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In Progress Digimon: The Live Action/CGI Movie Fanfic Part One

So, I made this fanfic that is supposed to be like a movie. The live action/CGI Transformers movie made Transformers more popular than ever, so why can't Digimon make something like this? That was why I came up with this! There will be three of them, and the first two will have Cliff-hanger endings.

Quick Summary/Prologue
Eight American teens each find a Digi-Egg that will hatch into a creature called a Digimon. Little do both the teens and the young Digimon know, that they are destined to save Earth and the "Digital World". The evil Digimon Grimmon has destroyed Yggdrasil, the good god of the Digital World that many Digimon look up to. Grimmon then established a new era of the Digital World. Grimmon was despised enough already, and his take-over made other Digimon hate him even more. He wants to find and destroy the eight Digi-Eggs (or the Digimon that hatch from them), conquer Earth, kill the eight chosen teens, and enslave all the other humans. If this fic were a movie, it would be PG-13.
 

surskitty

「にがいのは いやだ」って…
Pronoun
they
Yeah, but you should have something to post when you make the thread.

Also I cleaned them up 8]
 

OrangeAipom

New member
Pronoun
he
Oh. In Progress means that you're posting part of your story, such as a chapter. The summary isn't part of the actual story, so I guess it doesn't count.

What's the point of cleaning up the tags?
 
You know the 8 Species of Digimon in Dawn/Dusk? Each Digi-Egg here will hatch into a Digimon of a different species. That's just a heads up. And the first chapter will be up very soon!
 
Scene One

In New York City, the first egg appeared in a Natural History Museum, in a bunch of dinosaur eggs. This egg didn't fit at all, since it was red with gold blotches all over it, and the museum curators ran all sorts of tests on it, and one of them took it home, and his son, who was fascinated by all sorts of things, was amazed at what the egg hatched into. It was blue with a white face and stomach. It was very cute and dragon like. This was a Digimon named DemiVeemon. It said "Hi! I'm DemiVeemon!", in a cute, high-pitched, yet raspy voice. The boy, who seemed to be in his mid-teens, said "I'm Eric. What are you anyway?", while looking in the mirror in his room. The boy was Caucasian, with dark brown hair and greenish eyes, with a few freckles on his face. DemiVeemon said "I'm a Digimon! I come from the Digital World!" Eric said "Digital World, huh? Sounds like something I read about in a sci-fi novel. Anyway, welcome to New York City." DemiVeemon said "I'm hungry." Eric said "We have some leftovers from KFC from last night. I'll go downstairs to the fridge and get them." DemiVeemon waited, humming the Coconut song from Monty Python to himself. Eric came back up with a huge red and white bucket with fried chicken, mashed potatoes, corn, and biscuits. He also brought a 2-liter bottle of Mountain Dew. DemiVeemon ate all of the chicken, even the bones. Then, he wolfed down the potatoes, and sucked up the corn, and voraciously devoured the biscuits. Then, the blue Digimon opened the Mountain Dew, and drank the whole thing without taking a breath. Then he fell asleep. Eric then patted DemiVeemon's head. The Digimon didn't wake up for six hours, and when he did, he had Digivolved into Veemon. Eric then saw Veemon and said "DemiVeemon? What happened to you?" Veemon said "I Digivolved to Veemon. Digimon can Digivolve and Degenerate to higher and lower forms. I was an In-Training level Digimon as DemiVeemon. Now I'm a Rookie, Veemon." Eric said "Okay... Veemon. I have to tell my dad all this, but he probably won't believe me." Then, a DemiDevimon, who was one of Grimmon's minions, flew through the open window. Eric said "Oh my God! What is that thing? Is it also a Digimon? It looks like a weird bat!" DemiDevimon was angry, since Eric called him a "weird bat." DemiDevimon noticed Veemon, and thought out "CRAP! I was supposed to seek and destroy a Digi-egg, but it hatched and Digivolved! Grimmon will not be happy, and it will be a HUGE pain in the ass to defeat a Veemon! Demi Dart!" and shot a mysterious dart out of nowhere, at Veemon. Veemon dodged it and said "Vee Headbutt!", as he rammed his head towards the other Digimon. DemiDevimon was deleted, and left behind a Digivice. Eric picked it up, and Veemon explained what it was and how it functioned. Eric then saw his father, and told him about the egg, Veemon, DemiDevimon, this "Digital World", and the Digivice. His father then said "Is this true? It sounds like something out of a bad science fiction movie." Eric said "Yes, it's true.", and Veemon saw Eric's father and said "Hi! I'm Veemon!" Eric's father was shocked, and said "I doubt anyone will believe it, but this might be a scientific breakthrough! I might get a Nobel Prize in Science!"
 

Dragon_night

New member
Okay, if you're going to expect ANY praise, try and listen to the reviewer. They're trying to help you make your story into something that's not crap. And saying your too lazy obviously means that you want this story to be crap.

Uhg. This is going to be one of those things where the story doesn't deserve any attention, while it gets just about everyone posting telling you how much it sucks.

Get better.
 

Zeph

Anything but unremarkable
Pronoun
he
Well, uh, let's see.

If an egg hatched in your room into an unknown creature that starte dtalking human language, would you really just say "Ohh, hi, I'm Eric"? Would you not, I dunno, be terrified, or even slightly shocked?

'Veemon explained what it was and how it functioned.' But what was it? How does it function? I doubt every single reader will know what they do. I, for one, only vaguely know, but I'm not even too sure if it's the same as it was in the first few seasons.

Please, please, please use paragraphs. Especially when someone different starts speaking. Eg...

"Hello there," Bob said, walking into Jim's bedroom.

"Oh, hi Bob," Jim replied, "How are you?" He smiled at Bob and offered his friend a chair.

"Thanks. I'm alright," Bob answered, sitting down. "Did you hear about that fight last night?"

(Yes, I made that up completely off the top of my head. Oh well.)
 
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