Dragon_night
New member
Well, I pretty much haven’t written anything in about two months. And I just wrote this little blurb yesterday to get out of my writers block (something which I really need to get out of before it’s too late). Anyway, this is mostly written for the purpose of seeing if I’ve gotten rusty or not.
So, comments, criticism, critique are all welcome here (Most of all, anything on my description and flow would be much appreciated).
The roaring wind slapped across Nathan’s face with the much intended vigour of throwing him back to his dieing tree, an unknowable distance below the blanket of dusty red clouds. His hands griped tightly onto both black sandy pillars, saving him the trouble of falling as the frozen air slipped down his legs away from the edge of the tower.
His eyes had done nothing but glare forward into the face of the wind, not blinking at all. His prize laid there, floating in an embryo of fine light only meters away from him. It waited to be plucked and taken, deviating up and down like it was taunting him to come and get it. The Black Rose shimmered at the very center of the circular platform, hundreds of floors up to the top of the sided tower.
The wind stopped howling, and all was silent. The death-bearing heat retuned instantly, consuming everything in the area with a rotting, moist-like sense that deeply contradicted the dry clouds below and the red, sunless sky above.
Nathan allowed himself to blink, and as gravity took a jealous hold of him, his feet swung back to the tower’s edge, allowing him to release his hold on the two pillars and crouch down as he regained his balance. Quickly, his eyes shifted toward his ‘friend’.
Archaic removed himself from the night-shaded pavement in the moment of silence, standing up straight. His dark green robe was full off the gritty dirt of the tower, proving to him that the wind attack wasn’t the best idea he’s had. Immediately, his eyes followed around the circular platform, spying on the lengthy pillars that shot up, looking between them until he found his prey.
“Nathan,” he whispered, wasting a little more than a breath.
It was the only kind of signal needed for Nathan to release himself from his crouch to leap from the edge and atop one of the pillars on the opposite side of the platform. In his place, blacked leathered vines crumpled and snapped in a dome, their origin unknown. They whipped and cracked in place, wanting badly to feed.
Nathan leaped again, landing on the cement ground below as another leather vine dome appeared where he’d been.
A moment passed as his own cloak, much cleaner than Archaic’s, rustled down against his body. There was no third attack to make him move.
Archaic swiped his head to Nathan’s slowly until his shoulder was directly under his chin, leaning toward his back. It gave him the stature of an almost zombie-like person, and his movements weren’t far off from the stereotypical zombie.
In the back of his mind, Nathan knew Archaic was finally tiring.
To end the small epoch of silence, Archaic pointed out the obvious: “You’re quick, you’know that?”
Nathan shifted his hands to his sword underneath his thick clothing. He prepared for another attack as well, tightening his legs muscles so he could jump at a moment’s notice. “You know how much that rose is important to me,” he answered.
“Lady Feu won’t allow it.” With a smirk, Archaic added: “Unless you set me free.”
Nathan’s hand gripped his sword harder, his body visible flinching. “It’s something I’m not doing,” he nearly growled before pulsing his legs against the ground and pushing himself forward. His cloak around his body separated at the front from the force of his movement, flapping behind him as he closed in on his enemy. He ripped his sword free from its sheath with cracking speed, whipping it across the air horizontally at the unmoving target.
The blade stopped short of hitting Archaic, poised directly at his exposed throat. Archaic did nothing, no movement or anything. He only stared at Nathan, his grin still holding its place and his head turned and tilted in what appeared to be an extremely awkward position.
His lips moved slowly, wording out a silent whisper. “Free me, and let me fly away.”
Nathan’s face crumpled upon itself, wrinkling in anger. He yelled out and pulled his sword away from his enemy’s neck, seething. Once he gained control of himself, and his sudden burst of rapid breath, and scowled again and hammered his sword back to Archaic’s neck. Archaic didn’t flinch at all as the sword stopped short of his Adam’s apple.
“Move damnit! She won’t let you fly Archaic. She’ll only let you fall,” Nathan answered short tempered.
“Then be quick about it and let me fall.”
Nathan’s mouth started and stopped moving. He couldn’t answer back, as there was really nothing to answer back to. Lady Feu, the one who forced the two of them up this impossibly high tower, had done her work carefully. It was no wonder Archaic wanted to die, regardless of weather he would gain his raven wings or not when he did. He just wanted out of this hell, even if he never made it back to the real world.
And Nathan could never do it. With his blade so close to Archaic’s throat, with his one chance to end the last obstacle in his way, he couldn’t do it.
Archaic gutted up more words in the stand off, reaching for the blade with both of his hands. “Kill me. Get the Rose. See Jane. Or die.” Once he got a grip on the sword, Nathan pulled back, stepping away and scowling.
A fresh hint of rotten flesh hit Nathan’s nose and before he had the chance to jump, the black vine’s appeared once more, caging and retraining use of his arms and sword. They made an addible whipping sound as they tightened and un-tightened on Nathan’s body, fitting to hold him perfectly.
“That’s sad,” Archaic sighed. “I though you were too quick to dodge me.” He turned, moving his stiff body in jolts and tremors. The cloak he wore spread apart, revealing his torso and the large tear in his chest. The blood had yet to stop flowing, even though the injury had been received before their battle has started.¬ “I guess I’ll be free once I’m drained of blood.” His eyes penetrated Nathan, widening and glaring at him crazed.
The vine around Nathan’s body whipped around more violently, and from a distance it would have looked like the dome the vines made around him were a drop of water falling and waving. The final attack was closing to an end, and before Nathan’s enemy could mutter the final words, he turn his head one last time to see the Black Rose – no longer his prize. It continued floating like it had been for the last hundred years, acting as though nothing was happening around it.
