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Friends & Family

Dar

Dar

oops, did it again
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Basically just post amusing stories about your friends and family. I might share later. So, post.
 
My mother once broke a guy's nose* because she thought he had stolen her radio.

My dad had a dog named Blackie when he was a kid, and grew up in an area with ~0 black people. He was chasing his dog through the forest one day, calling its name, when he comes across two black kids with bewildered expressions.

*I think she broke his nose! Not sure and don't feel like asking. Hit him though.
 
my mom is like the best person ever so i have weird moments with her sometimes

like the time i was out in the garage getting a drink and i walked back inside. she walked past me and because she was in my way i just screamed "AAAAAAAA" and waited for her to pass and then kept walking. my boyfriend had a bewildered expression.

or the time i was like "I'M GOING TO GET SOME PASTA" (i did actually yell it hence the caps) and she was like "OKAY GET SOME PASTA" "I WILL I WILL GET PASTA" "YOU GET THAT PASTA" and my sister's friend was like "does this happen all the time?" "yes."
 
I have a few stories to share:

- A New Years day years ago(meaning some people were sending up fireworks now and then before the night), me and my brother was outside. He saw a plastic bucket on the ground, and with nothing better to do, decided to kick it. Just the moment his foot hit the bucket, a firework went off with a loud boom. We both started laughing, making jokes about how hard he could kick. It was somewhat amusing at the time, at least.
 
While I do not remember this myself, I've heard the story enough times to tell it:

Apparently when my younger brother was very small, my family went on a trip to Disneyland. You know how the characters usually have people to hold off the crowds? My parents saw a woman, in costume as the evil queen, doing the job herself. That on its own is pretty badass. The story goes that they waited through the line to see her. When they got there, my dad said "Big hug for the evil queen!" and my brother actually opens his arms. According to legend, she almost broke character and smiled, but managed to keep it together.

I swear, that story is so much better when it isn't typed out. ^^;
 
I watch Deep Space Nine with my family, and it seems that my brother ships Dukat and Kira the same way I do. Today, we were talking about them. I mentioned quadrants, and my mother was slightly confused because there are quadrants in Star Trek as well and have an entirely different meaning from the relationship quadrants in Homestuck.
 
My family are hilarious. My sister Grabby manages to be one of the most intelligent people I know, yet comes out with the most hilariously silly things, my dad Steve is amazingly quietly sarcastic, and Marie, my mother, spends all her time with mad people (her words, not mine) and is heading that way herself. They're also all convinced I'm Asian.

This interaction sums up my parents' relationship:

Marie: Look at these phones you can buy! This one can remember up to 50 numbers! But I'm not sure I want a phone that's cleverer than me.
Steve: So we want a phone that can remember two numbers and sometimes puts the cereal in the fridge.

Other good'uns:

Me: Overpopulation is a very scary topic.
Marie: What we should really do is shoot more people.
Steve: You're getting quite right-wing in your old age, aren't you?

Marie: Have you seen that new film, We Need To Talk About Brian?
Grabby: You mean We Need To Talk About Kevin? Because Brian was the plumber we had over today.
Marie: Yes [several minutes of laugher]
Grabby: I've not seen it, but Rhiannon says it's very good.
Marie: Seen what?

Me: Do you know where Africa is?
Grabby: It's the big one in the middle, right?
Me: Yeah, the one below Europe. You know where Europe is, right?
Grabby: It's the one above Africa.
Me: Right, do you know where Greenland is?
Grabby: Fuck off!

Amusing FB posts from Grabby to me include:

I had my first dungeons and dragons expereince eariler, i called myself Dick turpin and attacked people on roads. I ended up sacrificing myself to become games master and fuck up the entire game.

yesterday me and Chris watched the american remake of a tale of two sisters, and Chris pointed out that one of the sisters was asian, and the other wasn't and that it was weird, and i was like "HA! Wait till you meet my sister LOL"

Mark Gatiss went to Leeds. =D
As did Harold shipman.
it's where all the cool kids are at...
 
Yesss, I've been waiting for a Dannipost here!! I can verify that these sisters are pretty much hilarious together.

My family are fairly boring and awkward? Though despite being pretty much as different as two siblings could be, my (younger by four years) sister and I tend to amuse people by having eerily similar speaking patterns. :D
 
Well, I'll begin with my family then.

My sister is incredibly spontaneus and she can be quite lively at times. However she has an extremely short temper so one second she's laughing and stuff, the next she's angry and upset.
Hmm, funny things... Umm, well, one time she asked me if I wanted to go swimming. It just seemed so very random when you consider that it was 7 pm and sometime in december.

Sis: *Makes small waves with arms, goes side to side*
Me: What are you doing?
Sis: I'm dancing the octopus dance.
Me: The octopus dance?
Sis: Yeah.
Me: Okay then! *joins*

Did I mention she's 21?

She went to disneyland in Paris to work as a waitress, when she came back she stayed at my place for a couple o days. When she arrived she described her work, it was the most hilarious thing I've ever experienced.

Basically, her job was to stand behind a counter, on a wet, slippery floor and take the orders. Then something like some lemonade runs out and she has to explain it to all the customers, and then proceed to get it from another "station". Then there were these wierd people frome spain or something who come up and said "Cuchara?!" all the time. They were asking for spoons. Other stuff runs out at the other "stations" and all the waitresses had to run around on that slippery floor from station to station. All this while the customers ordered something special like a burger with no salad and extra sauce, and then expected it to go fast. And of coure their boss was running aroud yelling at them for nothing. In short: Chaos. My description can't even be compared to the live show though, so yeah.

