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It's Vaespar Night

Umbramatic

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This is an original fiction Halloween Shitpost that I have been planning for a few years now. It stars one of my sonas who I love very much, is kind of a sequel to another original fiction shitpost (Steam Over The Post Apocalypse), and, well, kudos to whoever gets the joke.

This is version 2.0 of this story, as it has gone under heavy revisions to deal with sticking TOO heavily to the joke and just cleaning up some other stuff.

But be prepared, for the spooks and frights of:

It's Vaespar Night

A woman in a black dress and cloak, a black dog, and a teal-haired person with hyena ears and a lizard tail sat by a campfire in the dark of night.

"Are you going to tell me one of your timeline's stories now, Riley?" the woman asked.

The chimeric person groaned and stretched. "I am BUSHED after today, Eris. No spoons for it."

They gave her a wry look.

"Say. Why don't you tell me one of YOUR stories from YOUR world?"

"Me?" Eris said in shock

"Yeah, you're bound to have something good."

The dog barked affirmatively.

Eris put a hand to her chin. "Hmm... Trying to think of one..."

"If it helps you narrow it down... " said Riley, "What about a story about... You? Before you met me?"

Eris' eyes lit up. "Oh! I've got a good one!"

Riley grinned as they sat closer to Eris, extending a hand to pet the dog in the process. "Well? What is it?"

Eris fidgeted. "Let me think..."

-------------

It was a beautiful evening. Or at least it would have been were it visible in the Night Forests of what was once North America, which blocked all sunlight.

In a small village beneath the branches of said forest, various Kohvuze - pointy-eared people who were monochrome save for their irises and bioluminescent markings - were tending to their business. People coming and going in the streets, blacksmiths were forging, scribes were writing, children were playing, that sort of thing.

Outside one particular house several Kohvuze were winding down for the evening, the parents tending to chores while the children rustled about, when the father happened to sniff the air.

His eyes widened, and he turned and whispered to the woman next to him. "Do you smell that?"

She also sniffed. Then licked her finger and held it up. After a few seconds her eyes widened. "By the Midnight Lady..."

She immediately whirled around towards the children. "Kids! Inside now! There's Sour-Sweet-Spores about!"

The children immediately dropped what they were doing and headed inside. Though one little "boy", with purple markings and eyes, paused for a bit before going back inside.

Around the village everyone else started doing the same. Everyone dropped what they were doing and took their kids and tools and whatnot inside.

"Why are we inside again?" asked the youngest of the children.

"Didn't you hear your mother?" said the father. "The Sour-Sweet Spores are blowing about! You know what that means! I wouldn't go out on a night like this for a nylite and a half!"

The "boy" thought a bit. "His" father was right. Sour Sweet Spores by themselves were entirely harmless, yes. But the spores are highly irritating to the Nipping Shadowtails that live in the forest's tree stumps, causing them to growl in annoyance. And those growls set off the Screech Fish living in the ponds, which are even louder. And all that noise greatly annoys...

...Her.

The "boy" knew she liked to take her anger out on.

----------

Not too far away, in an underground lair in the forest, a black-robed, seemingly human woman plugged her ears and groaned.

"Those blasted animals are making their noise again. It's ruining my mood. Hopefully taking my anger out on that one village will help.. Maybe I can snack on a few villagers to further calm the nerves. LOVELAND!"

A gorf, or frog person, resembling a fire-bellied toad entered the room.

"Yes milady Vaespar?"

"Start making preparations. It's one of those nights again."

---------------

Back in the house, the father continued to fuss.

"Ooh, I wouldn't go out on a night like this for SIX nylites!"

-----

Meanwhile, Vaespar emerged from her den.

"It may be a terrible night for my ears, but I guess that makes it a wonderful night for my... my... Eyebrows?"

Her eyebrows detached, enlarging and floating around like bat wings before reattaching.

"...Teeth?"

Dark, shadowy teeth emerged from her robe and started chomping repeatedly before receding. Vaespar shrugged.

