Koa stared bleakly at the opposite wall of his room, listening to the soft breathing of Anubis, waiting for sleep to come. Finally, he rose to his paws and slipped quietly out, taking care to step lightly. He really didn’t have the energy for a conversation right now.
His thoughts drifted as he wandered, unfocused. As if by walking long enough he could leave behind all his worries and fears. They dogged him anyway. Buildings passed by, until he reached the last one at the edge of town, then kept going. His paws carried him to the riverside, and he stopped by the edge to stare into the water.
Stars and moonlight glistened in the reflection, and he saw glimpses of himself in the still water by the edge. With nothing better to do, he fell back on training, which had become a welcome rhythm in his time here. At least here he had power, he could change, he could become stronger on his own. And he needed to evolve. To claim the power he would need for their mission. To rescue Starr.
Shadowboxing invisible opponents, he struck and lashed and weaved, losing himself in the motions, welcoming the reprieve from his fears. If only those could be bested like a regular opponent... No matter. Practice made perfect. They’d need every bit of strength to face what lay ahead.
Dropping into a fighting stance, he started with slow katas. A reminder of home, and his training with Kitto. The motions were different but the principle was the same. Slow. Control. Focus. Then he began to speed up, moving fluidly before starting to fall into practicing combos. Cycling through old moves, calling down rain and thunder, striking at imaginary foes.
But even training couldn’t block out every doubt.
He’s here.
Koa blurred across the earth, tore into a scraggly tree with shadowed claws.
They’ll all find out eventually. You can’t hide the truth forever.
Darkness surged within him, choking.
Suffocating.
You’re lying to yourself. The facade is going to fail and you’ll show what you are.
Grabbing for the light, he drew on it greedily; like gulping water in a desert.
He had nothing to hide. He was a hero- A liar can’t be a hero-
Koa unleashed a flurry of blows and detonated a burst of light at a nonexistant enemy.
He could help save Starr, just like they’d helped Amida. And yet you’re still a failure. That will never change. You weren’t good enough.
Lightning from his paws glassed the sand around him.
I’ve helped people, I’ve made a difference. You can’t change who you are.
In his mind's eye he saw the ghostly spectre of the mural beats from the wastelands. {The truth.} He tore up the earth, shattered a boulder with a punch.
Why wasn’t he ever enough?
You can’t hide from the truth. This is the truth. I am good enough, I’m strong enough to do anything, to help everyone to do something that matters I'm nothing like him.. I can prove it.
Stop lying.
He felt ice cold ghost tendrils choking him, imagined red chains, and saw a snowy mountaintop from a far off screen, words replaying over a crackling speaker...
"Do not look for me."
He drove an electrified fist into the earth, making a crater.
Why? Why hadn’t he been good enough? Why did he...
Shadow and light danced around his paws and sparked off his fur.
Face the truth, coward.
Turning, he struck behind him with practiced ease, then unleashed a wave of electricity.
Back then,
his father Cyrus' dream had sounded like a wonderful thing. And now, even now... power to change the world. Power to make it better... Roiling dark and light surged through him as he charged his electricity, then slammed his paws down.
He’d wanted to follow. To help. To stand by his father's side. If he’d been there, he would have.
Water splashed around him as he struck the rivers edge. Gasping, he stopped short. His limbs trembled and his sweat soaked his collar. Dazed, he glanced around. The secluded spot he’d picked was utterly wrecked. It was almost a little scary, to see the level of destruction, even if it was just crates in dusty earth and some poor annihilated boulders and trees. Drawing shuddering breaths, he fought back the haze of corruption, breathed deep until he felt some of the buzz receding and his thoughts clearing.
A wave of exhaustion washed over him as his adrenaline faded. He checked the sky. Nearly midnight, by his guess. And for all his training he was
still just an electrike. Whatever. Maybe at least now he could get some sleep...
Anubis could tell when Alpha was sleeping and when he wasn’t. He’d always been able to. And tonight, Alpha wasn’t sleeping. He whimpered softly and twitched, and his body was tense. He’d returned from his midnight outing disheveled and exhausted, slipping ou and in as if he could actually sneak by Anubis. Silly boy.
Rising to his paws, Anubis hopped onto the bed beside him, then carefully curled around the smaller canine. He began to gently lick the top of Koa's head with smooth, rhythmic strokes, just as Anubis own father and mother had done for him as a pup. As he did, he let his inner flame flare slightly and radiate a comfortable warmth. "I am here," he whispered softly.
Sleep escaped Koa. Despite exhaustion dragging at him, despite aching limbs and addled thoughts, his mind found no true respite. Instead he fell into a haze between dreams and wakefulness, his thoughts dancing between shadowy flames and a cold mountaintop. Baleful red eyes followed his every step. He was running, running from or to something, snowdrifts swallowing him, chill seeping into his fur.
Endless, suffocating cold enveloped him.
Gray swirled through his vision, then black, oozing blackness, dripping and pooling, drowning him.
"I am here."
A single pinprick of orange pierced the black. Like a flickering candle in the darkness. Distantly, he felt a warmth blanket him, soft and comforting. The darkness and cold melted away, and he felt... at peace. Safe. Embracing the warmth, he allowed himself to sink into it.
Just before sleep overtook him, his mind fixed on one last thought.
No matter what else happened, he wasn’t alone.
XXXX
