Ranger HQ Pueblo Quarters

[Weazel]

Archie felt like a dagger had just pierced his heart. Sure, what Koa was asking him was no different than what he’d promised he’d do for Steven, if the worst had come to pass. If the Beldum lost himself to the shadow, and they could never get him back, Archie would send him home. But Koa was a child. He should never have to ask such a thing to begin with. Just how fucked was this world?

“It won’t come to that, I promise,” he said, putting his paws on Koa’s shoulders. He tried to catch the Electrike’s eye, show him that he was serious about that. He did his best to believe it himself. “But, alright. I promise that, if the worst happens, I’ll find a way to bring you back to your senses.”

He hesitated for a moment, leaving the obvious follow up question hanging in the air. Did he really want to put all that in Koa’s lap? Who else could he really ask, though? Maybe Steven, but things still felt raw, there. It wasn’t something he wanted to spring on Wes, or Nova. And he wanted to show Koa that he trusted the Electrike. So, once he’d worked up the courage, he took a deep breath, and asked:

“Will you… Do the same for me?”

 

[Tetra]

"Thank you," he said quietly. A weight settled on Koa's heart. For a moment, he felt a proper sense of fear of what he'd asked, and what Archie had just asked of him. Of what was happening, and the risk of it all. No sense dwelling on it.

"I will," he said firmly. "I'll find a way to bring you back."

Shaking his head, he pushed away the swirl of thoughts eating at him. "But it won't come to that," he added quickly. "We've managed so far and even against Seth we got out okay. We can definitely beat this before anything happens, now that we know. I mean, We-" he stopped short, and decided not to think too hard about him.

"If we've overcome shadows, we can stop this. And... the team had our back before, so we'll be fine, as long as we stick together." Right? They had to.

 

[Weazel]

He couldn't shake the feeling that he was failing Koa in this moment. As if by the pair of them making this morbid promise to one another, they'd guaranteed that it would come to pass. If Spencer was here, the Treecko would never have entertained the idea of making a promise like thus. He'd've done everything he could to reassure the Electrike that it simply would never happen. But Archie wasn't Spencer, and the Oshawott was a poor replacement for the Treecko at best.

"It won't," the Oshawott nodded, "we've already got a lead, we'll find this purifying spirit, and take care of this before it even becomes a problem."

The way Koa cut himself off made Archie's ears twitch. Was he about to mention Wes? Dare the Oshawott bring him up?

"Koa, did something happen, between you and Wes?" He asked, carefully, "You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to, but, he seemed pretty shaken up about it. We have to be able to rely on each other, as a team, so if something happened that... Made you two feel like you can't rely on each other... I'd like to help, if I can?"

It was like the Electrike said, they had to stick together, have each others' backs. Hopefully Koa would see it that way too.

 

[Tetra]

Koa's countenance shifted. His jaws twitched in annoyance and he scowled, backing up from Archie a couple steps and shaking his head. "No," he snapped icily. His chest tightened. Wes's words echoed in his head. Failure. Screwup. You'll fit right in with them. You know he's right. Maybe Archie could stand that self righteous attitude and the judgement and everything else but if he thought for a second that meant they were supposed to be friends-

With effort, he hastily stuffed down the turbulent anger boiling in him. Archie was his friend, he didn't want to snap him. He spoke, his words cold and deliberate. "I'm not talking about him. I'm not getting within ten feet of him. He's the one who hates me so much anyway. We might both be on this team but I'm not going near him, and I'm sure he'd prefer it that way." Besides, this was temporary. He would go home, and could forget all about Wes forever.

 

[Weazel]

Archie’s ears and tail drooped. At the same time, his brow shot up, and he took a step back of his own, his eyes zeroed in on Koa’s jaws. For a second, it had seemed almost like Koa was going to bite him. But, surely he was imagining things? He was just stressed, and tired. The Electrike did, however, seem very angry all of a sudden. What had happened, and why wouldn’t either of them just talk to him about it?

“I was talking to him the other day, and he seemed really upset with himself, for losing control and putting everyone in danger,” Archie pressed forward. “Koa, I wanted to say that I’m sorry, that I left it to you and Leaf to subdue him. I should’ve done more, in the moment. I should never have put all that on your shoulders.”

He left that statement hang in the air for a moment, before carefully continuing, “But, Wes said he got the feeling that you enjoyed getting to beat him into submission. He said that you came back to rub it in, the last time you spoke. Koa, you… Wouldn’t do something like that, would you?”

