The QUILTBAG Club (formerly the LGBT club)

[Byrus]

Uh, I think I mentioned awhile back I was gonna post photos of my top surgery results, so here they are. Taken on a camera phone so the quality isn't so great, but my flashy, high-tech camera seems to have died for good. BLAH.

Standing up
Close up

So yeah, no scarring, and I'm really pleased with the results. No more binders, plus I can wear sleeveless shirts and go swimming. I really feel like it's improved my quality of life, and I'm still overwhelmed that I got this covered on the NHS. Before my therapist talked to me about it, I spent the longest time thinking "oh jesus how am i gonna afford this" because I was doing all my research about surgery on American sites. I can't even begin to describe my relief when I realised it was completely covered. (even the travel and food!)

So, now I've fully recovered, I've begun discussing bottom surgery with my therapist. Phalloplasty is what I've decided on, because the metoidioplasty doesn't achieve what I want, and I don't think I'd be satisfied with it. The current goal is for possible surgery a year from now, the main tricky part is finding a way to juggle it with my courses and work placement. I'm aiming to finish my I.T course at the minute, so that's roughly 9 months from now. I'm really excited in general about it.

 

[Jolty]

wow your chest looks great! happy for you, man :D

hopefully this should be happening for me too next year.... omg is travel and food and stuff really covered on the nhs though that's the best thing i've ever heard

and good luck with the phalloplasty!!

 

[Phantom]

Guess who finally had a total sitdown with her family today? This person.

It was... Not bad. My mom cried a bit and my dad was quiet. My grandma, well I'm not sure, she's a really good actor... but they aren't mad, that's a plus.

I think I finally got through to them that it isn't a phase, or something I am going through. They agreed, saying, according to my mother that when I mentioned being bi (back in the day I labeled myself that because I was in that stage of discovering myself) they knew that there was a 95% chance of being totally lesbain. So my mom said she was only 5% shocked. I think that works. They said they love me because I am a good person, that I'm theirs, not because of who I love.

My mom was actually upset I didn't say anything sooner.

Anywho, I didn't go into big labeling, I just said that yep, I like woman. I've dated women.

It's a happy feeling. Like... it feels like it's my birthday. It's just that excitement you feel just under your skin and you just feel like nothing can go wrong. Like I have exciting news to tell everybody.

I think it's the best thing I've done in a long time.

 

[Flora]

SPEAKING OF COMING OUT OH MAN

I've been coming out to various people little by little, starting with tumblr and just continuing on with the people who don't know.

(I've posted about this in the fwee/grr threads but I figured I'd make a compilation post)

So I came out to a couple friends on Saturday and they were cool with it (which I expected : for being catholic private school students they're really cool about sexuality and shit, plus one friend already came out as bi and everyone was fine) and one of them asked if they could tell another friend (which is...weird because why do you care???? I swear to god that was confusing) and I said she could

So the friend she told messaged me saying "oh yeah I knew" and I thought she knew from tumblr but no she knew THE WHOLE FUCKING TIME APPARENTLY

 

[Aletheia]

So guys
I hate to disrupt your discussion of QUILTBAG characters on TV
but I'd just like to report that I've been getting these pesky butterflies in my stomach whenever someone refers to me as a female
Wat do

it's been 20 months and I've basically made zero practical progress and I think that's beautiful

 

[Byrus]

Eh, try not to be so hard on yourself. It's a really long journey that tends to happen very slowly. If it helps, try keeping track of your progress and concentrate on all the positive steps you've achieved. I kept something like that for a while, but I got sorta lazy with it, and I'm kinda regretting that.

 

[Ever]

I know I'm horribly inactive but guys my brother has just spent the entirety of dinner arguing against gays (and women) in the military before comparing being gay to being a pedophile. I'm absolutely terrified to come out to my family and I don't know what to do.

On a happier note, on Friday we had what we call "pink tsunami" (is this strictly for my school or what?) and a bunch of people wore pink and it was really awesome.

 

[Flora]

I know I'm horribly inactive but guys my brother has just spent the entirety of dinner arguing against gays (and women) in the military before comparing being gay to being a pedophile. I'm absolutely terrified to come out to my family and I don't know what to do.

*hugs* your brother sounds like a jerk. or at least someone with terrible opinions.

Stuff like this is a whole lot worse coming from people you care about. I'm sorry, dear :(

 

[Phantom]

Aaaaand bumping.

How's everyone doing? This place has been dead for a bit so I thought I'd bring it back. Any news? Developments? Heard anything interesting?

 

[Hiikaru]

Oh, I thought about posting this a while ago. I forgot what we were talking about but basically this:

Ki: "[Person] likes that."
Dad: "Huh. She should -"
Mom: "I think [Person] uses 'they' now."
Dad: "Oh, okay. They should..."

Apparently my parents decided to notice pronouns at some point?

Also one of my sisters found something I tried to throw away a while ago and a couple of weeks ago I said something about pronouns and she went "your pronouns are vi/vir/vim :D" "... what?" "I read it on this paper I found on the floor in my room!" That was all she had to say about it so I don't how to feel but that's a thing.

