Do you think you're attractive?

[#1 bro]

Nope. But I don't care, because if someone is shallow enough to not like me because I don't look particularly good, they're not worth my time.

Good luck with that. I suggest you go look for some blind girls if you want to find someone who doesn't mind if their partner is hideous. (not that you are, like I previously said. you're fine). Anyone who claims that they don't care about looks is a liar. Be honest, Zeph, if this person was the nicest, kindest person you ever met, would you still want to date her? Of course not.

Vyraura pretty much said it here:

The problem you people who don't care about your appearances are going to have is that that very few people don't actually think looks don't matter. The first thing people see about you is what you look like, and if you look boring/unkempt/unattractive they /are/ going to be predisposed against you.

Especially this bit:

Just for the record, I would not want a relationship with someone who isn't attractive, and I certainly am not 'shallow'.

I'm not shallow either, but I could never go out with someone not visually appealing to me. All the time I would be with her, I would be thinking "uggh, look at the bit of hair on her lip. can't she do something about it!" or whatnot. Even if she was a nice person, I would just not be able to stand a relationship with someone who I didn't even want to look at.

There is a difference between "not caring whether or not you're attractive" and "I could have dog shit smeared all over my face and go out in public with no problem". I think people understand first impressions are important enough that you have to look acceptable. They comb their hair, they wear clothes that don't make them look like hobos. Acceptable and "omg hey you're Brad Pitt" aren't the same. The average person might have preconceived notions about you based on whether you're hot or just normal, but as long as they don't actually do anything to you based on that then why the hell should you care?

I mean seriously I'm pretty sure the vast majority of people who are married/have jobs/whatever are average looking, so that's plenty good enough

Yes, but still. I know that when I'm older and interested in having a girlfriend, I'll want an funny, intelligent, and yes, hot lady to date. Unfortunately for me, this is the type that ALL the guys will want. So, she'll probably have her pick of all the guys in the area, and naturally, she'll most likely pick the handsomest guy whose personality also appeals to her. Now, of course, I want this to be me.

I mean, I'm sure that (unless they're butt-ugly) anyone that wants to will probably get a girlfriend/boyfriend and later wife/husband that they're at least adequately satisfied with, but I want to be able to have any girl I want. (of course, it goes without saying that not every female will go for me even if I'm the most handsome guy ever, but I want a wide range. you know what I mean?)

I'm sorry, but looks do matter.

although recently I had an outbreak of acne that I am not happy about at all :(((((



On a somewhat related note: I heard that women are not mainly attracted to a man by his looks, or by his personality, but by his smell. Is this true? I smell fine so if it is true that's pretty okay.

 

[Harlequin]

The thing is, I have to be attracted to someone to go out with them. It's rather something of a prerequisite. Thus I only like "attractive" people. If I'm not attracted to someone I call it "friendship" instead of a "romance."

 

[Phoenixsong]

I never said they don't matter. They just don't always matter to the extent that everyone who says they don't care is going to be magically inconvenienced for the rest of their life. Why stress about it?

What, am I supposed to put on a bunch of makeup and shit and compromise what makes me comfortable, etc. just because I don't look flawless (I assume, I honestly don't know) the way I am? No thanks.

Again: acceptable is, you know, acceptable.

 

[Harlequin]

obviously but nobody is going to look twice at you if they don't think you're attractive. It can be a very subjective thing, I agree, but you have to look in some way attractive or you won't get anywhere.

 

[Phoenixsong]

If you're talking about actually attracting a partner or whatever I'd like to point out that that means absolutely nothing to me. Obviously I can't say the same for other people, and I do understand that it's natural to prefer attractive things over things that aren't, but "you only get one shot at absolutely anything if you aren't hot" is being too harsh. There are people who marry/whatever perfectly average looking people, and there are lots of people who get jobs/whatever and are perfectly average looking. It's important but in no way is it the end-all be-all of everything.

 

[#1 bro]

Why stress about it?

Because I want a funny/intelligent/beautiful wife, like I said. I mean, I don't want to be one of those people who gets divorced just because there is no romance anymore, or is driven to cheat on their spouse for some reason. I'm sure that I could get a fine wife even if I had a butt for a head, but is it just me, or are the white trash fat couples that you see in public always bickering, and the attractive couples that you see seem to be having a good time?

That, and I'm really self-conscious about my looks, so it'll make me happier as a result anyway.

 

[Phoenixsong]

Okay, and you can feel that way the same way I can feel like I don't want a partner. Doesn't make it hold true for everyone.

 

[#1 bro]

Er, yeah, if you're not interested in romance at all then looking good serves much less of a purpose. (although it may still help you make friends and get hired for jobs)

 

[Mercury]

I chose sometimes because people say I am. The proof is that almost half the girls at my old school liked me (eek.). But I do not think I am. So sometimes it is.

