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One-Shot Retriever

Charizard Morph

has doomed us all.
I can see them, the bad ones, the ones with the fire. They roam the streets at night, like me. And my master. I can hear them now, laughing, they think it’s funny, my poor master.

They will be asleep soon, they have the amber stuff, it makes them sleepy and stupid and slow. I know about it, the amber stuff, it tastes bad, and makes me sick and stupid and slow and sleepy. My master used to get it lots, but he doesn’t anymore. I’m glad he doesn’t get it anymore, it was bad for him, he would get sick and angry. My poor master, he’s hurt, my master, that’s why I‘m waiting.

An hour has passed, they’re finally asleep, I will go slow, and maybe they won’t wake up. I know where they keep the paper stuff, the stuff they use to get things. They keep it in their pants, in folding things. I will take them and bring them to my master.

I have two of them, the paper holders, they have lots of paper in them. There are three more of them, so there are three more paper holders to get. I walk slowly, taking the same path as before, but I have to turn. I wince as the twigs snap under my feet, one of them stirs, I brace myself for the fire that leaves holes. It doesn’t come. He is asleep. I relax, my heart is beating so fast, I can hear the blood rushing through my body, I am shaking, but I must keep moving. For my master.

I have four of them now, I need the last one, this one is the furthest away. I walk slowly, each step seems to take forever, I barely breathe as I come closer to him. I’m finally there, his paper holder is on a chain. I can see where the links close, they are thin. If I pull slowly maybe I can break the links.

I grab the chain in my mouth, as I pull the paper holder slides out of the pocket. I grab it. I’ve been pulling on the chain, for a while. It has begun to pull apart, just a little more.. YES! I have the last one. I’ve begun to walk back to the trees where I’m hiding.

It hurts, it hurts so bad. I wasn’t careful, and now I will pay for it. There was a trap, there are metal teeth in my leg. I can’t make any noise, the will kill me if I do. I must be quiet. I lift up my paw, I bite down harder on the wallet, it hurts sooo bad oh god. I paw at it, it moves a little, oohhh it hurts, hurts hurts hurts! Make it stop stop stop!! I bite down harder on the paper keeper to keep from screaming.

I see how it works now, I will try one more time, my paw can’t take it anymore, the paaiiin!! I lift up my paw, it hurrrts. Ow ow wowowow!! I pull on the teeth with my other paw, it’s coming looser, cmon, cmon, cmon…. I pull my bloodied paw out, the trap snaps shut. It hurts, but I must go, master is waiting, he’s been waiting.

I am here, my master is waiting. We must go to the sick place, where they take humans who are hurt, like my master, who has been hit with a fire hole maker. He tries to mend my paw?! No!! master we must go, go go go, noowww! I show him the paper holders, I run towards the sick place. He finally understands, he puts the paper from the other paper holders into his own.

He puts the neck tier on me, I hate it, but he has to, so I can come with. It hurts while I walk, ooohh it hurts so bad. But master will be better and we will be happy! Hurry master. We walk down to the road, there are many fast zoomers, suddenly they stop, and we walk past them. My paws hurt, I whine, I don’t mean to, but it just hurts soo bad! It will be better soon, master will go to the sick place and get better.

We have stopped, there is a small white two story building in front of us? This isn’t the human better place! I pull on the neck tier! We have to go to the human make better place! This isn’t it, I’ve never been here before! He picks me up and holds me tight as we go inside. Where are we?!! I whine as he sits down. Master is hurt! Why are we here? This isn’t right righ rowowowowowow! It hurrts, master make it better, go at gah gah go to the make better plaaaace. Go there and get better, then you can make me better and we will be happy!

A woman walks up, she shakes her head at my master. He takes out all of the paper? Why!! This isn’t the where to use it!! She smiles and he stands up with me in his arms. There is blood on the floor, is it mine or masters? It is his, I can smell it, he is bleeding too, she looks worried at him. Then at me, my blood is pooling on the floor. I whine at her, please tell him to go to the make better place!! Tell him! Te te te te teeeoooowwwwowowwoww! Make it better master! Make it better by going to the make better place!!

He has set me on something shiny and white, the girl is looking at my paws, she’s making them better. They don’t hurt anymore, but master won’t go to the better place. Go to the make better place master I whine at him. He needs to be made better. The girl talks to him, he shakes his head and stands up.

He pets me and hugs me. He murmurs in my ear. “I love you sasha, you’re a good girl sasha.” He has said this to me, lots. I know what it means. It means I have done something right and he is proud of me. I rub my head against his hand again. “Thank you girl, you’ve been a good girl, I have to go home now.” What?! Home? Don’t go home, go to the make better place!! He starts to walk out the door, without me!? I stand up to go with him, but the girl holds me.

He stops and comes back. He hugs me again. He is crying, why are you crying master, does it hurt master? Please go to the make better place master. “I have to go home now sasha, don’t worry, I love you girl, I have to go home, be a good girl and stay, I’ll see you again, good by girl, be good.” Why are you leaving me? I’ll stay, but don’t go home, go to the make better place, then I can see you sooner!

He leaves, he has gone outside the room, the girl is crying too, why is SHE crying? Does she hurt too? She picks me up and takes me through another door, there is a row of shiny cages, she puts me in one. I am tired, I can’t stay awake anymore, but I have to stay awake until master comes back ba.c..k. I have to sta sta stay awa away awake. Sta sta ssss…………………….. Awayyy……………………………….......................................................................

********************************************************************************************************************

Master is not coming back, I have a dream, he will not come back, I miss master. My heart hurts it hurts worse than my paws. Master is gone. I love you master, goodbye master…………. Goodbye……. Master.
 
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Wow... I love the way that you describe everything. She's a dog, right? Or a dog-like Pokemon? Your descriptions of all the human things are very nice; of course, that's how a dog would see them. I liked the perspective you took for the story.

However, I'm kind of confused right when she gets her foot caught in the trap; it seems like she never did step in the trap, all of a sudden she was just in it. Maybe you could add the trap closing around her paw, instead of just having her say that it happened a minute ago.

Also, you have a lot of words that are strrretcched ouutt like thiiiss. This really detracts from the story, and makes it seem more like someone's just typing this up on the computer and being goofy. I'm not sure what effect you were trying to achieve with those, but maybe there's a different way to give that effect. The same with the repeated question marks and exclamation marks; one is enough.

Overall I like it, but if I were you I'd fix the stretched out words. =)
 
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