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The QUILTBAG Club (formerly the LGBT club)

um hi guys? I've come upon the sudden realisation that I a) am really attracted to one of my close female friends (who is bisexual or pansexual?? I forget) and b) I have no idea how to court women

or even be ~together~ with a girl

:S
 
If I were in your position, ultraviolet, I think I'd gradually try to let her know. Maybe invite her to places just the two of you so you can gauge whether she likes you romantically or not?

Gah. As for me, there are loads of cute women on campus. I also kind of like one of my male friends but don't expect anything to happen there and wouldn't really want anything to at this point. Wouldn't be fair when I currently like someone else more and would also probably rather date - if I had the opportunity - one of the females other than her that I find attractive than the guy, due to preferring to remain only friends with him. Watch out at uni, people who are considering going there. It's ridiculously awesome.
 
Yoshiya Kiryu said:
But now people looking for an LGBT club will be all "Hell naw I ain't no knitter" o_O
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Ha ha, I thought that! When I saw this, I was like: "...What the hell? Is this some weird club about an anime about quilts? It sounds awful and boring." And so I skipped over it, didn't really look at it until I saw that the old LGBT thread was locked, and saw a redirect to this thread.

I'm probably the only one who doesn't really like the new name, 'cause it makes me think of some boring knitting club. But eh, not a big deal. Rejoining anyways!

Anyways! Uh, my status? I'm... bisexual. And I honestly don't tend to think of my sexuality that much. I don't really care who knows, although I don't go around announcing it either. I neither try to hide it nor deny it. Most people make their own assumptions about me anyways. Many of them think I'm a lesbian, or something not heterosexual, so I don't really need to say anything. I guess I'm "obvious" or something, probably the way I dress.

My bisexuality is kinda peculiar. Lately, I've been feeling like... boyish. I'm just in a mood for boys, but at the same time, I sort of am not really physically attracted to them. I don't find boys sexy most of the time, but I'd be willing to be with them anyways. I find girls more attractive, although I don't want an emotional connection with them as much as I do with boys.

Oh and I'm single too. I have like zero romantic life. I'm 18 and yes, I've never been with anyone*. And there really aren't any prospects around me either... I mean, everytime I like someone, there's this annoying effect of them being the OPPOSITE orientation of liking girls. I like a guy? He's gay. I like a girl? She's straight. It's like, 90% of the time, it happens. Although I'm not really crushing on anyone at the moment.

(*Except one person on the internet, but I don't count that. Because they didn't count it and eventually told me that it wasn't real.)
 
Hell, I may as well join the club. I've been at the certain stage of life that I've started "questioning" my sexuality. I am more attracted to boys, but I've had a slight crush on one of my friends from the hospital for a while, which I guess makes me bicurious or something.
 
Flazeah said:
If I were in your position, ultraviolet, I think I'd gradually try to let her know. Maybe invite her to places just the two of you so you can gauge whether she likes you romantically or not?
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yeah the problem with this is that she's generally very comfortable around women anyway and I think the only way I can actually figure it out is go "SO do you like me :O". she is moving into a new flat this year on campus so I can just hang out there and that'll be cool.

Harlequin said:
uv: scissor
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noted!
 
QUILTBAG, eh? I guess I'll join in as a gay member, as if anyone is keeping count.

So uh. I guess I should share a few things I found on the interwebs. First up is the "That's Gay" InfoMania shorts, which provided me with a few quick laughs:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TBkYdUgl3-M
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0tHppucxMrM

And next is TVTropes' section of... LGBT tropes.

http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/QueerAsTropes

And the mandatory QUILTBAG LIFE UPDATE:

Actually nothing much. I was angsting about it A LOT during the second half of 2009 and first half of 2010, so it's kind of funny now that it's barely even a part of my life. I'm actually not even bothering to search for a boyfriend, as I'm in kind of a mental mess right now and I fail socializing for life. If anyone brings up sexuality related things in passing (I.e. "When the boys (Me, my brother, and my friends) all bring home girlfriends, THEN it'll be crazy.") I still don't bother to correct them, as I can't be bothered to put up with the reaction. However, I think I'll always be like that unless I move somewhere really liberal.
 
So I had a conversation with a friend today, where we were talking about this other friend of ours, whom I used to be really close friends with until he started being a bit of a figurative penis.The friend I was talking to, however, told me of a conversation they had about this other guy we know, who can never decide if he's bi or gay and always makes a big drama about it.

So apparently during this conversation, this little extract came up (1 is the girl I was actually talking to, 2 is the guy I used to be close with and with whom she was talking):

1: I really hate it when people go on about being gay just for attention.
2: Yeah. Reminds me of someone else.
1: Who do you mean?
2: You know? That other one we know?
1: [Who etc]
1: *Nods in my direction*

And, well, yeah, when she told me he'd said that, I was genuinely really offended. Apparently the conversation continued with him saying that I apparently 'decided' to like men just so I could 'get attention' from people. While this of course makes no sense for reasons I don't even need to explain, the one thing that is strangest is that his mother has been in a long-lasting relationship with another woman for, as far as I know, at least five years. Surely he should know there's no "choice" about it?