He studied the Electrike closely for a moment again, “Like I said, when the shadow gets its hooks in me, the emotion that it emphasizes the most is guilt. I feel guilty about a lot of things. For Wes, it seems almost like it’s his self-doubt. I remember, he was yelling a lot about how useless he felt. When the shadow gets its hooks in you, what emotion does it emphasize in you, Koa?”

 

[Tetra]

Koa stared at Archie in shock and disbelief. A myriad of emotions flooded over him, too many, too many even begin to figure out, too much to think about. Archie's last quest barely registered. "Don't apologize!" he said, shaking his head, more frustration leaking into his voice than he meant. "You didn't do anything."

Why did everyone keep doing that for all the wrong reasons, Archie wasn't the one who'd done something. Why hadn't... why... He gritted his teeth, desperately trying to quell the storm of emotions. Archie was his friend, his friend, not Wes, he shouldn't snap-

"And no I don't enjoy beating anyone into submission!" Liar. Liar, you wanted to. His gut churned and he swore the room seemed smaller. Koa backed another step away from Archie. Did Archie see it too? Did he think thats whats Koa was? Did he see the truth? Would Archie take Wes's side?

His tone was clipped as he continued. "I don't rub things in. He's the one who walks around smug and judgemental and acts like he's better than everyone." Get a grip!

Pacing a few steps away and glaring at the wall, he scrambled to remember what Odette said, tried to unknot the tangle of emotions in his head. It felt hard to remember her advice. "Look," he said stiffly, pressing down his anger. "Wes-" he spat the name "-hates me. That's that. I don't have anything else to say about it." Except you know Wes is right, and he sees you for what you are.

 

[Weazel]

Well, yes. He didn’t do anything, that was the whole thing he was apologizing for. The Oshawott should’ve done something, but he hadn’t. But, Koa was still backing away from him. Was the Electrike about to run off? Was he going to fuck this up just as badly as he’d fucked up his last talk with Steven? He couldn’t! He didn’t know if he could handle it happening again!

“Koa, wait!” he said, reaching out for the Electric Type, “Don’t go, please.”

He took off his hat, and kneaded it between his paws. Tried his best to appear contrite. “I didn’t mean to come across like I was accusing you of anything, it’s just… I’m just trying to understand. You and Wes are my closest friends here. It pains me to see the two of you fighting this bad.”

He shuffled backwards a foot or two. On one hand, giving Koa a little more space, on the other, hopefully encouraging the Electrike to come back towards him. “The last time I didn’t notice one of my friends was struggling… He vanished. So, maybe that’s made me a little overly sensitive, so I apologize.”

Koa hadn’t answered his last question directly, but Archie was starting to feel like he could guess at the answer, based on the way the Electrike’s temper seemed to flare more and more readily since their encounter with Alex. If that was the case, he could definitely understand why Wes would have felt the way he did during his last run in with Koa. Maybe Koa had, inadvertently, rubbed Wes’s nose in their fight. Not that he thought it was Koa’s fault, people said things they didn’t mean in anger all the time, and that was without Shadow Corruption accentuating their every negative thought. It was the same way he was struggling to keep his own sense of guilt in check. It was no wonder he’d been accused of acting like a martyr.

If he could just, find a way to deflate the Electrike’s rage, maybe they could have a productive conversation! But where would he even begin with something like that? Maybe he just had to give Koa a chance to come to him on the subject, rather than keep trying to broach it himself? But on the other hand, he worried that if he didn’t keep trying, the Electrike would just keep letting it fester. What was he supposed to do here!?

 

[Tetra]

Was Archie backing away because he thought Koa would hurt him? His thoughts swirled. Why couldn't Archie drop it? Koa didn't want to think about Wes, he didn't, he couldn't be friends with him he would never anyway, he proven that, and Wes hated him. Koa paced again. What was so complicated about that? Did Archie have no idea? Why couldn't he get it? Didn't he understand that Wes-

Stop. It was Odette's voice in his head that caught him. He paused to gaze at Archie, realizing properly how upset he looked. Catch yourself.

I can't stand hearing about Wes. I don't want to talk about it. I don't want to think about it. I can't have this conversation. I just want to leave it alone. I can't stand being forced to talk about him. His thoughts continued to run, but slightly slower.

Archie's comment rang in his head. Steven...? Had Archie tried to talk to Steven too? Thinking about the letter brought another pang of sadness. "I wasn't leaving," he said, weariness blending with frustration. His paws dug into the floor. What could he do to get Archie to back off?

