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You laugh you lose (aka POST ALL FUNNY STUFF HERE)

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Re: You laugh you lose

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I lost right there!
 
CHRIST DIED FOR OUR DUNKIN DONUTS
SRSLY

Also:

Don't know if this is funny to y'all, but I need to go searching for ammunition so it'll do for now.

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Just took it, too. ;]
 
An Amish boy and his father were in a shopping mall for the very first
time. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by
two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back
together again.
The boy asked, "What is this Father?" The father (never having seen an
elevator) responded, "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my
life, I don't know what it is."
While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old
lady in a wheel chair moved up to the moving walls and pressed a button.
The walls opened, and the lady rolled between them into a small room.
The walls closed, and the boy and his father watched the small numbers
above the walls light up sequentially. They continued to watch until it
reached the last number, and then the numbers began to light in the
reverse order. Finally the walls opened up again and a gorgeous
24-year-old blonde stepped out. The father, not taking his eyes off the
young woman, said quietly to his son .
"Go get your mother..."
 
Some of the stuff now isn't funny, but I'm gonna try to bring it back.

Emphasis on try.

-----
Dan was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the family business. When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed a wife with which to share his fortune.

One evening at an investment meeting he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.
Her natural beauty took his breath away.
'I may look like just an ordinary man,' he said to her, but in just a few years, my father will die, and I'll inherit $65 million.'
Impressed, the woman obtained his business card and three days later, she became his stepmother.

Women are so much better at financial planning than men.

-----

A husband had just finished reading a new book entitled, 'YOU CAN BE THE MAN OF YOUR HOUSE'.

He stormed to his wife in the kitchen and announced, 'From now on, you need to know that I am the man of this house and my word is Law. You will prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal, you will serve me a sumptuous dessert. After dinner, you are going to go upstairs with me and we will have the kind of sex that I want. Afterwards, you are going to draw me a bath so I can relax. You will wash my back and towel me dry and bring me my robe. Then, you will massage my feet and hands. Then tomorrow, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?

'The wife replied, 'The f******' funeral director would be my first guess.

-----

A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'

-----

I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.
'I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.'
He said, 'Aren't you worried about the mad cow?'
'Nah, she can order for herself.'

-----
 
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