Meursault vs Eifie: Birbs and Barbs (and Bugs)

[nastypass]

okay i swear i had a plan for this, once upon a time, but i definitely forgot it. that infernape was just way too interesting to think about battling.

uh, Flame Charge ~ Fire Blast ~ Fire Blast, i guess

 

[Eifie]

I dunno if the barb counts as a held item for the purposes of Acrobatics, so uh, if you feel like the barb is too much of a burden just Flare Blitz yourself to death. Otherwise let us attempt massive damage with Acrobatics! Screw being interesting, we could have not been so far behind if I hadn't tried to be interesting in the first place I mean who the fuck legitimately uses Round

Flare Blitz / Acrobatics x3

 

[Zhorken]

Round Five​

Meursault (1/2)
Rei ♀ [Flame Body]

Health: 58%
Energy: 65%
Status: Something something monkey

Eifie (1/2)
Okuni ♂ [Flame Body]

Health: 49%
Energy: 70%
Status: Victory [...] monkey

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After what feels like two years and forty days, Rei (for one) has completely lost the thread of whatever's been going on and would really like to just get things wrapped up. She fires up her thrusters, i.e. her weird little scraggly protrusions, and smashes straight into Okuni without any further ado. Okuni tumbles over, caught totally off guard, still only like half aware that the battle is going again. He wrenches one of his own little spiky things free from the burnt mud and looks Rei dead in the eye.

He has no intention of trying any fancy acrobatics; this barb is obviously too much of a burden and he can't believe his trainer would even ask. No, he's going out in a blaze of glory, or at least a blaze. He fires up his thrusters, along with the rest of him, and careens headlong into Rei, leaving skidmarks in the dirt.

Still feeling pumped, Rei wastes no time in hopping back up and spewing, finally, after all this time, a proper 大 in Okuni's face. She takes a moment to relish this little victory. Thank goodness she got a chance in the end! Okuni rolls his eyes and unceremoniously lights himself up to crash into her again. He's barely standing anymore, and his everything feels like it's on fire, even when it's not, but he just doesn't have it in him to care at this point.

Unperturbed, Rei launches directly into her grand finale, another perfectly-formed Fire Blast, bigger and brighter than any of her previous performances. It plows right over Okuni, sails over the stream with a sizzle, scatters the crowd, melts a streetlamp, and absolutely destroys one of the little clay warp huts. It seems to fizzle out, but then it bursts out of another hut on the other side of the park. It passes from hut to hut like a Scooby-Doo hallway, leaving destruction in its wake before sailing off into the night.

Eifie scoops up Okuni and our heroes take the opportunity to make a break for it.

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Meursault (1/2)
Rei ♀ [Flame Body]

Health: 28%
Energy: 50%
Status: The star! +1 Speed.

Eifie (1/2)
Okuni ♂ [Flame Body]

Health: 0%
Energy: 58%
Status: Catching a free ride outta here. Knocked out!

Notes:

• It's done ok.
• Eifie says I did the calcs years ago, and concluded that Claire won. I lost them, though, so I rerolled everything. Claire still wins!
• That last fire Blast was a crit, but Claire still would have won either way, as Okuni would have fainted from recoil.

Spoiler: Calcs

• Rei's health: 58% − 15% × 2 (Flare Blitz) = 28%
• Rei's energy: 65% − 3% (Flame Charge) − 6% × 2 (Fire Blast) = 50%
• Okuni's health: 49% − 6% (Flame Charge) − 5% × 2 (recoil) − 1% × 2 (Sticky Barb) − 13% (Fire Blast) − 18% (Fire Blast, crit) = 0%
• Okuni's energy: 70% − 6% × 2 (Flare Blitz) = 58%

 

[Eifie]

Majestic fluff thanks you!!!

(Note: Not yet a majestic fluff.)

 

[Negrek]

Now a majestic fluff! Congrats on finishing this rather unusual battle.