With some effort, he spoke in a more tempered tone. "Archie, there's nothing to understand. Wes hates me. That's it. Just leave it. You didn't do anything wrong." How could he make Archie understand?

 

[Weazel]

Did Wes hate Koa? The Lycanroc was certainly upset with the Electrike, but hate felt like a strong emotion to tie to it. Archie didn’t get the feeling it was true, despite how much both parties might claim it to be the case. Likewise, he wasn’t exactly sure Koa hated Wes, either, despite how much he was trying to convince the Oshawott that he did. Again, the Electrike seemed fairly upset with the Lycanroc, but the vitriol didn’t seem like it was there to say it was hatred. The most frustrating thing was, if the two could just have a normal conversation with each other like they were capable of having with Archie, the Oshawott was sure they’d be able to patch things up. But he couldn’t make either of them understand that! They were both just so… Stubborn!

“I don’t think he does,” the Oshawott protested, quietly. “I… Sorry.”

He looked down at his hat again. Spencer made it look so easy to get people to open up to him. Just how did the Treecko do it? It seemed like every time Archie tried, he ended up in a minefield of unapproachable topics. He’d thought maybe things had gone okay the last time with Wes, but only because he’d managed to dodge half the worst topics. He’d tried with Steven, only for it to blow up in his face. And now, he was making all the same mistakes with Koa. What was he doing wrong? Was he coming on too hard? Not hard enough? Did Koa just not trust him enough?

“You know, you can talk to me, right?” he asked, “I might ask questions, but I’m not going to judge you, or get angry, or anything like that.”

 

[Tetra]

“I don’t think he does,” the Oshawott protested, quietly.

Koa held back a disbelieving snort. "I don't know how else to interpret 'you'll never be a hero' and 'stop making a mess of things' and 'oh you're a great fit for an evil gang'," he muttered under his breath. The words knotted in his chest as he remembered them.

“You know, you can talk to me, right?” he asked, “I might ask questions, but I’m not going to judge you, or get angry, or anything like that.”

The lump in his throat grew as guilt crept over him. Archie had always heard him out and helped him, ever since the start. Treating him bad just because of Wes wasn't right. "I know you won't," he murmured softly. "I'm sorry. And sorry for snapping, it's not your fault. I appreciate it a lot, I do."

Every time he tried to think of a way out, he hit a brick wall in his mind. Sure, he'd made amends before with Sonora and Bellatrix, but this didn't feel the same at all. Even if he wanted to explain he wasn't sure he could. Thinking about everything tied to Wes made him feel almost sick. Worse than before, worse than last time Archie asked.

"It's just, this is different. It's... It's pointless. I don't think there's anything to talk about. It's the same as I told you before. We don't see eye to eye. If we're in a fight, fine, I can fight. I won't attack him or something. But he would never want to be friends, and I'm okay with that." A sigh escaped him and he busied himself studying the wall.

"I think you were right about shadows though, emphasizing one thing a lot. The better we get at that the less we have to worry about." Subject change. Perfect. Even if the other conversation option was almost as bad.

"I guess if yours is guilt, I get angry...? I remember feeling upset in the fight with Seth." And then later, with Odette, he'd been so frustrated. Was that it? It felt hard to remember exactly everything he'd been thinking. "Odette and I talked though, and she helped me a lot." That memory brought a bit of relief to him.

"Also uh... I know I can get frustrated but I do feel the same," he said awkwardly. "I'm here for you too. If you want to get something off your chest, I won't judge you." After everything Archie had done, it was the least he could do.

 

[Weazel]

Archie's ears twitched again, as he strained to catch what Koa was muttering. But there was too much distance between them, and the Electrike was studying a wall rather than looking at the Oshawott directly. He thought he caught something about a mess, and evil, but that was it. Why couldn't Koa just talk to him directly? If the Electrike would just tell him what happened, maybe he could talk to Wes about it.

Was Koa ashamed of his own actions? Did he think Archie would be upset, or think less of him, if he said? Or was there some other reason that it was too upsetting for the Electrike to share? If Wes had done something truly heinous, Koa would tell him... Right? No, Wes was his friend, it wasn't in his character to do something so bad. Archie wouldn't even begin to consider such a notion.

Instead, he sighed, and visibly deflated. Koa was trying to change the subject now. The Oshawott didn't think he really had any choice but to let him.

"You don't have to apologize," he said, "I'm sorry for upsetting you."

