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In Progress Brendan Namron: Ace Attorney (Cases 1 through 3; 4 in progress)

Re: Brendan Namron: Ace Attorney (Case 2 - one part left!) (Playable!)

Anyway, thanks for the feedback! Keep watching, the final trial should be written soon! XD

I hope so! Let's go to the final part! WOO-HOO!

...I know, I'm being completely random XD. But I really do want that last part! :D
 
Re: Brendan Namron: Ace Attorney (Case 2 - one part left!) (Playable!)

Hmm. Maybe I'm missing something, but I don't quite follow how Skye figured out it was Mars. For one thing it's not at all clear how she suddenly knows it was part of the Red Chain, but I guess that could be explained by her epic psychic powers or something. How she got it analyzed for prints, on the other hand, turning up not only the full name of the person but also the nickname they used when they were part of a criminal organization years ago, all while in jail, is a complete mystery to me. Even if she could contact somebody in the police force from inside to analyze the prints (though why couldn't Brendan just as well have done that?), why in the world would the police have the nickname "Mars" on record? The only way they could possibly have that is if it was specifically in relation to her involvement with Team Galactic, but since Brendan and Skye are just drawing that conclusion from the name, that's clearly not it. Plus, earlier in the chapter you had this whole deal with prints analysis being limited to Johto by default - how did Skye match prints for a Sinnoh inhabitant in such a short time? In jail?

Also, Psychic Pokémon can theoretically just freely teleport out of jail if they want to? Somehow I don't think the police would rely on the honor system to prevent murderers escaping. Either they'd have some sort of an anti-teleporting measure in place (Mean Look?) or they'd keep Psychic Pokémon unconscious or trapped in Pokéballs to detain them - there's no way they'd just go "Oh, well, let's put them in a cell and hope they won't teleport out if we tell them that they're not allowed to."
 
Re: Brendan Namron: Ace Attorney (Case 2 - one part left!) (Playable!)

Cat Hair says hi.

but by that logic, anyone with a cat Pokemon could have been the murderer.

Heck, Jessie from TR could be the murderer by that logic, as she has red hair, a blue Pokemon (Wobbuffet) and a cat. (Meowth says hi)
 
Re: Brendan Namron: Ace Attorney (Case 2 - one part left!) (Playable!)

Hmm. Maybe I'm missing something, but I don't quite follow how Skye figured out it was Mars. For one thing it's not at all clear how she suddenly knows it was part of the Red Chain, but I guess that could be explained by her epic psychic powers or something.

Something along that line. I tried to hint earlier that she's much more capable than your average Kirlia, with Skye's passing mention of her own mother.

How she got it analyzed for prints, on the other hand, turning up not only the full name of the person but also the nickname they used when they were part of a criminal organization years ago, all while in jail, is a complete mystery to me.

Given the time, Skye is capable of fully analyzing a print on her own; Brendan remarked earlier about how the team wouldn't have "a result in time for the trial" without her. I guess it kinda feels almost Deus-ex-machina-ish. :/

Even if she could contact somebody in the police force from inside to analyze the prints (though why couldn't Brendan just as well have done that?), why in the world would the police have the nickname "Mars" on record?

Does anybody know where Lily's papers are? ;)

The only way they could possibly have that is if it was specifically in relation to her involvement with Team Galactic, but since Brendan and Skye are just drawing that conclusion from the name, that's clearly not it. Plus, earlier in the chapter you had this whole deal with prints analysis being limited to Johto by default - how did Skye match prints for a Sinnoh inhabitant in such a short time? In jail?

.... Okay, I admit I came completely out of left field with that one. The only "explanation" I really have is that Skye made several deductions of her own, using hunches and details such as the date of finding the thing, Brendan's investigation (she gleaned information from his brain as he passed by, getting details such as the killer's appearance, etc.; and checking his evidence), and so on, then somehow (psychic computer operation?) running a check against that one person - and getting a match.

If that bit still bothers you after reading this, let me know and I'll try rewriting it.

Also, Psychic Pokémon can theoretically just freely teleport out of jail if they want to? Somehow I don't think the police would rely on the honor system to prevent murderers escaping. Either they'd have some sort of an anti-teleporting measure in place (Mean Look?) or they'd keep Psychic Pokémon unconscious or trapped in Pokéballs to detain them - there's no way they'd just go "Oh, well, let's put them in a cell and hope they won't teleport out if we tell them that they're not allowed to."