"...I've got nothing. Where is he, Loveland should have gotten him by now... BISCUIT! BRING ME THE PARAPHERNALIA WAGON!"

It was then a black poodle emerged from the den, slowly dragging a large cart.

-------

Once again in the house, the Kovhuze family huddled in silence. But the "boy" fidgeted and looked around at seemingly nothing until "he" turned to "his" father.

"...Dad?"

"Yes son?"

"We've been sitting here for so long... Do we REALLY know Vaespar is coming?"

"He" gestures to a small orb on a table.

"...Maybe we should ask the Vaespar Watch."

"Excellent suggestion, [Eris]."

He started stroking the orb as energy swirled inside it.

"Hmmm. There's a lot of smoke... Ah, there we go....

-------

Deep in a mushroom grove in a vast dark forest, one particularly large mushroom was home to one particularly powerful seer.

And he was getting request after request to look into this Vaespar situation.

Him, having to keep an eye on Vaespar the All-Devouring Darkness? He's not paid enough for this but he does it anyway.

He stroked his much larger orb, speaking to brodcast his words all the while.

"Anyway, let's get this over with... I'm zooming in on her lair now... Yep, we've got a Vaespar warning, conditions look... bad."

----------

Atop the Paraphernalia Wagon, Vaespar was singing.

♪ It's time to ♪
♪ Lay ruin fon Vaespart Night ♪
♪ Cause far more than just a fright ♪
♪ I may start a little small ♪ - she shrunk down -
♪ but my terror will stand quite tall ♪ - she got bigger -
♪ But I'll be sure to have myself a meal- she returned to normal size -
♪ When I ruin those Khoviuze's nights for real!~ ♪

She spun, then snapped her fingers, causing a thunderclap far above the trees that caused Biscuit to jump.

"Go on you stupid dog," said Vaespar. "Go!"

She conjured and cracked a whip, causing Biscuit to move the cart along.

--------------

The seer sighed.

"Everyone? I'm Seer Mk-Feersin. AndAnd I'm here to tell you: It's bad."

-----------

Biscuit was not enjoying this. The cart was heavy, and he was just one dog. At one point he looked forlornly up to Vaespar, who scowled.

"What, you want a blankie and treats and a chew toy? KEEP MOVING."

She cracked the whip, and Biscuit was forced to oblige.

------

The Seer continues to observe.

"As you can see from my careful scrying,I am paying careful attention to Vaespar's ludicrous activites. And,let me tell you now, they are ESPECIALLY ludicrous tonight".

----

Back in the house...

"Dad?" asked the "boy."

"Yes [Eris]?"

The "boy" took his glasses off. "If I take my glasses off, I can't see how much danger we're all in."

The father frowned. "Put those back on and look the danger in the eye!"

[Eris] sheepishly did so without a word.

---------

Meanwhile the approach of Vaespar's Paraphernalia wagon continued.

A Khovuze traveller crossed paths with the wagon, not noticing who was riding it at first. Before he did Vaespar transformed him into a fruit, telekinetically yanking it into her hand. She ate the fruit down to the core, then crushed the core beneath her palms. She spit a seed out onto the ground, disturbing a Night Forest Prism Worm.

As the Paraphernalia Wagon progressed, it trampled over a bunch of forest mushrooms. One remained standing. Vaespar quickly noticed.

"...Biscuit, back up a little, I missed a spot."

-Biscuit obliged, flattening the last mushroom. Vaespar gave a hearty laugh.

---------

[Eris] shifted.

"Father, I-"

"Shh!" said the father, staring at the orb. "There's a new update!"

----------------

Indeed the Seer, having obtained several cups of some caffeinated beverage, was indeed leaning in particularly close.

"Oh, NOW she's hunting the Fizzing Fuzzbucket! Awfully rude, those are endangered."

