Frontier Town Nina's Place

[canisaries]

For a second there, Laura looked like she might believe him, but then...

"I don't know, Andre," she said, adrenaline creeping into her voice, "what does a killer look like? You don't look yourself, is the thing. Maybe if you were some bloke wearing a bloodstained shirt you'd look more the part."

Actually, it would be a raincoat. I'm cleanly like that.

"Look, I'm not gonna put your name in the news—" unless? "—or try and investigate you or prosecute you or whatever. Whatever you did, you did it in another reality, in a different body.

She promised no consequences - none of the legal sort, at least. It reminded Andre of someone...

"I'm afraid that I cannot allow you to die, Andre. Nor will you see a Forlasan court of law for your crimes on other worlds. You must serve penance in other ways."

If two different people said it without knowledge of each other, could it be true?

I have no idea what your motive could possibly have been, maybe I'd even be bloody sympathetic if I knew. But there's no point in going after you for it, so I'm gonna tell you again: be for fucking real with me."

Well, there it was again. Laura demanding honesty. But he couldn't be honest. She wouldn't understand.

And maybe she shouldn't. Maybe no one should, because there wasn't anything to understand. What Andre had done wasn't justice. It was a grisly way to pacify the guilty conscience of a selfish man who had it so well when others suffered.

No, no, what am I thinking? I have found understanding. Odette understood me. Sure, that's only one out of five people who found out understanding, but... it proves that I'm not just insane.

So... what do I do? Tell Laura the truth? Tell another lie that gets the gist across but sounds better (definitely leave out the fucking torture)? Continue to deny things? Refuse to answer entirely? Which option is the best for me? Which option is the best for the Wayfarers?

Andre struggled with the choice until he realized that he'd already waited too long. Surely no innocent man would give such a dead-eyed stare for so long when asked to be honest.

He sighed. He decided on a whim to go for the choice that felt like no real choice at all: half-assing it.

"Fine," he said, "fine." He adjusted his glasses with a hoof and looked away. "You're perceptive, I'll give you that."

He sighed and looked back. "Truth is, I'm not completely innocent. I have done something I'm afraid of getting out. But the situation is complicated. Nuanced. Ben doesn't fully understand it. And, well, I suppose by I must admit I don't have the complete picture, either."

He didn't know, after all, how madly Ben had loved Mike. He didn't know the depth of his sorrow.

"But, Laura, there is something I can say with complete transparency." Andre looked as deep into Laura's eyes as he could, trying to will her to understand his conviction. "I never wanted to hurt Ben."

 

[Jackie Cat]

First honest thing you've said to me.

Laura returned Andre's gaze, unblinking. (You'd have to be a magneton to beat a cat in a staring contest.) She knew she had the leverage here, anyway – even if he was telling a truth, she still expected him to frame everything to his benefit, and she'd make him sweat for it.

"Okay," she said, after a long enough moment spent rotating him on a spit in her mind. "Okay, that I believe. You know what I think? I think that whatever you did, you didn't bloody well think it through, and now you're faced with this shit as an unintended consequence. In that way, you're not special in the slightest, I promise."

She sniffed, and allowed herself to untense just a tad. Hardly at all, mind. She was talking with a bloke who, best case scenario, did some kind of negligent manslaughter. Best case scenario. Suddenly the hard drinks behind the counter looked terribly appealing.

"I should tell you now, I'm not gonna help you gaslight the cub." Cub? Adult bear before the summon, right? "Ben. I've been meaning to talk to him, actually. Follow up. Since he'll be lost, confused, resentful... Can't imagine why." Howls, this was gonna drive her round the bend, wasn't it. "Is there a version of this palaver where you come clean about your nuanced situation and I persuade him not to go around starting a lynch mob? I've been thinking about just contriving for the two of you to never be in the same room again, but somehow I doubt that's gonna be a reasonable long term solve."

 

[canisaries]

"Okay, that I believe. You know what I think? I think that whatever you did, you didn't bloody well think it through, and now you're faced with this shit as an unintended consequence. In that way, you're not special in the slightest, I promise."

It was true. Had Andre never tried to comfort Ben after Mike's disappearance, had Andre never given Ben his home address - Gods, what a stupid fucking thing to do, he could never berate himself enough for it - this never would have happened. Perhaps whatever source that leaked it to Ben that Andre had been the last one Mike had been seen with would still have leaked that information, but Ben wouldn't have known where to find Andre. They would never have met each other, they could never have formed any kind of relationship, and Betel wouldn't have pulled Ben to Forlas to be Andre's partner.