After she told me this, I just sat there spluttering in utter offence and bemusement.

Frankly the only thing stopping me from sending him a very angry e-mail is the fact that I know he'd probably entirely ignore it.
 
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In fairness, there's research to suggest that female sexuality is wired differently to male sexuality and that there is a far greater degree of flexibility when compared with male sexuality in general.

I mean, not that that's particularly relevant to you right now, I just thought it was interesting to note. Like, women might not necessarily have an orientation but rather a preference (whereas the opposite seems to be true for males).
 
Harlequin said:
In fairness, there's research to suggest that female sexuality is wired differently to male sexuality and that there is a far greater degree of flexibility when compared with male sexuality in general.

I mean, not that that's particularly relevant to you right now, I just thought it was interesting to note. Like, women might not necessarily have an orientation but rather a preference (whereas the opposite seems to be true for males).
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I would love to hear the methodology used to determine that.
 
Ugh, my friends :( So I was saying something the other day to one of them, and I had to explain what asexuality was, and they keep going all like 'LOL IF YOU'RE ASEXUAL YOU REPRODUCE WITH YOURSELF :O' and I keep having to be 'no, that's wrong.' It's annoying and plus, one of them is bi, so I hoped she of all people would be a little less like this (as opposed to my other, superconservative friend.)
 
opaltiger said:
I would love to hear the methodology used to determine that.
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I don't remember where to find the actual study and I'm not bothered enough to Google it, but I remember reading about some scientists who showed a series of images ranging from merely romantic to hardcore erotic to the test's subjects (which were of various sexualities) and observed the levels of pleasure-inducing chemicals in the brain. Straight men tended to have the chemical release more for couples involving at least one woman, and gay men had the chemical release more for couples involving at least one man, but the kicker was that most women had the chemical release for most of the images, regardless of the sexuality depicted.

That's not to say that women's sexualities are more flexible than men's. But I interpreted it more along the lines of, for non-straight sexualities, women are geared more toward a "wider"/"open" sexuality like bi/pansexuality, and men more toward a more "specific" one like homosexuality. It would certainly explain why there seem to be so many more bisexual women than men. (Well, that, and the Western world's attitude of "woman on woman = hot, man on man = disgusting".)
 
Elliekat said:
Ugh, my friends :( So I was saying something the other day to one of them, and I had to explain what asexuality was, and they keep going all like 'LOL IF YOU'RE ASEXUAL YOU REPRODUCE WITH YOURSELF :O' and I keep having to be 'no, that's wrong.' It's annoying and plus, one of them is bi, so I hoped she of all people would be a little less like this (as opposed to my other, superconservative friend.)
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Oh god. Everyone I know is like this >:|
 
Starlit Ocean said:
Please tell me they're joking. Please.
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...No, probably not. I've encountered that kind of stupidity as well. :/ And also being asked "Won't I be lonely?" because of course no interest in romance or sex automatically means I am alone forever.
 
err i make the asexuality joke all the time

(mostly because I would be extremely pleased with the ability to bud off a clone of myself)
 
opaltiger said:
I would love to hear the methodology used to determine that.
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I'll try to find the original articles, if you want. At the time I read them it was only a suggestion that women might be wired slightly differently. I just thought I'd mention it because it's interesting.
 
Jack_the_PumpkinKing said:
I don't remember where to find the actual study and I'm not bothered enough to Google it, but I remember reading about some scientists who showed a series of images ranging from merely romantic to hardcore erotic to the test's subjects (which were of various sexualities) and observed the levels of pleasure-inducing chemicals in the brain. Straight men tended to have the chemical release more for couples involving at least one woman, and gay men had the chemical release more for couples involving at least one man, but the kicker was that most women had the chemical release for most of the images, regardless of the sexuality depicted.

That's not to say that women's sexualities are more flexible than men's. But I interpreted it more along the lines of, for non-straight sexualities, women are geared more toward a "wider"/"open" sexuality like bi/pansexuality, and men more toward a more "specific" one like homosexuality. It would certainly explain why there seem to be so many more bisexual women than men. (Well, that, and the Western world's attitude of "woman on woman = hot, man on man = disgusting".)
Click to expand...

That really doesn't make much sense to me. Looking at this research, if you wanted to actually take anything from it, wouldn't it just be that men tend to react more to sexual images than romantic ones, and the opposite for women?

Images can be romantically pleasing regardless of who is in them. But obviously sexual images aren't going to be pleasing for you if you're not attracted to who's in them. Seriously, this is an awful study. :|
 
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