Chalk that one up as another failure. At least Koa wasn't actively trying to escape his presence. It was good to get confirmed that the shadows made Koa angrier, though. And good to hear that Koa has found someone reliable in Odette. Maybe someday he could be that kind of reliable, too.

But, maybe it would be worth interrogating this whole shadow thing further. With Archie, it had latched onto his survivor's guilt, and from there, it began to leech into every other thing he felt even slightly responsible for. Was there a similar moment for Koa? One of defining anger?

"Are you... Holding onto a lot of anger, Koa?" He asked.

 

[Tetra]

For a moment, he wished he had explained it all to Archie. Maybe Archie could fix it... but the memory of what Wes said felt too much. Wes would never. "It's okay, I'm glad you care... But not everything can be fixed," he said softly.

He shook his head, trying to focus on something else. The question stirred up more emotions, but if his experience with Odette was anything to go by, he might as well try and think about it. For Archie's sake, and everyone else on the team. He couldn't let things get as bad as they had with Seth. Or how things had gone in that training match.

It was a long moment before he spoke as he tried to a consider the question. "I don't know," he mumbled, feeling unsatisfied with his own answer. "I am angry about things, and situations. Like Drapion and Ignatius and Alex. I was mad at Seth because I thought he was some outlaw hurting people, and he hurt you. So I guess that's what's going on with shadows. Is that how it is with you? I mean, is it about stuff here you're guilty about?"

 

[Weazel]

Not everything could be fixed, huh? He guessed, ultimately, that was true. He was just one Oshawott, he couldn’t do everything. He couldn’t be everything to everybody. He had his limits, and he knew that. It still didn’t make him feel like less of a failure in this instance though. Well, at least it seemed like maybe they were making some progress on the shadow anger front?

“There is some of that,” Archie nodded, “Like, I feel responsible for getting everyone corrupted. I failed to do anything to stop Wes when he lost control. Things like that feed into it. But, you remember, how I told you my world died? I have a lot of guilt tied up in all that. For surviving, and also for some of the things I did, and didn’t do. That’s what the shadow latched onto first.”

He made a vague gesture with his paws, “So, I guess I was wondering. Is there maybe an event in your past, that may be contributing to the amount of anger you might be carrying? Some big thing the shadow might’ve keyed into, in particular?”

 

[Tetra]

"..." Koa gazed at Archie. His mind stalled. An event from his past? A shadowy dragon, red chains, a murky portal- Nothing he was angry about recently. Nothing that mattered here. He'd fought with Blake awhile ago, but that was hardly new. "I'm... Not sure. Nothing that I'm mad about still..." What... Sure there was things back home he wanted to do.Had to do. But that didn't feel the same. "I just want to help the team, and I don't like to let people down."

There was some kind of term for what Archie described, wasn't there? Survivors guilt. It didn't make complete sense to him, but the thought of Archie dealing with that weight tugged at his heart.

"It's not your fault for surviving. And... Even if you do blame yourself for what happened with Alex, you're doing everything you can to make amends." The words sounded hollow, but he meant them too. He wished he could find the right words to comfort him, and help him. "That's what matters, right?"

 

[Weazel]

Koa couldn’t think of anything? Maybe Archie was mistaken, then? Obviously not everyone was going to have a similar experience to him. It did feel maybe a little too neat, there having to be some kind of defining event. Still though, there had to be some reason why it was anger in particular the shadows latched onto. When it came to him and Wes, it seemed so specific to their inner demons. It hadn’t created any new feelings in them, it just made existing ones worse. So, why was the Electrike so angry?

“Well, I don’t think anyone would accuse you of being unhelpful,” Archie said, “But, do you get angry if you feel like you let people down? Or when you feel like other people aren’t helpful, or let you down? It might be worth asking yourself why that is. Learning to control your anger is going to be an important part of learning to control the Shadow, I think, and that begins with learning why things make you angry, and if that anger is… Appropriate?”

He shook his head, “No one blames me for what happened with Alex, but me. Sure, people are upset about it, but not one of them have told me that it’s my fault, or that I need to make amends. That was all me, that was all in my head. So, just like you, I’m trying to recognize times when, maybe my own guilt is getting the better of me, and I end up acting irrationally.”

He gave the Electrike a small smile, “But, thank you. And, remember Koa, it’s not your fault either. So don’t blame yourself. We’re both victims of Alex, what he did to us isn’t our fault. Now we know not to trust him, so we won’t repeat the same mistakes that put us in that situation to begin with. That’s all anyone wants from us.”

