Critique on the history of my fantasy world

[Sandstone-Shadow]

So here's what's happening. As I was revising my story, I got caught up in trying to plan both my main character's story and the history of the world that she lives in. So I paused work on my main character's story and worked on developing the world instead. I finally managed to sort through the relative chaos of ideas I had going on, and I have a short synopsis now of the history of this land. What I need now is criticism of it. Does everything make sense? Are there things that need additional reasons? Does anything seem unexplained or unrealistic?

Also, all of the creatures (the bears, the birds, the wolves, etc.) are not directly from our world. They are fantasy variations of these earth-creatures that I will go more in-depth on in the story; the details aren't necessary for this synopsis though.

Thousands of years ago, magic was not a power that could be used by anyone; magic was its own being. These beings, called Spirits (working name) each had control over a certain kind of magic, such as the use of fire and the use of ice. They had enough power and respect to be dictators, but they chose not to control. The Spirits were kind-hearted, and the creatures of the world went to the Spirits for advice. In response, the Spirits ended conflicts and helped out those in need.

Then for some reason, the Spirits started to die. (There will be a reason behind this, but I don’t know it yet.) To preserve itself, each Spirit chose a creature to receive all of that particular Spirit’s powers. When the Spirit transferred itself to a creature, the Spirit was lost but its powers preserved. The creature that received the Spirit could use all of the powers that that Spirit could. Many Spirits chose dragons to be their receivers. Bears and tigers were a common choice as well. The creatures that received a Spirit were called Spirit-Holders (another working name).

After the transfer was complete, the creatures of the world felt without their leaders and role models. They tried going to the Spirit-Holders for help as they had gone to the Spirits, but the Spirit-Holders were not noble or wise like the Spirits were; they became overwhelmed with the requests for advice and help.

Now, one Spirit had had the power to split and share the powers of the other Spirits. This Shredding Spirit passed on its powers to a dragon. This dragon used the shredding powers to break apart the powers of the Spirit-Holders; the Spirit-Holders then offered up these fragments of power to the general public. (Some, but not very many, Spirit-Holders opted to keep all of their power instead of shredding it and giving it away.) Feeling released from the obligation to help, the ex-Spirit-Holders (who, again, were predominately dragons, so from this point forward, when I refer to dragons, I’m talking about the ex-Spirit-Holders) retreated into relaxation, turning their backs to the creatures of the world.

The conflicts that the Spirits would have broken apart now grew unchecked. The tigers and the bears were the first to clash. Their races had many Spirit-Holders (both ones that kept and released their power) as well as individuals who had received powers from Spirit-Holders. Each race hated the other and wanted more power for their own race. Here’s a question: Is this enough of a reason for a war to start between the two? Should I come up with more reasons that they dislike each other?

Among the magic of the tigers is a magic of construction; to make a long story short, the tigers use this to create their own creatures, a type of raven, to use in the war with the bears. The tigers make these ravens mostly with magic, but also with other creatures such as a fantasy type of bird (most commonly used) and a fantasy type of wolf (less commonly used).

For years this went on (the tiger-bear war, the creation of ravens from other creatures, the indifference of the dragons, and fighting between many creatures). But some years later, the tigers grow tired of fighting the bears. The bears do not grow tired of fighting, but turn against the dragons instead. The bears believe that it is the dragons’ fault that all of this is happening. (The bears also have lost an important leader to them in the tiger-bear war; they are angry about this as well.) While the bears begin to attack the dragons, the tigers withdraw. They continue to create their ravens, more out of fun and as a form of twisted art than for war.

