Little Scriven Frosty's Frozen Flights

[Sinderella]

Odette fought off the urge to cringe. He sounded like he was going to cry. Fuck. He sounded like he was going to cry. She didn't know how to deal with that. She was already in a state, but being in a state and dealing with the state of someone else?

But, he didn't cry. Rather, he met her with a sense of...determination, it seemed. Maybe airing on the side of reluctant, but it was determination nonetheless. A much more preferred response, no matter which way she wanted to look at it. If what she said helped him feel even the slightest bit better, she'd take it.

A grin twitched across her lips. "You definitely will. I have no doubt in my mind that you'll get it done. Fucker's won't give you any shit when you come home with a god as a partner, yeah?"

 

[Tetra]

"Yeah," he said firmly, his voice taut with emotion. It felt good to know that Odette didn't think he was crazy or wrong for trying. That she wouldn't tell him that he could never do it. That she genuinely believed in him.

He swallowed again to steady himself. "So uh... yeah. Now I guess you and Archie know," he mumbled.

Silence fell for a moment and brought with it a strange wave of emotions. It felt weird that now two people on the team knew who he was, and that he'd actually... told someone. A small part of him felt glad. Still, talking about everything still left an uncomfortableness that he was eager to forget.

Blinking, he pulled himself out of his thoughts and focused on Odette. His earlier worry crept back. He poked at his bowl, then eventually spoke. Anything to change the subject. "Anyways... you want to tell me what's on your mind now?" He looked up at her, brow furrowing. It was more statement then question but he didn't plan to let the issue slide if he could help.

 

[Sinderella]

She supposed it felt nice to know that Koa trusted her enough to entrust her with this information. Archie only knew because they went into into the combs together, but he’d told her himself.

“Your secret’s safe with me,” she said. And she meant it.

Whatever warmth had managed to find its way onto Odette’s face was eclipsed by some of the color draining out of her cheeks. That tormented look in her eye returned with a vengeance, and her gaze wandered somewhere over Koa’s shoulder.

“No,” she said after a while. Several more seconds passed before she followed up. “But you were vulnerable with me more than once, so I think you deserve to catch me at my lowest at least once while we’re here.” Another pause. Her eyes began to glaze over, and she had to blink to snap herself back to attention.

“I’ve never had a mentee before,” she admitted. “Frankly, I…I don’t…think I’m qualified to have one. And frankly again, I’m certain once I tell you this you’re going to second guess it yourself. I…” she cringed, feeling the word vomit coming on, “I don’t…I don’t want to patronize you and tell you what I’m dealing with are ‘adult problems’ but the fact of the matter is that my issues are…they’re…they’re…heavy. And I feel irresponsible even bringing this up with you. But I guess a big part of mentor/mentee relationships is vulnerability both ways. You tell me your deep shit and I get real and tell you mine so you know what it’s like to talk to an adult who’s hit rock fucking bottom, and—”

She couldn’t tell if she was trying to stall or not. She couldn’t stop talking, yet it all still felt necessary to say. With a deep breath, she stopped herself, leaning her head back to cast her gaze up at the ceiling.

“When I was 21, I was attacked and raped by one of my university professors,” she said. Matter-of-factly. Tearing off the bandage, as she always did when this topic came up. It made it easier to say aloud.

“He tried to kill me. Strangulation. I managed to get ahold of a pipe and beat him so hard I ended up killing him instead.”

For a brief second, whatever light was left in her eyes was snuffed out by a raw wave of vitriol. Her lips curled over her teeth in a vile sneer to match. “And I’d fucking do it again if given the option.”

She quickly came back to her senses, doing so with hard swallow while she shook her head lightly. “That’s…thats what the cave showed Kimiko. Among other things that have contributed to my absolutely fucked relationship with my sense of bodily autonomy; all the things I’m certain I had coming,” she hissed, her voice cracking so badly it made her breath hitch, “b-but…”

She felt tears. They came on sudden and fast, so much so they almost caught her off guard. She had to force her eyes shut to keep them back, and exhaled sharply through her nose to regulate herself. When she was certain they weren’t going to come, she focused on a light flickering overhead and pushed out a sigh.

“There you have it. For all intents and purposes, I am so…totally…fucked.”

