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In Progress Consumed by Darkness

Stormecho

Maelstroms amidst steel
Pronoun
she
Argh. Argh, argh, argh. I hate old computers whose controls I don't know. >< Basically, I was halfway through typing this all up when Firefox decided to crash. This being a German keyboard, I could not do Ctrl-V since I didn't know what the equivalent of Ctrl was. And I couldn't figure out what copy is in German, and when the error message showed up I obviously couldn't select the other window and miraculously save it. So yes, the whole thing gone, and I'm typing it up now again.

That said, this is a completely new Pokemon fanfic based on one of my numerous RP characters: Karae. I just got an urge to write out her backstory, and this came out of it. Legend's Rage needs a revamp I'm trying to avoid thinking about, and Innate Silence is lost to the abyss of my computer crash. So, this is my priority. =D Yeah, it's short-ish, sue me. Read, review and enjoy.

Chapter 1 - Black Silk​

Darkness. Floating, wrapped in shadows. She was free to drift, safe, away from the echoes that were brought to her occasionally. They were voices, one rumbling, and the other soaring and ethereal. She had liked the sounds at first, but lately they came much more often. So, she stopped listening. They don't matter. They never had, they never will. She thought she spoke it, but wasn't sure. It could be someone else... But who else would be in these nice shadows? Had she said it, or only thought it? Dwelling on this wasn't very interesting though, so she stopped thinking about it. It really didn't matter.

A sudden tug startled her. There was something pulling at her, trying to bring her out of the darkness.
No! No, get away, leave us alone! Us? she wanted to wonder, but the pulling was harder to fight against now, and she didn't want to leave. Slowly leading her away from the smothering cloud that had surrounded her, she was plunged into something small. She didn't like it; dull grey had replaced the comforting black, and this new place wasn't big enough. She couldn't float here, and she had to coil and twist to be able to fit. The walls were pinching her too, and she could hardly move now. An urge to cry out suddenly rose. She wanted her shadows back! Just as she started to wail - her first sound - the walls tightened. Her cry cut off and she curled in on herself. The place was hurting her! Though she kept trying to make herself become smaller, the walls squished her no matter what. Panic set in, a burst of strength on its heels. She needed to get out! She started to writhe and thrash, the pain from crashing into the walls almost as unbearable as the merciless squeezing.

A loud crack made her stop her efforts, stunned as a sliver of the greyness fell out. In its place was light, and she wanted to get away from it instinctively. It was too bright, too sharp, but it promised that there was more to her world than the tiny space she was in. Determined, her once wild struggles were now focused on that pinprick of light, and with every roil of her body, a bit more filtered in. With a last crack, her prison crumbled, and that too-bright light flooded her vision. Encountering something solid beneath her, she felt a vague stab of disappointment.
No more floating...

***​

Two pairs of eyes watched the egg as it wobbled in its protective ring of stones. The egg's occupant was obviously trying to get out; ever so often it would tilt dangerously to one side, and one of the watchers would hastily push it back to its upright state. The egg, as eggs go, was large, and tinged a pleasant shade of blue. Streaks of white wrapped around it, and it obviously got no camouflage from the surroundings, as reeds, sand and the occasional rock weren't suited to being used to hide such a flashy egg. While both of the watchers were intent on it, one was much more anxious. The watcher's tail was twitching from side to side, mirroring the egg's movements with uncanny reflexes. Accompanying this tail-twitching was a low, worried keen.

"Would you stop that?" the other watcher asked crossly, clamping a clawed paw on the tail to still its movements. "All this worry is hardly going to help your nerves later. The baby will be fine." Wings flapping in irritation, the large dragon settled on the sand, gaze still on the egg.

The anxious watcher looked away for a moment, breaking off the birthing song. "I really don't know, Belad. I just have this feeling that something is going to go wrong... What if the egg is too tough to break through?" This was obviously a female, voice soft and musical, even when strained, as it was now. She lowered her head to poke at the eggshell with the white horn that grew from her forehead. The egg suddenly heaved, and a low crack could be heard. Belad chuckled.

"See, Aelis? All that 'mother's intuition' and look! I told you everything would be fine." The orange-scaled dragon looked fondly at his mate, tail sweeping the sand into a pile in front of the egg. The slender blue serpent beside him sighed.

