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[Magyk]

Review of Legendary Adventures - Chapters 1 - 7 (471 words)

Spoiler: Chapters 1-7

I don’t read trainerfics too much, the last one being Legendarian Chronicles, so starting a new one wasss interesting! I meant that in a good way, haha.

Coming into this, all I knew about this fic was Koa in BLC2, and that there was a Zubat. Now, Zubat > Golbat > Crobat is for some reason my all time favourite line, with the purple bat being my favourite Pokemon. I just love these bats.

So when I saw an adorable little Zubat that just wanted some honey, I decided that I must protect this adorable creature. How dare Koa treat him poorly? Zubat’s better than Shinx, anyways! Though, Shinx is also good…

I mostly jest, but I really did find this immediate twist interesting! Obviously, things never go as planned on a Pokemon journey, and this opening portrays that well! Although, Koa going off the path turns in his favour when he picks up Hazard, the fossil, and a bunch of scratches from some Golbats. He deserved getting attacked after he charged into a dangerous area unprepared lmao, but his starter from Rowan and Blake gets stolen! At least there were consequences here to his reckless behaviour.

Koa is a dick to Zubat and this mf ain’t getting a Crobat by Gardenia. I got a Crobat by the time I beat Gardenia. Skill issue.

It was pretty interesting to see Koa’s quick turn around! When fighting trainers who dissed his Golbat, Koa turned around and Echo beat them in a fight, which was awesome to see. Echo deserves to be very strong. uwu

I want to point out that Koa losing to Roark, and then coming back to beat Roark with those same Pokemon is actually really nice! Not in the “Ash suddenly learns a new technique that gives him the edge and he wins” kind of neat, but the “This is how far Koa’s come because he’s approaching this fight totally different” kind of neat instead! It showed good character growth and he gets rewarded with Tyrunt! Only for things to immediately go to heck.

I will, actually, also point out that I very much enjoyed that saving/helping yet another Pokemon did not end with them being bffs immediately haha. I’m glad Rascal was being difficult! It changes up the current formula that Koa was cooking. I’m all for creating a bond before catching, but I also love it when a trainer faces difficulties with their pokemon. I’m a sucker for Ash’s Charizard, though thankfully, it seems I don’t have to wait as long for Rascal to turn around… I’m glad that Koa reached out to different people for advice on this! Cade’s help and Roark’s help were both very nice to see, and while I’m at it I love the extra effort you’re putting into some of the gym leaders!

Annd now part 2 of my reviews, which covers chapters 8-14 for the challenge! (988 words)

Spoiler: Chapters 8-14

(Disclaimer: I don’t use TR so much, but I did just see your edit asking for very little criticism for early chapters after I wrote all this, and while I don’t have much to say in terms of criticism, you don’t need to take my points seriously, or just reserve them for feedback for future chapters instead! This is general commentary between 8-14 plus some generalised feedback)

After reading LC, I was kind of expecting Koa to follow a similar path and just go after the criminals to get his pre-planned starter back and end up in a large mess, so it was nice to see him continuing to get his badges. On that…

I hate Fantina too. Why tf does she leaaaaave. It makes the Sinnoh loop annoying in Diamond and Pearl.

Some world-building things I liked:

• The inclusion of non-Sinnoh Pokemon in the region - throwing in different species is always interesting, and I don’t think I’ve seen a Joltik as a party member before! Is it gonna be like Pikachu and just never evolve, I wonder…? Hazard won’t be small enough for perching if he evolves…

• Starting anywhere but Twinleaf - And Koa isn’t the D/P/Pl protagonist, either! A Canalave bookworm that doesn’t have great battle strategy from the beginning is interesting, and despite not having the strategy, he’s definitely arrogant! I was eager to see him get his karma. Also liked that Rowan doesn’t really give him huge amounts of favoritism either despite his link to Blake, etc.

• Takes place after D/P/Pl - There’s been several mentions of Team Galatic doing their thing and disbanding after some stuff on Spear Pillar, which sounds like the events of the games but all hush-hush. Does that mean Cynthia was protecting the identity of the game protag, or do they not exist in this universe? Hm… suppose I’ll see.

I know my thoughts are pretty scattered, but I’m trying to compile all my thoughts from like ~15 chapters of reading and splitting it between two reviews! I’m having a lot of fun with this!

Some advice… hmm…

If I had to point out some issues, I’d say the pacing feels a little fast, sometimes? Like, uhh Koa gets his ass kicked by Rowan because he has two Pokemon that are weak to rock and he had no strategy and lacked bonds with Echo and Hazard, and then he has a quick epiphany that he was being a dick and immediately turns around? It felt… fast. Like yeah there was some conflict, Koa was a dick to Echo and Hazard was shaking his head, but there was no real fall-out or any massive consequences for it? Echo forgave him instantly and I guess there’s that sacred starter bond, but… I kind of wanted a human to point out how much of an ass he was being to Echo? Maybe he gets reprimanded or has a bigger fuck up than just losing a bet?

And then before it feels like there was a real resolution, he goes to Eterna and beats Gardenia? I mean, she’s easy in the games as well, but it all just felt… abrupt. But it was still good! I’m reading it on FFN, so maybe TR has a more up to date version, but that’s just what I was seeing.

And it’s small, but sometimes I see you using a word twice in a sentence, and it irks me slightly, but it’s also whatever? Probably just a pet peeve, haha. For example, I sometimes see:

> Hazard was going up against something he had a super-effective move against.

Just something to maybe keep in mind while you’re writing!

Other notes, other notes…

I really like the other characters! Cade, Avis and Kitto, I definitely want to see more of them! Especially Avis! While Cade has a rival for Rascal, and Kitto has a rival for Scrapper, I think Avis feels more like a proper companion and someone that keeps Koa on his feet. He acknowledges her strength and goals, and while she doesn’t respect Koa’s goals completely, she’s never putting him down for it. I want to see her struggles with joining the police and how her Blackout investigations are going. I’m sure her journey will intersect more with Koa’s as he goes on, especially with those two Entei, but I definitely want to learn more about Avis the most! Her story sounds very interesting!