By this point, the birds have had enough of being sabotaged by the tigers. Their leader (who is a Spirit-Holder, albeit a not-so-powerful one) leads the birds on a journey south to a new country. (As a side note, the birds are extremely devoted to their leader, to the point where they love him blindly.) Some wolves also go with. (Not all of the wolves journeying south go to escape the tigers; some of the migrating wolves have, through the years, received cooling magic. This magic is very easy to use in the north, and some wolves want to travel south to hone their skills with it.) The country that the birds and wolves travel to is called Forest Country (extreme working title. This will not be the final name). Forest Country is already inhabited by a fantasy type of mice; these mice have little interest in the affairs of the Spirit-Holders and the wars going on in the north. They have no magic at all. The wolves settle in northern Forest Country when they arrive and do not make attempts to push the mice out and settle farther south. The birds, on the other hand, continue to move south in Forest Country. The mice dislike the birds for their dependence on magic and their blind devotion to their leader, but what really bothers them about the birds’ arrival is the fear that the tigers may follow the birds. The mice fight the birds in an attempt to drive them back north. The birds try not to fight back and hurt the mice.

That is, until the bird leader’s son is killed in cold blood by the mice. Then the birds fight back, and the war between the mice and the birds takes flight.

While this is happening, the dragons grow tired of fighting the bears. The dragons (using the shreds of power that they kept) take away shreds of the magic that the dragons gave to the bears. This continues until the dragons realize that the magic that they are removing is being lost. The bears don’t know that the dragons know about this, and they don’t care anyway. They stop fighting for a while to rest, but their hearts still burn with vengeance. The dragons don’t know what to do; they don’t have many means left to fight the bears and they don’t intend to pull away any more of their magic.

Again while this is happening, the ravens hear about and are inspired by the birds’ escape from the tigers. A group of them break free from the tigers and escape to Forest Country.

So here we have it. This comes to about the present time of the story.

I realize that I haven't mentioned a main character or much of a plot; right now I'm more concerned about the history of the land. The main character and plot fall into this (quite nicely now actually... just typing up that synopsis helped line things up considerably), but if there are problems with the history, I'd like to fix those before I continue on to revise the plot.

Any criticism of this history would be greatly appreciated! =)

 

[Chaon]

If you're looking for a fancy name for the "Spirits" deriving from Latin, you could use Venema. It comes from the two latin words that came up when I translated magic into latin, Veneficus and Magus, and the Magic Holders coul be called Venabitum, also deriving from latin. I just find that Latin can give you some nice names when used properly, and I like to have an explanation for the names.

Power is one of the main reasons of war, and is a plausible reason for the races to hate each other, but having more reasons would help prolong the story, because one problem is easy to fix. Two problems could take a while.

The Forest Country could be called Crusterra, coming from bark and earth.

Overall not a bad History. The plot should be great, though I'm curious to know what the main character is gooing to be. If it were me, I'd make the main character a wolf, because I <3 wolves, but that's just me being a lumaniac (not sure if that's actually a word, but I like it).

 

[Butterfree]

Is the Shredding Spirit going to be brought up again? Because that seems kind of interesting to me and like it would be the sort of thing many would want to exploit to get more magic.

The bears and tigers wanting more power for their own race makes sense (provided there is a sensible way they could feel war would accomplish this), but feels sort of generic and irritatingly evil(ish), especially if this is just backstory that isn't going to be explored in depth in a way that could make it unique. Something more personal, perhaps to do with the individual original spirit-holders of each race or something like that, might be nice.

Among the magic of the tigers is a magic of construction; to make a long story short, the tigers use this to create their own creatures, a type of raven, to use in the war with the bears. The tigers make these ravens mostly with magic, but also with other creatures such as a fantasy type of bird (most commonly used) and a fantasy type of wolf (less commonly used).

I'm kind of confused by this. They make the ravens "with" birds and wolves? What does that mean, exactly? Do they kill birds and wolves and use their bodies to animate the ravens or something like that? Exactly what is the tigers' relationship with these birds and wolves - do the tigers run out and capture them or do they "farm" them somehow or have them as slaves or what? I can't really comment on a large portion of the backstory because I simply don't understand it properly. It would be good if you could clarify a bit what's going on here.