"Maybe you're right." she agreed, looking down at the blue orbs on her tail, perplexed. Her intuition had never failed before, but the hatching was going smoothly. Maybe it had been about another egg? Turning her attention back to her child, she tensed in anticipation. A spiderweb of faint cracks had spread over the egg's once pristine surface, and its rocking was quite violent now. Though Aelis longed to help it, the Pokemon inside would have to thrash its way out by itself. The egg suddenly ceased its wobbling, and another crack preceded the hatchling's lunge out of the remains of the shell. Landing safely on the soft mound of sand, the small Dratini looked dazed at its sudden entrance into the world. Both parents hovered over it, nudging it clear of the shards of the egg, crooning to it and generally welcoming it to the world. Belad looked back at where a certain Pokemon was waiting, half-hidden in the reeds at the water's edge.

"Er, Chronia? You can come now. The baby's hatched!" He couldn't keep the elation he was feeling inside, and promptly roared, only to be scolded by the Dragonair beside him.

"Belad! Think for a moment. Do you think the child would like to hear you roaring loud enough to scare every other Pokemon around for miles? Talk to Chronia quietly." Chronia padded into sight, lilac fur looking particularily mystical in the morning fog. Sitting down a reasonable distance away from the two parents, the feline focused for a moment, a blue aura surrounding both her and the Dratini.

"It is a girl." The Espeon reported as the aura faded. "You are lucky to have a child with such a strong will. She will become very powerful one day." That said, she then got up and left quietly.

The Dragonite focused on the Dratini again, and with a certain amount of glee, pointed out, "Nothing wrong with her! A bit darker than usual, but that doesn't mean anything. Chronia didn't say she was sick, either, so there was nothing to worry about! Has she woken up ye -" Belad stopped talking as a thin wail rose from the hatchling.

Aelis rolled a Pecha Berry over to her, crooning encouragement as the other's eyes fluttered open. After a few squirms to reach the berry, she finally figured out how to eat it, and the next few minutes were spent with the two Dragon-types watching their child eat berry after berry. Just before collapsing on the sand heap to sleep once more, they both heard her mutter, "Want to float..."

***​

She dreamed of floating again, but in a place that wasn't composed of shadows. This time, it was a world that contrasted with the one she had seen. Covered in mist, and the ground was sideways and upside down. She liked it; it would be fun to fly in. Why have ground beneath you anyway? It was peaceful. No voices, nothing pulling at her. She could stay here forever... But those nice people, her parents, wouldn't like that. They wanted her to stay with them. But do they really matter? They just want to keep you here, imprisoned like in the egg. A voice? But who could be talking to her? So young. Oh well, you'll learn. You'll have to, with the destiny I have planned for you. She sank into the fog, hearing laughter and feeling truly afraid for the very first time.
 
Well, this is pretty good. I don't think I saw anything that was wrong with it (and it wasn't too short for a first chapter). And, from what I remember of your other fic's, I'm pretty sure you've greatly improved on you description and flow.

(Sorry I can't be of any more help ^^;;)

Keep it up!
 
XD I have returned from my jet-lagged 8-hour flight, and will probably fix an update soon. :P I'm glad you like it so far, and no comment on cliches? Why, I'm flattered. XD
 
Finally started to write the next chapter. Blame my inherent laziness, my jetlag and the fact that even though I know exactly where this fic is going to go, I am notoriously inept at connecting important plot points with minor ones. And I also, when reading over some drafts, realized the whole thing is really sadistic and messed up. >> Poor Karae, I torture her so. Do you know how hard it is to write a character when all you can use is 'she'? If only I could have given her name sooner, but this was supposed to be special. >> Argh. XD Anyway, read, review please, and enjoy. ^^

Chapter 2 - By Any Other Name​

Night made her feel comfortable again. Dark, and without the heat and glare of the day. Sometimes she saw things in the dark, like a Pokemon with pretty glowing rings on its body, that she couldn't see with the sun in her eyes. She liked sleeping too; she would come back to the misty place with everything set on its side, and she could float as long as she wanted to. Someday, she'd like to find that place, when she was bigger and didn't need to be brought food. Someday. The promise was always there, so strong she could feel it.

Warm sunlight, bearable when her eyes were closed, shone down on the lake, slicing through whatever mist might have remained. She could feel the heap of sand beneath her becoming pleasantly hot, lulling her back into a doze. Her parents must have noticed, because she quickly felt a gentle nudge. "Mm..."

