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You laugh you lose (aka POST ALL FUNNY STUFF HERE)

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Had to resist laughter a little since the most recent 5 pages, but I've not laughed. Anyone care to change that? =P
 
A vicar and his friend go out for a game of golf. The vicar gets a hole in one on the first hole. His friend steps up to putt, and distracted by his determination to equal the vicar he misses.

"Damnit, I missed the bugger!" he shouts.

The vicar looks across coldly, and says, "my son, mind your tongue, or the lord will open the heavens and strike you down with a thunderbolt."

Anyway, the game continues, until the final hole. The friend must get a hole in one to beat the vicar, and again, he misses.

Not thinking, he screams "Damnit, I missed the bugger!".

The clouds part, and a thunderbolt rains down, hits the vicar, and strikes him stone dead.

And God said, "Damnit, I missed the bugger!!!".
 
A vicar and his friend go out for a game of golf. The vicar gets a hole in one on the first hole. His friend steps up to putt, and distracted by his determination to equal the vicar he misses.

"Damnit, I missed the bugger!" he shouts.

The vicar looks across coldly, and says, "my son, mind your tongue, or the lord will open the heavens and strike you down with a thunderbolt."

Anyway, the game continues, until the final hole. The friend must get a hole in one to beat the vicar, and again, he misses.

Not thinking, he screams "Damnit, I missed the bugger!".

The clouds part, and a thunderbolt rains down, hits the vicar, and strikes him stone dead.

And God said, "Damnit, I missed the bugger!!!".
I lol'd at that. XD Awesome joke you have there.
 
A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer, who was also a blonde.

The cop asked to see the blonde's driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.

"What does it look like?" she finally asked.

The policewoman replied, "It's square and it has your picture on it."

The driver finally found a square mirror, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman.

"Here it is," she said.

The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, "Okay, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop."

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There was three passengers in a plane that was about to crash. One was the smartest man in the world, one was the President of the United States, and one was a little girl. However, there was only two parachutes.

The first man, the smartest man in the world, stood up and said, "The people who would benefit the world the most should be the ones who get the parachutes. I, being the smartest man, am one of those." With that he grabbed one and jumped out.

The president looked at the little girl and said, "I've led a good long life, and you're just starting yours. You take the last parachute."

And the little girl replies, "Don't worry, there is one for both of us. The smartest man in the world just took my backpack."

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A church advertises a job for a new bell ringer. Only a single applicant responds; a man with no arms.

"But how will you ring the bell?" the priest asks.

"I'll show you", the would-be bellringer says.

So he follows the priest up to the bell tower and begins to ring the bell by holding the rope between his teeth, and to the priest's astonishment he is pretty good. He's about to offer the man the position when the rope suddenly swings too hard and the bell ringer goes flying out of the open window and falls to his death.

At the foot of the tower a crowd gathers around his body.

"Who is he?" asks someone.

"I didn't catch his name," the priest replied, "but his face rings a bell..."

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There was a blonde who found herself sitting next to a Lawyer on an airplane. The lawyer just kept bugging the blonde wanting her to play a game of intelligence. Finally, the lawyer offered her 10 to 1 odds, and said every time the blonde could not answer one of his questions, she owed him $5, but every time he could not answer hers, he'd give her $50.00. The lawyer figured he could not lose, and the blonde reluctantly accepted.

The lawyer first asked, "What is the distance between the Earth and the nearest star?"

Without saying a word the blonde handed him $5. then the blonde asked, "What goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes back down the hill with 4 legs?"

Well, the lawyer looked puzzled. He took several hours, looking up everything he could on his laptop and even placing numerous air-to-ground phone calls trying to find the answer. Finally, angry and frustrated, he gave up and paid the blonde $50.00

The blonde put the $50 into her purse without comment, but the lawyer insisted, "What is the answer to your question?"

Without saying a word, the blonde handed him $5.
 
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