energy is so amazing do you even lift brah:
43 - 4 (Fake-us Punch) - 3 (Spite) - 10 (Giga Drain) + 8 (Snatched Chill) + (Snatched Chill) = 42%

Notes:
-Docked half the energy cost for a normal Focus Punch for meme’s little show. It takes time and money energy to make that thing look real.
-Lena didn't have any reason not to Chill. So she did.
-The moves that are Snatched are still used by the target, their effect is what is transferred (along with any energy cost, though it's not like Chill has any). As such, Lena's missing two of her allotted 5 Chills. Meme has used up 2 of her chills.
-Hats have been changed! Lena receives the…
fuckin meme receives the…
-I’ll write up the hats and add them to the statuses at the beginning of the next round.
-I hope you (ahah) got (hahaha) the hats you (pffthahahahahahahaha) wanted (ahahahahaahahahahaha)

-Dragon steals the show!

ffffffffffffuck I wanted the exact opposite

edit: Also, a Pokémon doesn't expend any energy for a move that's Snatched from it, so it isn't actually using the move. I was sure there was a ruling but I can't find it, but I believe those should count as two of meme's Chills, not Lena's.

I found a reference for the Snatch thing. It doesn't use the move that's snatched, as you said. Fixed.

Oh, could you link it to me? I searched for a while (admittedly on mobile), but couldn't find it.