 

[Tetra]

Not our fault. Yes it is. He had to believe Archie. Koa studied his paws as he tried to consider Archie's words. The urge to leave was strong, but the Oshawott was right. Koa had told Odette he wanted to control it and use it. He had to do this.

Why was he angry? All the problems back home felt like they were a world away. Legendaries weren't the same here. It didn't feel like there could be a single specific reason he was angry that tied to everything...

"I just want to do good. Help this world, stop groups like Cipher from hurting innocent people, and make the world better." His paw curled. I have to. "I'm angry about that stuff. And angry about messing up. And at those groups who do that kind of stuff." Like Magma. Aqua. Flare. Galactic.

"But most of those things I'm angry about are back home. They aren't the same here, they're a world away..." Then again, Archie was still dealing guilt, wasn't he?

A beast that ate the sun. A legendary...? His thoughts traveled for a moment to another image, of how close Galactic had come to their goals. Mustering himself, he forced himself to ask the question. "Why do you feel so guilty for... what happened to your world? Your human one?"

 

[Weazel]

Now it was Archie’s turn to look away from the Electrike. He put his paws in his coat pockets, mostly to hide the fact that he was reflexively balling his fists. This was not a question he cared to answer. But, on the other hand, he wanted to model good reflective behavior for Koa. It wasn’t fair to expect the Electrike to confront the sources of his anger if the Oshawott wasn’t willing to do the same.

“I guess… I feel guilty because I lived,” he said, before looking back towards the Electrike, “And… It wasn’t by accident, either. I did a lot of things I’m not proud of to survive. Lied, cheated, stole. Hurt people. Honestly, the more I remember, the more ashamed I feel. If I didn’t take the actions I took, I’d be dead, and someone else would be here in my place. Did I deserve to live more than they did?”

He broke eye contact again, looking down at the floor this time, “How do you even begin to make amends for surviving the death of an entire universe? Is such a thing even possible?”

 

[Tetra]

"I don't..." he trailed off. Koa gazed at Archie, suddenly seeing him in a different light. He'd done so much, suffered so much, but was trying to do something good anyway. He was trying to make amends. He'd done it.

"You're here though. And maybe you did something you're not proud of but... You're doing something. Something good. You're like a ranger back home, right? And you're trying to help the people here. That has to count for something. It matters." A note of desperation edged his voice.

His chest ached and burned. He found himself tensing, but not from anger. Conviction. "Archie you're trying to make things better. To help the world. Thats what counts." If Archie could do it... if he'd changed...

Koa swallowed. After a few moments to consider, he continued. "When Odette helped me with my anger, talking about the stuff I was mad about helped. Specific stuff. And this other weird technique with talking it out in my head. Using 'I' statements." He grimaced awkardly. It felt bizarre to say out loud, and he suddenly found himself wondering how Odette managed to say anything at all to him.

"It felt really weird but... I can keep a secret. We're in this together. I'll never tell anyone about stuff you tell me. So if Alex was right about using shadows but not getting overwhelmed, maybe thats how we do it."

 

[Weazel]

That’s right. He was here, and he was doing the best he could. Back home, he did help people as an Adventurer. Here, he did important work as a bounty hunter, making the frontier safer for everyone. People liked and respected him, but more than that, they relied on him. And, the whole reason they were brought here was to help save this world, wasn’t it? The Oshawott didn’t know if it’d ever be enough to make up for the world he’d lost, but, he had to keep trying, at least.

“That’s all any of us can do, try,” Archie nodded. “That includes you, too, Koa. So, don’t be so hard on yourself, either, okay? We all fall short sometimes, what matters is what we do next.”

He gave the Electrike his best smile. The Oshawott wasn’t half as skilled at this as Spencer, or even Odette by the sound of it, but he hoped Koa at least got what he was going for.

“And, thank you. I hate to put more on your shoulders than I already have, but… I might take you up on that offer, sometime,” he added. “And, don’t be afraid to talk to me about the things that make you mad, either. I promise not to share anything you don’t want shared.”

 

[Tetra]

He smiled back at Archie. "Yeah, okay... I'll try," Koa said. "And thanks." It was nice to know there was someone else on the team he could truly trust... The secrets he carried back home didn't feel relevant here, but at least he could still trust Archie, with everything else.

"Don't worry, I can handle it. A burden shared is lighter than a burden carried alone." A wry grin crossed his muzzle. "I uh. Got that from a fortune cookie."

He fidgeted awkwardly before adding, "and... I'm glad you're here." There was an implicit note of 'I'm glad you survived'. Now they just had to find the heart of the Oasis.