One-Shot The Adventures of [A Cliched Mary Sue Named] Jenny (AKA How to NOT Write a Story)

[Eeveelution]

This is NOT to be continued. This is a story that is PURPOSELY bad, and helps you practice reviewing skills. (If you say "GREAT STORY!", you are an idiot.) So you guys know: I wrote this sort of as an experiment, and it's basically one of the worst stories I've ever written. This is an example how to NOT to write a story. I'll add some notes in italics later so you guys can see the errors.

THE ADVENTURES OF A CLICHED MARY SUE JENNY
Once upon a time, there was a pretty girl named Jenny. She had long blond hair, blue eyes, and pale skin. Jenny was very popular, and was famous in her hometown of Hearthome City. Everyone loved Jenny, because she was so nice and had a gift for Pokémon. One day, she wanted a Pokémon of her own, so she went to the Pokémart. There she saw Fantina, the gym leader, and said, "I want to catch a Pokémon. Can you help me?" "Yes," Fantina replied. "Jenny, you'll make a fine trainer. Someday, you'd probably become the Champion of the universe! Even better than that 'greatest trainer ever' self-declared Steven in Hoenn." So she called her friend Lucas, and Lucas and Jenny walked outside of Hearthome, and found a cave.

"This ain't on the map," Lucas said. "Let's go somewhere else." "But Lucas, it ain't on the map." Jenny said. "Maybe we'll be famous for discovering it!" Lucas knew at that moment she was right. That meant she was the prettiest girl ever, the most popular girl ever, and now, the smartest girl ever. So he took Jenny's advice and walked inside. There, they found Mew.

"Wow! It's MEW!" Lucas said. "Mew." Mew said, and looked at Jenny. She threw a Pokéball, and caught Mew. "YOU CAUGHT MEW AS YOUR STARTER!" Lucas said. "YOU'RE THE BEST TRAINER EVER!" "Aw, it was nothing," Jenny said. "I couldn't have done it if you hadn't brought me here." They kissed romantically, and Jenny left to challenge the gyms. First she went to Oreburgh City.

"Go, Cranidos!" Roark said, and let out Cranidos. "Go, Mew!" Jenny said, and let out Mew. "Cranidos, use rock throw!" Roark said, but Mew dodged it. "Mew, use psychic!" Jenny said, and Mew knocked out Cranidos. "Great job! Here's a badge!" Roark said, and gave Jenny her badge. "Yay! Now for badge two!" Jenny said, and left with Mew. They got to Gardenia in her gym, and fought her too.

"Go, Mew!" Jenny said. "Go, Roserade!" Gardenia said. "Use magical leaf!" she said, and Roserade hit Mew. "Mew, use Tackle!" Jenny said, and Mew knocked out Roserade in one hit. "Here's your badge," Gardenia said. "And since I'm nice, here's a free Cherrim." "Thanks!" Jenny said, and went to Fantina next.

"Welcome back," Fantina said. "Go, Mismagius!" she said. "Go, Cherrim!" Jenny said. "Mismagius, use Shadow Ball!" Fantina said, but Mismagius missed. "Cherrim, use Sunny Day!" Jenny said, and the light was so bright, it knocked out Mismagius. "Take this badge," Fantina said. "Why not enter a contest, too?" "Okay!" Jenny said.

Jenny went to the Contest Hall and entered Cherrim in a Beauty Contest. "Here is Jenny, with Cherrim!" the judge announced. Cherrim won the dress-up part easily in the cute little dress Jenny made her. During the dancing, Cherrim followed each dance step perfectly in the second part, and in the last part, no one chose the same judge as her. The crowd went wild at each move because Jenny was so popular. When the judges announced the winners, Jenny came in first place. "Your prize is Shaymin," the judge said. "Cool!" Jenny said.

At Veilstone City, Jenny challenged Maylene to a battle. "Go Lucario!" Maylene said, and threw out Lucario. "Go Mew!" Jenny said, and Mew came out. "Lucario use Aura Sphere!" Maylene said, and Mew dodged it. "Mew use psychic!" Jenny said, and Lucario got hit so hard he almost cried. "Wow that was amazing!" Maylene said. "Here take the badge!" "Thanks!" Jenny said. So they went to battle Wake.

At Pastoria City, Jenny battled Wake. "Go Floatzel!" Wake said. "Go Shaymin!" Jenny said. "Floatzel, use Aqua Jet!" Wake said, and Shaymin didn't get too hurt. "Shaymin use Magical Leaf!" Jenny said, and Shaymin knocked out Floatzel real fast. "Wow that was better than wrestling!" Wake said. "Take the badge and my new Mantyke!" "Aww it's so cute!" Jenny said. Then they went to the next gym.

On their way to Canalave City Jenny found a TV reporter. "Wow you're so pretty!" he said. "Want to star in a new movie?" "Sure!" Jenny said, and she starred in a huge hit movie. Then she continued to Canalave City. On the way she met Lucas again. "Hi Lucas!" Jenny said. "Hi Jenny!" Lucas said. "I loved your movie!" "Thanks!" Jenny said. They kissed and had a romantic date. Then she went to Canalave City.