Archaic’s lips formed his words perfectly as he too looked at the Rose – his prize now. “Good bye friend.”
So, comments, criticism, critique are all welcome here (Most of all, anything on my description and flow would be much appreciated).
Black Rose
The roaring wind slapped across Nathan’s face with the much intended vigour of throwing him back to his dieing tree, an unknowable distance below the blanket of dusty red clouds. His hands griped tightly onto both black sandy pillars, saving him the trouble of falling as the frozen air slipped down his legs away from the edge of the tower.
His eyes had done nothing but glare forward into the face of the wind, not blinking at all. His prize laid there, floating in an embryo of fine light only meters away from him. It waited to be plucked and taken, deviating up and down like it was taunting him to come and get it. The Black Rose shimmered at the very center of the circular platform, hundreds of floors up to the top of the sided tower.
The wind stopped howling, and all was silent. The death-bearing heat retuned instantly, consuming everything in the area with a rotting, moist-like sense that deeply contradicted the dry clouds below and the red, sunless sky above.
Nathan allowed himself to blink, and as gravity took a jealous hold of him, his feet swung back to the tower’s edge, allowing him to release his hold on the two pillars and crouch down as he regained his balance. Quickly, his eyes shifted toward his ‘friend’.
Archaic removed himself from the night-shaded pavement in the moment of silence, standing up straight. His dark green robe was full off the gritty dirt of the tower, proving to him that the wind attack wasn’t the best idea he’s had. Immediately, his eyes followed around the circular platform, spying on the lengthy pillars that shot up, looking between them until he found his prey.
“Nathan,” he whispered, wasting a little more than a breath.
It was the only kind of signal needed for Nathan to release himself from his crouch to leap from the edge and atop one of the pillars on the opposite side of the platform. In his place, blacked leathered vines crumpled and snapped in a dome, their origin unknown. They whipped and cracked in place, wanting badly to feed.
Nathan leaped again, landing on the cement ground below as another leather vine dome appeared where he’d been.
A moment passed as his own cloak, much cleaner than Archaic’s, rustled down against his body. There was no third attack to make him move.
Archaic swiped his head to Nathan’s slowly until his shoulder was directly under his chin, leaning toward his back. It gave him the stature of an almost zombie-like person, and his movements weren’t far off from the stereotypical zombie.
In the back of his mind, Nathan knew Archaic was finally tiring.
To end the small epoch of silence, Archaic pointed out the obvious: “You’re quick, you’know that?”
Nathan shifted his hands to his sword underneath his thick clothing. He prepared for another attack as well, tightening his legs muscles so he could jump at a moment’s notice. “You know how much that rose is important to me,” he answered.
“Lady Feu won’t allow it.” With a smirk, Archaic added: “Unless you set me free.”
Nathan’s hand gripped his sword harder, his body visible flinching. “It’s something I’m not doing,” he nearly growled before pulsing his legs against the ground and pushing himself forward. His cloak around his body separated at the front from the force of his movement, flapping behind him as he closed in on his enemy. He ripped his sword free from its sheath with cracking speed, whipping it across the air horizontally at the unmoving target.
The blade stopped short of hitting Archaic, poised directly at his exposed throat. Archaic did nothing, no movement or anything. He only stared at Nathan, his grin still holding its place and his head turned and tilted in what appeared to be an extremely awkward position.
His lips moved slowly, wording out a silent whisper. “Free me, and let me fly away.”
Nathan’s face crumpled upon itself, wrinkling in anger. He yelled out and pulled his sword away from his enemy’s neck, seething. Once he gained control of himself, and his sudden burst of rapid breath, and scowled again and hammered his sword back to Archaic’s neck. Archaic didn’t flinch at all as the sword stopped short of his Adam’s apple.
“Move damnit! She won’t let you fly Archaic. She’ll only let you fall,” Nathan answered short tempered.
“Then be quick about it and let me fall.”
Nathan’s mouth started and stopped moving. He couldn’t answer back, as there was really nothing to answer back to. Lady Feu, the one who forced the two of them up this impossibly high tower, had done her work carefully. It was no wonder Archaic wanted to die, regardless of weather he would gain his raven wings or not when he did. He just wanted out of this hell, even if he never made it back to the real world.
And Nathan could never do it. With his blade so close to Archaic’s throat, with his one chance to end the last obstacle in his way, he couldn’t do it.
Archaic gutted up more words in the stand off, reaching for the blade with both of his hands. “Kill me. Get the Rose. See Jane. Or die.” Once he got a grip on the sword, Nathan pulled back, stepping away and scowling.
A fresh hint of rotten flesh hit Nathan’s nose and before he had the chance to jump, the black vine’s appeared once more, caging and retraining use of his arms and sword. They made an addible whipping sound as they tightened and un-tightened on Nathan’s body, fitting to hold him perfectly.
“That’s sad,” Archaic sighed. “I though you were too quick to dodge me.” He turned, moving his stiff body in jolts and tremors. The cloak he wore spread apart, revealing his torso and the large tear in his chest. The blood had yet to stop flowing, even though the injury had been received before their battle has started.¬ “I guess I’ll be free once I’m drained of blood.” His eyes penetrated Nathan, widening and glaring at him crazed.
The vine around Nathan’s body whipped around more violently, and from a distance it would have looked like the dome the vines made around him were a drop of water falling and waving. The final attack was closing to an end, and before Nathan’s enemy could mutter the final words, he turn his head one last time to see the Black Rose – no longer his prize. It continued floating like it had been for the last hundred years, acting as though nothing was happening around it.
Archaic’s lips formed his words perfectly as he too looked at the Rose – his prize now. “Good bye friend.”