 

[Zeph]

obviously but nobody is going to look twice at you if they don't think you're attractive. It can be a very subjective thing, I agree, but you have to look in some way attractive or you won't get anywhere.

Stereotyping, much?

"OMG that boy doesn't look absolutely perfect I'm never going to go near him!"

 

[Wymsy]

I think I'm somewhat attractive. I guess I am, since guys hit on me quite a bit.

 

[Abwayax]

"OMG that boy doesn't look absolutely perfect I'm never going to go near him!"

You don't have to be perfect to be attractive.

 

[Vyraura]

Stereotyping, much?

"OMG that boy doesn't look absolutely perfect I'm never going to go near him!"

Big difference between perfect and pleasant to look at. If people don't find looking at you enjoyable then yes, they don't want to go near you. That doesn't mean you have to be a model.

 

[Flazeah]

Meh, some people like certain aspects of how people look, like the shape of their face, eye colour, height, the shape of their nose, their hair, and so on, or just a certain way some people look that they like in general. Some people might find certain things unattractive while others like those things. I guess there are some people who some people find not very attractive at all, but others find really attractive. Although I suppose there are extremes that few people find attractive.

 

[Keltena]

What's weird, I guess, is I honestly find people more physically attractive when I like their personality, so that's really what matters to me. Also, I think different people are attractive in different ways, but most people seem at least decent looking to me at first sight.

 

[*~[insert name here]~*]

On a somewhat related note: I heard that women are not mainly attracted to a man by his looks, or by his personality, but by his smell. Is this true? I smell fine so if it is true that's pretty okay.

Bite me!

I'm a girl. It's not that you smell good--it's that YOU DON'T FREAKIN SMELL LIKE RUMPKE.

No, I would not date someone butt-ugly if you paid me.

Anyway, I think I look fine. Especially with straight hair. Besides, if I hate my hair, which is the biggest thing I usually look at, I can change it or put on a wig.

 

[Arylett Charnoa]

What's weird, I guess, is I honestly find people more physically attractive when I like their personality, so that's really what matters to me. Also, I think different people are attractive in different ways, but most people seem at least decent looking to me at first sight.

Me too! When I really like someone and I see them all the time... they start to look better to me. They look really beautiful in my eyes, because whenever I see them, it makes me happy, because I really like them. And I start to really like their appearance, because whenever they show up, it means I'm going to be smiling and happy. So you're not the only one who does this~

 

[Butterfree]

I'm not attractive.

As a counterpoint to all the 'People won't date you unless you're attractive' discussion, both my boyfriend and I did not find one another attractive when we met. I just started to really like him anyway because he was cuddly and adorably nerdy and liked to blabber about things that fascinated him and was ridiculously nice to everyone, I spent a few days of not-so-subtle first-time flirting, he picked up on it and found it cute (and was Not That Picky), we ended up together, started to appreciate one another even better, and ta-da, madly in love. Being madly in love, incidentally, skews your perception so that where you previously thought 'okay kinda chubby nerdy guy with crazy curly hair' you start thinking 'awww so cuuuuuute must cuddle and MOST AWESOME HAIR IN THE WORLD and oh god those adorable ears I could spend hours obsessively stroking that earlobe'. And apparently I look better naked. (He doesn't, but perception-skewing still now says he is the Cutest Guy In The Universe.)

So yeah. You can be attracted to someone despite how they look.

 

[Squirrel]

I think of myself as somewhat pretty or nice-looking at times and ugly at others, but I'm not hot or beautiful and I definitely wouldn't be loved because someone thought I was attractive.

 

[#1 bro]

And apparently I look better naked.

WELL isn't that pretty much a given if you're an older-than-fifteen-younger-than-thirty-five-not-overweight female? OR if you want to use the trendy demographic names, if you're a OTFYTTFNOF? For you see, it seems like most if not all OTFYTTFNOFs look better without their clothes than with their clothes. See, there's a reason why porn isn't full of pictures of hot clothed women (or to use our newly coined phrase, hot clothed OTFYTTFNOFs). And fashion magazines are full of them. EXCEPT HEY what if the tables were turned and fashion magazines had the naked OTFYTTFNOFs, and porn had the clothed OTFYTTFNOFs? Then I bet more people would buy fashion magazines. Or well, more straight men and less gay men. But then the internet would serve less of a point. I guess.

BUT I DIGRESS.

Anyway Butterfree iirc you look pretty fine (or to use the cowboy term, "you're lookin' purdy fine"). So uh follow in Zeph's example and get some confidence!