[Scene: Study of a house, finely decorated. Center stage, a couch with a coffee table in front of it. There is a tray with various citrus fruit, among them satsumas. ROBERT sits on center of couch, satsuma in hand. Enter JEREMY from left, wearing red tie. ROBERT continues to eat through the conversation.]
Jeremy
Hey Rob, what did you do with all the knives? I turned the whole kitchen upside-down, can't fine any of 'em.
Robert
Should be one upstairs, under my pillow.
Jeremy
No, I checked.
Robert
Well, that's creepy. But, ah! Here's one, I'd been cutting up fruit with it. [picks up a small paring knife from the tray, hands to J] Here ya go.
Jeremy
Thanks. [Exit right.]
[A brief pause as ROBERT continues to silently eat the satsumas. Enter JEREMY from left, wearing black tie.]
Jeremy
Rob, have you seen me come through here? [ROBERT looks up, confused. JEREMY takes no notice.]
Robert
'the hell did you get over there?
Jeremy
I walked.
Robert
Well no shit-- I mean, you just walked out there, I heard you shut the door!
Jeremy
I went that way then, great. Thanks. [Goes to leave, R turns and stops him.]
Robert
Hold on a minute, tell me how you got over there first. [R grabs another satsuma, having finished the first.]
Jeremy
It'd take too long. Fussy romantics, pedantic realists, things getting out of hand, you know. 'Sides, you seem a bit preoccupied with your oranges there. Wouldn't want to spoil your midnight snack.
Robert
They aren't oranges, they're satsumas.
Jeremy
What difference does it make?
Robert
Apples and oranges, my friend! Er, no, wrong figure of speech... [pauses, thinking hard] Newts and salamanders? No, newts are salamanders. Aren't they?
Jeremy
I'm pretty sure they are. What have amphibians got to do with this, anyway?
Robert
Just as much as romantics, I hope. [A crash is heard above.]
Jeremy
Shit, I did come through here. Stop eating the fucking oranges--
Robert
[interrupting] Satsumas.
Jeremy
What the fuck ever, stop eating and come on, I think I'm trying to kill Marie.
Robert
[Rising.] What?
Jeremy
[Walking with R toward right.] Like I said, it'd take too long, but I've got a doppelgänger now, and I think I've just run off to kill Marie! No time to explain, let's just get upstairs!
[Blackout.]
Shit, how'd he get from Marie's room to the breaker room? I'm not entirely sure where that is! [Sound of J falling to floor. Lights go back up. Red tied Jeremy stands behind the couch, blood spattered on suit, looking triumphant. R is on floor left stage, gaping in horror.]
Robert
You killed him! He was you and you killed him!
Jeremy
The hell are you talking about, Rob?
Robert
You've just sliced Jeremy's neck clean open!
Jeremy
That was the doppelgänger, you fucking twit. I don't own any black ties, they look downright awful. [Walking to R, knife in hand] Here's your knife back. I need a drink. [Exit right. Curtain.
Word count: 499, not counting the characters' names before each line.