-------------------

Indeed Vaespar was using her wagon and whip to chase a strange, orange fluffy creature. The chase continued for a long while down the winding road until the Fizzing Fuzzbucket dived into some thorny bushes, fizzing in protest. Vaespar attempted to follow off-wagon but yelped as the bushes pricked her. She scowled in the Fizzing Fuzzbucket's direction.

"...Well played."

------------

The Seer did a half-hearted fispound.

"And the Fizzing Fuzzbucket wins this round."

------------

In [Eris]' house, there was much cheering at this news, but [Eris] "himself" was just antsy.

"...D-dad?"

"What is it, [Eris]?

[Eris] pointed to the back door. "I need to use Euphemism."

"The Euphemism?! NOW?! Not for 66,600,000 Nylites and an extra 66 nylite chunks! "

"I have to go really bad...."

The mother nudged the father. "You can go [Eris]. But don't be long! SHE'S coming!"

[Eris] quickly nodded and exited the back door.

----------

It wasn't long before [Eris] had somehow gotten very very lost.

"He" had wandered very far into the forest, looking around for that blasted Euphemism, when suddenly "he" came across a thorny bush with a Fizzing Fuzzbucket hiding inside.

"Oh, hello!"

The Fizzing Fuzzbucket gave a fizzy whimper.

[Eris] turned to see a black poodle, latched to a cart.

"Doggy..."

"He" immediately went over to pet. The poodle leaned into the pets affectionately.

"I wish I could adopt you but sis is aler-"

"He" looked up.

And saw Vaespar sitting atop the cart glaring at the thorny bush.

"Blasted bush spoiling my fun... That Fuzzing Fizzbucket will pay for this, and so will-"

It was then she noticed [Eris].

"...Who are you?"

"I'm [Eris]."

Vaespar cocked an eyebrow. "Pretty puny thing."

"I'm trying to eat more. You're Vaespar, right?"

Vaespar puts a hand to her chest, offended. "I'm Vaespar, right?!"

[Eris] shrugged sheepishly. "I'm sorry ma'am, I can't see well. It's due to a condition in the corneas and retinas of the eye that causes them to-."

"He" removed "his" glasses again.

""If I take my glasses off, I can't see how much danger I'm in.""

Vaespar scowled. "Put your glasses back on and look the danger in the eye!"

[Eris] sheepishly did so.

Vaespar scoffed. "I'm Vaespar all right. And I'll prove it…"

Her eyebrows suddenly detached, grew massively in size, and started harassing [Eris]. [Eris] held up "his" hands in shock. "Aah!"

The eyebrows shrunk back down and returned to Vaespar's forehead.

"I'm Vaaespar all right, on Vaespar night! Now out of my way, your little village is calling."

[Eris[ watched Vaespar go. And thought of "his" family. "His" village.

And promptly bolted after.


--------------

Back home, [Eris] parents were staring out the window, calling "his" "name."

"[Eris]! [Eris]! Where are you?"

"Oh if Vaespar got "him..."

------------------

Vaespar was continuing on the wagon when her and Biscuit's progress was stopped by [Eris] sliding in front of them on a hollow log.

"NOW what do you want, pipsqueak?" said Vaespar, rolling her eyes.

"Please scare me again! It gives me a thrill," said Eris.

Vaespar sighed. "Look kid, I gave you a sampler already, you're not worth taking out ALL my rage on."

[Eris] paused, not moving an inch. Then took off "his" glasses and started polishing them.

Vaespar groaned. "You're blocking my way."

More polishing.

"...Fine kid, you asked for it, you WIN. Get up here."

Stairs suddenly appeared on the wagon. [Eris] gulped and ascended them.

At the top was Vaespar herself, and a latched door that was shaking. Rattling. As if something was inside.

"I'm not scared! I'm most definitely not!"

Vaespar gave a very wicked grin. Biscuit whimpered.

"...If you insist," said Vaespar.

She opened the latch.

And everything became chaos.

--------------

First came the eyes, malevolent eyes glaring from simmering goo.

Then cobwebs, of the most large and fearsome spiders.

