Funny quotes, typos, etc.

[Flora]

Me: And Ricky's the Fairy Godmother! ...wait...wrong play, oops. I meant John the Baptist. ...I'm never gonna live this down.

(I was reading this thread. And a quote from the Fairy Godmother.)

EDIT:

Play director: *in the email he sent us regarding attendance and schedules* As you can see, bluntness and insensitivity (plus my usual sarcastic wit)
are part of my New Year resolutions.

 

[eevee_em]

The Government teacher at my school types his notes and worksheets in the middle of the night before he uses them. I found that out last year when I was in his homeroom, witch was when he notice all the typos he made. Most of them weren't very funny, except:

Please tell about hor...

(If you don't get it, read it out loud)

 

[Flora]

*New Year Ball drops and we're all a little crazy*
Everyone: *looks up to notice Rich kissing his girlfriend* OMG *squees*
Rich: ...I think I can say this collectively...*gives everyone the middle finger*

EDIT:

Dad: So tell Mom how you were trying to corrupt a freshman last night.
Me: WHAT. I wasn't corrupting anyone!

 

[SonicNintendo]

Reading headlines on my homepage: I read it as "Snooki's ball to drop" (it didn't have the "'s", i just occasionally have a sick mind) as opposed to "Snooki ball".

Then in 7th and 8th grade (so 1-2 years ago) I was in robotics and the teachers that headed robotics club brought in cookies and the last ingredient was "fish gelatin". One of the kids cried out "the fish make it crunchy" and we were all dying laughing.

 

[Flora]

Jeanine: *points at Ryan* If you hurt her, I'm taking away your boy privileges!
*looks at me* You...I don't think you could hurt anyone.

Me and Ryan: *talking*
Maddy: Hold on, let me put my stuff here...*puts a ton of stuff on the table and walks away* You two are so cute!
Me and Ryan: ...

Me: *gives Ryan a goodbye hug*
Dominque: Kiss her, kiss her~
Me and Ryan: *simultaneously* I/he already did.
Dominque: what?!?

 

[blazheirio889]

ABCD says:
*dlrrp LOL
*d;rr[
*dlrrp
*sleep
*FAIL
*FAIL
*=.=

 

[Flora]

SO Jeanine decided to be random and call her neighbor, whom I have a date with, for whatever reason.
Jeanine: Hey, Rachel, what's his number?
Me: *opens contacts on her phone and checks* *reads number*
Jeanine: *interrupts* Awww, you memorized it!
Me: ...it's right in front of me. *closes phone*
Jeanine: Wait, what was that last part again?
Me: *recites last part which she just read*
Jeanine: Awww, you did memorize it!
Me: I just saw it!
Jeanine: Don't lie, Rachel.

Jeanine: *playing the piano and decides to sing to me for whatever reason* He called you for the first time yesterday~ *continues singing*
Me: Actually, he did call me yesterday.
Jeanine: *stops playing and laughs hysterically*

 

[shadow_lugia]

So um more D&D, but weird people say funny things in large groups.

Our caravan had been wrecked, so we had to walk all the way to our destination and could keep only what we could carry. We basically all agreed to take food and water, except Chris, who wanted some ancient, valuable coins and some rubies we found. We argued with him that if he cut down on food and water then he wouldn't live.

Chris: That may be true... but if we take the coins and gems, we'll have more to live for!

And some Knowledge Bowl.

Reader: Brain tumors, stroke, *and some stuff I can't remember* can all cause a severe loss in memory, called what?
Team A: *buzzes in*
Girl on Team A: I got this... Oh crap, I forgot the word.
Me: How ironic.

 

[Flora]

So my date and I had been talking on facebook last Monday. Like, January third. So then I got a notification saying my friend had commented on that post:

Jeanine: You two are ADORABLE!!!
Hi chello, if you can't tell I'm creeping on your wall :)

 

[Murkrow]

In a IT class a few years ago. Someone was complaining that I was talking too much about the work we were supposed to be doing, with someone else.

Someone: Shut up you fucking ignorant.
Me: Do you even know what ignorant means?
Someone: Yes, I'm not stupid. It's a general insult that doesn't really mean anything like gay or dumb.
Me: Wow, irony.
Someone: Don't call me an irony you cunt

 

[Automata heart]

"nero-homo-oshins"
"the word is negotiations nee-chan."

 

[Flora]

So my friend decided to call to ask how my date went. While I was still on my date, and at the movies, of course. So this voicemail was the result

"CHELLO! WHY AREN'T YOU ANSWERING YOUR PHONE? I'm gonna keep calling you until you answer, bwahahahaha!"

Later:

Me: God, Julie was obsessed with getting an answer...wait why are there four consecutive calls from Jeanine?

EDIT: Sheesh this is old but:

My friends and I were watching our school's performance of Cinderella. One of them had (has?) an excessive love for both the Fairy Godmother's and Cinderella's voices. So we get to "Impossible" and:
Jess: I GIVE UP. I'M A LESBIAN.
Everyone else: ...*starts laughing hysterically at the randomness of this outburst*