My brother is casually random, but otherwise he's quite neutral when it comes to funny things. I mean, he can certainly be hilarious too, but when my sis isn't around he's a bit boring.

My mom isn't very funny, she's just awkward, a bit dumb and almost constantly a pain in the ass. So no luck there.

My dad on the other hand is usually humourous. For example he claims that the dishwasher actually contains his soul, and it's doing the dishes. He also says it's good to talk to the potatoes, so that they feel appreciated. Of course, all of this is said in a humourous way. He's overall comical in some odd ways.
 
So, I was obsessed with dinosaurs when I was younger. Once, when my grandmother was visiting us, I was talking about dinosaurs again. Then this happened:
Grandma: What's that thing hanging over us?
My brother: The ceiling.
Me: Nothing.
I started laughing uncontrollably. Later, she explained that she had fallen asleep and dreamed of a long tongue or something hanging from somewhere.
 
My brother. Just... my brother. He has an imaginary country called Pax Korea. It floats above America. He is Doctor Grandmaster Pax the Jedi Bounty Hunter there. He's also in a band called Bad Junk. Once, the lead singer of Bad Junk got shot by a Pax Korean Nazi and he was replaced by Captain Kirk.

These are his exact words.
 
Me: *telling my mom about the time Vanessa bought Piyo Piyo slippers at David's parent's store*
Mom: So do you like Asian or non-Asian guys better?
Me: 0_o
...
WHY ARE YOU ASKING ME THIS?!
 
My brother. He asked me this one day when I was on the computer.

Brother: Do you like boys?

Me: No (I'm not the type to be dating anyone. Heck, twelve is way too young. Some twelve year olds just don't get that)

Brother: Do you like girls?

Me: No

Brother: Are you racist?

Me: No

Brother: Are you lesbian?

Me: No

Brother: Then what do you like?

Me: Just get out of my room.


Exact words.
 
My tiny brother (aged 6) is so funny. When he was younger (about two) my awesome stepcousin had to babysit him. He lay in bed with his hands up, to her perplexion, and when ever anyone came in he put them down again. No one believed her when she tried to tell them about this, and she got more and more worked up as he continued to keep his hands up whenever no one was around and eventually she was begging him to please put his hands down. I then came in, pretended to leave the room, hid beside the bed and when he did it again jumped up and screamed 'GOTCHA!' henceforth scarring him for life.

Also, when he was one, whenever he did something bold we wagged a finger at him and said, "Na-AH-ah!". So he became conditioned to say "Na-AH-ah!" every time he was doing something dangerous, like climbing out a two story window or pulling a pot of boiling coffie on himself. Saved his life. Unfortunately, he got wise to it.

More recently, he's found my old spiderman costume from when I was his age and size, and is using it as pyjamas. He ran around the house with a picture of me in the costume and a mask, screaming "Me and Conor are the same! Me and Conor are the same!"

So very, very adorable.

Friendwise, I have a 'normal' friend who I'm slowly corrupting with my subnormality. Every time he comes here, he says something really strange. Examples include "No, Conor, I don't write the Skylanders advertisements" and "MY KNEE!!! YOU'RE DIGGING INTO MY KNEE!!!".

My friend Jack and I are always doing weird stuff in front of teachers. Made a joke about having an affair with a teacher's wife, as said teacher's wife, also a teacher, passes a corner and says "Gee, you think I'd remember that". She didn't even pause or stop xD. Most of my teachers are surprisingly cool with some of the stuff me and Jack come out with with them nearby. Like this:

Jack: Hey, aren't those your two favourite teachers hugging?
Me: My God, maybe the two of them will get into each other, marry and have a kid who turns out to be some sort of super teacher! (Accidentally very loud).
Teacher A: Oh, well, if we have Conor's permission, will you marry me?
Teacher B: No. God, no.
Me and Teacher A: Awwwww,
 
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My friend David's (Asian) parents own a store. It has been the scene for some rather awkward moments.

*random friend named Vanessa walks in*
*buys Piyo Piyo slippers* (That's awkward in itself.)
*David's mom gives her 50% off*
David (in Chinese): WTF mom?!
Mom (also in Chinese): What, isn't she your girlfriend?
David: What? No!
Mom: *eyebrow raise*
David: *facepalm* She is NOT my girlfriend, mom.

And an example of his mom's Asianess:
David: *gets an A- in English*
Mom (in Chinese): WTF son?!
David: *facepalm*
 
Oh, Bad Junk's songs. The first one is called Bad Junk(wow, creative). It goes like this: Bad junk. Bad junk. BAD JUNK! bad junk. (imagine metal guitar all of a sudden in the BAD JUNK! part.)
The second song is called The Hardest Cabbage to Cabbage.(My bro got this from The Hardest Button to Button by the White Stripes.) It goes like this:
I got some cabbages. And they were good. But they were hard. So I sang this song. The hardest cabbage to cabbage - oh oh.

Also, today my four year old cousin said the following(exact quote): Star Wars Lego Star Wars The Clone Wars Astro Boy.

I don't even know anymore.
 
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