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A cramped staircase leading downward.

Meursault

I am the man who arranges the blocks.
In the basement of the Old Asber Registration Office, there is a staircase. It is dark, and maintained by no one. Its stone-carved steps are worn from the thousands of footprints of those who discretely enter in worship. It stretches deep, far deeper than its age would suggest possible. At its bottom, a vast chamber with rough, cavernous walls is lit by braziers that burn eternally on unfortunate tears. Lining the walls are seven doors, each leading to a different altar.

  • On the far left, a draft blows from under a shabby wooden door. The hall behind it is difficult to breathe, as it is filled with dust that will never settle, and smoke that will never clear. At its end, a bronze statue of Brownian atop his dust devil stands. He is the god of Chaotic Motion, of scattered dust and winds, of the wandering tribes and the swarm of bugs.
  • On the far right, a gilded door stands in a white marble frame. Behind it, a sterile and opulent hallway leads to a golden statue of Devon, who greets her followers with open arms and a warm smile. She is the god of the Crowd, the Will of Her People, of Chance Encounters and Opportunities.
    To the right of Brownian, a solid stone door hangs open at all times, for none have the strength to move it. Beyond its frame lies a solid stone statue of Strichnon, firing and dodging their own arrow at once. They are the god of accuracy and evasion.
  • To the left of Devon, an iron door stands in a frame of shattered reinforced concrete. It opens and closes itself at variable frequency with variable force. Much blood has been spilled in the halls of Dril-Daw by those who sought fame over medical attention after his door nearly crushed their skulls. There is no statue of Dril-Daw beyond it, only a painting of Jack Nicholson, or maybe someone else. No one is entirely sure who it is of, or who replaced Dril-Daw's statue with it, but his worshipers in the Order of the Undying Meme approved wholeheartedly. Dril-Daw is the god of fame, attention, and terrible Memes that no one will ever shut up about.
  • On the center-right and center-left are Myrreth and Lirrin's doors of an unknown green material. Their halls twist about through the hypersymmetric fabric of space before meeting in a common chamber. At the center, their patinated bronze statues stand with swords crossed over an overflowing well. The well appears to only be a few inches deep, but in reality it stretches below human comprehension. t has been nearly filled by a fortune in coin from around the world and across history, offerings from those who seek fortune for themselves, and ill for others. They are the gods of hax; Myrreth doles out punishment to those who do not share in her revelry at the misfortune of others, and Lirrin granting a boon to those who stay level-headed in times of trouble.
  • In the very center there is no door. There is only a small circular hole, with a stool placed so that people of all heights may crawl in. Beyond its long stretching tunnel is the chamber of ARNGNTHULW. ARNGNTHULW's statue was destroyed long ago, in one of the many Great Flame Crises. ARNGNTHULW's form was unknowable then, breaking the consciousness of those who viewed ARNGNTHULW's statue; all that remains of it today are a pair of massive stone talons atop the many steps to ARNGNTHULW's altar. ARNGNTHULW is The Unforeseeable One.
Back in the atrium, a tattered book lies on a table stolen from the Registration Office long ago. On the first page are instructions: Leave thy offerings and prayers to the Random Number Gods here.
 

The Omskivar

chah, dude
O Great Lirrin, please do not let me be afflicted by paralysis or confusion in my battle against pathos. In return, please enjoy the serenity I would have otherwise enjoyed on a day like today, wherein it has snowed before I had a chance to enjoy my new hammock.
 

Superbird

Fire emblem is great
Is there any way the database could be configured so that we can make monetary donations to the Random Number Gods? If not, I'd like to pay $15 to Lirrin in tribute.
 

Herbe

mr. business
Pronoun
he/him
O Merciful and Powerful Devon, please let me send out second in my battle versus Vipera Magnifica, so he will not send out second and, say, put a Fighting-type against my Rex baby. Just in case he goes against what we agreed on against types.

As sacrifice, you may have me flaunting how magnificent you are on the IRC. Thank you benevolent one.

Edit: Whyy? Did I not flaunt enough?
 
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Dragon

disaster pigeon
Pronoun
she
I'd like to offer Dril-Daw $4.20 and a Choice Band in exchange for granting his acolyte, fuckin meme, his blessing in my tournament battle against Eifie. If we win, let it be awesome and dramatic, and if we lose, let it at least be fucking hilarious and probably entirely my own fault for not adding a x3 or something.

And I'll also pledge $10 to ARNGNTHULW, Just In Case.
 