Of course, that may have meant that someone even worse could have come. Like Red.

"I should tell you now, I'm not gonna help you gaslight the cub." Cub? Adult bear before the summon, right? "Ben. I've been meaning to talk to him, actually. Follow up. Since he'll be lost, confused, resentful... Can't imagine why." Howls, this was gonna drive her round the bend, wasn't it. "Is there a version of this palaver where you come clean about your nuanced situation and I persuade him not to go around starting a lynch mob? I've been thinking about just contriving for the two of you to never be in the same room again, but somehow I doubt that's gonna be a reasonable long term solve."

Andre sucked in a breath through his teeth. "I suppose it's not reasonable of me to expect you to cover for me when you don't even know what I did and why. Fine. But I don't think there's anything I can tell you that'll help you calm Ben down. Ben was... very close with Mike." Andre didn't say in what way, since that wasn't something he had the right to go around and tell people.

He paused. There was nothing he could tell Laura that would help calm Ben down, no, but there were still things he could say.

"Mike, on the other hand, wasn't close with Ben," he started. "Guy practically told me so himself. Ben was just a tool for him to win battles with. All the hyping up, saying Ben was going to be a star? A stupid little play he had to put on do to keep the ursa hooked. Ben wasn't a partner to him because a pokémon could never be his equal, no matter their fluency in human language or legal rights. That's what he thought."

Andre sighed. "I did try to tell Ben this once. It made him attack me. So, no, he isn't receptive to hearing what a piece of shit Mike was or how he's better off without him."

Was he? Andre never found out what happened to Ben after he'd fled to Kanto. In fact, he'd never searched up anything about him. He knew he wouldn't have been able to stomach it.

"Frankly, as slimy as it is, that 'gaslighting' is the most peaceful way I can find to resolve this," Andre said. "If Ben believes himself to be mistaken - which is an entirely reasonable conclusion to come to with his knowledge of events - there'll be no lynch mob. Ben will still be miserable, yes, he lost what he thought was his best friend - but the truth wouldn't make him any less miserable. So if the options are 'sad Ben, Wayfarers operational' and 'sad Ben, Wayfarers in chaos', which one would you pick?"

Gods. Every time I open up about what I did to any degree, the words that come out of my mouth are just reprehensible. Yet I just keep talking. I keep defending myself, convincing others that my way is best. And I believe myself just enough to never stop.

Where is this all going to lead me?

 

[Jackie Cat]

you don't even know what I did and why.

Said like it was her fault, and not his for being a creep. She was starting to get a pretty good idea, anyway – the indignant self-justifications and 'big-picture' appeals to the greater good just howled 'utilitarian vigilante'.

Everything Andre said after that just served to confirm that impression. It could be worse. He could get off on it.

"So if the options are 'sad Ben, Wayfarers operational' and 'sad Ben, Wayfarers in chaos', which one would you pick?"

Laura narrowed her eyes. "That's a false dichotomy," she said, flatly. "You're acting like your best interests are non-negotiable. No need for a lynch mob if you fess up, right?"

It was like arguing with tech-bros on Chatter. Please choose between my first bullshit option and my second bullshit option! No, I will not amend my behaviour and stop being a complete wanker, only you are capable of giving ground.

 

[canisaries]

Laura narrowed her eyes. "That's a false dichotomy," she said, flatly. "You're acting like your best interests are non-negotiable. No need for a lynch mob if you fess up, right?"

Andre frowned. The lynch mob was what would happen if he fessed up. But he couldn't say that, could he? He was trying to pretend like what he did was somehow palatable if just explained properly. It wasn't - not to the average person. But the average person had been convinced by state propaganda that violence was never the answer, propaganda that kept them complacent.

Gods, why was this such a hard concept for people to understand? It was very simple in the end. Mike was a terrible person and Andre made sure he wouldn't hurt anyone else again. Why was he the bad guy?

Didn't matter right now. Right now, he had to come up with something to say. Continuing to insist that Ben or the other Wayfarers shouldn't be told the truth wasn't going to go anywhere. Cutting the conversation short and leaving would just mean Laura going to Ben with this half-confession Andre had given (Gods, what had he been thinking), which would be just as good as a full one to the bear, and then he'd go around telling everyone about it. And actually giving a full confession? After Laura had basically ignored everything he'd said about Mike like it didn't matter? That'd fuck things up even worse.

If only there was a way to make sure Ben wouldn't find out about this conversation. Like if something were to make Laura unable to...