 

[Tetra]

Koa stayed silent as he listened, eyes first widening slightly, then narrowing. Cold anger pooled in his chest. She'd killed someone. Odette had defended herself. She shouldn't have had to. A Zoroark in a shallow grave, wearing Seth's clothes.

The weight of everything she'd said settled over him. Suffocating. That was how she felt. It wasn't fair. A cool, chilling fury solidfied in his chest as she continued, a fury that transcended even the time Scrapper had been hurt by Blackout, hardening until it narrowed into a fine, ice cold needle. The thought of her suffering... That she'd almost died.

For several moments he didn't say anything, as he considered his words; contained the aching, awful feeling in his chest that felt for her. Wanting, wishing he could protect her and help her. 'I'm sorry that happened' felt too cheap. Empty. Pitying. He had no idea what she'd gone through.

"You did what you had to," he said softly. A whisper from the comb, crawling down his spine and settling into his bones. Monster. Conviction hardened his words. Certainty of one thing. "That doesn't make you a monster."

 

[Sinderella]

With Koa’s prolonged silence, Odette forced herself to glance at him, only to see his eyes had narrowed. A chilly sensation tickled the back of her neck as spectral memories of the time following that thing crept into her mind. How some of those people looked at her. How she wished they’d just say what they wanted to say so she could lay them out instead of wondering.

Had she made a mistake telling Koa? He was young. Maybe he was too young to process her situation. Even if they’d just gone through the ropes of talking around his situation, this was still different. Maybe it was as she feared. He’d just look at her and see a fucked up adult. Of course.

But that all disappeared with his words. At least, for the moment. Remnants of a grin broke across her lips, and she stifled a joyless snicker.

“I guess not.” She’d heard that assurance several times over. She supposed to some extent, she believed it. She didn’t regret what she did. But that didn’t make the gravity of the situation sit any easier in her gut, even 4 years later.

“But, it’s just been…one thing after the other. That’s the…hardest one to remember. Once I became aware of my family ties it started just…becoming a question of whether it was all deserved. You know, cursed existence, cursed life.” She rolled her eyes, as if that would somehow stop the onslaught of tears she felt coming on. “Since we’re talking about how we feel about our paternal ties…I’ve been sick my whole life. I’ve been assaulted. I’ve had people try to kill me. I’ve killed.” She sounded exasperated now. Like she was just tired. “And it doesn’t stop. So I just have to wonder sometimes…”

A huff. “Like I told you. Maybe…maybe one day it goes away. I hope it does. But for now, it remains suffocating. And I hate that I live with those stains. I hate feeling like my body’s not mine, and I hate feeling like I always had it coming.”

 

[Tetra]

"It's not deserved," he said vehemently, barely restraining himself so he didn't draw attention. He was practically glaring at her. Not angrily, just forcefully. Even if some small part of him knew that the words couldn't fix it and he couldn't make it okay, he needed to say it.

An old anger churned in him; but not directed at Odette. Deeper. "Nobody deserves something just because of how they were born. Especially not someone like you." Not someone like her. Someone good, and smart and kind and cool and-

Realizing he was standing up from the booth, his paws braced on the table, he made himself sit back. Calmed himself, as best he could. Tried not to look at the tears in her eyes. Still it remained. That crushing, inescapable weight. Unchangeable. No matter what he did, no matter how hard she fought, it would always be there.

Suffocating.

"You're not cursed. You've done so much good. I know it doesn't make it go away but its not just all the bad things. You've helped your world so much and you chose to come here and..." She'd helped him. He trailed off awkwardly, his chest knotting and a lump forming in his throat again.

He pushed down a flicker of irritation. Words failed him. He felt stupid. Useless. A storm of motions ate at him. Why did she have to suffer? It wasn't fair, she hadn't deserved any of that. Not like he could just erase the pain, make it better. Not like he could just fix it by telling her it was fine. It wasn't.

Slipping out of the booth, he crossed to Odette's side and hugged her.

 

[Sinderella]

This kid.

Had somebody told her she was going to get lectured by a tween during her time in Forlas, she’d have told them to lay off the meth and taken 10 steps away from them. But here she was, laying out the most vulnerable parts of her psyche out just to level with this electrike she’d taken under her wing, and he was schooling her. In the gaps between her shock and rising embarrassment, she realized the tables really had turned—she’d lectured Koa enough in their time here; it was only a matter of time before the universe gave him a moment to get at her too.

