Hiesetsu
Dizzy~ PAUNCH
- Pronoun
- he
If you want to skip my stupid premise, just Ctrl-F "Prologue" or "Chapter I". If you're reading this by mistake, Here's the link back to the writing section.
Whether or not you read the following, please post at least a simple yes or no as to whether you think I should keep going. I'd really appreciate just that.First of all, I'm writing this more to get a feel for whether I have a feel for writing or not. Looking for criticism. I promise no matter how mean you are, I won't lose my temper. Or cry. I promise. That being said, here are the things I consciously tried to get right, and are thus the things you'd wanna make fun of if you're trying to troll.
- Characterization- Albeit gradually, I am trying to make the characters three dimensional. Trying. If they're flat as the world back in the day, Don't hesistate to tell me exactly why.
- Dialouge- I did make an effort to make the speaking flow
- Dynamic description- I tried to keep from using the same name for something more than once. I wanted to keep a flow to the reading, but if you think it's confusing that the Nidoking apparently has three titles, I could try and be more clear
- Maintaining Interest- I did try to make it interesting to read. I know the main characters haven't done much, but there'll be a plot hook, I promise.
- Short Chapters- Intentional, to avoid TL;DR syndrome
Oh, and the world is based mostly on the game canon with a little manga and anime influence, plus a good bit of made up crap, a la me. And this'll be much more apparent in Chapter II, but I really tried to take things meant solely as game mechanics and implement them as though they were IRL. Like level reducers, and levels themselves, and base stats and all kinds of stuff that I took too seriously.
But yeah, criticism, encouragement, discouragement, bad puns, all welcome. And we're off.
Prologue
2 weeks after Red, unknown location:
A man sat alone. Thinking. What did Giovanni mean in disbanding Team Rocket? Did he really do it just because he was beaten by some kid? So what, it didn’t put a dent in their funds; and if the boy had run off and told everyone the Viridian Gym leader, a respected Kanto citizen, was really an evil bossman, who would believe him? No one. Giovanni was smart enough to know that. Yet Giovanni had disbanded them anyway. The man wasn’t the only one with issues with it; Archer had just come back from the Sevii Islands, after trying to dispel “rumors” of Team Rocket’s disbanding. But the man didn’t have time for such antics. He was an Executive; one of the five top agents. The other four were considering going underground, now, and by the other four He meant Archer. The other three Executives followed him blindly. The man wasn’t sure if he agreed. Hiding, removing themselves from the world, so they might find Giovanni, who obviously doesn’t want to be found… the man didn’t like it. Not with all they had, all
Giovanni had built up.
They should be more concerned with divining Giovanni’s original plan, he thought. Giovanni had never told them what it was. Team Rocket made money, money in spades. They caught and trafficked Pokémon like no other. But was there something else? Mewtwo. Why did he fund the Mewtwo project? What did he hope to gain with that beast? The man shook his head. The other Executives didn’t think enough for him to join with them. They want to hide, hide until the right time comes to call for their leader, rather than become leaders and continue the franchises that had made Rocket a success in the first place. Giovanni’s legacy was far more profitable than the man himself. But the lingering questions, the why, the what… What end, Giovanni, to what end did you build your empire? He needed to know, He needed to find out. He had enough command over remnants of Rocket that weren’t following Archer and his goons. He could easily keep the Game Corner and the Gym running, as well as most if not all of the black market dealings.
Yes, he thought, that’s what he would do. Until he could find out what the hell Giovanni’s plan had been. And then succeed where he had failed. Mewtwo… it had to be the answer…
Chapter I
12 years after Red, Celadon City:
Grey walked out of the Pokémon Center into the cool, winter air and stretched his long arms high above his head, before planting his hands squarely on his hips. A large purple Pokémon standing behind him mimicked his master, his strong, thick hide audibly stretching and loosening; his large, whitish belly plates, like armor, rattled as his wide, three clawed hands hit its hips. “Stop your posturing,” said a girl, giving him one hard pat on the back, “We’ve to be on time.” She began pushing him along. Grey was a tall individual, hence very top heavy. He leaned back in an attempt to prevent gravity from introducing the ground to his face.
“C’mon, Vi, cut it out,” he protested. Violet obliged, letting Grey fall backwards into his Nidoking’s concerned arms. She took her now free hand and flicked her Pokégear’s screen down. She seemed absorbed in it as she continued walking forward, oblivious to Grey’s stopping. “Hey,” he almost had to yell, she had walked so far ahead, “Hey, Vi, get your nose outta that thing and enjoy the air, for once. The scenery. It’s so pretty here.” She paused for a moment and looked up and around quickly.
“Yes, very nice.” Her voice was flat and without conviction. She quickly adjusted her navy, pullover hoodie and added, “I liked it so much better last time we were here, during the summer, when we beat Erika. I prefer the sun, you know. Not these gray gloomy skies and freezing conditions.” Grey caught up to her, the Nidoking running, or rather stomping, close behind. He examined her. Her habitually narrowed eyes were off the Pokégear now, looking around at the pale green Celadon cityscape, with its many vine covered walls and fruit trees growing outside doors. Her habitually narrowed mouth was turned slightly downward, voicing concerns she rarely vocalized.
“Freezing,” he muttered, more to himself, “It’s barely below 60.” Louder he said “What, are you worried we aren’t gonna win the tournie?” He didn’t honestly think that was it, they always won. Rather, she always won after trouncing him in the semi-finals. Or round one, if he was unlucky in the matchups. She put her hand underneath the back of her straight, dark, slightly-past-shoulder-length hair and rubbed the back of her head, closing her eyes and looking down.
“It’s not that; we always win. Rather,” she smiled her narrow smile “I always win. After trouncing you in the Semifinals.”
“Or earlier,” Grey laughed, “If I get the short stick with the brackets.” He put his hand on her shoulder. “You alright? Something bad always
happens when you rub the back of your neck like that.”
“Yeah,” Violet replied, “I know. I have that bad feeling again.”
“Last time you had a bad feeling we ran into Moltres!” He tried to laugh, but the smile quickly faded. “Granted, we did get knocked off a mountain…” Nidoking growled in a manner that could almost be interpreted as his species name. “Yeah, yeah, you saved us with your magic ability to punch through solid rock, I’ve heard it from you a million times, Rick.” Richter the Nidoking huffed and crossed it arms, expressing his satisfaction. “My point is we’ll come out okay, no matter what’s giving you this vibe,” Grey said, turning back to Violet. Violet looked up at his jovial, angled face. If only he’d cut his messy, black hair…
“I know, I know.” She turned back to her Pokégear. “Stadium’s this way.” She pointed. “20 minutes until sign in ends. Put that purple hulk back in his Pokéball and unfold you’re bike, we’ve to go now.” Grey nodded, returning Richter to his capsule, despite his protests, and pulled his bike from his pack.
“You know,” he began as he unfolded his bicycle, “I’ve mentioned it before, but you really need to stop shortening ‘we have’ and all that when you really don’t need to.”
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