Now onto my commentary… I really need to learn how to link and navigate and quote properly lmao. I hope this is actually comprehensive to whoever is reading.

When I saw Liam and Shroomish, my anime senses were immediately tingling. I knew from experience that this Shroomish was going to end up on Koa’s team somehow. While I thought it would happen during the Backlot mansion sequence, I’m impressed poor Shroomish made his way to Pastoria Marsh to beat up some Croagunk! Man, Shroomish absolutely deserves better… in Koa! He’s learned enough that he’s welcoming unique, new members at this point! Screw the plan :)

While I’m on my Shroomish appreciation hours, I’d love to also see more of Kitto, and it seems like we just might! He’s a good bro, with equally ambitious goals of wanting to fight all the champions, Cynthia included. He obviously gets beaten, but I do wonder if he’d actually accomplish it one day-- he just might!

Huhuhuhehehe, we love to see Fantina getting her ass kicked. Soundly, too! Even if she was a joke, it does really highlight Koa’s growth (I mean, so does Wake. That fight was also very good, and also reminded me of Ash’s). Before he wouldn’t have even thought to research the gym leader before hand, but this guy was determined enough that he cooked up a strategy. Love it.

I mentioned it before, but I'm curious to see where the two Enteis go! Was it Zoroark? A clone? I guess we'll see... :)

Just reached Solaceon and pausing for a bit to write this when I’m not being coaxed into playing Lethal Company… so this is really good so far, Tetra! I’m eager to read more~

 

[Ambyssin]

Spoiler: PMD: Heroes of the Past, 1 part

Not much happening to move the needle with this one. Which isn't necessarily a problem for a slower, smaller scope story. That said, it did feel like there was some, for lack of a better word, padding with regards to everything before Treeshroud Forest. It felt like the early Silvally and Artemis POVs dove a bit too deep into their thoughts. To the point of there basically being several uninterrupted paragraphs of their inner monologues. Both within Treasure Town for Silvally and the cafe for Artemis. I recall seeing you mention needing some additional stuff to round out this chapter. Was this extra introspective bulk the result of that... or the dungeon scene at the end? While it was nice to have both Silvally and Artemis' perspectives on her more cautious behavior, some of it did feel a bit on the redundant side.

Actually, I think what felt off about the first two scenes for me was that despite all the narration, there was... not a lot of actual descriptors of everything around them. Plenty of richly described body language, sure, but in my mind I imagined a lot of it happening in a void or just use concept art from the games to fill in the background. That also applies to the background characters. They're so often just non-descript pokemon. Some of them should definitely have species names attached to them to give readers something to visualize. Of course, Silvally apparently doesn't know many of the species names, so that creates the risk of having to describe their appearance. Which many PMD authors (myself included) struggle with. The easy solution would have been to go with species Silvally recognizes.

I'm also not really sure how to feel about the idea of there being drug dealers in the canon PMD world. XP

I did like the banter with Leafeon a great deal. Right now I think this duo is at their best when they have another character to bounce off of. That even shows with the barista at the cafe, IMO. You write great dialogue. I understand part of Silvally's character is not speaking much if at all. It looks like the tea's helping a bit. I hope the plot will move toward trying to fix this for good so he can have the chance to speak more and we get a chance for more verbal exchanges. They're very good.

 

[Tetra]

Drowning review for Challenge

Pokémon - Drowning

Maressa loves working for Team Aqua, and is excited to have opportunities to fight alongside her Pokemon and explore Hoenn's oceans. But an encounter with Team Magma has led her to question whether everything she learned about Team Aqua is true--and whether there's more to them than she knows.

forums.thousandroads.net

Spoiler

Spoiler: Ch 12

Golduck waved a hand dismissively. Whether it was Team Aqua or Team Magma who had the upper hand—none of that mattered now. For all that mattered, the two of them could go on fighting each other until the end of time.

But they can't, can they. One of them is gonna win... :unquag:
It was fun to see Golduck's opinion here.

“I just want to say goodbye before I leave them for good.”

That was the point! If she was going to make some tearful farewell, then they would know something was up and their plan for escape would be ruined.

Maressaaaa stop making excuses youve got to get out

As she finished, she opened her eyes to see Gloom staring straight ahead, his body trembling. Peering over to see his face, Maressa was surprised to see tears fall from his eyes. She glanced up and saw Golduck staring at the Grass-type in shock, looking uncomfortable.

Awwww this was so sweet but so sad. I wonder why it seemed to upset him so much...

“I’m going to ask permission to transfer you to my group, and I’m pretty sure it’ll be approved.”

“Really?”

“Yep. The boss honestly doesn’t care that much which grunt goes where—you’re all pretty much the same to him. I’ll contact you later with any new assignments once I hear about it. By the way,” he mentioned as he leaned on the door frame and surveyed Maressa with his pale eyes, “do you want to hang out this evening? A couple of the grunts and I are having drinks. You’re more than welcome to come!”

“Really?” Maressa asked again, her eyes alight with excitement. “I’d love to! Thanks for the invite.”

Maressaaa noooo!! You're supposed to be LEAVING not taking a promotion.

Maybe I can find enough time today to get outside and release him when no one else is watching.

Man it really is harsh, are Aqua so dogmatic they'll kill a ground based/grass-type pokemon just like that? Yike

“This is one of the squads I normally work with,” Matt said offhandedly. “We do a lot of research and work in the southeast, around Dewford and Petalburg.”

“Not so much of the ‘scientific’ research, if you know what I mean,”

Uh oh spaghettio

Maressa smiled at him. “Thanks—and I’ll see you soon!” As she strode down the hallway, her heart was light and fluttery—part of her wanted to gush to her Pokemon about how much fun she had. But she knew how Golduck felt about Matt. Maybe it was best to wait until he warmed up to him a bit more.