Normally they would use a block of some sort (but note that Mewtwo didn't leave his cell in ShadowKnux's fic, and they never say if there's a block or not), but an unmentioned detail is the fact that some of the police took pity on Skye, and are allowing her the leeway of the honor system (and she remarks that she can't exactly leave jail and help Brendan investigate solely because it would just make the situation worse); you could say that this is why she has such free reign with her powers (less scrupulous psychics would likely use their abilities to "trick" the police into legally setting them free, had they such free reign; so yeah, they'd use a Pokéball or knock 'em out).


Sorry about all of the holes surrounding Skye. I guess it's trickier than I thought to write a psychic character. If something's still bothering you, let me know, and I may change it altogether to make more sense on the surface.
 
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Re: Brendan Namron: Ace Attorney (Case 2 - one part left!) (Playable!)

but by that logic, anyone with a cat Pokemon could have been the murderer.

Heck, Jessie from TR could be the murderer by that logic, as she has red hair, a blue Pokemon (Wobbuffet) and a cat. (Meowth says hi)

According to Bulbapedia, Jessie has MAGENTA hair. So she can't have been the murderer.

Besides, she's too busy trying to get the "twerp's" Pikachu.
 
Re: Brendan Namron: Ace Attorney (Case 2 - one part left!) (Playable!)

According to Bulbapedia, Jessie has MAGENTA hair. So she can't have been the murderer.

Besides, she's too busy trying to get the "twerp's" Pikachu.

actually, her hair color was, in fact, red, back when the anime was hand-colored.

(on a semi-related note, wiki says magenta is a shade of red.)
 
Re: Brendan Namron: Ace Attorney (Case 2 - one part left!) (Playable!)

According to Bulbapedia, Jessie has MAGENTA hair. So she can't have been the murderer.

Generalizations tend to win out in these sorts of situations. Most will say that her hair is red, regardless of its exact color.
 
Re: Brendan Namron: Ace Attorney (Case 2 - one part left!) (Playable!)

Cat Hair says hi.
Well, I know Mars has a Purugly, but the question here is how Skye knew, when she had no prior information about the Team Galactic admins.

Something that kind of bugs me about your explanations, Strife89, is that you're not pointing out stuff that's already in the story, but just introducing a bunch of new information to explain things. You can't just leave plot holes in the story and only explain how they make sense when somebody asks. This stuff should be in the actual fic, one way or another - when there is no way the reader could deduce from the content of the story why event X happened or how character Y could do Z, any explanation you give as the author afterwards is going to feel like a half-assed excuse no matter how well you actually thought it out beforehand. If Skye has Lily's papers or whatever, then for God's sake mention that somewhere. It would be very easy to fit this in, thanks to the fact that Brendan himself has every reason to wonder how she got that information.

Given the time, Skye is capable of fully analyzing a print on her own; Brendan remarked earlier about how the team wouldn't have "a result in time for the trial" without her. I guess it kinda feels almost Deus-ex-machina-ish. :/

.... Okay, I admit I came completely out of left field with that one. The only "explanation" I really have is that Skye made several deductions of her own, using hunches and details such as the date of finding the thing, Brendan's investigation (she gleaned information from his brain as he passed by, getting details such as the killer's appearance, etc.; and checking his evidence), and so on, then somehow (psychic computer operation?) running a check against that one person - and getting a match.
Again, this is information that should be in the story. The reader has no reason to assume psychics can remotely operate computers (watch out for that; one of the major problems with writing psychic characters is the danger of making them too omnipotent and having a hard time actually getting them into honest-to-God trouble without conveniently forgetting about some of the things they can do) or that she extracted information from Brendan's brain. If this is how she found out this stuff, have her actually tell him about it. For instance...

"Brendan, I've found something! I read the description of the criminal from your mind when you came here earlier and it rang a bell, so I checked the papers that I snagged from Lily again [wouldn't those be important evidence, though?]. See this page. It seems this Mars person has a Purugly - a cat Pokémon - and her fingerprints are in the file - they match the ones on the trinket! I bet it was her!"

Just a little snippet like that gets everything to make much more sense for the reader. This isn't obvious stuff, so it's not dumbing it down or otherwise annoying; it's just information that helps connect the dots and make sense of how the story is coming to develop the way it develops. I recommend you try to watch out for this and include more information about nonobvious things that are required to properly understand why things happen.

