In Progress The Book of How the Universe was Created ((Title subject to change))

[Zeph]

Creation

Universe
In the beginning there was nothing but the Golden Wheel. In the centre of the Golden Wheel there grew an Egg, and from that Egg hatched the Original one. The Original One raised Its mighty head and surveyed the nothingness, and with a blink of Its emerald eyes the Master of Time and the Ruler of Space sprouted from the spokes of the Wheel.

The Master and the Ruler shone in the darkness and their powers combined, and with a blinding burst of light the Universe appeared and Time started flowing. And then the Ruler shaped stars and planets which were sprinkled around the Universe from its centre to its far corner.

World
Then the Original One, the Master and the Ruler descended upon one planet, and from the spokes of the Wheel there grew Groudon of the earth, Kyogre of the sea and Rayquaza of the sky. Those three created land, ocean and sky respectively, and then another came from the Wheel - Regigigas the Giant, who began dragging the land across the sea.

Soul
Then the Original One crossed the Sky on Rayquaza’s back and arrived at a small body of water, over which It created yet another: Wise Uxie of knowledge. It came to another Lake and created Kind Azelf of emotion. The Original One then went to a third Lake where It made Brave Azelf of willpower.

Life
Surveying Its work, the Original One rose to the highest point in the world, the top of a mountain, where It created a shining platform in the sky. It ascended to the platform and looked around.

One thing troubled the Original One. Nine Beings were not quite enough, and so It created Mew in the image of Uxie, Mesprit and Azelf.

Mew immediately flew across the whole planet, sprinkling Her very being across the Land, the Ocean and the Sky, and from each sparkling fragment of Mew there came a new creature, each one different and two of each - one male, and one female. In some of the creatures, however, there was no gender, and of these creatures there were only one. Wondering how these odd beings would breed, Mew decided that She would remove a fraction of Her power as well as her being and combine them to create Ditto, one who could change into any creature in order to breed with it. This would be achieved by the Transformed Ditto picking up just one fragment of the creature and combining it with one of the imitated fragments of its Transformed shape.

And yet there were others who could not breed at all, even with Ditto, but these were immortal as they had been assigned a special job by Mew.

Resting

The Original One surveyed Its work once more - four hundred and seventy-five different creatures in all - and settled down to sleep, hoping to one day be awoken by he or she who was worthy.

 

[CNiall]

Ruler of Space

Rayquaza

Time doesn't tick; analogue clocks tick. /pedant
Why is 'worthy' capitalised in the end? You seem to have overused capitals, but you may have been going for some kind of effect or something that I've missed; whatever the cause, it looks strange to me.

 

[Zeph]

Ah yes. Silly old typos.

I meant 'tick' in a metaphorical way.

Yes, there are lots of capitals, but lots of religious books usually capitalise important words referring to their gods or whatever.

Just so you know, any post that begins with an underlined title is part of the story/book/thing. Any notes will be in a separate post.

 

[CNiall]

I still don't see how time ticks even metaphorically: it passes, flows, whatever, but I can't see it 'ticking'.

I know that many religious texts capitalise words relating to their god(s) but isn't that usually just the name and whatever pronoun used to refer to it, not words that really aren't exceptionally important (see: brave, wise, kind, land, ocean, sky, he, she, worthy).

The bit about Ditto doesn't make too much sense either--I know that's how it works in the games, but if Ditto transforms into a genderless Pokémon, they really aren't too much further than they were with the two genderless Pokémon that were created in the first place, are they?

 

[Zeph]

Good point. I will go over it and remove some of the capitalisation as well as trying to make the Ditto part a bit more... understandable.

Any general comments of the actual story so far?

 

[Dragon_night]

Oh dang, I though this would be a comedy :D

Anywho, nice idea. The pine wheel metaphor was pretty much original (or I've never heard of it >_>). It sounds like something that could be put int he 'theories' section on he main site.

I'll keep an eye out on this, it sounds interesting.

 

[CNiall]

...but it makes even less sense now. How the hell does tearing a chunk off a Pokémon and attaching it to a chunk of the transformed Ditto work to create another Pokémon in any way that couldn't be achieved just using a piece from two 'actual' members of that species or even two from the same Pokémon?

The story itself isn't particularly interesting, and it's nothing that's not been done before, but there's nothing especially wrong with it aside from the lack of a unique concept.

 

[Zeph]

Actually, one method of real-life cloning does in fact involve taking an Egg cell from one animal and replacing its nucleus wit that of the adult cell of another animal and then just letting it grow and... stuff.

Anyway, I was just making this to put my ideas into writing.

Dragon - I'm sorry to disappoint you :P

 

[CNiall]

I was aware of that, but surely a random part of the Pokémon wouldn't contain egg cells, nor would smashing them together replace any nuclei?

 

[Zeph]

This is meant to be a religious book, so I doubt it'd use scientific terms. Besides, 'This would be achieved by the Transformed Ditto removing an ovum of the creature and replacing its nucleus with that of one of the cells of its Transformed shape.' sounds a little stupid and... too complicated.

 

[Dragon_night]

Not to insult anyones religion, but I'm pretty sure religion came from lack of science, in a way to explain things. So, yeah, pretty much what Castform said.

 

[CNiall]

Religious or not, things not making any sense whatsoever then making less sense when someone tries to justify always vaguely irritates me.

 

[Lorem Ipsum]

So, where you use the phrase 'Religious Book', this is like the Bible or Qu'ran of Pokémon?

I don't really like the idea, personally. You've written it well, but it just seems a complete rip of Exodus.

 

[Mercury]

I understand it, and I think it's awesome!

 

[Zeph]

^Why thank you.

The next chapter shall be explaining how humans came to the Pokémon world.

 

[Evolutionary]

Yeah nice work. And really I think the ditto part was quite understandable.
That was good but who is the original one Arclus?

 

[CNiall]

You guys are missing the point between understandable and making sense: I know what he's saying, but it now makes less sense than if he had left the Ditto part to the imagination. In your position, I'd either elaborate still further on it to give some kind of reasoning for it (i.e. don't just say 'they smashed themselves together and all was good :D') or remove it completely and reword the Ditto part.

The original one is most commonly believed to be Arceus, yes (where do people get 'Arclus' from? I've seen it in about ten different places now.)

Edit: on a less pedantic note, there's nothing particularly wrong with your writing, but I have noticed that this kind of piece very rarely requires much skill to write. I'm not trying to insult you or anything, but 'religious texts' can be viably written without any real kind of plot (aside from the obvious creation or event of your choice), description, or even logic (given that you can just say 'deity did it kayz :)' and get away with it).

 

[Zeph]

Indeed. But I haven't posted my proper fic on the new forums yet. Granted there is the occasional typo, but I think you'll find it more... pleasing? I don't know.

 

[CNiall]

There shouldn't be any typos--that's why we have spellcheck and proof-reading.

 

[Zeph]

Indeed, but everyone misses things sometimes, no?