NO!!!! Bad Maressa!!!

It was nice to get a chill chapter with more of a lull after the emotional stress of the previous ones. I almost wish we'd gotten to see the actual big mission bit, but its also kind of fitting I guess, since seeing it mainly through the aftermath was pretty fun.

The biggest uh oh was how as soon as Maressa found herself back under Aqua, she started to backslide so quickly. It was almost scary. She means so well and wants to do right but she's so naive and makes a lot of excuses or ignores so many dangerous behaviours. The comment about 'not that kind of research' if you know what I mean is just one example.

Yet its also so realistic. All the little reasons she gives herself, like wanting to see her friends again, or this budging sort of fondness she seems to be developing for Matt and how she's delaying trying to leave this lfie behind little by little. I wonder how Golduck is gonna feel about this. And if they're gonna be able to find Seaking : (

Also I feel like this whole thing with Matt is gonna spell so much trouble. Maressa is slipping right into another dangerous section of the group. Oh boy.

Spoiler: Ch 13

Tabitha watched the scene, petting Mightyena

THE GOODEST BOY

The creature of a horrible cry of anguish

I think you mean 'the creature gave a horrrible cry of anguish?

But her shrieks were silenced as Tabitha gave her the same treatment he gave her brother. As he lay her gently on the ground, he gave a discontented sigh.

I did find this part a bit confusing or unclear. Tabitha punches them in the stomach and knocks them out for an extended period? I think it would have felt more sensible for them to have a hypnosis or sleep powder user, or just some spores in general? I found it kind of hard to buy that they would be knocked out in a way that would have them apparently unconscious.

They were prepared that this would happen, and Mightyena was doing exactly what Tabitha had told him to. He stood over the boy, his teeth right by Tate’s neck, a soft growl emanating from his throat. The Houndoom crept closer to Jirachi, fangs bared and hackles raised.

bad boy : (
But also thats pretty messed up. Makes sense though, what an awful way to do, especially since he's so young

The weight on Tabitha’s mind became lances of pure agony ripping through him. He gasped and leaned back against the wall behind him. Maxie was lifted into the air, and Jirachi floated right up to his face, glowing so bright that it blinded Tabitha. Tabitha’s clothes and hair fluttered madly, and Breloom gave a small squeal of fright.

Tabitha heard the leader gasp out, “You woke up just for him. Can you live with him dead?”

ooooooo spicy, love me some angry legends/mythical pokemon. Too bad Jirachi can't fight them

Humans made the Orbs were made with some sort of magic that I can’t do anything about.

I think two variants of the sentence got tangled here:
Humans made the orbs with some sort of magic
or
The Orbs were made with some sort of magic

Either could work really, mostly a matter of the orbs being made by humans being focal or not

“Fine. If you can’t do that, then go find a Team Aqua base and destroy it.”

Yikes thats so... petty it feels like almost. Or personal. He could do or wish for almost anything but he specifically wants to destroy an Aqua base. Also yikes for Aqua

We can’t it directly return

Something got lost in the sauce here, maybe the 'it' can be deleted?

Tabitha shook the thought from his mind; Maxie knew what he was doing. Doubting him was useless, and besides that, he was so stubborn that trying to change his mind would do no good.

Right, maxie totally knows what he's doing, yup. I do love me some unhealthy certainty all these underlings have that their superiors are so smart and kno everything

“You’re just going to accept that somebody died and expect me to move on?”

Ohhhh nooooooo Derek oh no. he thinks Maressa really is probably dead :(

Poor thing, it seems like its still weighing on him.

So, Breloom,” he asked, “what happened to you today?”

Ohohoho Breloom sure has got a story I bet. I wonder what Derek will think of it

Things are right back to spicy this chapter and right into the thick of things. What a terrible and awful yet brilliant plan. It was really cool (and messed up) to get to see a villain team in action. It was almost scary how easy it was to snatch a legendary. Everyone did their role and they got away with kidnapping a child too.

I thought it was a smart play to have Jirachi be coerced via keeping Tate prisoner. Its really sad to think of how lonely and tragic of a figure Jirachi is, and how much it must care for Tate, to risk everything.
I find myself especially curious about Maxie's play here. As Tabitha rightfully points out , there's almost anything they could be wishing for apparently but his only goal is hurting Aqua. I actually feel like this has got to be straight up petty or personal. There's just no way. Also his line about using Groudon only is curious. Just to counter Aqua or is there a sort of fanaticism in principle to doing it this way? Instead of wishing for more land he feels like he has to have Groudon.

Intriguing.

I am especially looking to see the fallout of Jirachi's soon to be attack and Derek thinking Maressa is dead.

Spoiler: Bonus

Sarah relished the feelings of excitement and affirmation she experienced in those moments—Shelly trusted her! Matt had referred her, and she was good enough to do this on her own! She was actually helping Team Aqua!

Sweetie noooo
Man it really hits so hard how all of these grunts (or at least a lot) are just some normal silly and gullible college age kids searching for purpose and meaning, and just stupidly got into some bad stuff

Tabitha gazed at her coolly for a second before averting his eyes and looking at the door. “I’m glad to hear that. I want you to know, Sarah, that if ever someone tells you do to something you don’t want to—if anyone threatens you, or does something to you and tells you to not repeat it—come directly to me. I have no patience for that sort of behavior among our team. If it’s a petty dispute or disagreement between grunts, then sort it out yourself. I have no time for that. But if it’s more serious, let me know. I try to travel between bases frequently.”

I am struck so much by how interesting and rounded Tabitha is. He might torture or torment and punish grunts and be willing to committ to some pretty bad stuff, but he'll also protect others and love his pokemon

She obliged. Her deep blue eyes stayed down; Tabitha thought he saw tears well up in them. He turned away—he felt so bad. The poor girl had just been harassed, and Tabitha had saved her only to tell her that she would now be their prisoner. His heart twisted—he couldn’t bring himself to do it yet.