Nudge.

Nudge.

Nudge-nudge.

Nudge-nudge-nudge-

"I'm awake!" she protested blearily, opening her eyes to look at her father. He was the one who usually woke her up; her mother remained in the water, stretching by swimming innumerable laps in the lake. She could see the elegant white horn now, seemingly moving on its own through the water. Twisting so that she could see both her parents, she whimpered in an attempt to be granted some more time to sleep. "Why did you wake me up so early?"

Her father sighed and stroked her back, tail twitching restlessly. Her eyes were drawn to his tail; it was so long, and it had never moved so much before. "He is nervous." said the voice in her head; she was used to it explaining things to her now. It was nice, though sometimes it would say something and then laugh for a long time. It always echoed when it spoke, and her parents never heard it for some reason. "Listen to his voice when he speaks; that is what someone who is worried sounds like."

"Dearest, today is important. Today you can choose a name for yourself, just like your mother and I did when we were Dratini. It's very important that you come with me." her father said, and the voice was right. He sounded strained, like when he had been talking with her mother the day before. The small wings on his back fluttering, he walked down to the water's edge, looking expectantly at where her mother was. "Aelis? It's time!" She gasped as her mother suddenly leaped out of the water, scattering drops that shone beautifully as the sun hit them. Hovering in the air for a brief moment, Aelis then somehow floated over to the bank, landing gracefully.

She gazed enviously at her mother. She can float... Why can't I? She loved her parents, but to see her mother just leap into the air and be able to stay there, was enough to stir up the longing to fly. It reminded her of her dreams, but the voice had told her not to mention them. It was her secret. Her mother hissed, to catch her attention, and gestured with her tail to a bunch of flat stones.

"These are your beginnings." she said softly, sharing a worried look with the Dragonite. "Each rock has a symbol on it, and each symbol is a name. You pick three, and the third is the one you use always. The first two are secret, and you never share them with anyone." After a short pause to see if she understood, her mother continued. "My name is Aelis, which means spirit, and your father's is Belad, which means sleep."

When she hesitated, hearing the voice's booming laughter in her head, her father hastily added, "Go ahead. It's important that you choose your own name." So, she slithered over, peering at the strange engravings on the stones while trying to ignore the laughter. Why won't it stop? No one said anything funny. There was one that instantly caught her attention: a cloud, with spikes coming from it.

"Not yet."

"But... I want that one!" she whined, hearing the echoing quality in her own voice.

"Not yet. Choose the other two first." it said silkily, and she obeyed. Nudging a circle, with a spiral inside it, away from the rest, she stopped again. What other one do I choose? She brightened as she spotted one with two lines, each curving downward, like fangs. She had seen fangs before; an Ekans had come to drink some of the water, and when he spoke, she had seen his fangs.

"Good. Now you may choose the last one." And the voice started to laugh again, but she didn't mind.

"And I choose this one!" she said excitedly, seperating the spike-cloud from the rest. Her mother gasped, and, completely ignoring her, turned to her father and starting saying something in a low voice.

"Do you want to hear what they're saying?" it asked, still laughing.

"Yes!" And she suddenly could, as if they were speaking right beside her. She felt a wail build up, just listening. Why are they so unhappy? Did I do something wrong?

"Belad, you cannot say that choice is normal!" her mother was saying, lifting herself up to meet his eyes. "Never has anyone I know made that choice. It has a dark meaning, that name!"

Her father looked equally angry, gesturing in the air with both arms. "How can you say that? You accuse our child of being evil! Yes, she has learned so much in so few days, and has a better understanding of the world than any hatchling I've heard of, but that is proof of her intelligence, not some sort of ominous sign. She saw the symbols, liked them and chose them. I do not - cannot believe any creature so innocent would choose those three on purpose. Your superstitions go too far!"

The Dragonair keened, and she winced at the sound. "Blind fool! How do you think she could have chosen them, and gotten a meaning clearer than my name, or yours? That was not at random, as you believe." Before Belad could retort, the young Dratini wailed, hoping to cut off the argument between them both.

"Dear, it's alright! Nothing's wrong, your mother and I were just talking!" His rumbling voice held a reassuring note even as her father shot a "now look what you've done" glance at her mother. "Your name is beautiful, really! The first two are Narsil Sylvaeya. Remember, never tell them to anybody. Your name is Karae, which means darkness. What do you think?" Karae stopped wailing, and started to snivel and whimper, but her mother, fear vanishing, approached to comfort her.

