You: DO A BARREL ROLL
Stranger: RIGHT
You: (Press Z or R twice)
Stranger: What happens if I press them both at the same time?
You: YOU DO TWO SIMULTANEOUS BARREL ROLLS AND SPIN INTO PEPPY'S SHIP
Stranger: SWEET
You: THEN THE UNIVERSE WILL BLOW UP SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT
Stranger: FFFFFFFF
You: SO I CAN'T LET YOU DO THAT STAR FOX
Stranger: TOUGH
Stranger: *DOES IT ANYWAY*
You: OH MY GOD NOOOOOOOO YOU CRAZY BASTARD
You: PEW PEW PEWKABLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSHHHHHHHT
Stranger: FUUUUUUUUUUCK
Stranger: MAYDAY
Stranger: MAYDAY
You: SLIPPY, DO YOU READ
You: COME IN SLIPPY
Stranger: *ffzzt*
Stranger: *fzzzzt*
You: OH SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT
You: THE HUGE MANATEE
Stranger: FUCKWHAT
You: THERE'S A FUCKING HUGE MANATEE OR SOMETHING I DUNNO
Stranger: HOLY HELL
You: IT'S A POSTAPOCALYPTIC WASTELAND SHIT'S FUCKED UP
You: SLIPPY I BLAME YOU YOU ASS
Stranger: SORRY
Stranger: SLIPPY IS DEAD.
You: FUUUUUCK NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
You: NOW GAMERS ROUND THE WORLD WILL REJOICE
You: THANK GOD WE STILL HAVE NAVI
Stranger: ... HEY LISTEN
Stranger: HEY
Stranger: LISTEN
Stranger: HEY
Stranger: LISTEN
Stranger: HEY
Stranger: LISTEN
You: OMGWTFBBQFUCKINGWHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAADDAYAWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANT
Stranger: *IMPLODES*
You: NAVI NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
You: WEEPCRYSOB
You: THANK GOD OMOCHAO WASN'T HERE TO SEE THIS
Stranger: BUT...
Stranger: BUT HE WAS....
You: THROW THE LITTLE SHIT IN THE RIVER GAWD
Stranger: ONLY IF I CAN THROW NAVI'S CORPSE IN
You: BUT I NEED THAT TO STICK ON MY DARTBOARD
Stranger: HAVE YOU NO RESPECT?
Stranger: IT DESERVES TO BE LAID TO REST
Stranger: IN...
Stranger: WATER...
You: WATER WITH FUCKING FISH SHITTING IN IT. YEAH GREAT PLAN
Stranger: OH YEAH... THE FISH THING
You: ANYWAY SHOULDN'T WE BE RUNNING FROM THE END OF THE UNIVERSE AND SHIT
You: OH FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF-
You: boom
Stranger: SHIT
Stranger: *Dead*
You: WRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
Stranger: *CAN'T HEAR YOU, HE STILL HAPPENS TO BE DEAD*
You: IMMA NEED A FUCKIN BIG DARTBOARD
Stranger: *YOU BET YOU WILL.*
Stranger: *I SWEAR I BETTER BE A BULLSEYE*
You: YUP
You: ...DO A BARREL ROLL
Stranger: RIGHT
You: PRESS Z OR R-
You: WHOA SHIT DEJA VU
Stranger: THE HELL JUST HAPPENED MAN
You: BOB AND JANET HAVE EATEN MISTER FARQUAAD'S GOLDFISH AT AN OXFAM LUNCH
Stranger: NO
Stranger: NO
Stranger: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
You: QUICK THROW NAVI IN THE FISH SHIT
You: USE HER AS BAIT
You: CATCH A FISH
You: AND REPLACE IT
You: AND THE KINGDOM WILL BE SAVED
Stranger: WITH MY HANDS?