Spying the kettle in the back of the room, he asked, “Do you want some tea?”

Awww this is so genuine and sweet. Even though she's a spy he's not even super angry, he actually cares about her. Love me some complicated villains

Without another word, he exited his office, heading back down the hall to where Mightyena kept guard over Lucius and Loudred. Even though such behavior disgusted Tabitha, dealing with people like Lucius did provide him with a form of stress-relief: there was little thinking involved and he got to expend energy.

And even though Sarah turned out to be a Team Aqua member, Lucius would not be on watch again.

Oohohoho I do love me some implied stuff. Also I can't even feel bad for him, Tabitha kinda right tbh. For once I'm kinda fully with tabitha here.

Sitting down, she leaned against a tree trunk, her eyelids slowly closing in the warmth radiating from the noonday sun. Guess this was just the life of a Team Aqua grunt.

Oh Cloe, be thankful. be thankful you got the boring stuff.

Man this was a kind of heavy chapter, but it pulls its weight well. I think it gives some great insight into some of the side cast, and their lives. In particular, the contrast between Sarah who got into a dangerous situation; Maressa who is off doing what she's doing and then Cloe at the end. For her she's bored and a little jealous. But after seeing everything thats happened its impossible not to wish Cloe only knew how fortunate she is so far to avoid getting involved in this stuff.

Honestly what I enjoy most about the chapter is actually how nicely of a character study it is of Tabitha. It's fascinating to see a 'villain' character who has such strong convictions, and will follow through on it. I wasn't sure if the chapter was going where I thought it was, but I'm glad it did? I liked seeing someone get some comeuppance and more importantly I like seeing how much respect and care Tabitha was willing to show Sarah despite everything. It adds a lot honestly to what sort of person Tabitha is.

Spoiler: Ch 14

The Ghost-type trainer felt a heavy pang of sorrow, and for a moment, the pain of losing a sibling washed over her—but she quickly shook the thought from her mind. If she dwelled on it, tears would come, and a Leader conference meeting was not the proper place for her to cry.

Ooohgh spicy HC lore? Did Phoebe also lose a sister?

and Wallace had on his typica white

typical?

If that’s how it is, isn’t it best for us to team up with Team Aqua? Maybe they would help us.”

A dangerous suggestions

her Marshtomp walking around and looking at passing Pokemon; a busker played a saxophone, waiting for people to drop money into his open case.

Lol first time I read this my brain was like 'what pokemon is a busker????'

The girl’s dark eyes were downcast. “No. Maybe the river or sea, since they’re all Water-type trainers…”

Girl, don't you know Hoenn is 7/10 too much water? Come on you can search the whole ocean

“Fine. The Orbs for Tate.”

oh no : /

Oh dear oh boy oh dear. By all means this sounds like a kind of awful plan. Although i sympathize with why they agreed, especially given the reveal that Phoebe experienced something similar. But just giving away the power to control Kyogre and Groudon??? yikes.

I kind of think its a bad move honestly. Of course, from their perspective they don't know if Tate is in danger or how long he'll be safe. I might wager a guess that Magma won't hurt Tate, since they need him alive to get Jirachi to act. But Liza and Phoebe don't know. So Aqua is going to take the opportunity to capitalize on the situation.

If only they were more willing to wate or try another way. Also unless I misread, does this mean they had a police officer plant helping them to facilitate the meeting?

I do feel also kind of bad for the pokemon, in the way that they have to be hostages too. Sucky all around, now everyone is being dragged into Magma and Aqua's conflict. Man I see there's still a ton of chapters left so I can't wait to see how much more all this escalates, especially now that Aqua will have a chance at acquiring both orbs.

Spoiler: Ch 15

a hundred people willingly gave up their lives to tame Kyogre and Groudon, and that’s how the Orbs were made.”

Whoa yikes, is that like a philosopher's stone thing? That's some pretty hardcore worldbuilding for the stones

What had she gotten herself into?

A very very bad idea. I wish, oh I wish she'd told him but then we probably wouldn't have a spicy story so ohohho

We don’t know if it would involve more sacrifice or dangerous magic, and since so few people know about them and their power is nullified at Mt. Pyre, we don’t want to try too hard.”

I always find it so cool at all the implications that the ancient pokemon world had forms of ancient magic. Even in such a fantastical world thats practically filled with what we would deem magical, they have their own magic.

he didn’t really know what kind of person this prisoner was, and maybe they didn’t really deserve the juice. It was possible that they were really a thug, and not someone he could empathize with like Maressa was.

Oh you'll see Derek, you'll see. I always like a bit of dramatic tension where the audience knows something the POV character doesn't

He’s been working against us the entire time—he’s our enemy as much as Team Aqua is.”

Oh the justifications upon justifications Tabitha.

When she couldn’t agree with what her team was doing anymore, she had quit. She was brave—she had done what Derek couldn’t do.

Its funny because as of this moment she didn't committ to quitting proper but he believes she did

Derek shook the thought from his head. His situation was entirely different than hers, wasn’t it?

Is it though, Derek?

The two of them spent the past few nights just hanging outside and talking until late into the night. Maressa’s heart always swelled with warmth whenever Matt said he wanted to hang out with her. He—the cool commander—the one the grunts liked—actually enjoyed spending time with her!

Maressa sweetie, no

Maressa grew into a habit of leaving her Pokeballs in her room when Matt asked her to hang out. Throughout high school and college, whenever Maressa became interested in a boy, Golduck noticed and hounded her constantly.

See after everything I've been reading I think this at least 60% bc Maressa has poor taste in men lol, and misses all the red flags. Golduck is probably right lol.

“Well, yeah, I do. I had to fight my Sharpedo for him to listen to me—

So maybe she meant pokemon fight but if not its pretty funny to picture her fitst-fighting a torpedo shark

“Do you want to come back tonight with me?”

:unquag:

Maressa’s eyes opened wide as a feeling of icy water spread from her heart through her veins. “I—I don’t know! You always just asked me to hang out with you—I thought—I thought we were just getting along!”

