Eifie
oh man, good times.
- Pronoun
- she/her
Round Four
Keldeo (xOo)
Luke Atmey ♂ @ Life Orb
Ability: Magic Guard
Health: 100%
Energy: 100%
Status: Ah, yes, let us say the figurative Sir William will be dropping his panties before lunchtime...
Vipera Magnifica (oOo)
a fucking whale ♀ @ Shell Bell
Ability: Oblivious
Health: 100%
Energy: 100%
Status: Mooooooweeeee neeeed toooo fiiiind his sooooon...
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Terrified screams echo through the streets of Nacrene. Unfortunate patrons of the Café Warehouse find themselves elbowed in the face, kneed in the elbow, and otherwise forcibly shoved aside as panicked citizens flee through the dining area into the trees beyond. Only the barest of glances would be needed to find the cause: a fucking whale, wedged uncomfortably on the now-cracked streets between the Nacrene Gym and a row of warehouses, is thrashing about in a panic, a literal fish out of water. Her frenzied [whale noise]s ring through the city until her trainer finally manages to approach her at eye level (by climbing atop a nearby warehouse and having his ridiculously long Seviper boost him the rest of the way) to give her massive side a reassuring pat. Oh! She didn't see Vipera Magnifica all the way down there. He was definitely bigger last battle... Can you even use Minimize that many times? Man, her trainer is talented.
On her other side a fucking whale suddenly feels a rustle of tiny legs, as if from an irksome flea, and from the corner of her beady eye notices a tiny little birb examining her closely, its third eye zoomed in to 800x. (Such reads the tiny text above its lens, though a fucking whale is unable to read it.) "Ah! Zvarri!" exclaims birb. "I have deduced that this fucking whale is quite large!"
a fucking whale feels somewhat offended.
Busily flitting along a fucking whale's side toward her tail, Luke Atmey runs several calculations through his enlightened brain. If he allows some error for wind resistance, he should stop focusing on flying and begin gathering his mental defenses, right about... now. And... zvarri! Beating his wings to remain in midair, Luke Atmey closes his two regular eyes, third eye whizzing about erratically in its socket as a cube of golden light expands around him. It has just barely taken full shape when a fucking whale shifts in place, and then all of a sudden a gigantic blast of water erupts from her own third eye, bearing down upon him with great force, indeed! But his Light Screen has been carefully calculated, yes, and diverts much of the force contributed by the Earth's own gravitational pull, so what while water splatters down upon him and weighs down his wings, Luke Atmey remains an ace avian in flight.
Twitching her tail back and forth, a fucking whale endeavours to maneuver herself into a position where she can get a clear shot at Luke Atmey. She carelessly smacks into a nearby warehouse, leaving a large dent in its side, the rock walls cracked and starting to crumble. Inside the building, an inconveniently-placed pair of cymbals falls to the ground with a crash, causing the Wailord to flinch. The sudden motion knocks over the statue outside the Nacrene Gym, and the glass ball atop it shatters. Grumbling to herself (what architect's idea was it not to make the streets even wide enough for a diminutive whale such as herself? Shouldn't they know that a Pokémon battle could happen anywhere?), a fucking whale resigns herself to twisting her front end as far around as she can and firing off an orb of icy cold from her mouth, hoping for the best. The attack misses Luke Atmey by a wide margin, leaving him to continue charging up his own unharmed. A moment later he unleashes a white-hot orb of dazzling sunlight from his third eye, which eats through the oily protective layer of her skin and blisters her blubber painfully.
Thrashing about in distress, a fucking whale swings her tail to one side, smacking Luke Atmey straight into the front of the Nacrene Gym. She continues to flail it back and forth, smashing away at the base of the building until it begins to teeter. Screeching in panic, Luke Atmey makes to fly to safety, but too late: with a series of loud cracks and groans, the battered gym falls over entirely, pinning the Sigilyph's legs and half his body to the ground. He struggles desperately, but has no hope in overcoming an entire building with his admittedly formidable physical strength. Sighing to himself at this inconvenience, Luke Atmey absorbs some more sunlight, harnessing its power into a sphere in front of him, and sends it rocketing a fucking whale's way. a fucking whale bellows loudly in pain, causing the weakened warehouses nearby to shake, while a few lampposts go flying through the air.
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Keldeo (xOo)
Luke Atmey ♂ @ Life Orb
Ability: Magic Guard
Health: 78%
Energy: 74%
Total: 167
Nasteries: 26 (Efficiency Expeller) / 0 (Setpiece Specialist) / 0 (Plagiarism Pawner)
Status: My... my panties... they have been crushed... Protected by a Light Screen (2 more actions). -1 Speed.
Used: Light Screen ~ Solar Beam ~ Solar Beam
Vipera Magnifica (oOo)
a fucking whale ♀ @ Shell Bell
Ability: Oblivious
Health: 60%
Energy: 83%
Total: 158
Nasteries: 17 (Efficiency Expeller) / 1 (Setpiece Specialist) / 0 (Plagiarism Pawner)
Status: MOOOUUAAAAAAOOOOOAHHHH...
Used: Water Spout ~ Ice Beam (missed) ~ Rock Tomb
Arena Status
- Nacrene City has been utterly destroyed. Broken lampposts and splintered tree trunks litter the streets of cracked stone. Citizens have fled to the Pokémon Centre, and major damage has been done to the other buildings that are still standing. Luke Atmey is halfway trapped beneath the fallen gym. Taking up the entire width of the street is a fucking whale, oblivious to the havoc she's caused.
Damage and Energy
- Super Smile Atmey's Health: 100% - 9% (Water Spout) - 13% (Rock Tomb) = 78%
- Super Smile Atmey's Energy: 100% - 4% (Light Screen) - 11% (Solar Beam) - 11% (Solar Beam) = 74%
- a fucking whale's Health: 100% - 21% (Solar Beam) + 2% (Shell Bell) - 21% (Solar Beam) = 60%
- a fucking whale's Energy: 100% - 8% (Water Spout) - 5% (Ice Beam) - 4% (Rock Tomb) = 83%
Notes
- Speed order: Luke Atmey (65) > a fucking whale (60).
- Nastery moves: Rock Tomb (Setpiece Specialist).
- a fucking whale is very fucking big, and one-action Solar Beam needs the whole action to charge. However, Luke Atmey was able to fly decently close enough to a fucking whale's tail before using Light Screen, and the accuracy roll for Ice Beam was bad enough, that he managed to avoid it due to a fucking whale's inability to really move (and the fact that Ice Beam comes from her mouth).
- Since Luke Atmey was so close to a fucking whale's tail when she swung it around to knock down the gym, he took extra damage from being smacked straight into the building, calculated as if the attack was a critical hit. (Also, the gym is a little far for a fucking whale to be knocking over with her tail, but the Pokémon Centre is further and it's funnier than a random building, so it shall be so. It is now directly adjacent to the road.)
- I could have sworn there was a ruling on this, but I can't find it now. Unless I come across something that says otherwise, Magic Guard won't block the energy penalty from Life Orb, but it will block the damage penalty.
- Keldeo commands first.
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