It's hard to think of specific things because it's been a while since anything new happened, but my parents and sisters seem more interested in trans* issues in general, so hooray.

 

[Ether's Bane]

Still only out as bi to my mom and my two younger siblings.

I definitely won't come out on Tumblr/Facebook/Reddit, though - I only feel comfortable doing so on small websites, like this one. (PM me if you wanna know why.)

Doing a project for college on why it's wrong for parents to choose what gender their child will be raised as (obviously, this will include lots of stuff that has to do with non-cis people).

And... that's it right now.

 

[Phantom]

So for me, I'm still with my girlfriend, despite the issues we've been having. I'm being patient. We've been together technically for about four months now.

My parents have started taking interest in her though. I met her parents first, and she's met mine. I even met her grandparents. Whole family liked me, which is a plus. Her little brother apparently really likes me.

Hmmm, my grandma even asked about her. My grandmother who, despite what I believed before, was not as cool about me being gay as I thought she was. But it seems like she's being cool nonetheless.

I'm completely out now, to everyone, no regret or remorse or anything. I honestly just don't care what people think anymore. I'm me, they don't like it, honestly, they can go fluff themselves.

 

[Momo(th)]

Umm . . . I came out to my best friend/roomate about three months ago, and I think it's been about three weeks that I finally came out to my parents. My stepfather immediately freaked out and I haven't heard from him since, although tbh I don't really care about him, and my mom was against it at first (sending me through a near-suicidal depression) but she became alright with it. Now three of my friends know about it, and I'm now finally going to start living my dream since I was five and start transitioning:)

Oh, and I was cuddling with my roomate last night. She's the best:)

 

[kyeugh]

This is all confusing. Can we ignore sexuality and just go for anyone attractive?

 

[Flora]

This is all confusing. Can we ignore sexuality and just go for anyone attractive?

I fully support this idea.

 

[Jolty]

is everyone doing an update on their lives

uh well i've been on testosterone for over a year and was gonna get referred for top surgery this month but too much shit has happened in the past 6 months so they're not doing it now. have to wait until june at the earliest. fuckin bollocks man

haven't spoken to my mum in a few weeks because she said i will no longer be a part of her family if i go through with surgery. dunno what's going on with this at the moment but eventually she will disown me and i am trying to not care.

same sex marriage became properly legal in england and wales yesterday which is pretty rad. if only i had a man to marry :v

 

[Kinova]

This is all confusing. Can we ignore sexuality and just go for anyone attractive?

I fully support this idea.

Thirded.

(I accidentally started dating a boy whoops)

(I kinda feel dumb having incorrectly labelled myself to people previously but like I'd only been into girls at the time so)

(mostly I'm past caring about any particular label)

(and he's nice)

Quite a lot of your situations sound really crappy though. Jolty, you seem to have been going through this rigmarole for so long, and I'm so sorry about your mum. Come, let me shower you with affection

 

[Byrus]

I got a date (17th sep) from the London hospital for a physical assessment for phalloplasty. I'm really excited about this, it's one of those things you just never think is going to actually happen.

I also went to a hospital appointment for getting electrolysis on my arm (since they use the skin from that to make the phallus), and it seems it'll take roughly two months of the treatment to get the job done. So presumably that's going to start when the London doctors outline what they're going to work on, and then the surgery appointment comes after.

I've been thinking about whether I want to do a write up on my trans related tumblr blog about the process when I go through it. There's a couple of other trans guys doing it, which makes me a bit more confident about the whole thing. The more people talking about their personal experiences the better, since there's still so much disinformation around it.

 

[Jolty]

I got a date (17th sep) from the London hospital for a physical assessment for phalloplasty. I'm really excited about this, it's one of those things you just never think is going to actually happen.

I also went to a hospital appointment for getting electrolysis on my arm (since they use the skin from that to make the phallus), and it seems it'll take roughly two months of the treatment to get the job done. So presumably that's going to start when the London doctors outline what they're going to work on, and then the surgery appointment comes after.

I've been thinking about whether I want to do a write up on my trans related tumblr blog about the process when I go through it. There's a couple of other trans guys doing it, which makes me a bit more confident about the whole thing. The more people talking about their personal experiences the better, since there's still so much disinformation around it.

i didn't know you could get lower surgery this soon after top, that's awesome

also i'd definitely like to see a write up of it. i'm still undecided on which surgery to have (or if i'll even have it) because like you said, so much disinformation...

 

[Byrus]

Yeah, I think the minimum length of time between major surgeries is a year.

Blogging about my surgery is a pretty nerve-racking thought, but the misconceptions about phalloplasty cause me no end of frustration. Particularly when most of the people insulting it don't have genital dysphoria in the first place. It's bad enough hearing transphobes say shit like that, but hearing it from your fellow trans people feels so much worse. I think part of the problem comes from the fact that most of the photos online only show the first stage, and people go off thinking that's the end result.

But yeah, I can understand being undecided about it, because it's just like... really difficult to get extensive info about the process. Pretty much all of my most useful info and advice was from my therapist. I was also able to talk to another trans man who had fully completed the surgery, and that helped a lot. I'd recommend asking your therapist if there's a post-op trans man you can talk to if you get the chance.