Okay yeah Matt, I gotta say this is kinda silly on your part, you basically just kept trying to give her attention she never asked for. Oof. Give it some time

You were right… And back then, if Phoebe hadn’t demanded one of Matt’s Pokemon, I would have lost another one of you.” As though she was living through it again, she saw the event play out, and her hands balled into fists. “But I can’t just take this! I can’t just let him get away after talking like that to me!”

I'm glad you're finally realizing what a series of dangerous situations you're getting into and how it may affect your pokemon and how the biggest issue is Aqua doesn't really care for you

Her situation and Derek’s were completely different—they couldn’t be compared.

ahahah this is funny on the heels of how Derek was thinking the same thing

Relieved, Maressa gave Gloom a gentle squeeze. “Don’t worry, Gloom,” she said. “We’ll keep you stay safe. And we’ll make sure the world stays the way it is.”

Ohhhh I hope so, I hope so

Through the translucent red cap, she saw him still sleeping peacefully.

Ohhh!!! the translucent balls from the manga! I like that

All the same, she bent down, took Gloom in her arms and hugged him. Her body shook slightly as she softly cried. The floral scent of sweet azaleas and magnolias reached Maressa’s nose. When she opened her eyes and realized how close her nose was to Gloom’s flower, she realized with a jolt that it was his flower that smelled so sweet.

YESSS YESS YESSSSS I've been waiting for this moment. I always remember the bit in the OG anime that explains how Glooms scent is only toxic and yucky when its unhappy. I've been waiting for a long time to see if Gloom would warm up to Maressa enough for its flower to change scents. I'm so happy for them

“When everything is safe again, I promise I’ll come back!”

With that, she turned around again and walked through the forest, wiping away tears and snot. She half-hoped to hear the rustle of Gloom’s footsteps again, but the forest was as silent as the grave.

:( Awwww. its sad but it really is for the best. I hope so much that Maressa gets to see Gloom again though.

This chapter was a tough one emotionally, but pretty satisfying. There's a definite undercurrent throughout of 'circumstances' and choice, and the different situations each character is in and the choices they face. For Derek, he knows deep down holding a child prisoner and doing all these things is wrong. For Maressa, she was almost about to fall right back into her old ways, until her unfortunate interaction with Matt jarred her from it.

I hope for Maressa's sake this truly is the last straw. It was really satisfying to see her realize that just as Matt is using her in a way, so is Aqua in a broader sense. The ones who do care about her are her pokemon. It was also a frightfully realistic look at how people slide right into a dangerous relationship and ignore their friends good advice. Seen it happen so many times where someone starts hiding and disguising a budding relationship with someone who is Bad News because 'oh my friends are too protective and its annoying' only for this exact situation to happen. Stop selling your friends out for crushes dadgummit!

Anyways I'm glad that it came out so early and Maressa had a chance to break out and also talk to Golduck. I hope that she'll learn to trust the right people more going forward, although I worry for her after that doubt about others has come upon her post-Matt. Oh sweet silly Maressa, i hope you learn to discern the red flags better.

I am eagerly looking forward to seeing the path Derek will take now that Maressa seems to have made her own choice.

Spoiler: Ch 16

Maressa started forward but stopped when everything in her vision exploded in a flash. It was too bright to see—even when she clenched her eyes shut, the golden light shone through her eyelids. She turned away and buried her face in the crook of her elbow—frustrated, confused and completely helpless.

Oh no its Jirachi isn't it?

Her terror was overridden a second later by searing pain. She took in a strangled gasp as it felt like a thousand needles were hammered into her brain—each hammer blow sending skull-cracking lances of agony through her body.

Her own memories flashed before her eyes: playing in a pond near Fuchsia city, getting into a slap-fight with Psyduck, staring out the window of a moving truck, getting into a slap-fight with Betty, graduating college, receiving her Team Aqua uniform, talking with Derek…

Ohhhh spicy I love me psychic whumpy bits like this, especially ripping through someone's memories

“Yeah,” she said a little shakily. “Do you know what that thing was?”

I am so used to legendaries being a thing I forget that probably in most worlds, especially pre-game events they really are actually little known beings of legend, heh

Golduck sat down on the ground, his head turned away as he quacked. In all his life, he had never felt so useless. That creature could have done away with Maressa or any of the Pokemon and there wasn’t a thing he could have done to stop it.

Awww this was kind of heart wrecnhing. I liked seeing this little conversation, I know it was hard for poor Golduck to be so helpless. Its also fun seeing different pokmeon's takes on legendaries/mythicals

For the next several days, the attacks

I kind of got a little confused. Several days implies at least maybe 5 to me? But Jirachi is only active for a week, no? So they should probably only need to time it from when Jirachi first appeared (which they could easily know of) and wait it out?

Well, Maressa thought, if that was the case, why didn’t Maxie just have Jirachi dry up the oceans and make more land by itself? If the power Maressa had seen was anything to gauge by, Jirachi was certainly capable of doing such.

There's got to be something else going on behind the scenes, as I see this reasoning is once again brought up. More layers to the concept of summoning them as opposed to a Jirachi wish

last straw for the Lombre researchers—so they built a wall to keep the others out.”

“Isn’t that extreme? Why not just talk to each other and work it out?”

Oooo for a second I wonder if this was kind of a metaphor for Aqua and Magma... two sides that built a divide and its better to try and be seperate than work together....

Maressa turned away from the researchers, not wanting them to see her pouting. She wanted to be the one to set the lab on fire!

Oh Maressa... Its kind of funny that she's putting bc she can't committ an arson lol

without waiting for the computer to signal it was safe to eject them

Now thats diabolical. What next, will she change their default search browser to bing?

“I’m sure it’ll be fine, Lanturn,” Maressa said. “One of our own team members just set the lab on fire, I just deleted all the files on a computer, and Jirachi is still causing chaos and blowing up parts of our bases. If anything, they’ll just think Jirachi did all this!”

