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Latin Translation of Exit Music (For a Film)

hopeandjoy

hopeandjoy

yan ya yan ya yaa iii yaaa
I actually had no idea where to put this, due to the fact I didn't write Exit Music. Feel free to criticize my translation; I'm sure it's bad.

Wake from your sleep
Evigila ab somno tui

And dry all your tears
Et areface fletus omne tui

Today, we escape
Hodie, aufugimus

We escape
Aufugimus

Pack
Convasa

And get dressed
Et vesti

Before your father hears us
Ante pater tui audit nos

Before all hell breaks loose
Ante omnis Tartrus desciscunt

Breathe
Asipira

Keep breathing
Asipirabas

Don't lose your nerve
Noli deperdere nervulum tui

Breathe
Asipira

Keep breathing
Asipirabas

I can't do this alone
Non possum facio hunc solus

Sing us a song
Canta nobis cantorum

A song to keep us warm
Cantoro fovere nos

There's such a chill
Est eiusmodi gelu

Such a chill
Eiusmodi gelu

And you can laugh
Et potes inridere

A spineless laugh
Inrisus innervulus

We hope your rules and wisdom choke you
Sepramus tui normae et sophia suffacant te

Now we are one
Iam sumus una

In everlasting peace
In paca aeterna

We hope that you choke
Sepramus suffacas

That you choke
Suffacas
 
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Just curious: what made you want to translate this into Latin?

Also, "peace" is pax, pacis, paci, pacem, pace, so wouldn't "in everlasting peace" be in pace aeterna?
 
Reason: bored Ketsu who can't go to sleep decides to practice her Latin on a song she likes

And yes it would. For some reason, I saw pax, pacis f. in the dictionary and used the 1st declension instead of the 3rd like a moron.
 
There are a few issues I have here. First of all, you seem to use "tui" whenever you mean "your", and from my Latin education, you should use the adjective "tuus" instead. So, for example, the first line would be "evigila ex somno tuo". I'd also suggest the removal of "ab" there, as I think that "ex" would work better.

The second line I'd change to "et omnes lacrimas tuas assicca"; the word you used "fletus" is the PPP of the verb "to cry for" (fleo, flere, flevi, fletus).

"Before your father hears us" I'd have as "ante patrum tuum nos audit", just changing the word order a little, and changing "father" into the accusative because "ante" takes it.

"Before all hell breaks loose" would turn to "ante omnes infernalis ad nostrum veniunt". I couldn't find a verb for "break loose", so I just use "come to us".

"Keep breathing", I would translate as "aspiratus permane", turning "aspirare" into its participle to say "continue breathing".

"I can't do this alone" is "non possum solus hic facere".

"Sing us a song" would be "carminem nobis canta".

"A song to keep us warm" would be "carmen ut nos calet"

"There's such a chill" would probably be "est frigor magnus"

"We hope your rules choke you" is "speramus imperii tui te strangulant".

"Now we are one" could be "nunc unus sumus".

Aobaru's told you "in everlasting peace" ("in pace aeterna").

And finally, "we hope you choke" is "speramus strangulas", with the last word just being "strangulas".

Sorry if this is changing everything too much and criticising too harshly D:
 
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