Andre's eyes went wide as he realized what he'd just thought.

Oh Gods. Oh Gods, no. No, I would never do that. I mean, for starters, Laura is stronger than me, so I couldn't even if I wanted to. Unless I caught her off guard. Unless I did it in her sleep. Unless I did it with a weapon strong enough. No, what am I thinking? It's out of the question. Laura isn't a bad person. Laura's a very good person. And Laura's far more valuable to the Wayfarers than I could ever be. If someone died as a result of this situation, it should be... me.

Andre paused to examine the thought further.

If I died... I would just be sent back to my world. It would probably hurt, yes, but... after what I just thought, don't I deserve that?

Well, okay, maybe that's overdoing it. Maybe I should look out for myself just enough to make sure that, if it came to that, they'd kill me fast...?

If it came to that?

It needs to come to that. I can't let myself roam Forlas if I'm really having thoughts like this.

Andre took another look at Laura. He opened his mouth, but couldn't speak. He cleared his throat. That didn't help. How was a man supposed to say the words that would doom him, even knowing that he'll live after death?

Maybe he should say something easier.

"Do you think --" he tried, his voice cracking. He tried again. "Do you think the lynch mob would... make it hurt?"

 

[Jackie Cat]

Laura wasn't a psychic. Usually she was grateful for that, to be honest. Dark-type suited her just fine – she liked staying inconspicuous, not having to watch her thoughts, being hard to find when she didn't wanna be found. Right now, though, she wished she could tell whether Andre was manipulating her. He sounded sincere, but did that mean anything? He'd spend a good moment there thinking it over, and she could see the cogwheels ticking away, calculating. The best reason she had for buying this kicked faun act was that he'd been worse at lying to her just minutes before.

She had an approach for moments like this, at least. Find an answer that'd work regardless of whether he was lying or not.

"I'm not gonna start a lynch mob," she said, tightly. "Frankly, even if I was hyped for some kinda 'justice', we should be bloody well better than that, anyway. Even some stupid extradimensional-extrajudicial trial would be better than that."

She frowned at Andre, and flicked an ear irritably as she tried to figure out what this guy's fucking psychology even was, at the end of the day. She was getting 'vindictive Reditto user' vibes from the self-righteousness, but maybe that was just confirmation bias on her part. This lynch mob thing, like when other people sought justice it was stupid sheep shit, but when he did it, it was enlightened utilitarianism. Her tail thumped her barstool uncomfortably.

"Do you actually get the point of, like, laws?" she asked. "Cops, trials, having an actual justice system?"

 

[canisaries]

"I'm not gonna start a lynch mob," she said, tightly. "Frankly, even if I was hyped for some kinda 'justice', we should be bloody well better than that, anyway. Even some stupid extradimensional-extrajudicial trial would be better than that."

People kept saying this. That he wouldn't be lynched for what he did were he to come clean. Could they really mean it?

"Do you actually get the point of, like, laws?" she asked. "Cops, trials, having an actual justice system?"

Even through the clouds of panic obscuring his mind, Andre was offended. "Of course I do. I'm thankful to live in a world that has those things. What I think is naive is assuming that they can catch every bad actor. People get away with things they shouldn't get away with. People get away with things because there isn't enough proof to make the case stick, or they get away with things with just a slap on the wrist. Awful people. Awful people who will just keep doing what they do unless someone puts a stop to it."

Andre adjusted his glasses. Getting to defend himself seemed to be calming him down. "I understand why so many people don't like the idea of vigilantism. It's because you can't trust a random vigilante to know exactly what's right and wrong, how wrong a deed is, what kind of sanction it warrants. You can't trust a random vigilante to do proper research and make sure their target has done what they suspect them of. But... a person knows themselves. I know myself. I know my own idea of righteous, and I'm going to act according to that. I'm well aware that there are people that disagree with my ideals, and I expect those people to oppose me, but I'm not going to think they're in the right. So, of course I'm going to be afraid of extrajudicial justice directed at me. The difference between me and Mike is that I haven't done anything wrong."

 

[Jackie Cat]

For a moment, it seemed like maybe Laura would get to empathise with Andre. It wasn't like she'd never seen some horrible shit online and silently wished the perpetrator a karmic consequence. The justice system didn't get everyone, did it? Hell, even Chairman Rose was probably gonna weasel out of anything more than a slap on the wrist, courtesy of top-shelf lawyers with below-basement scruples.