Normally they would use a block of some sort (but note that Mewtwo didn't leave his cell in ShadowKnux's fic, and they never say if there's a block or not), but an unmentioned detail is the fact that some of the police took pity on Skye, and are allowing her the leeway of the honor system (and she remarks that she can't exactly leave jail and help Brendan investigate solely because it would just make the situation worse); you could say that this is why she has such free reign with her powers (less scrupulous psychics would likely use their abilities to "trick" the police into legally setting them free, had they such free reign; so yeah, they'd use a Pokéball or knock 'em out).
Honestly, though, she's a murder suspect. There is no way the local police department has any authority to give her this kind of leeway; they're blatantly endangering the citizens they're supposed to be protecting by setting a potential killer loose, for eff's sake. It doesn't matter that they like her and she used to be on the force. If I were the chief of police I'd fire everyone involved and have her transferred somewhere else if I heard about this. :/ Is there any particular reason not to just say they have, say, Dark-type guard Pokémon that use Mean Look and can't be affected by psychic powers? Is it actually important to the story that she can teleport freely out of her cell if she chooses to? If it isn't, I strongly recommend you scrap that part because it's just so wildly implausible.
 
Re: Brendan Namron: Ace Attorney (Case 2 - one part left!) (Playable!)

Yeah, Butterfree, just stop it okay? You're just jealous that you couldn't write something this good.

inb4infraction/lock/ban
 
Re: Brendan Namron: Ace Attorney (Case 2 - one part left!) (Playable!)

Maybe rewrite the script so that he briefly runs into Mars petting her Purugly? That would be the most natural way of figuring out she had one, since I doubt her Pokemons of choice would be in Lily's files.
 
Re: Brendan Namron: Ace Attorney (Case 2 - one part left!) (Playable!)

Yeah, Butterfree, just stop it okay? You're just jealous that you couldn't write something this good.

inb4infraction/lock/ban
Constructive criticism: look it up. I'd personally much, much rather have comments picking apart the logic of my work, if it's faulty, than empty, meaningless, generic praise like "This is pretty good. Keep up the great work!" or "AWESOME!" (guess whose posts I grabbed those quotes from). Please never read my work if this is how you would respond to people giving critical reviews.

I'm reviewing this because I enjoy it and would like to help make it even better. As far as I can tell, Strife89 seems to appreciate my input just fine, so I wouldn't be so sure he'd agree that I should "just stop it okay". Further, even if I were just jealous that I couldn't write something this good, that itself would not in any way invalidate my points, so unless you have actual counterarguments to something I said, that has absolutely no bearing here.

Incidentally, your condescending, arrogant attitude and spammy, off-topic posts throughout this thread are in fact very close to making me infract you, though that would be for the "IF YOU WERE SMART" post, not this one. Try to make some relevant, useful comments on the fic instead of trying to randomly pick fights with other readers.
 
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Re: Brendan Namron: Ace Attorney (Case 2 - one part left!) (Playable!)

YOU just stfu. Just because you're an admin doesn't mean you can make excuses for jealousy.

inb4lock/infraction/ban.

Yup, I called it.
 
Re: Brendan Namron: Ace Attorney (Case 2 - one part left!) (Playable!)

Why are you posting things if you expect to be banned for them?

Also, she's not fucking jealous. If you'd fucking seen her fanfic you'd know that. And I don't think, even if she was jealous, that she would be all pissy about it like you seem to make her out to be. Constructive criticism exists for a reason.
 
Re: Brendan Namron: Ace Attorney (Case 2 - one part left!) (Playable!)

Yeah, Butterfree, just stop it okay? You're just jealous that you couldn't write something this good.

inb4infraction/lock/ban

did-did you just insult Butterfree?

YOU just stfu. Just because you're an admin doesn't mean you can make excuses for jealousy.

inb4lock/infraction/ban.

Yup, I called it.

Yeah, you did.

She's not just an admin, she's basically the ultimate authority here. You know, the person responsible for making these forums to begin with?

And if you don't think she could write something this good, go read Morphic or TQFTL.
 
Re: Brendan Namron: Ace Attorney (Case 2 - one part left!) (Playable!)

Yeah, those things suck.

Strife, please continue. And don't let Butterjerk get in your way.
 
Re: Brendan Namron: Ace Attorney (Case 2 - one part left!) (Playable!)

marbychu, who do you think you are?
 
Re: Brendan Namron: Ace Attorney (Case 2 - one part left!) (Playable!)

and you know much more than butterfree about the way things should work around here, yes?
 
Re: Brendan Namron: Ace Attorney (Case 2 - one part left!) (Playable!)

Yeah, those things suck.

Strife, please continue. And don't let Butterjerk get in your way.

I honestly can't tell if you're a troll or not. Either way, enough is enough, I think.
 
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