"Don't worry, Karae. I wasn't angry at you," she murmured, but there was something in her eyes that Karae didn't like.

"So you see it? I thought you would. She's afraid of you. Your mother, afraid of her own hatchling. Can you imagine that? Why should you owe anything to her, or to your father for that matter?" More laughter, even as she protested.

"You said you wouldn't do that. You don't have to be mean."

The laughter died. "It's the truth, Karae."

"It's mean truth!" she retorted, glad that her parents couldn't hear any of the conversation. It fell silent after that, and she considered it a victory; sometimes the voice wouldn't stop saying mean things about her parents, until she shut it out. She wasn't even sure how she did that, but as long as it worked... She knew her parents were staring at her, and didn't want them to start fighting again. "It's alright. Can I have something to eat?" The fear in her mother's eyes subsided, but she felt a stab of guilt for not telling her about the voice.

"And why should you? If she knows, she'll get scared. You don't want her scared of you, do you?

"No... But, shouldn't I tell her everything? It's not nice to keep secrets from other people." Karae wanted her mother to know, because hearing a voice in your head wasn't very fun unless you could tell someone. Maybe her mother wouldn't be scared; maybe she'd realize the voice was nice!

"She hasn't told you what your other names mean. Wouldn't you say that's keeping secrets from you?"

"I... yes." It was hard to keep from agreeing to the voice, especially when it countered all her arguments. She heard laughter in her head until the sun had set, and even the calming dusk didn't stop the echoes.

Dreaming again, but the mist in her dream is thicker, blinding her no matter how fast she flies. Waiting for the flap of wings to announce the voice's presence, she tried to call out. Where are you? Her voice was flat, smothered by the fog. What is this? Why aren't you here?

"Not yet." An echo of an echo, ominous and powerful.

Why? She could hear the whine in her voice.

"I will take care of you, Karae. Forever. But first you must become ready."

When? I want to be ready now! Of course she wanted to see it, to float like her mother in the strange place that the voice liked.

"You will know when." And somehow, the silence following it was more reassuring than any given date. After all, it had promised.
 
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Hmm, I actually wasn't expecting another chapter so soon :3 Hope the jetlag stops soon.

Anyway, I don't have much to comment on, story/plot wise (this far in), although I can say this looks rather interesting. Voices inside people's head can only be helping that x3.

He be my comb through:

She loved her parents, but to see her father just leap into the air and be able to stay there, was enough to stir up the longing to fly.

Father? Don't you mean her mother?

Before Belad could retort, she wailed, hoping to cut off the argument between them both.

Okay, when I first read this, I thought it was Aelis who was wailing. Usually when there is a conversation going on between a male and female, like it was for the mother and father, anytime a she is mentioned without specifying who the she is (eg. The small Dratini, the child, the baby/newborn) it is automatically assumed that the she will be the female in the conversation, in this case, Aelis.

That, and you mentioned Aelis in the first sentence of the paragraph too, which also leads to the assumption every she in the paragraph is going to be her, unless otherwise stated.

She - Karae? That was a nice name. - stopped wailing, and whimpered for a bit, but her mother soon approached, anger vanishing.

This was the sentence that made me realize that Aelis wasn't the one wailing. But, that's not why I put it here. I don't know, it just sounds totally off. The first thing that's awkward is the way you mentioned Karae's name, and said it was a nice name in mid sentence. It would probably have more flow if "That was a nice name." was took out.

The other problem is that last part. "but her mother soon approached, anger vanishing." But what?

I dunno, I suggest breaking that sentence up a little so it can make more sense.

"Don't worry, Karae. I wasn't angry at you." she murmured

The period at the end of 'you' should be a comma.


Keep it up!
 
Alright, father switched to mother ( I was thinking of how long it'd take Belad to realize something's wrong, and... yeah), and going to edit all the rest now. I'm trying to write from a really young, innocent point of view, which makes things sort of awkward. XD Though I like how I'm doing with the mental conversations; those things are fun! And writing a character who doesn't even have a name yet is irritating, thus the whole confusion with who was wailing.

It's a long chapter (for me), which is also why I'm so happy. >:D I'm finally able to stuff more content into a chapter without making it boring, and still having the same amount of ideas! *is proud* I'm glad you're interested in it so far. ^^
 
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