Stranger: GROSS DUDE
Stranger: WHO KNOWS WHERE SHE'S BEEN
Stranger: OR IT
You: NO OF COURSE NOT WITH YOUR HANDS
You: YOU WILL BE EXPECTED TO USE YOUR SMALL INTESTINE AS A FISHING LINE.
Stranger: OH
Stranger: THAT'S REASONABLE
You: INORITE
You: HERE AM SCISSORS
You: GOGOGOOOOOOOOO
Stranger: RIGHT
Stranger: *CUTS*
Stranger: AM I MEANT TO BE IN THIS MUCH PAIN?
You: WHY GERALD OLD BEAN, YOU APPEAR TO BE BLEEDING QUITE PROFUSELY FROM YOUR ABDOMINAL REGION DON'T YOU KNOW
You: I ALSO HAVE IT ON GOOD AUTHORITY THAT YOU MUCH APPROVE OF THOSE BALLY MUDKIPZ
Stranger: REALLY? I DIDN'T NOTICE IT AT ALL GOOD CHAP
Stranger: BUT...
Stranger: I...
Stranger: HERD... U LIEK...
Stranger: MUDKIPZ...?
You: OF COURSE, WHAT BALLY SWINE DOESN'T LIKE THOSE FINE MUDKIP CHAPPIES EH WOT
Stranger: MY THOUGHTS EXACTLY. FANCY A SPOT OF TEA?
You: CAPITAL IDEA OLE CHAP
You: AND A FEW ROUNDS OF CRUMPETS
You: AND A LOAD OF FRESH SMASHED BADGERS SPREAD ON TOP
Stranger: OH, I DARE SAY YOU HAVE QUITE A HEAD ON YOUR SHOULDERS
You: ACTUALLY I WAS DECAPITATED IN 1782.
You: SINCE THEN I HAVE BEEN ROAMING THE LAND DEVOURING EVERYONE I CONVERSE WITH BY ELECTRONIC MEANS.
You: ...OSHIT
Stranger: FFFFFFFFF
Stranger: I'M SORRY OLD BEAN
Stranger: I DIDN'T KNOW
You: WELL IT WAS VERY INSENSITIVE OF YOU OLD FRUIT.
You: I'M GOING TO HAVE TO URN YOU AT THE STAKE.
You: FOR BEING NAUGHTY
Stranger: DARN. THAT'S QUITE A SHAME. I WAS BAKING A NICE FRESH BATCH OF BROWNIES.
Stranger: OH WAIT
Stranger: YOU DON'T HAVE A HEAD DO YOU?
Stranger: I MUST SAY
Stranger: I'M NOT A VERY NICE PERSON
Stranger: APOLOGIES
You: NO. YOU SHOULD GO AND TAKE A NICE LONG WALK AND THINK ABOUT YOUR BEHAVIOUR.
You: TRY STARTING HERE AT THE END OF THIS VERY SHORT CLIFF OVERLOOKING AN 80 FOOT MINE SHAFT
Stranger: WILL DO.
Stranger: 1 STEP
Stranger: 2 STEP
Stranger: 3 STEP
Stranger: I SAY
Stranger: THERE DOESN'T SEEM TO BE ANY LAND HERE
Stranger: I DISLIKE GRAVITY EVER SO MUCH
You: YES, YOU DO SEEM TO BE A TRIFLE AIRBORNE AND TRAVELLING TO THE FLOOR WITH GATHERING SPEED.
Stranger: DARN.
You: WHAT ROTTEN LUCK.
Stranger: INDEED
You: WELL I'LL FETCH THE MIP AND GET WHAT'S LEFT OF YOU OUT OF THERE IN A JIFFY.
Stranger: THANKS EVER SO MUCH. YOU'RE VERY KIND.
You: YOU DON'T DESERVE ME, DO YOU OLD TROUT?
Stranger: NO, I DON'T, I MUST SAY.