While she never heard anything more about the first two, it seemed that the rest of the team members dismissed it as another of Jirachi’s attacks or from a wild, territorial Sharpedo.

Something about this sequence kind of confused me. It felt like maybe there was a timeskip, transitioning from what she did to a sort of broad overview? But the lack of linebreak made me think it was occurring moments later. Might be worth adding a scene break?

Two days after Team Aqua made the deal with Phoebe and Liza, Maressa found herself standing with the other three humans and Golduck in a small cliff-side opening right next to the waterfall. Large ferns and other plants grew all over the rockface, completely blocking the appearance of the cave-like opening.

Once again I find myself a little lost on the timeline. Normally I don't pay too much attention to time at all, but specifically in this area its quite important. Jirachi can only be awake for a week, right? So two days after the deal this sequence happens, but prior to this its mentioned that Jirachi has been active for 'several' days?

At this point it feels like Jirachi should be asleep.... Might be worth revisiting? (or maybe I am dumb and missed or misunderstood something, please correct me if I did)

It actually shattered.

uh oh spaghettio

Maressa was wondering the same thing and watched as Matt dropped the Pokeball and it clattered on the ground. Placing a foot on it, Matt leaned, gradually pushing more of his weight on it. There was a crack, and a brief spark of static—

WHOA WHOA :unquag:

“Oh, I wasn’t going to hurt her,” Matt said nonchalantly. “Don’t you know what happens to Pokemon who are stuck inside their Pokeballs when they’re destroyed? They—”

“Yes, I know!” Phoebe shouted. Matt chuckled as he watched her gaze at him in terror and shock.

Wait what happens? Nothing good I'm sure but yike yikes. Come on Phoebe did you really think that would work? :(

This chapter has got some delightful POV use and fallout from all the setup going on. Magma has gotten some solid temporary leverage in the form of Jirachi, and is razing some Aqua bases. Aqua is still trying to get the orbs though, and has the closest current possible link to them.
Maressa is still stewing on wanting to get revenge along with feeling bad about everything, but its kind of a sucky position all around because even if she wants to do something to hurt Aqua and stop them she really is just still one grunt.

Other than the timeline bit leaving me kind of floundering, I was really interested in the ever increasing stakes. Time is running out. Both for Jirachi and Phoebe and Tate/Liza.

I like the Jirachi sequence at lot, angry legendaries are always interesting and I liked that Jirachi decided she was kind of sowrth sparing in a way because she knew Derek.
I wonder how many people are aware of the week long thing because I kind of feel like they ought to just wait Jirachi out... although I suppose wrt to Tate they don't know if Magma plans to kill Tate after they're done....

Spoiler: Ch 17

Tabitha’s heart panged—he wished that Mightyena held the same respect for Maxie’s Houndoom that Tabitha held for Maxie.

This is kind of funny after having read Goodest boy. Also Mightyena is RIGHT and you should listen to him Tabitha

But she hates what the Pokemon League has done to human-Pokemon bonds.”

Interesting to see this...

I mean someone who barely looked like he was twelve. He can’t even grow facial hair and he’s out riding on a Salamence. There’s no way he could have gotten him as a Bagon and raised him all the way without resorting to some drug use to stimulate evolution.”

Oh dear...

“It’s a classic trick in the book: manipulate the children. Turn the schools into indoctrination camps. Let it trickle into their malleable minds. Turn them into your own army. Turn them against their parents. Get them to do their work for you. Public education is a terrible idea—it’s letting the state and the government own your children. Parents who give up their children shouldn’t have custody of them in the first place. But with a system that’s so ingrained into our society, how would you convince anyone to give it up? Restarting this society and re-building it from the ground up is the only way to go from here.”

Man this is so scary because its not untrue. That is how you'd do that. Forget swaying adult minds, honestly. If you can get to the kids they'll set up the next generation, especially thinking long term. But now that its all baked into society you can't really undo it. Not so far off.... Ofc that doesn't mean mass death is the best option either, whoops....

Tabitha nodded but said nothing. As much as he trusted Maxie, he didn’t share his joy. He remembered holding the little Pokemon’s body—surprisingly heavy for its small size—in his arms and the overwhelming sensation that it was all wrong. And even though they had Jirachi under control, something in him told him that they were poorly using the Pokemon’s powers—it was abuse. Abusing the supernatural. And what good ever came of that?

Are you finally realizing that you're doing something kinda crazy that could cause big problems?

It’s… it’s more like a god than a Pokemon.

Interesting how Jirachi is more of god to them but Groudon and Kyogre aren't

Tabitha’s heart jumped at these words—approval from Maxie! It didn’t come often, so he had to relish it.

Tabitha sweetie, no

Tabitha’s face flushed. As he went back to his office, he couldn’t stop smiling. After hearing that, even office work seemed durable.

Oh no no no. Do love me some juicy toxic dynamics of attentions seeking though, kek :copyka:

Also I think the word is either 'doable' or 'endurable' or smth

“Tabitha, I just watched you die.”

Ohoohohoh you keep throwing juicy hooks and twists into this story

“Maybe it was all in my head, but why should that mean that it’s not real?” she asked angrily. “Everything I saw—it was all so clear. You and Maxie and almost everyone else was there, and pe—people were dying,” she choked. Her gaze switched from Tabitha and she stared straight forward. “Everything was so bright—the sun was so much brighter than ever. And the sky—it was burning. It was orange and yellow—and looked like it was going up in flames. And volcanoes were erupting all over, releasing ash and gas, and the air was dirty. People could barely breathe. And I saw—” her eyes widened, and she started shaking slightly, “—I saw it—I saw Groudon. It was huge, it was so huge, and it was so angry. It was standing in this big pool of lava and staring down at Maxie. Maxie’s hand was bright red, and it was glowing. But Groudon just—just sort of—of breathed out, and lava came out of its mouth—and it covered you and Maxie and—” she stopped, shaking her head as tears came out of her eyes
“It’s okay,” Tabitha said soothingly as he held her. As Courtney described what she had seen, a trickle of fear crept into his heart. “You just had a nightmare. None of that actually happened.”