Eifie

oh man, good times.
Pronoun
she/her
dear god of evasion, I will give you a hidden ability Luvdisc for your dinner if Lena can just hear a fuckin meme approaching with her little ears and dance out of the way
 

Meursault

I am the man who arranges the blocks.
O Merciful and Powerful Devon, please let me send out second in my battle versus Vipera Magnifica, so he will not send out second and, say, put a Fighting-type against my Rex baby. Just in case he goes against what we agreed on against types.

As sacrifice, you may have me flaunting how magnificent you are on the IRC. Thank you benevolent one.

Edit: Whyy? Did I not flaunt enough?
ye have angered the rest of the pantheon, child. no crits for 1,000 years.

I'd like to offer Dril-Daw $4.20 and a Choice Band in exchange for granting his acolyte, fuckin meme, his blessing in my tournament battle against Eifie. If we win, let it be awesome and dramatic, and if we lose, let it at least be fucking hilarious and probably entirely my own fault for not adding a x3 or something.

And I'll also pledge $10 to ARNGNTHULW, Just In Case.
the door of unceasing clamor bites your foot. dril-daw cares not for material possessions.

dear god of evasion, I will give you a hidden ability Luvdisc for your dinner if Lena can just hear a fuckin meme approaching with her little ears and dance out of the way
Strichnon is a vegetarian.

Those attempting to reach ARNGNTHULW hear a familiar tone, and a faint voice. "The number you have dialed is disconnected..."
 

Zhorken

groove out!
While you're all free to throw money at the RNG gods, I'd like to make it clear (just in case) that this will not actually make them behave any less randomly. That is, in fact, the opposite of how the RNG gods roll. (Heheh roll)
 
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Eifie

oh man, good times.
Pronoun
she/her
dear EVERY SINGLE GOD EVER AND ALSO MUSIC DRAGON, please give Lena the hat I want her to get and please give fuckin meme the hat I want her to get. this is of utmost importance. in return, I offer you a vegetarian dinner. Luvdisc are vegetarians!
 

Herbe

mr. business
Pronoun
he/him
Dear lords of the random number, every single one of you, please forgive me. I wrongfully centered on one of you, and while Devon is great, all others are equally great. I request nothing but mercy. In return, you may have my shame and grovelling. I shall devote an entire hour to grovelling for you,
 

Meowth

but is a sheep entering.
I offer a humble tribute of $20 to Lirrin in thanks for thrice guiding me to unlikely victory against overwhelming odds and staggering incompetence.
 

sanderidge

sandsnom was mafia
Pronoun
they
O great Strichnon, mighty in thine archery skills and paradoxes but probably not mighty in the abandoned church down the street, why hath thou favored thine subject Melia the Eevee with evasion? Hast thine low servant, my dear Zigzagoon, angered thee in his youth and impertinence? Hath my own tongue dared to move against thee afore this beseeching prayer (and slight insult in doubt over your reign over abandoned churches)...?

O, Strichnon...

why did my first move in my first battle ever miss, that super fang could've been so good and cheap
 

Herbe

mr. business
Pronoun
he/him
I would like to pay $7 of tribute to the random number gods for giving me my beautiful bubbie
 

Keldeo

Resolute
Pronoun
he, they
A mark at the base of Strichnon's statue catches your eye. ...Upon further inspection, it seems to be a crude crayon drawing of a crying horse. Who could have done such a thing?
 

Meursault

I am the man who arranges the blocks.
A mark at the base of Strichnon's statue catches your eye. ...Upon further inspection, it seems to be a crude crayon drawing of a crying horse. Who could have done such a thing?
the order of the undying meme are many and subtle
 

Superbird

Fire emblem is great
O Lirrin, my Toxicroak and I are deeply dependent upon your grace, for we shall be trapped immobile and at risk of being forced to sleep for the remainder of our fight. I pray that you assist us, for all we truly desire is to continue fighting, and being a Toxicroak, my pokémon will scarcely be fazed by our opponent's tactics. Let him be able to execute his important moves, particularly Bulldoze, with the long reach of his limbs even while suspended above the earth, and achieve the damage he must do to secure our victory - and Myrreth, I pray you let him prevent our zealous and hasty opponent from acting by allowing Headbutt to cause a flinch. Our opponent must take time to think, and be patient, and if one is not it is satisfying to watch them fall to their hamartia. And if he succeed in putting us to sleep, I pray that all ye Random Number Gods conspire to wake Dokon up as soon as possible, for he hath rested before the fight and shan't be tired enough to warrant a long nap - his enthusiasm for battle must overcome his lethargy, surely.

This I humbly request of you, O Random Number Gods, and as offering I pledge the prize money from the battle, regardless of the outcome - though it shall be a greater sum if it ends in my victory - for ye are the Random Number Gods, lords of the universe, and what you deign is truly right.
 
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