An explanation of why the tigers suddenly get "tired" of fighting with the bears would be nice. What's changed? As well as why this makes the bears just go "Oh, well" and leave them alone to fight somebody else. Wars are a bit of a vicious cycle; if one side relaxes the force they're applying, it allows the other, superior side to win, hence why people don't just stop when they're tired of it. Presumably the tigers don't want to let the bears win, since if this war makes any sense that will mean the bears acquire some of their magic, one way or another. Even if they did decide to stop it anyway, there is no good reason why the bears would let go of their best opportunity ever to actually win the war and get the magic they wanted.

They could get out of it diplomatically, but that would have to involve the tigers giving the bears something they want (i.e. magic) in exchange for the ability to retreat safely, since the bears apparently don't feel any particular need to get out of the war and therefore there is no real reason they would just let the tigers go for free. Either way there has to be more to the end of this war than the tigers just getting tired of it and the bears being perfectly fine with that. That would work if the tigers had been the aggressors all along and the bears had only been defending themselves, but that doesn't seem to be the case here.

I can only wonder why the birds ever let the tigers "sabotage" them, whatever it actually means here. I mean, what is it that makes them leave now and not at any earlier point in time? If anything, I'd think the war with the bears would have been a nice distraction; now that the war is over, the tigers are much better equipped to keep the birds enslaved. This could make sense if the tigers had somehow convinced them it was necessary for the war and that the bears winning would be much worse and the birds then got fed up when the war was over and the tigers still didn't stop, but that would mean they were in a more cooperative relationship than you seem to be implying. Again, I just don't understand the details here well enough.

Again with the dragons growing "tired" of fighting the bears - if they could take away the bears' magic, why didn't they do that to begin with instead of letting themselves be at a disadvantage in a war? They're the defenders here, after all, so they're being forced into it - it doesn't make sense for them to get "tired" of it and then decide to do something they wouldn't have every reason to do from the very beginning. After all, from what I understand, they didn't know the magic would be lost if they tried to take it from the bears beforehand, so there shouldn't have been anything deterring them from doing it. (The magic being "lost", by the way, is another one of those things you skim over way too quickly - do you mean the magic, instead of returning to the dragons, just sort of dissipates? Why and how is this happening, or is that a mystery? Why did the bears know about this beforehand and not the dragons? And why are the dragons even worried about the bear magic being lost, if the bears are trying to kill them all? Surely it's better than that magic remaining with their attackers. This would probably be a lot clearer if I understood more about the mechanics of this magic and how it's being lost.)

It sounds like it could be an interesting world, and it's always fun to see fantasy with no humanoids at all, but some of these wars don't really seem to make sense to me right now, and I'd need more detail about some of it to have a better idea of what's going on exactly.

 

[Sandstone-Shadow]

If you're looking for a fancy name for the "Spirits" deriving from Latin, you could use Venema. It comes from the two latin words that came up when I translated magic into latin, Veneficus and Magus, and the Magic Holders coul be called Venabitum, also deriving from latin. I just find that Latin can give you some nice names when used properly, and I like to have an explanation for the names.

Ooh, those names are awesome! I may use those, but I also really like the idea of translating names from Latin; I think I will do that in the future too.

Power is one of the main reasons of war, and is a plausible reason for the races to hate each other, but having more reasons would help prolong the story, because one problem is easy to fix. Two problems could take a while.

True. I will do that then.

The main character (right now) is going to be a bird, although I love wolves too. =3 There will definitely be wolves as major characters, though.

Is the Shredding Spirit going to be brought up again? Because that seems kind of interesting to me and like it would be the sort of thing many would want to exploit to get more magic.

Hmm, I think the Shredding Spirit will come back quite a bit actually. I thought about this and came up with something: The Shredding Spirit did not know how to split its own powers, and neither does the dragon Shredding Spirit-Holder. The dragon is becoming increasingly reckless in his attempts to. Many creatures come to him with requests to have their powers split or shared or something, and he usually grants requests if it could benefit his research of sorts. I don't think this dragon is just; I think he would be willing to split someone's power against their will if he thought he could learn something from it. I think this will end up being important.