At Canalave City, Byron was scared to challenge her. "Go Bastidon!" he said. "Go Mantyke!" Jenny said. "Bastidon use headbutt!" Byron said, but Mantyke was too small to hit. "Mantyke use Water Gun!" Jenny said. Mantyke's water gun was more like a water cannon and knocked out Bastidon. "You really are amazing!" Byron said. "I'll give you the badge. Go on the boat to Iron Island!" "Okay!" Jenny said.

At Iron Island, Jenny met Riley. "Want to walk together?" Riley asked. "Sure," Jenny said and they walked through the cave. At the end Riley they found some evil men and battled them. Riley's Lucario beat one Pokémon and Jenny's Mew beat the other. "Let's get out of here!" the evil men said and ran away. "I want you to have this egg as a thank-you gift," Riley said. "I always wanted an egg!" Jenny said and left.

At the seventh gym, Candice challenged her. "Go Froslass!" Candice said. "Go Cherrim!" Jenny said. "Froslass use Ice Beam!" Candice said, but Froslass's ice beam missed. "Cherrim use Sunny Day!" Jenny said, and the ice under Froslass melted, making it fall hard and knock it out. "That was smart!" Candice said. "It is an honor to give you this badge! Take this baby Articuno too!" "Yay, another badge!" Jenny said. "And another friend!" Then she left for Sunyshore City.

At Sunyshore City, Volkner battled her. "Go Electivire!" he said. "Go Articuno!" she said. "Electivire use Thunder!" Volkner said, but Articuno dodged it. "Articuno use Ice Beam!" Jenny said, and the beam knocked out Electivire. "I am not worthy," Volkner said. "Take my badge!" "Yay! Now I can go beat the Champion!" Jenny said.

At the Pokémon League, everyone was scared to fight her but Cynthia. "Just battle me," Cynthia said. "Okay!" Jenny said. "Go Garchomp!" Cynthia said. "Go Mew!" Jenny said. "Garchomp, use Bite!" Cynthia said, but Garchomp didn't want to hurt Mew. "Mew use Psychic!" Jenny said, and it knocked out Garchomp. "I guess you're Champion now," Cynthia said. "Congratulations!" "Yay! I did it!" Jenny said as the new Champion. Then her egg hatched into Latias. "You belong to a Champion Latias!" Jenny said. Lucas came over. "Will you go on a date with me?" he asked. "Yes!" Jenny said. And they romantically kissed.

 

[Blastoise Fortooate]

Re: The Adventures of [A Cliched Mary Sue Named] Jenny

GR3A7 $70RY l0lz

But really, that's so horrible. The worst part is that there's probably someone out there who thinks that is a good story...

 

[Negrek]

Re: The Adventures of [A Cliched Mary Sue Named] Jenny

The thing is, a good parody is actually a fun, or at least not entirely painful, read, even while making fun of the weaknesses of whatever is being parodied. I guess you might argue that this isn't even supposed to be a parody, just a way to improve reviewing skills... but how does this improve a person's ability to review at all? The number of stories actually this bad that aren't trolls is vanishingly small, and this is so bad that it's easy to review, simply because you'd have to be blind not to point out glaring things like the... everything.

Additionally, parodies are usually written, to an extent, to help people recognize the flaws in their own writing, and some even suggest ways that they might be fixed. Now, the extent to which people are actually able to admit to their flaws as a result of reading a parody isn't that large (yes her starter was a talking eevee but it was TOTALLY JUSTIFIED!). However, there's no chance of that happening with a 'fic like this, simply because it's so ridiculously awful that nobody is going to be able to see themselves in it; it's easy for them to dismiss it and feel superior to the people who actually write like this (of which, again, their are fortunately few).

So, ultimately, I don't see the point of this. It's not humorous or otherwise fun to read, it doesn't offer any explication of the story's flaws or suggestions for how they might be rectified, and it's mocking a faction of fanfiction writers that largely don't exist. It's possible to do a parody well, but when you set out to write something really bad, it usually turns out, unsurprisingly, bad. What purpose does a "purposely bad" 'fic serve?

 

[Eeveelution]

Re: The Adventures of [A Cliched Mary Sue Named] Jenny

Sorry, I meant to add some notes in italics, but I forgot. Also, some things are written bad on purpose just to be purely entertaining. It helps writers practice, too, so they can have something to use for comparison with a new story. This would be considered more of an outline than a "story". (And this has been in my head for a while, and I just had to get rid of it somehow so I could move on to something that was actually good.)

 

[Negrek]

It's not entertaining, though. It's just bad. And, as I said, there's really no way that you can compare it to new stories because only very few of them are around this level of awful, and people who write that poorly are not going to identify with your 'fic and see the error of their ways. Managing to write something above this level isn't about to make a 'fic good, and most people start (posting online) somewhat above this level anyway.

I understand needing to get it out so you could move on, but why post it?