You: WHY, A MOST TROUBLING LITTLE THOUGHTLING HAS JUST TRAVERSED ITS WAY EVER SO TRAVERSINGLY THROUGH MY DISCONNECTED MIND
You: HOWEVER AM I TALKING WITHOUT A HEAD
Stranger: ....
Stranger: ..........
Stranger: QUITE.
Stranger: WE MUST FIND YOU ONE.
Stranger: GODSPEED!
You: GODSPEED
You: THAT SOUNDS PRETTY FAST
You: I MEAN I DON'T KNOW GOD BUT HE SEEMS LIKE A PRETTY COOL GUY AND DOESN'T AFRAID OF PAGANS
You: SO HE MUST GO FUCKING FAST
You: LIKE A CHEETAH WITH A JET ENGINE UP HIS ASS
Stranger: INDEED!
Stranger: MY THOUGHTS EXACTLY! AREN'T WE A PAIR
You: OR AN AFRICAN SWALLOW TIED TO A FIREWORK
You: AND I DO BELIEVE WE JUST MIGHT BE
You: HOW JOLLY
Stranger: HOHOHO.
You: NOT A EUROPEAN SWALLOW HOWEVER.
You: THEY ARE NON MIGRATORY.
Stranger: OH, PERISH THE THOUGHT!
You: MUCH LIKE THE COCONUT.
Stranger: OH, COCONUTS. THEY REMIND OF THIS ONE TIME... I GOT HIT ON THE HEAD BY ONE. THAT'S PRETTY MUCH IT. BUT IT WAS EVER SO SUDDEN AND SURPRISING.
You: THAT MUST HAVE SMARTED A TRIFLE
You: my keyboard's starting to ache from all this shouting
You: BUT WE SOLDIER ON
Stranger: i think the keys are being worn down
Stranger: CHAAAAAARGE
You: there's just a big keyboard shaped hole right through my laptop man
You: D:
Stranger: lmao D:
Stranger: my shift key's decimated. How I wish I used caps lock. :(
You: =o you're a shiftie too?!
You: tis like we were brethren
Stranger: liek woa! :D
You: we should form a club.
You: PEOPLE WHO ARE REMARKABLY SIMILAR TO "YOU" AND "STRANGER", THE TWO VERY SIMILAR INDIVIDUALS WOT ARE TALKING HERE NOW
You: there will be t-shirts
You: mugs
You: even t-shirts with pictures of mugs on
You: and the badges
Stranger: woah....
You: OH, THE BADGES
Stranger: OH BADGES
Stranger: YES PLEASE.
You: they just kind of pin on right here through your jugular vein.
Stranger: wow
Stranger: how convenient
You: Or you can just plunge them right into your wrist or chest.
You: They're very handy.
Stranger: Wooooah. Never thought of that!
You: Isn't the choice STAGGERING
Stranger: I know!
You: LIKE AN OLD DRUNK WITH A CANE
Stranger: ..... WOW
Stranger: fhafhdofa ;hd have to go soon. :(
You: Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
You: ooooooodles
Stranger: Mmmm.....
Stranger: omnomnomnomnom
You: You animal, that's this lady's hair
Stranger: Oh my!
You: You remove her umbrella from your spleen THIS INSTANT
Stranger: It was an accident, I swear!
You: THAT'S WHAT THEY ALL SAY
Stranger: I... I MAY NEED SOME ASSISTANCE
You: Oh I suppose you'll be wanting a /surgeon/
You: That's what they ALL say.
You: Take it out and go stand in the corner.
Stranger: But... I do need a surgeon... it's imbedded pretty deep!
You: Nonsense, it can only go so deep before it protrudes out the other side, and that doesn't count at all.
You: Besides pffft doctors what do they know, they only train half their lives and are super brainy
You: Us average morons CLEARLY KNOW BETTER
You: *pulls it out*
Stranger: OH DEAR
Stranger: I don't think there's supposed to be a massive hole in me!
You: Sure there is.
You: You can store all kinds of neat stuff in there.