But there it was again, that fake choice. Do nothing, or take sharp-edged vigilante action. Like you couldn't join a law enforcement organistion. Like you couldn't become a detective, a prosecutor, an investigative journalist—

And that was just careers about bringing people to justice. If the point was to help people, you had a million other options. And if Andre had ever wanted to help people, it didn't feature too much in his accounting for himself... What he'd done hadn't helped Ben. It hadn't helped Andre, even. It certainly wasn't helping Laura right now.

But if he realised that – he did realise that, right? – then there was hope. Just showing a little remorse could salvage this whole thing. She could help him – maybe he just never felt he could admit to anything because nobody was in his corner, and admitting guilt would just be signing his own death warrant. But here, now, talking to her, maybe—

"The difference between me and Mike is that I haven't done anything wrong."

Oh. She knew this feeling. This black, acid feeling she'd felt too many times already. Oil-slick, corrosive, glistening resentment.

"I can't believe I wasted my fucking time talking to you."

It took her a second to process that she'd said it out loud. Another to recognise the boiling tar feeling of Shadow seeping into her blood. And one more to realise she didn't care.

Laura pulled her paw back, and with bottomless contempt, struck Andre across the face.

 

[canisaries]

The one-two punch was a metaphorical one followed by a literal one. The force of the strike knocked Andre off his seat and left a stinging ache on his cheek. Even still, the ache in his heart quickly overshadowed it.

She's that disgusted? She hates me that much for what I did?

Andre climbed back onto his hooves. He noticed his glasses had fallen off, and he picked them up with a vine to place them back on his face. Good thing they were lensless.

He stood there for a moment, staring into Laura's eyes. His mind was quiet, struggling to form proper thoughts. He didn't know what kind of expression he was making, but his guess was somewhere on the spectrum of sorrow.

Finally, self-pity turned to bitterness, and he found some words.

"Should I expect more of that from the mob, then?"

 

[Jackie Cat]

Laura scoffed, adrenaline surging in her shaking paws.

"Grow the fuck up, Andre. We're pokémon. In fact, you're a species that flirts by headbutting the shit out of other bucks. Are you seriously gonna whinge and moan about a howling slap, after everything we've seen and done here?"

"Laura, be a dear and take your business outside if you're gonna law paws on a fella," warned Nina, the Girafarig proprietor. (She didn't have eyes in the back of her head so much as an actual second head, which was the one she was staring the pair down with.)

Laura glanced up and over the countertop at the lofty 'mon and nodded curtly. "Sorry, Nina. I'll be back to pay my tab in a few, if that's okay?"

Nina nodded and shrugged, with a slight roll of her eyes – an impressive gesture from a Girafarig – and went back to her bartending. Laura turned back to Andre and shot a meaningful look at the door.

"Out," she said, like she was ordering a recalcitrant 'mon. Andre was no alpha noivern – he'd better bloody well do as she said.

 

[canisaries]

"Grow the fuck up, Andre. We're pokémon. In fact, you're a species that flirts by headbutting the shit out of other bucks. Are you seriously gonna whinge and moan about a howling slap, after everything we've seen and done here?"

Did she think the physical sensation of the slap was what had gotten him so down? She really had a low opinion of him.

"Out," she said, like she was ordering a recalcitrant 'mon. Andre was no alpha noivern – he'd better bloody well do as she said.

Andre sighed. Well, this was happening. He was probably going to get an ass-beating from Laura now. And he didn't want to look some kind of pussy backing down from that. And, well, he deserved this, didn't he?

"Fine," Andre said, trotting towards the door. "But I don't know why you expect a beating to change my mind."

Unless she didn't. Unless she simply wanted him to hurt for what he had done, what he was. Just like he had hurt his own targets.

Could she, then, be made to understand?

 

[Jackie Cat]

Laura followed Andre out, looked around for onlookers, and found the street outside Nina's adequately empty. Good enough.

"Idiot," she replied. "I'm not gonna beat you up."

She wanted to, but she wouldn't enjoy it past the first good punch or two, not if he didn't fight back.

Laura levelled a digit at the deer. "Alright, listen. I'm not a bloody cop or anything, but you must be thick in the head if you think you sound sane and reasonable talking about how you're above the law, it binds everyone else, but you should get away with murder." (Figuratively. Literally? Probably.) "And you're taking the piss if you think you come off as morally righteous when you obviously don't give a toss about how what you did has fucked up that poor mon's life – otherwise you'd fucking regret it, at least as 'bad judgment' if nothing else. But you probably already have a sleazy rationalisation on both counts, so here's the other thing you're missing."

