Murkrow

I see

Well, you could just say how specific things made you feel... I was thinking about sending you another, but I keep thinking you don't really... mind them that much. As in, care too much, really. You skimmed through the chatlogs I showed... and you don't really know what to say anyways. You used to know what to say all the time... I guess it's just the need for a break.

And you keep saying: "I don't dislike them." But you never say that you like them, which means you just... are "eh" about them. It seems to me like you're just saying you don't dislike them as a nicer way of saying that you're all eh. Do you LIKE them though? Be honest.

Also, I did enjoy the end of our chat today... I felt a lot of emotions for you, and it was odd... but thank you for the comfort, and for saying all those sweet things, I really liked them.

As in, stop sending you PMs or emails or anything like that, because you said you didn't care.

So you don't care about what I say? I suppose I should stop then... just stop saying things.

(How do you know?)

Yeah, I know. But you go on most days.

...I meant like, do you enjoy getting them (somewhat)?

All right... I'll go back to email. I've nearly gotten over my weird argument fear anyway... nearly.

(Maybe you guys got into a weird fight. =O)

Yessir.

;;Wonders where you were today;;

Also... I was thinking of sending you another PM. But I'm not sure if you'd answer it... I mean, do you like my PMs? The ones where I kind of just go off on weird rambles. (Minus the stuff I know that irritates you.)

I was looking at some old chatlogs... yeah, I think I'll send you one. I want to talk about this, but it seems a bit too private for here.

(Why aren't you visitor messaging with Mike?)

Also, I have a few things I have to say...

I get the feeling that I'm being bitchy lately is 'cause I haven't said the things that make me angry... in a satisfactory way. I don't feel satisfied. There's also some things I'd like to clear up.

Eh. It just seems it gets... worse and worse. It just did yesterday, really. Details? I'll tell you here or on MSN, your choice.

Okay... I'm sorry, it's just... I feel a lot of doubt in my heart. You know, from all that's happened. It's been... really tough. We're gonna get through it, right? And be happy eventually...? I just want to be happy, with you. I want us to be happy together. It's just, I've had my hopes dashed so many times. I feel so negative.

Also, I'm sorry for the Offline Messages I left you, when you get them. I just felt angry, and frustrated and bitter. It was probably the tiredness that caused me to react like that (and some built up bitterness towards you), though it's no excuse. A lot of our conversation was just me going into my usual morning BLERGH mood. When I said you were "abrupt", I just felt like there was more I wanted to say, and was just being all pissy. I usually don't do that, I was just tired. So yeah, feel free to tell me when you're leaving, but perhaps be all like: "Ah, I'm sorry... but I have to go now." Yeah, that sounds nicer.

Sorry about the way I'm all... euck. You know? Just all... everything has to be done a certain way. That type of deal. Just the way you left, pissed me off, which is why I left those messages. You left all... in a huff. And it seemed like you were blaming a lot on me, and I was tired of being blamed for everything, since my parents love to blame everything on me, and I have been being yelled at by them for the past... month or so. And everything's my fault. According to them. I just... yeah. All pissy and bitter at the world because of that too. I'll stop rambling now, since I'm just tired, and having a weird rant.

Do you really feel happy when I say them? Do they feel... real? Because it's sometimes harder to take all of this just "text on a screen" seriously.

I've been feeling like this for a long time. No matter what compliments I say to you, you just tell me what I want to hear, and they don't really matter to you. I think it's just... the really short responses you make. And the way you sometimes do things just because you think I want them. Probably a lot of that last one.

You know the whole ";;Hugs;;" doesn't really affect you?

I keep thinking it's the same for compliments like that.

I really do mean them... it's not just text on a screen.

Well, I just feel like you say them because you know that's what I want to hear... whenever I hear you say things like that, I don't quite believe you.

I've always felt like you've done that, you just don't seem to say much to my compliments except "Aww" which makes me think you're not really paying attention to them.

Well, you could just be saying that... like, you could like it, but not as much as you say.

Do you really like that or are you just saying that?

(Also, I just looked at your "About Me"... YOU ARE NOT BORING. YOU ARE A FUNNY AND SWEET WELSHIE, WHO MAKES ME GIGGLE WITH HIS QUIRKINESS. That is all. =3)

;;HURGATTACKS;; RAAAAGGGGH, FACE THE FIYAAAAAAH OF AN AFFECATIONATELETTTTT~

For the sake of not looking wrong. =3

Nope, I was just being a Devil's Advocate.

Well, I am sorry that you feel that way.

And?

(Oh yes. =3)