The bears and tigers wanting more power for their own race makes sense (provided there is a sensible way they could feel war would accomplish this), but feels sort of generic and irritatingly evil(ish), especially if this is just backstory that isn't going to be explored in depth in a way that could make it unique. Something more personal, perhaps to do with the individual original spirit-holders of each race or something like that, might be nice.

I came up with something for this; before the tiger-bear war started, a bear received magic from a Spirit that a tiger wanted. This tiger was very vain and self-centered (as well as very popular) and staged an attack against this bear. The tiger's goal was to get the bear to the Shredding Dragon and have the dragon split the power so the tiger could have some as well; the tiger did not care if the bear went willingly or if the tiger had to drag him to the dragon. But the bears beat back this attack of tigers, insulting them as they did so. The tigers, being proud and arrogant, couldn't let this go, and staged further attacks against the bears. The bears don't approve of the tigers' creation of ravens, either. The bears basically think that the tigers are vile slobs.

Do they kill birds and wolves and use their bodies to animate the ravens or something like that?

Pretty much. The tigers use the ravens to guard the birds and prevent them from escaping; the birds, at first, do not have much power to fight back. The leader of the birds also has some kind of Spirit magic, something where the other birds can't help but be devoted to him and follow him as their leader. I think the tigers also did something to him, kidnapped him or something, so the birds, because of the magic, cannot act much on their own. Someone helps him get back to his birds eventually, and the birds begin to secretly acquire magic and plan an escape. They escape about when the tiger-bear war ends. I intended for this stuff to happen before the story begins, but I might have to back up to explain it all.

An explanation of why the tigers suddenly get "tired" of fighting with the bears would be nice.

Hmm, good points... after rethinking it, the tigers are more the aggressors in this war. The tigers don't really have anything that the bears want, although the bears would like to stamp out the tigers' creation of ravens. I'm starting to think maybe the tigers actually win instead of just getting tired of it. I think the original tiger (the one that wanted the bear's power) managed to get that bear to the Shredding dragon, and the dragon agreed to give the tiger that power. This turned the tide enough for the tigers (both because they had what they wanted and they had more power). The bears perhaps offered the tigers something in exchange for a retreat, land or something maybe.

The tigers are satisfied with whatever the bears offer; they have the power that they wanted and they're satisfied that they won anyway. They're immature in that way; they just want to know that they won.

Again with the dragons growing "tired" of fighting the bears - if they could take away the bears' magic, why didn't they do that to begin with instead of letting themselves be at a disadvantage in a war?

After reading this part, I rethought the dragon-bear war and realized it would probably go something like this; the bears are angry at the dragons, both for not helping them and because the Shredding dragon actually hurt them. They bide their time (though I don't know how long) before launching an attack of vengeance on the dragons. The Shredding dragon is the only one that can take away the bears' magic, so at first the dragons just defend against the bears. The dragons have given up so much of their magic, though, that they are not very good in battle anymore. Then the Shredding dragon shows up and begins to take away the bears' magic. However, he does not transfer it to anyone (whether it be because of a lack of time, or perhaps he succeeded in shredding his own powers and can't transfer power anymore). So yes, it dissipates. The bears know that their magic has been taken; maybe they don't know that it hasn't been transferred anywhere.

I think it's just the Shredding dragon that doesn't want to lose the bear magic. Now that he can't transfer powers anymore, he doesn't want to risk destroying magic. He believes that all of the original Spirit Magic should be maintained, so he refuses to help the dragons by destroying the bears' magic. The dragons don't have much else they can do to defend themselves; during this time, the bears have drawn back to recuperate, and the dragons are trying to figure out what to do, whether it be flee or find some way to fight back or persuade the Shredding dragon to come back.

Thanks again for your reviews! I really appreciate them; I can make the story stronger now.