Feels like this ought to be split somewhere for readability

“My parents put them there,” she said flatly. Her eyebrows furrowed. She no longer looked afraid; a scowl crossed her face. “My family is from Sootopolis—one of the oldest in Hoenn. It can be traced back three-thousand years, to when the Orbs were made. My ancestors were sacrificed to make the Orbs.”

OHOHOHO Hoenn Lore and spice??? also drama??? also, SACRIFICED??

“People wanted power, so they took control of Kyogre and Groudon. They created the Orbs in the Cave of Origin—poisoned it,” she spat. “Defiled its divine power to create life by sacrificing humans to take control over the gods themselves. But some of my family lived, and we’ve been bearing this grudge ever since.”

I wonder if this is Courtney misinterpreting or if Phoebe has the story wrong about the willing sacrifice. It does seem like 'magic orb that controls titans' might have used unwilling sacrifices and history warped the truth. very interesting.

But Jirachi would only be around a few more days, and once it was gone, everything would be back to normal.

Right. Sure. Of course.
Cheesey crackers another baller of a chapter, things getting worse and worse. I especially enjoyed the rather powerful dual fargments of depth and lore we get. I feel like every Tabitha chapter be delivering some banger ideals. We have Maxie and Tabitha's entire conversation, where we get some further good insight into his drive.

And then we have another chunk fo big spice with everything wrapped up in Courtney and Tabitha. They have such an interesting dynamic. He cares about her enough to go to her when she has a nightmare, but he's also clearly not fond of her lack of morals or her behaviours. This story really continues to deliver on deepening the RSE conflict so well.

I am guessing this chapter takes place somewhere during the prior chapter, as once again Jirachi is stated to only be awake for a few more days? I wonder what will happen once they don't have Jirachi.

Also that entire dream sequence Courtney described was straight juicy, very terrifying

Spoiler: Ch 18

Her purple eyebrows converged in an angry frown. “Follow along—quickly, now!”

oh boy is this what I think it is?

Soft golden light shimmered around Jirachi’s body as it stared at Courtney. She felt its presence—it didn’t pierce her brain but it felt distinctly alien.

You’ve suffered a lot, haven’t you? its voice softly echoed through her head.

Oh my oh boy. I am honestly surprised and delighted how much Jirachi content I'm getting
Also the whole little Jirachi interaction was delightful

Once she left Sootopolis, she had no intention of going back to that cursed city—a city that the people of Hoenn largely considered a landmark to be proud of but in reality was an empty crater that led straight into the depths of Hell.

Ohhhhh boy. This is so interesting because its a look at how history can have a lot of different meanings to different people. I think Phoebe seems to hold it in high regard along with much of Hoenn but seeing it from the POV of someone else can paint things in a different perspective.

Otherwise, she wanted that rest of that damned city to crumble into the abyss and take all of its native inhabitants with it.

Yikes. but understandable considering what it seems like her parents did. Sheehs... So it was like some kind of cult almost? I got the impression they were doing a sort of sacrifice thing with whatever was going on in the Cave.

They kidnapped a child. How could they be sure about the good they were doing when they had a child locked up? At what point was it worth terrorizing civilians and kidnapping innocent children just to achieve their goal?

Finally realizing it huh Derek?

Derek rifled through papers on his desk, trying to figure out what kind of disinfectant was suitable for Graveler wounds. The Rock-type Pokemon sat on a bed nearby him, looking up at Derek with doleful eyes. Two of her arms had long gashes in them, the exterior chipped away to reveal some sort of sandy substance mixed with flesh and blood. Parts of her injury festered an ugly grey color.

Derek felt bad for the poor Pokemon and he knew she needed her wounds disinfected, but what might work for Breloom or Golbat might not work with her rocky composition. Stuff he used for Claydol might work, but he wanted to be sure before experimenting on someone else’s Pokemon. And he couldn’t keep his mind off of his frustrations with Team Magma.

I love the attention to detail in how ever pokemon is different and requires different medicines and care based on their biology.

He had been visited by Jirachi—and Maressa was alive! She was more than alive, she was okay! The plan had worked.

Derek’s face broke out into a smile. He couldn’t believe it—he couldn’t believe the awesome power of Jirachi, and he couldn’t believe that Maressa had—somehow—gotten through the ocean safely and was back with Team Aqua.

YESSSSS FINALLY!!! I'm so happy for Derek. I'm glad he can get a little bit of peace admidst all this turmoil. Also delighted to see Jirachi kind of messing with everyone's heads even if it can't directly retaliate...

But her grandmother shook her head. “And what then? They’ll give him back, and then use the Orbs to unleash complete chaos. You will be helping no one.”

Yeah saving Tate won't mean much when the world burns to ash or is flooded Phoebe :V

Never in her life—not when she had failed to win a Pokemon battle for the nineteenth time in a row, not when her parents told her she was mistreating her Pokemon or being cruel to her siblings, not even when she had failed to watch her little brother and her parents found him riding his tricycle in the street while she was watching TV—had she known such disappointment

Oh wow Phoebe has a pretty rough past huh? It sounds like she was quite the sort of troublemaker/irresponsible child. My guess is the death of her sister lead her on a dramatic change perhaps. It is a very juicy dynamic when you have two siblings and one of them is the 'bad' one...

Also oh Phoebe you did a terrible terrible thing... I am sure this will all go over fine.

I don't think it feels super disjointed though its slightly less connected its a necessary step in the story you're setting up it seems. I suppose an arguement could be made to connect the narratives, maybe with some strongline throughline themes? Perhaps an ending for each section that focuses on each characters sleep (sounds weird maybe but)... basically we have Courtney who is having a troubled sleep and a fear for the future. Derek had some fear but after hearing Maressa is okay feels better and sleeps better, so perhaps tying it together by focusing on how the weight of what Phoebe has done means she can sleep.