She glared at him, wondering whether he could defend himself. She wanted him to be able to so fucking bad. If he could put up a fight, then she could punch him really fucking hard. They were pokémon. Fighting was how pokémon resolved practically everything.

"You know what the problem is with special, 'good' people like you doing whatever the hell you want? Other than that it hurts people, and it makes me think you're a creep. It's that everything you do affects other people; it affects what they do, Andre. Think it through, for fuck's sake. You know why you should pull the lever in the trolley problem, but it's somehow a bad idea for a doctor to kill one healthy patient to distribute his fucking organs to save five terminally ill patients? It's because people will stop going to the fucking hospital for treatment, you absolute muppet. Normal people don't hear about a murder in their neighbourhood and decide the guy had it coming, and trust that the killer isn't gonna come after them too for no good fucking reason. They'll want you caught, Andre, for their peace of mind. What if someone exposes you, are you gonna go after them to protect yourself? What if someone comes after you for revenge, you gonna kill them too? You gonna kill cops, Andre? You gonna kill copycat killers when they take a liking to your work and go after victims of their own? You gonna kill yourself when one day you realise you got the wrong guy? And if you show me that you're willing to play by your own fucked up rules, what the hell is stopping me, or anyone else, doing the same to you?"

 

[canisaries]

Laura levelled a digit at the deer. "Alright, listen. I'm not a bloody cop or anything, but you must be thick in the head if you think you sound sane and reasonable talking about how you're above the law, it binds everyone else, but you should get away with murder." (Figuratively. Literally? Probably.) "And you're taking the piss if you think you come off as morally righteous when you obviously don't give a toss about how what you did has fucked up that poor mon's life – otherwise you'd fucking regret it, at least as 'bad judgment' if nothing else. But you probably already have a sleazy rationalisation on both counts, so here's the other thing you're missing."

Andre was about to tell Laura that regretting a choice did not equal feeling bad about its consequences, but the cat dismissed his correction even before he'd said it. Whatever.

"You know what the problem is with special, 'good' people like you doing whatever the hell you want? Other than that it hurts people, and it makes me think you're a creep. It's that everything you do affects other people; it affects what they do, Andre. Think it through, for fuck's sake. You know why you should pull the lever in the trolley problem, but it's somehow a bad idea for a doctor to kill one healthy patient to distribute his fucking organs to save five terminally ill patients? It's because people will stop going to the fucking hospital for treatment, you absolute muppet. Normal people don't hear about a murder in their neighbourhood and decide the guy had it coming, and trust that the killer isn't gonna come after them too for no good fucking reason. They'll want you caught, Andre, for their peace of mind. What if someone exposes you, are you gonna go after them to protect yourself? What if someone comes after you for revenge, you gonna kill them too? You gonna kill cops, Andre? You gonna kill copycat killers when they take a liking to your work and go after victims of their own? You gonna kill yourself when one day you realise you got the wrong guy? And if you show me that you're willing to play by your own fucked up rules, what the hell is stopping me, or anyone else, doing the same to you?"

That was a lot. But Laura had it wrong if she thought he'd never considered these things himself.

Andre frowned. "Alright, well, first of all, I don't leave behind bodies. I'm not fucking dumb. People I target don't die. They disappear. And people disappear in Viridian all the time."

He shifted his weight. "And as I previously said, I expect people to oppose me. It's why I've taken great care not to tell anyone about what I do except the ones I've been forced to. Were someone to break into my house and kill me for what I've done? I could understand. But I wouldn't agree I deserve that." Well. "I've always done what I think is right. What is just. That's why I don't regret my actions. I don't feel good that they inevitably cause others pain, but I do feel good about all the suffering I've managed to prevent by removing abusers, rapists and pedophiles from the world. And I think that tradeoff is worth it."

He huffed and shook his head. "Look, we can go on about this till sundown, but I'm not going to change my mind, and by now I highly doubt I'm going to change yours. You're going to tell the others about me, and something bad is going to happen to me, I'm sure. And..."

Andre remembered that stray murderous thought he'd had, which had already slipped his mind in the heat of justifying himself. Shit. Well, regardless, I don't think voluntarily letting myself get killed is a proportionate reaction to having a stray thought. I'm still allowed to defend myself. I'm still allowed to defend my position as a Wayfarer. And if these people love the courts so much, shouldn't they arrange one for me?

"Well," he continued, "we'll see I'll do about it. And no, I'm not gonna kill anyone over it. I wouldn't even know how."