In Progress Pokemon Brass and Bronze

[hopeandjoy]

I can't say I've ever heard of someone not using Word or OpenOffice first. Couldn't you at least write on paper?

Also, these people are great writers with great advice. Why won't you listen to them?

Also, to add to this...

Why are Satoshi-tachi (Ash & co) getting starters? They aren't new trainers.
Why is Kasumi (Misty) here? Why not Hikari (Dawn) or someone new?
Why are you relying on pictures? You're a writer; words should paint your pictures.
You said that it was pretty in Rose Town. Why is that, other than the flowers? Is there a beautiful smell? Is it a warm clear day? How are the residents happy?
Why is there a city called New Pewter City? Did the one in Kanto burn to the ground?

The Edit button is right there, waiting.

 

[Severus Snape]

Words painting... I've heard that somewhere before... thanks for reminding.

Ash is just testing the new region's Pokemon.

Word, yeah, once in a while. OpenOffice isn't so good.

New Pewter City, Forrest is the gym leader and he misses the Kanto Pewter.

 

[Flora]

New Pewter City, Forrest is the gym leader and he misses the Kanto Pewter.

First of all, why the heck isn't Forrest running the actual Pewter gym? Isn't he supposed to be doing that since Brock is adventuring with Ash/womanizing.

like everyone else said, waaaaaaaaay more description. and when people ask for clarification, don't just tell them, write it into the story.

 

[Sandstone-Shadow]

and when people ask for clarification, don't just tell them, write it into the story.

I'd say this is a golden rule for any kind of writing on a forum or otherwise. Flora and Ashes summed it up perfectly.

 

[Severus Snape]

right. all in the next chapter. much more will be revealed.

 

[Flora]

right. all in the next chapter. much more will be revealed.

I...don't think you're getting it.

You should explain it as soon as the confusion pops up, instead of explaining it later. Your job as the writer is to suck people in, to make them interested in your story and to keep them interested. If something confuses a potential reader, and it's not addressed in the story because the next chapter isn't up yet, then you could be driving them away. (unless it's purposely left that way, but since you're just telling us this stuff, it's clear that it's not supposed to be unknown. And plus that technique is only to be used in cases of plot twists and such.)

Plus it's just incredibly sloppy; editing something in is much better than just being like "oh yeah, and i forgot this and this and this" in the next chapter. That could also factor into whether someone would be interested in your story.

 

[Severus Snape]

I think I do have to start again. That way, it will give you a better idea (and I'll get my own ORIGINAL characters down.