So basically there's one character who had terrible things done to her by her guardians. Derek as a middle ground, and Phoebe who has done something terrible? I'm not sure.

Either way it still felt like a good chapter, building well into everything happening, and the plot is still moving along and the Lore is really expanding.

Spoiler: Ch 19

The chatter of grunts grew louder as Tabitha and Mightyena walked into the lounge area.

TABITHA POV YEAH

Who’s the best boy?” The Houndoom closed his eyes contentedly and banged his foot on the floor as Courtney scratched behind his horns.

Excuse you MIGHTYENA is the best boy!!! >:{

His eyes fell on the Dark-type next to her—and he understood.

This took me a second to parse but then I was like. ooohhhh

“Later, Tabby Catty!” a man’s voice called.

Tabitha stopped in his tracks and turned around. All the grunts stared back at him. A few pursed their lips in attempts to stifle their laughter; others looked terrified.

Bruh I feel tabitha so much i hate that.

Damien handed Tabitha his wallet and keys. In a burst of white light, a bright green dragon stood before the two of them and stretched his wings, soaking up the afternoon sun with delight. The large eyes gazed curiously at his trainer from behind their red shields.

“Flygon, take these, please.” At Tabitha’s word, Flygon held on to his trainer’s keys and wallet. “See that ridge over there?” Tabitha pointed to a mountain covered in foliage a couple hundred feet in the distance. “Fly there and wait for your trainer.”

Flygon spotted, this fic just became 10/10

“Then you’d better be quick. We have a training session in 45 minutes. You won’t be excused if you’re late.”

Hahaha the infamous Flygon incident!!

It was his day to choose dinner! And he didn’t just want to choose it—he wanted to make it! He had a salad recipe that was just the best—spring greens, oregano, arugula, toadstools—

“I can’t eat toadstools, Breloom, those will make me sick.”

Breloom stopped hopping about and stared at Derek—his jaw dropped.

Toadstools made him sick!? That was ridiculous! It was perfectly safe for him, Claydol and Golbat to eat them!

“I am affected by poison—the rest of you are either immune or resistant. And Golbat feeds on blood and Claydol doesn’t even have a mouth. Did you run this by anyone else first?”

How dare Derek not appreciate Brelooms toadstool salad! rood
this was hilarious though, breloom is an absolute gem heh

He had so many talents that he just wanted to share his teammates with and none of them appreciated anything he did! He was a fantastic cook, an extraordinary fighter, and came up with the best plans to—

SOMEONE APPRECIATE HIM SMH

Seriously he does everything around here. Best plant.

Could it last?

“Tabitha lost his family at a young age. After that, he wandered the streets of Rustboro and had run-ins with gangs. He and his Mightyena literally fought for their lives. Gangs killed the only people he had left, and he retaliated by killing them—all when he was only seventeen.”

OHOHOHO SPICY

I knew there was a reason I was vibing with Tabitha. Very angsty, love it

Maxie looked up at her. “Remind me—the incident with Tara was an accident, wasn’t it?”

UH???? WAIT WHAT

how I was, shall we say, less than happy about my family being left in squalor after the ocean destroyed our shipping business

my brain immedaitely said "the ocean killed my parents thats why I made team magma" lol

But man getting some good backstory is so juicy... There's such a common theme of people with pain in their past falling prey to that and turning to these kinds of groups to do something

“I think I saw that Phoebe is with the Elite Four now,” she suddenly added.

huh, I guess this must be a really recent development, because this shouldn't be huge news

Maxie smirked. “You’re not wrong, I suppose. But yes, it seems your surrogate sister has joined them.

wait wait WAIT WHAT???

It didn't fully click with me here until just now. So wait Phoebe thinks Tara is dead doesn't she?? And how did they get to be surrogate sisters?? (Maybe through the aunt diana?)

I need to know more ooohhhh this is such good drama!!

“You certainly had plenty for them to feed on,” he noted.

“That hasn’t changed.”

He smiled wryly. “You’ll get your revenge on them someday—I promise.”

OH BOY

Every time I think I grasp the scope of the story and each characters motivations you throw another twist in the mix, and I love it. This take on Hoenn is teeming with story and lore and it feels like everything is so well connected and thought out! I really can't get enough of it. I was not expecting Courtney to rise to the top of my 'characters I find fascinating list' but she's quickly moving up the ranks for me alongside Tabitha. (Honestly pro Magma vibes much hehe)

She's a terrible person in many ways, yet the more we learn, the more interesting and engaging she is to read about. Which is really always the most important thing to me. I don't need to agree with a character or even personally like them (in some ways both tabitha and Courtney get on my nerves in good ways) but I do need to be able to engage with my characters in interesting ways and get a grasp of how they got to the place they are. Drowning definitely delivers on that.

Honestly they kind of outshine Maressa on some ocassions, if only because while I still love her, we now know more about what drives Archie, Maxie, Tabitha and Courtney. They're so convicted, but Maressa is in a place where we only know fragments of her past, and she's struggling with her convictions. Not a flaw mind you, since in some ways that makes her more itneresting to me. She really feels like a character adrift in a sea she doesn't belong in. Carried along by this conflict thats so much bigger than her.

So Drowning is a particularly apt title, heh.

Anyways thats it for my massive binge tonight! Can't wait to try to catchup more sometime!

 

[Sinderella]

Reviewed 5 chapters of Do Psychic Cats Dream of Electric Sheep?

Prologue
1 and 2
3 and 4

 

[MintyMimix]

Reviewed 4 Chapters of Just West of Paradise!

Pokémon - Just West of Paradise

Tipper is just your average Kecleon working your average job at Kecleon Market who never imagined that working in the Mist Continent would take him to a glorified rest stop, absent from most on maps. Stuck away from home for the foreseeable future in ‘Post Town’, Tipper must navigate life in a...

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