Then phantoms, dancing around [Eris] chanting "his" "name."

Disembodied legs and faces stalked for "him", slowly.

Tadpole like phantoms streamed before "his" eyes.

Faces with gaping mouths leaned in for "him".

"Enjoying yourself?" echoed the voice of Vaespar. "Take a little walk!"

Lighting cracked as giant feet attempted to trample "him."

[Eris] rapidly tried to climb up a ladder as winged beasts harassed "him."

Atop the ladder, screeching beasts harassed him.

Hands reached from trap doors to grab "him" as "he" fell down one himself.

A screech scared "him" into a luminous cavern.

A wheel of feet chased him."

Eyes, eyes, eyes, eyes, eyes.

Apparitions, swooping over "his" head.

Searchlights, gazing upon "him."

Violins playing, beings being trampled before "his" eyes.

Birds squawking, watery beings pursuing "him".

Arches, wings, shadowy figures.

Gnashing teeth, clawed crustaceans.

Dancing ghosts, volcanic vents, biting reptiles, arches, arches, arches!

EYES!

A box, a spring, launching "him" into the air.

A revenant, hovering around "him."

Until finally [Eris] swallowed "his" fear and took a sniff.

-------------

The horrors faded. [Eris] quietly closed the latch.

"So, Ms. Vaespar?"

Vaespar gave "him" a perplexed look. "Huh?"

"Well, see ma'am,, the Sour-Sweet Spores are gone now. Spores don't spawn forever."

Vaespart scoffed. "I guess?"

"And when those stop, the Nipping Shadowtails aren't irritated anymore and stop growling."

Vaespar rolled her eyes. "Right, right."

"And whenThat stops, the forest ponds stop rippling, and THAT stops the Screech Fish from screeching. And THAT stops, guess who!"

Vaespar's eyes widened. "...Oh.

[Eris] pointed to her.: "It stops YOU!"

Vaespar scowled. "...I could eat you on the spot."

------------

The seer grimaced. "She could eat :"him" on the spot."

----------

Vaespar sighed. "But you're right. I've lost my appetite. And none of the Paraphernalia wagon did a thing. I'm almost impressed."

[Eris] bowed and moved to leave. Vaespar sighed.

"Come on Biscuit, let's go home. "

Biscuit took one look at her and suddenly burst free of the wagon, running after [Eris]. and nuzzling and licking "him." Vaespar frowned.

"...Bah. I'll get Loveland to pull the wagon next time."

-------------

The Seer, for once, was ecstatic. "I have seen many things with this scrying orb. I have never seen anything like this in my life."

-------------

Vaespar resorted to pulling the wagon up the mountain herself.

"Well, that was a bust. But someday, I'll get my revenge on you kid. You'll see..."

She cackled to herself the whole while.


-----------

[Eris] and Biscuit returned to the village and were met with raucous applause.

"Uh, thanks..." said [Eris].

Biscuit barked happily.

[Eris] parents watched in awe.

"I'm so proud of "him"..." said the father.

""He" did a lot on the way to the Euphemism!" said the mother.

They rejoiced all through the night.

---------------

"So wait, you're telling me you've been Vaespar-busting since you were a kid?" said Riley.

'''Yep," said Eris. "That's how I got down on the path to who I am today. And Biscuit was Cookie's grandfather!"

Cookie barked affirmatively.

"Wow... That's a cool story... But something about it feels... Familiar," said Riley.

"How so?" said Eris.

"Like I've heard it somewhere before... Like back in my world."

"Thar doesn't seem.... Possible."

"Yeah, I know." Riley said. "I should sleep on it."

"I should sleep too, said Eris. "Goodnight."

As she and Cookie went off to bed, Riley tapped their fingers to their head in annoyance.

"Come on, think think. Wait, could it be..."

They shook their head.

"No, that was about Christmas!"

***

Happy Halloween y'all! Yes, this was a Halloween Is Grinch Night parody. No I am not sorry.
 
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