You: Like a platypus
You: Or a budgerigar
You: Or a breeze block
Stranger: Or... or a yo-yo?
You: NO OF COURSE NOT A YOYO, DON'T BE RIDICULOUS
You: They go in THIS hole
Stranger: Oh my!
You: *stabs through head*
Stranger: Wow, this is even more convenient!
Stranger: I seem to be dead though.
You: What, again?
You: You may make for pretty good random conversation but you don't stay alive very well.
Stranger: Always been a flaw of mine, you see.
Stranger: Dying at the worst of times. A shame.
You: But other than that you're the first person I've spoken to here who hasn't asked "a/s/l" or disconnected as soon as I intruct them to do a barrel roll.
You: YOU ARE MY GOD
Stranger: Same! D:
Stranger: Except the barrel roll part of course.
You: You mean only /I/ do that?!
Stranger: I just kept saying to people I was 72...
You: I went with 800 and living on Jupiter.
You: Will you believe they didn't buy that?!
Stranger: Seriously!?
Stranger: People these days...
You: I am of course three and a half and residing in a size 11 shoe in an antiques broker in Birmingham.
You: But my lie wasn't THAT unbuyable
Stranger: Wow. This is awkward, but... I am three and a half, residing in a size 10 shoe in an antiques broker in Birmingham!
Stranger: not 11
Stranger: 10
You: What, are you too poor to afford a decent size house?!
You: Tramps these days
You: You give them 5p and do they buy a house with it?!
You: NO
You: They blow it on crap like food. Wasters.
Stranger: I'm sorry, I didn't know it would offend you!
You: I'm just dismayed and disgusted in equal measure by your shabby living conditions.
You: I bet you don't even have an indoor bathroom.
You: You have to shower out on the lawn, correct?
Stranger: ....
Stranger: How... how do you know!?
Stranger: Are you a STALKER?
You: I was in the police car that caught you at it last Thursday.
You: And Wednesday
You: And Tuesday
You: And Monday...
You: CLEAN FREAK
Stranger: AUDIBLE GASP!
You: A QUICK WASH PER MILLENIUM IS PERFECTLY SUFFICIENT
You: PEOPLE LIKE YOU MAKE ME RETCH MY STEAMING GUTS OUT WITH YOUR "OOOH, THERE'S VISIBLE GROWTH OF MOULD COATING MY BODY, I SHOULD SCRAPE IT OFF"
You: >:(
You: Know what you should try instead?
Stranger: What?
You: DO A BARREL ROLL
Stranger: RIGHT
You: (Press Z or R twice)
Stranger: What happens if I press them both at the same time?
You: YOU DO TWO SIMULTANEOUS BARREL ROLLS AND SPIN INTO PEPPY'S SHIP
Stranger: SWEET
You: THEN THE UNIVERSE WILL BLOW UP SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT
Stranger: FFFFFFFF
You: SO I CAN'T LET YOU DO THAT STAR FOX
Stranger: TOUGH
Stranger: *DOES IT ANYWAY*
You: OH MY GOD NOOOOOOOO YOU CRAZY BASTARD
Stranger: I'M GONNA HAVE TO GO, IT'S LATE D:
Stranger: *CREATES A PARADOX*
You: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
You: FAREWELL AWESOME GUY
Stranger: FAREWELL ALSO AWESOME GUY. ;O;
You: MAY WE HOPE FOR THE UNLIKELY CHANCE WE HAPPEN TO BE MADE TO CONVERSE AGAIN
You: WE CAN DO MORE BARREL ROLLS AND SHIT
Stranger: SWEET
Stranger: IF YOU ASK ME TO BARREL ROLL.
Stranger: I WILL DESTROY THE UNIVERSE.
You: DOITDOITDOITNOOOOOOOOOOOOW
Stranger: *DESTROYS THE UNIVERSE IN A FIT ON INFINITE RAGE!*
You: SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT
Stranger: *IS GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONE*
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