The makeshift mentor part of her brain was impressed by his words—words that could undoubtedly be applied to him as well—and wanted to tell him as such. She knew exactly what she wanted to say. See Koa? That’s what I’m trying to tell you, too. Fuck your dad; fuck your lineage. You’re an amazing kid, and you’re gonna make anyone who thinks otherwise fucking eat themselves. I know it.

But they didn’t come. They balled up in her throat, leaving her gaping at him in a stunned silence. Unable to stop them now, a few of those dastardly tears she’d tried to fight off escaped, like she’d sprung a pathetic leak. Fitting.

Then, he hugged her. She hadn’t been expecting it, and the breath she inhaled was sharp and sudden. But, her brain soon caught up with the rest of her body, and with a warbling breath, she wrapped her arms around him too.

“Ah, shit,” she groaned, briefly releasing one hand to wipe some of her tears off her face. “There’s only one thing I hate more than talking about my feelings, and that’s fucking crying. Actually, doctors still might win, but it’s close,” she added with a weak laugh.

She didn’t know how long they sat there hugging, but she decided it didn’t matter. She realized in that moment that she was long overdue for a good hug—she hadn’t had one since she spoke to Ghaspius. She was also certain Koa needed one, too. Probably more than she did. That thought caused her to tighten her arms, just a little.

“I hear you,” she said, loathing how her voice sounded when it was laced with tears. “And I know you’re right. Logically, it makes sense. Emotionally…” she sniffled, “not so fucking much. I know you probably know.”

She took another breath, steadying the quake in her voice. While she was impressed with Koa’s conviction, the relief came on harder than it had before. It was vindicating to know that he was in a similar boat as her, but even more so to know nothing had changed now that they’d both aired their personal baggage. She certainly only felt more need to help him however she could, but Koa…he didn’t hate her. Or look at her with disgust. Hell, he hugged her.

Everything was still okay. Or, rather, as okay as they could be.

 

[Tetra]

He could feel himself choking up again, self-conscious embrassment creeping through him, but he did his best to bury it. How long had it been since he had been hugged? When he eventually broke away, he glanced awkwardly at the far wall for a moment.

Despite any lingering emotions, for the first time since exiting the comb his head felt clear. Whatever else happened, at least Odette wouldn't look at him different. Warm relief spread from nose to tail at the thought.

"I'll take the doctors any day," he said, trying to lighten the mood a little.

He stared down at the table for a moment, his thoughts circling and his spirits bolstered by Odette's presence beside him. "I guess this might sound crazy but... It feels nice to know at least I'm not alone..." He really hoped that didn't sound weird or callous. Not like he was glad about Odette's situation.

 

[Sinderella]

"It sounds like you're underestimating how much I hate the doctors," she laughed. But, his attempt was appreciated. However, what he said next left her raising her brow.

"It's not crazy." She only knew of one other person like her in her world, and she didn't even know him. "This is a stupidly niche position to be in. Take the community you can find and try to enjoy it."

Setting her hand on his head, she ruffled up his fur the way she'd seen older siblings do it on TV. She was happy to say she could now cross that off her bucket list. "You're a good kid. If you ever try to convince me otherwise again, I'll shake the fuck out of you until you believe me. That's a promise."

She mindlessly reached for one of the empty glasses, finding, to her dismay, that they were all still empty. She glanced back at Koa with a look of light annoyance, despite her rheumy eyes. "I am going to have the fullest fucking bladder," she said as she raised her hand to signal to the quagsire waiter that she wanted another one.

"Well...what say you finish your ice cream soup, I chug my last drink, and we get the fuck out of here?"

 

[Tetra]

Koa rolled his eyes and pushed her hand away, re-ruffling his hair back into place. He gave her an annoyed look, but the slight smile on his jaws gave him away. Just like Kitto and Blake. It would have annoyed him but... somehow he didn't mind Odette doing it. "And I'll do the same to you too," he said, smirking and staring back at her. "That's a promise."

"Well...what say you finish your ice cream soup, I chug my last drink, and we get the fuck out of here?"

He nodded emphatically to Odette. "Yeah, let's," he said, a note of relief entering his tone. As good as it felt, he was more than ready to put the conversation behind him.

Even as he finished off the rest of his ice cream, a warmth filled him. Archie had accepted him. Odette understood him. Maybe everything wasn't perfect but... at least he didn't have to go through it alone anymore. And for now, that was enough.

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